With twenty thousand of dollars in my bank account from having sex with Sandra Bullock, Cameron Diaz, Madonna, Geena Davis, and Susan Sarandon, a brand new Ferrari that Cher had bought me, and after doing Jamie Lee Curtis and Kelly Preston for free, I was thinking about retiring. I figured, at least, that I'd take a couple of weeks and drive down to Florida for some rest and relaxation. The life of a playboy is tough.
Only, just as I was packing my bags, the telephone rang.
"Hello?"
"Freddie, it's Vinnie."
"Hey, Vinnie, what's up?"
"Uhm, there's some people who want to see you."
"People? Who Vinnie?"
"Reporters."
"Reporters? Why would reporters want to see me?"
"They want to ask you some questions about what's been going on between you and a certain bunch of famous women. They said their doing an article, a book, and they want your input."
"Tell them that I left for Miami. Tell them you couldn't get a hold of me."
"Freddie, it's those three famous reporters?"
"Who?"
"You know the one who do the news?"
"Who Brian Williams, Charles Gibson, and Bob Schieffer?"
"No, these are all broads."
"Katie Couric?
"Yeah, yeah and the other two?"
"Which other two?"
"You know, the one who does the Big Brother show and the one who does the Who Wants to be a Millionaire show?"
"Julie Chen and Meredith Vieira?"
"Yeah, that's them."
"Wait, are you telling me that Katie Couric, Julie Chen, and Meredith Vieira want to interview me for their book about celebrity cougars?"
"That's what I've been trying to tell you."
"Where are they now?"
"They're upstairs in the suite. The manager let them in with his passkey."
"Vinnie, that's a private residence. He ought to know better than that."
"Yeah, well, he was star struck by their celebrity status. What do you want me to tell them?"
"Tell them that I'm on my way."
It took me five minutes to drive to the Ritz. I left the Ferrari running and Vinnie had the valet take extra special care of the car. Whenever a hot car like a Ferrari pulls up, they give it the best spot so that people passing by can ogle the car. I had a parking spot right out front.
The manager spotted me as soon as I entered the hotel and escorted me upstairs in the private elevator. He unlocked the door to the suite and escorted me in.
"Thank you," said Meredith Vieira, "you may go now. We'll call you if and when we need to talk to you, again."
The manager was reluctant to leave but did.
"Whatever you need, just call downstairs and ask for me personally."
"Yes, we will," said Julie Chen.
"Hi," said Katie Couric sticking out her hand. "You must be Freddie, the one we have heard so much about." We shook hands and she introduced Meredith and Julie.
"Please, no introductions are necessary. I watch you guys every day."
"You are some kind of modern day Casanova," said Katie.
"I don't know what you mean."