No Past No Future

Author's note: Thank you's to the other Chris fans out there that enjoyed the first chapter and sent me words of encouragement. I realize this story targets a very niche audience, but we're dedicated. The trilogy will wrap up with one more chapter. If you have a special Chris fantasy, I'd love to hear it.

*

The two bodyguards stood in front of the door with menacing looks on their faces. I wasn't impressed. I wondered whose idea it was to have them.

"Well?" I asked again. "Are you going to let me in or not?"

"Lookit lady, we said no, ok? Now just run along," said the one on the right. He was big, but not muscular – it was mostly fat. The kind of fat that started at the base of the skull and ran all the way down to the feet. I wondered how he was able to find shoes for those big fat feet.

I sighed and turned, but not without enduring one more indignity.

"Of course..." began the one on the left who had remained quiet up 'til now. "Me and my boys could take you on."

I didn't even turn around to deliver a comeback. It wasn't worth it. Instead I stalked off to the elevator and went back to my room. Once inside I felt the shame redden my face as I sunk down on the bed. What started out as a potentially adventurous weekend was turning into a dud.

I turned the TV on and flipped around the ten or so channels that were provided and thought about things. Maybe if I had spent a little more time thinking I wouldn't be in this situation. Thirty brooding minutes later I finally noticed the light flashing on the phone. I had a message.

"Hi, um, Kat...this is Chris Cornell. Wow, like I saw you in the lobby tonight and I'm sorry I didn't recognize you at first. I wasn't, ah, expecting it. Anyway, I guess you're here to see the show and that's cool. I was, um, wondering if you would like to come up to our suite later for the post show party. Nothing too fancy. Um, so call the room first so I can have you let in, ok? So...hope to see you."

I listened to it twice more and hung up and stared at the phone. Holy shit, he called! Dashing into the bathroom I surveyed myself in the mirror and was satisfied with what I had on and how my hair was arranged. I took a few deep breaths and picked up the phone and dialed the suite number.

After four rings someone picked up and there was lots of noise in the background.

"Hello?" said a male voice.

"Um, may I speak to Chris?" I asked.

"What? You gotta speak up."

"Chris...can I talk to Chris?" I said loudly.

"Yeah, sure...hang on."

The phone was dropped and all I could hear was music and people talking and yelling and even singing. Whoever answered the phone was shouting for Chris over the din. Finally after what seemed like an eternity I heard the phone pick up.

"Hello, this is Chris."

His voice sounded rough from singing and I almost lost my nerve and hung up.

"Hello?" he said again, but not angrily.

"Hi, Chris...it's...it's Kat."

"Kat! Hey, how are ya?" he shouted. "You got my message."

"Yeah. Um, thanks for calling."

"Hey, no problem. You wanna come up?"

I laughed.

"What's so funny?" he asked. It sounded like he had moved somewhere quiet. I could hear some noise but it was muffled.

"Nothing. I'll come up. Tell your boys at the door to let me in this time."

"Huh?"

"Nevermind," I said, laughing again. "Be right there."

We hung up and I went back up to the suite. This time it was different. I faced the goons and told them to let me in. They apologized profusely and stood aside to allow me entrance.

I was immediately struck by the noise and smoke of cigarettes and other things. Everyone was drinking and having a good time by the looks of it. I scanned the place for Chris and finally spotted him making some drinks by the makeshift bar. As I plowed through the crowd, no one seemed to take notice of me. When I reached him I stopped and cleared my throat.

He looked up abruptly and his face broke into a wide smile. I almost melted. He handed me the drink he just made.

"Tequila sunrise...just for you," he said.

I took it and stood there, not knowing what to say.

"Enjoy the show?" he asked, trying to break through.

"Y-yes...it was great," I said lamely.

"This is uncomfortable for you, isn't it?" he asked.

I nodded. "Sorry...I'm not used to this...whatever..."

"That's ok, I know just the thing." He placed his hand on my arm and I felt that incredible heat again. I had forgotten what his touch was like. "Follow me."

He steered me across the suite to a door which led to another suite. That one was empty. We slipped inside and he shut the door and locked it. A quick look around told me it was his sleeping quarters. Suitcases were stacked in the corner and newspapers littered the table. An open guitar case lay on the bed.

We stood there for a moment assessing each other.

"So...what's going on with you?" he asked still standing.

"Oh, I live in Tucson now."

He raised an eyebrow. "Done running, are you?"

I swallowed. "Yes. All done. I moved there a few months ago."

He nodded. "Then that explains why I couldn't get a hold of you."

"You tried to call me?" I asked, incredulous.

"Oh yeah. I told you I would. I still have your card." And, as to make a point, he went over to a table that was littered with papers and found an organizer. He pulled my card out of a pocket and proudly displayed it to me. "See?"

"Yup. Well, I'm flattered."

He made a mock frown. "But I called you and you weren't there."

"I know, I'm sorry. When I moved I changed numbers...it was easier to-"

"No apologies, I understand."

We were still standing. He looked good close up. Previously that night I had seen him briefly in the lobby but he was being whisked away by his entourage. Later I saw him on stage in all his glory as he sang and strutted with the band. Now he was calm and maybe a little tired, but smelling fresh and clean.

"Looking California and feeling Minnesota," I said suddenly.

He burst out laughing. I smirked, sat down on the couch and took a long swallow of my drink. I had been drinking all evening and it was making me do silly things. But there were more things to do and I hoped I had the nerve. At least the desire was there. It had been buried since early last summer when we met in the desert.

Relationships are never easy to end, but when I went back to Texas after spending that one night with Chris, I realized it was time to move on. And I did. I quit my job and my relationship, sold my condo and moved further west and south to Tucson. Out there I was anonymous and it was refreshing.

Chris joined me on the couch, but not too close. There was a bit of awkwardness between us.

"So, tell me...what happened after I left you," he asked reading my thoughts.

I set the drink down. "Well, that morning after we, um, said good-bye, I actually turned around and headed east to catch up with you."

"You did?"

"Yup, but in my haste I was pulled over by one son-of-a-bitch state trooper. He wrote me up big time. After that I lost my sense of adventure and limped home to Texas."

He stared at me intently with those green eyes. It made me swoon a little. "Well, I'm glad to see you again," he said seriously.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"You're not just saying that."

"No."

"Ok."

He took my chin in his hand and turned my face to look at his. "I didn't forget you and it looks like you didn't forget me."

I turned away, feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden. "Of course I didn't forget about you. That's why I drove up to Phoenix to see you guys. You did say you may contact me when you were touring, you didn't figure that my cell phone number would change."

"You thought about that then, didn't you? You came up here because you knew I couldn't reach you."

"Yes."

He let out a long sigh and slumped back on the couch. His long lean body stretched out and I let my gaze travel down his hard stomach to his tight jeans. I was glad he didn't dress like the younger guys did with their loose, baggy jeans. I knew what was under them and I wanted to see it again.

"Um, Chris...did I come at a bad time?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is there someone else here...someone, maybe...you know..."

I couldn't ask it. I couldn't ask him if there was another woman out there.

He shrugged. "Does it matter?"

I was taken aback at that remark. It made me realize, again, how temporary everything was with him.

"I don't want to intrude." I stood up because I knew that there probably was someone else.

He didn't stop me and that pissed me off a little. "I can find my way out." I glanced at him and he was a million miles away. I had no idea what was on his mind, but I wanted out in a big way. My face burned again as I exited the suite, what I fool I was thinking that I could rekindle a one night stand after all these months. Fool.

* * *

I awoke the next day with a hangover and a mouth full of cotton. Groaning I got up and drank deeply from the expensive bottle of water in the mini bar. As the water gushed down my parched throat the memories of the night before came back. I was embarrassed all over again and wanted to go back to bed but I figured the best thing was to shower, dress and check out quietly. I could be back in Tucson by lunchtime and then take a nice long drive up Mt. Lemmon where I did my thinking.

The shower was long by Arizona standards but I didn't care. I needed to feel human again. The warm water cascaded over my body and I let myself remember that one wonderful night with Chris in the New Mexico desert. Down deep between my legs began to tingle when I pictured us fucking in his borrowed VW bus. I was so looking forward to doing that last night.

Feelings of disappointment swept away the tingling and I shut off the water with a heavy sigh. It seemed like I was always doing or saying the wrong thing with men. I toweled off and threw it angrily in the corner and pulled on my robe. As I stepped out of the bathroom there was a knock on the door. Probably housekeeping I thought as I opened it.

"Room service," said the young Latino guy holding a tray.

"I didn't order..." I said lamely.

"Compliments of Mr. Cornell," he said smiling. I bet he thinks I got lucky last night, I thought bitterly. I almost sent it back, but I was hungry so I motioned him in to set it down on the table. He even refused the tip saying it was all taken care of.

Everything is always taken care of, I thought as I sat down to inspect the food. It was a good spread complete with a red rose in a bud vase. Very touching.

When I lifted the coffee urn there was a card underneath. I opened it:

"I was an asshole. Let me make it up to you. Be ready at 11."

It wasn't signed but it didn't need to be. Only one person was an asshole last night, and it wasn't the bodyguard. I looked at the hotel clock and it was 10:30 so I downed my breakfast and got dressed. What I was 'ready' for, I didn't know.

At precisely 11am there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find Chris in jeans, a tank top and dark glasses.

"Rough night?" I asked, not letting him in.

"Trying to be incognito," he said softly.

"Ah."

"You ready?" he asked.

"For what?"

"You'll see."

"I have to check out."

"Ok, let's take care of that first."

I left him outside while I grabbed my suitcase. "I have to stow this in my car first."

He nodded and followed me down into the garage. He didn't say anything until I was checked out and we were outside in front of the hotel. Only after we were inside a cab did he speak.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Why?"

"Because I was an asshole last night."

"So you said." I was mad because I couldn't see his eyes just then. "And what are we doing now?"

"We're gonna take a nice ride." He looked out the window at the deep blue sky. "It's a good day for it."

"In a cab?" I asked.

"Oh no, you'll see."

And with that he went to humming softly while looking out the window. Even humming his voice was unmistakably sexy. I shut my eyes for a while listening to him. I still couldn't believe I was sitting next to him in a cab. In Phoenix.

When I opened my eyes we were outside the city near Scottsdale. Large homes with gated yards flashed by. The cab detoured off onto a maze of side streets until we pulled up to a small mansion. Chris paid the cabdriver and we were left standing in the driveway as the warm sun shone overhead. I pulled on my sunglasses.

"Now what?" I asked. "And don't you have to be getting on to the next city?"

"Not today. It's an off day. Some of the guys have people they want to visit in this area."

"And you?"

"I'm spending it with you," he said as he walked up to the front door and rang the bell. Presently it was opened by someone you wouldn't expect to own such a house.

"Bout time," said the tall burly occupant wearing denim shorts and a tank top. Tattoos covered his arms from shoulder to wrist. His hair was long and pulled back in a ponytail.

"Fuck you," Chris said amiably. "This is Kat. Kat, this is Dan a long time buddy of mine from the old days."

By old days, I surmised Seattle and Soundgarden but I didn't say anything. We went inside. The house was cool and tastefully furnished. Again I gawked at Dan and how out of place he was in the house.

"Well, where is she?" Chris asked, rubbing his hands together.

"You dog," laughed Dan. "Here two seconds and you can't wait."

I frowned, wondering who 'she' was. Dan led us through the house to the garage. In the center of the floor was one of the most beautiful Harley Davidson motorcycles I had ever seen. No doubt it was the 'she'.

Chris ran his hand lovingly over the bike's handlebars and seat like he was a caressing the side of a woman. I shivered remembering what his touch felt like.

"Now take care of her, man," Dan said handing Chris the keys. "I gotta get to work. Nice to meet you, Kat."

"Likewise," I said still looking at Chris and the bike.

Dan got in the car that was in the other bay of the garage and left us.

"Fuck, this is heaven," he said as he mounted the bike.

I stood there and watched him. He treated the bike like a sacred object. Finally he looked up. "Well?"

"What?"

"You getting on?"

"We're gonna ride?" I asked, surprised.

"Why do you think I came all the way out here? Come on, climb on."

There was nothing else to do but get on. I had never been on a bike before and I was a little scared. I sat there with my hands hanging limply by my side.

"You're going to need to hold on," he said. "Put your arms around me, I won't bite."

Gingerly I wrapped my arms around him and he started up the bike. It was loud and made me jump a little.

"It's ok," he yelled. "You'll get use to it."

He turned the bike around and soon we were speeding off. I held him more tightly and I think he liked that. And as we cruised through the quiet streets of Scottsdale I began to enjoy the feeling of my arms around his body and my breasts pressed against his back. I didn't think being on a bike could be so arousing.

We rode for over an hour and the houses thinned out as we went northeast up route 87. The sun was getting hot and I was getting thirsty but I hated to stop Chris because he was enjoying himself so much. But at last he pulled off the highway onto a dirt road. The mountains were closer now and in the distance I saw a ranch. It would be good to get off the hot bike.

We dismounted as the dust settled. In front of us was a sprawling ranch house surrounded by large shady trees. It looked deserted.

"Another friend of yours?" I asked as we walked to the front door.

"Yup," he said lifting up the mat and taking the key. "But they've already gone north for the summer." He turned to look at me with that penetrating gaze. "So I guess it's just us."

A shiver went through me despite the heat of the early afternoon. This was it, I thought. This is what it's all about.

Chris led me to the kitchen and we drank some cool water from the tap. I excused myself to go to the bathroom and wash the dust from my face. When I came out, he was sprawled on the deck furniture outside in the shade. I joined him.

"It's nice to have friends," I observed.

"Something tells me you don't," he said pointedly.

"Not really. I guess I've been a loner for so long." I paused. "Except for the occasional bad relationship."

"That's what you were running from when I met you out there in the desert."

"Yup. He was an asshole and I needed to break free for a while."

"And you broke up with him when you got back?"

"Yes," I said quietly. I looked out at the huge yard in front of us. A few puffy clouds floated lazily in the sky. It was dead quiet.

"How long were you together?" he asked.

"About five years."

He nodded and kept his gaze focused on the hills. His hand found mine and stroked it idly. Even though we had been locked together on a bike for over an hour, this gesture felt much more intimate. His thumb was callused from playing the guitar.

"Did you think of me at all?" I asked in shaky voice.

"I did."

"Really?"

He turned to look at me. "Do you think that I spend my time riding around the country picking up women and fucking them?"

I moved my hand away. "You're a fucking rock star. What else would you be doing?"

He sighed. "I am an asshole."

I said nothing.

"To tell you the truth the last year has been spent recording and getting ready for this tour. We've been locked down in either Seattle or California most of the time. I haven't had much time for fun. And when I do, its solo fun, you understand?"

"I get it," I said.

Never breaking his gaze at me he said: "There wasn't anyone last night. I don't know why I was like that. Sometimes after a show I'm cranky. It takes a lot out of me."

"Ok."

"You aren't buying this bullshit, are you?"

"No, I believe you."

"Ah fuck it," he said and with that he threw himself on top of me and smothered my mouth with his. I was totally unprepared for the onslaught and he took my breath away with a burning kiss. I tried to push him off me so I could get my bearings but he was too strong. Instead he forced his tongue in my mouth and slid his hands under my shirt to find my breasts. When he squeezed I moaned into his mouth and I was his.

At last he pulled away.

"Fuck," he gasped.

"I think we should," I said.

I stood up and began to remove my clothes hastily. There was no need for a striptease; I could clearly see the bulge in his jeans. It looked painful. When I was naked I leaned over him and unzipped his jeans. Immediately his wonderful cock sprang into view. The head was swollen and purple and moist. Before he could react I closed my mouth around it and sucked hard once before releasing him.

"Oh Jesus," he said.

I said nothing and straddled him. I couldn't wait one second longer. The first time was going to be quick for both of us, but the day was young. I put my legs on each side of him but I didn't let him enter me yet.

"Take off your shirt," I suggested. "I want to see you."

When he removed his shirt and I gazed upon that muscled tanned chest I felt a spasm go through my pussy.

"I think I'm too wet already," I whispered.

He responded by pushing his fingers inside me. I gasped with the unexpected pleasure.

"No, it's just right. Let your self go," he growled. "I need to fuck you."

Those words only inflamed me more. I guided him into me and I sunk all the way down so our bodies were joined. His hands went to my breasts and began to flick the nipples which were already hard. I groaned and tossed my head back. He grunted once and thrust deep into me.

"Hard?" he asked and I smiled.

"Yes, hard. As hard as you can do it. I want to feel this for a while."

He laughed and pushed up hard. I cried out knowing there was no one to hear me except him. He went back to squeezing my breasts and I urged him on. Every ridge of his cock was felt inside my warm walls. It tingled all over and the pressure on my clit was sensational. I began to move my body up and down on his cock, taking over. I wanted to guide this situation and feel it and make it last. I was probably selfish but I needed it so bad.