I woke up a few hours later, groggy and with a horrible headache. Probable from stress. I laid on my stomach, arms spread across the bed, and began to think about what lay in store for me, downstairs. My head was killing me, and I really was in no mood to be some "resident dick" for a bunch of Porn Queens. I mustered up the strength to get up. I moved to the side of the bed, and put my head in my hands. I was able to hear the laughter of the woman downstairs, and thought of a hundred things, they could be laughing at, me being one of them. All my life, I would feel so insecure being around, beautiful woman, constantly thinking, if my breath smelled ok, if I had some nose hairs sticking out. If my clothes were in style. But most times, I found that if I was just myself, just funny and relaxed, things would go smooth and we all would have a good time. Linda, was by far the most beautiful woman I had known. But it wouldn't hit me how beautiful she was, until we went out together. The looks, I would get. They were like, "Where the Hell did you meet her?" The look of guys would be of lust , awe and envy. Then, I would appreciate this woman on my arm, this fluke of a relationship, I would care for more. Because I knew, if I didn't do my job of loving, caring, appreciating, and pleasing her physically, there would be so many men in line to take a shot. Most of whom where my friends.
She confirmed that she felt the way she did for me, because of the way I am, my personality, my care for others and my internal qualities. So, tonight, well,β¦ I guess I would just confirm what she already knows about me. That my love for her was deeper, than any ocean, higher than any mountain, that I would not be apart of some, some, outlandish orgy. That the only woman that I could make love to for, two, three days strait, would be only her.
I walked down the steps, and entered the living-room. I was greeted immediately with a "Hi!" from everyone. I sat next to Linda, on the couch, and jumped in the conversation that had already started. To my surprise, these woman had a normal conversation. They talked about life, shopping, the latest fashions, and of course, men. Being involved with a woman in the porn industry, and now meeting theses woman, has definitely humanized them. For some reason, a person who watches their movies, or like me, who just loves looking at beautiful, sexual women, you tends to think that they are sex machines. That they live, eat breath sex, all day, every day. But their not. We all laughed, talked, and cracked jokes, it was quite normal. Eventually though, the question was asked of me. How could I last for such a long time, in love making. All eyes were on me. I took a deep breath in, shrugged my shoulders, and gave the best, honest answer.
"Emotions. Emotions, play a huge part in it."
"How?" Stephanie asked.
"For me, I can not be physically involved with a woman, who I am not emotional with. When Linda and I, have made loved for days at a time, I have the biggest emotional high. It's like I'm on some type of drug, that soars me, that gives me the energy, the will and the drive. We do some really erotic things when we are together, but in my mind, the most erotic of all things we do, is just kissing. And the times were we have lasted for hours on hours, most of it is kissing. I just can't passionately kiss a woman, who I have no ties to. Kissing is, to me the most deepest intimate thing that two people who love one another can do. All of you guys are beautiful, but I really could not be intimate with you, because I have no emotional feelings for you. I mean as our friendship grows, I'll love you, but only as a friend, or a sister⦠nothing more."
"What about Crystal? Today, you did her." Linda said.
"Well, Crystal introduced me to you, so for some bizarre reason, I feel that she will always be apart of me emotionally. If that makes any since."
"No it doesnβt." Linda said.
"Ok! I've had a huge crush on her for the last eight years."
"That's better."
Everyone laughed.
"So, Jason. If I came over there and stood in front of you with no clothes on, you would not get aroused?" Dee asked.
"I mean, involuntary I would get aroused, but I wouldn't want to jump on you."
"Can I see? I have to see this, because any man who says these things, I think is full of shit." Dee said.
"If you want."
Oh my God! What have I done? I thought. The three woman, that I have been in lust with were all here in this room. Crystal for the last eight years, has graced the cover of every men's magazine and I have been so, so, so in lust with her. Dee, is a Puerto-Rican , Goddess. Tall long hair, tan complexion, and legs that would not quite. One of my deepest passions, is for Puerto- Rican woman, they just make me loose it. And of course there was Linda, that I have been sexual with. Every time she stood before me nude, my heart raced, like I was seeing her for the first time. These three woman, are what my passions, lust, and perversions yearned for. The other woman, as beautiful and sexual as they were, I had no desire.
Dee, took her top off, then unbuckled her jeans and let them fall to the floor. She then walked over to me and straddled me. I took a deep breath in, "God she smelled so good!" She then began to grind on me. I was so hard. My heart pounded. I thought to myself, I could not go through with this, I would just have to sit here, and let her do whatever to me, to prove that I really did only want to be with Linda physically. She grabbed my head and pulled me into her chest. I just smiled. I leaned my head back, and looked over to my right at Linda. She rested her head on the back of the couch and laughed. She leaned over to me and whispered in my ear," You did this to yourself." There was on thing that I could use to help me to conquer this situation. Dee, was married. And no matter what, I just did not fuck with married woman. Even if she was nude grinding on me, waiting for me to fuck her. When I started thinking about that, my emotions, my feelings ceased. My fire was extinguished. I grabbed her head very softly, and then kissed her. When I did that, she looked at me, and then got up.
"I felt nothing from him." She said. "Nothing! When I am having sex with guys on the set, I feel something from them. That something, helps me perform, but I felt nothing, no vibe, no interest nothing. I thought you were full of it Jay, but I believe you."
All the other women looked at me and smiled. Linda scooted over to me and kissed me on the cheek.
"Well, I'm tiered. I'll see you all in the morning." Crystal said.
The other girls either went to bed, or went out by the pool.
Linda and I sat on the couch alone, and we talked.
"So, how did you do it? How did you, shut your feelings off? When we make love, I can feel what you feel. Dee was right, when we do pictures, there is a little something we feel. And most of the time, we can pick that up."
"I told you. I only have feelings for you."
She looked at me, like she didn't believe what I said.
"Jason! Come on! It's me your talking to me. I know you."
"I knew she was married, I can't do anything with a married woman."
"So if any of the other girls would have did it to you?"
"I would have lost it. What man wouldn't have?"
"You know, I think youβre a lire."
"Why?"
"What you said, it's a big lie."