"Definitely, the way you make me feel. Our personalities are, different enough where, we are not the same, so we have some variety. We are similar enough where we can enjoy things together. You have a very beautiful, caring, genuine personality. You carry yourself with dignity. You respect others, and are open minded on new things. I can't lie, and say that your beauty is not a part of it, because it is. But all in all, it is what you are inside and how you make me feel that makes me love you."
She smiled, and started rocking back and forth.
"Your good! Your good!"
"Why do you say that?"
"You knew what I wanted to hear."
"You doubt what I say and how I feel?"
"NO! No! It's just, I never heard a guy, say those things with out long pauses, and stutters. Where did you learn how to talk and express yourself so well?"
"Through my religion. In order for us to give discourses and go out and teach, we had to learn how to speak and learn how to use words that reach the heart."
"So what happened? That's what you can tell me. What happened? Why did you turn your back on religion?"
"I didn't turn my back on religion, I walked away from God."
"Why."
I took a deep breath in, and closed my eyes.
"Talk, to me. I need to know."
"When I was eighteen, I swore to God, that I would remain single, for ten years. As a result of that, I was able to travel, and do things that most my age were not able to, because they got married at such a young age. As I got closer to the end of the goal, I became lonely and wanted to settle down. I met a young girl who like me, had did what she wanted and she said she was ready to settle down. We took it slow, got to know each other, and our relationship progressed to an engagement. Six month before the wedding, she called it off. She told me, that she never really loved me. That she wanted a life, that I could not give her. She didn't want to live, in want. She wanted someone who could give her the things that she never had…. Three month later, she married a guy who had some big car, and a nice apartment in the city.
The whole situation, made me very angry. At every one, my parents, my friends, religion and God."
"Why?"
"If I couldn't rely on God to provide me with someone, to make me happy for the rest of my life, how could I rely on him for other important things in life. My faith, was destroyed, and if you don't have faith, you can't be religious, you can't serve God, you stop believing. When you don't have faith,…your dead."
"You don't want go back? It seems as though you were a good servant."
"It's not that easy now."
"Why?"
"For the last few months, I have lived a life, that is in total contrast to how I was raised and taught. I would be definitely be disciplined."
"How?"
"Depending on my attitude. If I had a , I don't give a Damn attitude, I would probably be excommunicated."
"If you go back, why would you have that attitude?"
"I don't know."
"And if you didn't have that attitude?"
"Then I would helped to get back, to the standing that I once was."
"Is that what you want?"
"I don't know anymore. If I do, then that would mean, I would have to give up things that I truly love now."
"Like?"
"You."
"Why? Why would you have to give up the person you love, to go back to serve God?"
"Tera, Linda, you, and now me… live a life of…Sin. I don't know any other way to put it. Sin, willful, deliberate sin dose not mix with religion and God."
"If you would have married that girl, you would have never met ME. So, could it be that I am your gift from God, to make you happy? Could it be that God has made a compromise, because of the promise you kept to him. Maybe, just maybe he sent you to me, to change me. Maybe, we were destined to be with each other. Do I make any sense? I can change."
"But what if I don't."
"Why?"
"I'm happy. While serving God, I was never happy. I always Wanted. I was always in want. I was never satisfied, never. I was taught that if I wanted the things of this world, I was wrong, and that these things would not last. That thinking, made me lose the woman I loved, I don’t want to lose another love."
"You won't."
"YOU, are who my heart, soul and body loves now. My heart and soul are dedicated to you. You are MY GOD. You make me happy. You make me content. You satisfy, my needs want's and desires. I never, had those things. I will NOT, leave you to go back to a life of want. I am you servant. My temple, is this bedroom. The alter is this bed. My body is my sacrifice to you. What you want, I will do. As long as I remain faithful to you. As long as you have my heart, promise me, that you will never take you love from me. Promise me that you will never, NEVER, leave me."
"I…I can. I can try to."
"Don't try to. Commit."
"Jason, that is a lot to ask."
"To remain FAITHFULL? That is a lot to ask? You just told me that you love me. That love, is an action word, that it must be displayed. I am asking that you just LOVE ME, REMAIN FAITHFULL TO ME… FORERVER! Why is that a lot to ask from a person who loves you?"
"If you remain true to me FOREVER! I will remain true to you, FOREVER! I promise."
"Come here!"
She moved over to me, spread her legs and sat on top of me. I leaned up and held her tight in my arms.
"Look at me in my eyes and say it."
She looked me in the eyes.
"I promise. Now give me, my sacrifice."
"As you wish."
I moved forward and kissed her. My heart raced. It was amazing, every time we made love, it felt like it was the first time. I got nervous, and would start to shake. Questions would go through my mind like, am I pleasing her? Do I really satisfy her sexually? My pulse would race to the point it felt like I was running a marathon. Every time, no matter what felt like the first time. The rush, of exploding in her. Her warm breath on my neck, our lips meeting, and passionately, lustfully kissing. Even when we got down and really perverted, it was still special. For some reason, it seemed the more perverted, the longer we made love. And the longer we made love, the tighter our bond became. When you make love to someone you are truly bonded with emotionally, physically you are taken to another level. That high, is so intoxicating, and unlike a drug addict, who continues to do drugs looking for that next first high, but never finds it, this high was repetitious. Every night, every day, every second, I felt my first sexual high with her. There was nothing else like it. When we just were outright perverted to each other, my heart felt like it would beat out of my chest. Love, lust, and perversions where our theme to this sexual theatrical performance we put on every day.
Perversions of Love
True love makes you treat the one you love, with love. By the way Linda and I made love to each other, people would probable say we are in lust with each other not love. The way we loved, was not traditional. It was not boring. It was not even hot. To tell you the truth, I don't think there is a word in the English, or any other spoken language, to describe how we made love. And I can truly say, it is love, because I felt the love inside of me. I cared for her. No matter how hardcore, we never asked each other to do things that would cause pain, or do things that was totally sadistic. We just feed of each others desires. And the more we drew closer to each other, the deeper our sexual thirst became, the more perverse our thoughts became. It was like we read each others mind, and just did things to please each other, because we knew that is what the other wanted, even without asking. Our fantasies became broader and more lustful.
"You got everything?"
