Tell me
I woke up, around noon on this day. It seems, that we all ways wake up at noon. Tera lay on my chest with her eyes open. I start to run my fingers through her hair, and caress her naked skin. She took a deep breath in, and then out.
"What are you thinking about?" I asked.
"Just thinking."
"About?"
"Stuff."
"Could you be a little more vague?"
She shook her head, no.
"Look at me Tera."
She lifted he head, and looked at me in the eyes.
"What are you thinking? Tell me. We have been together for almost six months now, I would think our relationship is at a point were we can talk about anything, so what is it?"
"Well… Um, since we'll be in Philly this weekend for you friends wedding, and since you'll be introducing me to your friends and family, I guess…, I guess it would be good for you to introduce the woman you love, by her right name. Tera Patrick is my screen name, my birth name is Linda Hopkins."
"I know."
She leaned up and looked at me, with a puzzled look.
"How did you know?"
"I've been living with you for six months, don't you think I see your in-coming mail?"
"Oh yeah!" she said while laughing." Well why haven't you been calling by my real name?"
"I figured, when it was time, you would tell me. But the real reason is,… I like Tera."
"Call me Linda. I want to live in reality."
She laid her head back down on my chest.
"What time do you want to leave?"
"I guess around, five. His bachelor party is at nine."
"Do you want me to strip for you guys, I could use some extra cash." ~ laughing.
"Hell no, I already have about ten million horny guys already wanting you, I don't need another thirty."
"I don't think it's that many, who actually know who I am…. Alright, your turn."
"For what?"
"To tell me something I don't know about you."
"I have lived a pretty non eventful life, well up until I meet you."
"There is something, that I don't know about you. Come on, tell me. like, were you a chronic masturbator before you met me?
"That's a given."
"Jason! Open up to me!"
"Why are you so, bent on knowing?"
"Because I LOVE you, and people who love each other KNOW, stuff about each other."
"You love me?"
"Of course, you wouldn't be here if I didn't."
"That is the first time, I heard you actually say out right, I love you."
She leaned up and looked at me very angrily.
"Did I need to say it?"
"It would help."
"You should have know, by how I treat you. You did know, didn't you?"
"I did."
"So, why would you say something like that?"
"Just hearing it, from time to time is needed."
"That, kind of hurt me."
"I didn't mean it to."
"Are you, that insecure, that I have to say, I love you every five minutes?… Love is an action word, it is shown by works. People say they love each other, but don't mean it. I rather for you to show me, you love me, than to say you love me. I knew how you felt about me from the start."
"How?"
"They way you talk, the way you looked at me." She slid down to the end of the bed.
"You, don't even know the gift you have."
"What are you talking about?"
"See! You don't know. … You have a gift to speak. Not just, empty non emotional words, but words that reaches the heart, words that, make a person feel good. That's why I feel for you, it's not the way you look, they way you dress, or how much money you have. It's how you make me feel. That's why I love you. You make me feel good." She started to cry, which got me all emotional, and I started to cry. She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at me. I knew what question was coming next. I had to think quick. I had to be honest, and the answer had to come from my heart.
"Jason. Why do you love me?"
I knew it. I had five seconds, before she would get pissed. In a situation like this, if a guy doesn’t answer within five seconds, HELL HATH NO FURY!
I took a deep breath in.
"Definitely, the way you make me feel. Our personalities are, different enough where, we are not the same, so we have some variety. We are similar enough where we can enjoy things together. You have a very beautiful, caring, genuine personality. You carry yourself with dignity. You respect others, and are open minded on new things. I can't lie, and say that your beauty is not a part of it, because it is. But all in all, it is what you are inside and how you make me feel that makes me love you."
She smiled, and started rocking back and forth.
"Your good! Your good!"
"Why do you say that?"
"You knew what I wanted to hear."
"You doubt what I say and how I feel?"
"NO! No! It's just, I never heard a guy, say those things with out long pauses, and stutters. Where did you learn how to talk and express yourself so well?"
"Through my religion. In order for us to give discourses and go out and teach, we had to learn how to speak and learn how to use words that reach the heart."
"So what happened? That's what you can tell me. What happened? Why did you turn your back on religion?"
"I didn't turn my back on religion, I walked away from God."
"Why."
I took a deep breath in, and closed my eyes.
"Talk, to me. I need to know."
"When I was eighteen, I swore to God, that I would remain single, for ten years. As a result of that, I was able to travel, and do things that most my age were not able to, because they got married at such a young age. As I got closer to the end of the goal, I became lonely and wanted to settle down. I met a young girl who like me, had did what she wanted and she said she was ready to settle down. We took it slow, got to know each other, and our relationship progressed to an engagement. Six month before the wedding, she called it off. She told me, that she never really loved me. That she wanted a life, that I could not give her. She didn't want to live, in want. She wanted someone who could give her the things that she never had…. Three month later, she married a guy who had some big car, and a nice apartment in the city.
The whole situation, made me very angry. At every one, my parents, my friends, religion and God."
"Why?"
"If I couldn't rely on God to provide me with someone, to make me happy for the rest of my life, how could I rely on him for other important things in life. My faith, was destroyed, and if you don't have faith, you can't be religious, you can't serve God, you stop believing. When you don't have faith,…your dead."
"You don't want go back? It seems as though you were a good servant."
"It's not that easy now."
"Why?"
"For the last few months, I have lived a life, that is in total contrast to how I was raised and taught. I would be definitely be disciplined."
"How?"
"Depending on my attitude. If I had a , I don't give a Damn attitude, I would probably be excommunicated."
"If you go back, why would you have that attitude?"
"I don't know."
"And if you didn't have that attitude?"
"Then I would helped to get back, to the standing that I once was."
"Is that what you want?"