Ncis: the Inside Story

Special Agent Ziva David squinted hard at Tony; she scrunched her nose then asked him: "What on earth does he have against animals? This is outrageous---I'm going to confront McGee—"

"Confront me about what, Ziva?" SA Tim McGee asked as he suddenly appeared beside Tony.

"McGee—why are you abusing small animals? I would have never guessed this of you!" said Ziva, standing so close to Agent McGee her ample bosom brushed his arm.

McGee, well aware of Ziva's soft breasts pressing against him stuttered, "W-What are you talking about? I've never hurt a living creature in my life! Who accused me of this?"

As if he didn't know. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Tony's smirking face.

Ziva continued: "How could you hit a defenseless chimpanzee?"

None of this made any sense. McGee took a deep breath.

"Ziva, what did Tony tell you?" he asked, dreading whatever answer she would give him. There was no way to know what nonsense Tony had told her.

"You obviously have a serious problem, McGee...two nights ago you choked your chicken until you fell asleep—I for one, had no idea you even had pets---then last night, Tony said you were slapping your monkey all night...how long have you been abusing the little guy?"

McGee's face reddened as Tony laughed out loud.

Suddenly, Gibbs, walking by them in full stride said, "Ever since he discovered how to make 'the little guy' spit, Ziva...grab your gear – we have a dead Petty Officer in Georgetown...let's go, McGee – this is no time for a circle-jerk."

"Tony, I'm going to kill you!" McGee said glaring at DiNozzo.

"Not now, McWanker, we're riding with the boss...you can sit in the back with Ziva – maybe she'll pet your lizard on the way," said Tony.

Ziva stared at McGee with astonishment and asked, "You own a lizard, too?"

:SHOTGUN!" shouted Tony.

"You can't call shotgun in here," protested McGee.

"Already did, monkey-boy!" shouted a triumphant DiNozzo.

The three Special Agents had learned long ago to not pay too close attention to Gibbs driving if they didn't want to get frightened out of their minds. Each agent had a special way of coping with the ride to a crime scene.

"You know, boss," SA DiNozzo began: "A Petty Officer in Georgetown makes about as much sense as a Rockefeller on skid row, or better yet, Julia Roberts living in Beverly Hills in "Pretty Woman."

"Is that so, DiNozzo?" asked Gibbs, staring straight ahead.

Ziva heard Tony begin to ramble and decided not to listen. Since she never went to movies, she became easily distracted whenever he spoke. She was more interested in McGee's seemingly insatiable habit of self-abuse.

She slid next to him on the leather seat until her leg was firmly pressed against his.

McGee had been dreamily staring out the car window until the warmth of Ziva's hot flesh interrupted his thoughts.

"W-What are you doing?" he asked her with wide eyes.

"I was wondering Tim...have you ever known a woman in the 'religious sense'?" she asked him with a sly smile on her pretty face.

"Ah, Ziva, I think you mean in the 'biblical sense'," he corrected her.

Ziva scrunched her nose and looked at him oddly and said: "Why on earth would you read a bible with a woman, McGee? It's no wonder you have to take your sex life in your own hands!"

Tim's face blushed a deep scarlet as he shook his head. "No-no-no...the correct phrase is 'knowing a woman in the biblical sense'---I don't even know what 'in the religious sense' means, Ziva."

Ziva's hand patted Tim's thigh as she said: "Oh you poor baby, Tony was right: you are a virgin!"

"I am NOT a virgin, Ziva! I just don't understand what it means to know a woman in the 'religious sense'," he said, flustered and feeling the heat rising inside the car.

Instead of removing her hand from his thigh, she began to lightly stroke his leg from above his knee to the middle of his thigh. She was getting dangerously close to his crotch.

McGee gulped down air and looked away from Ziva. Her hand was driving him crazy; he wished she would stop, but it felt sooo gooood....

She suddenly leaned into him, her full breasts mashed against his arm; her hot breath in his ear. He closed his eyes and fought against his desire for her with all his will and might.

"Timmy," she wickedly whispered in his ear, "...the 'religious sense' means when a man and woman are naked in bed together and their tangled, sweaty bodies begin to buck wildly out of control in the throes of orgasm they begin shouting 'Oh-God—Oh-God—Oh-God—Oh-God...."

Gibbs suddenly slammed on the brakes and the car screeched to a stop. Ziva moved quickly away from McGee then looked at the large, tent-like bulge in his crotch fighting against the thin material of his gabardine slacks.

"McGee, is that a 44 Magnum in your pants or are you just happy to see me?" she asked loud enough for everyone to hear.

Tony whipped his head around at Ziva's words and saw McGee's embarrassing predicament.

"Looks more like a one-shot Derringer to me, Ziva," Tony said with a smirk, "...a snub-nose, at best."

McGee was horrified! His reactions were slowed by the lusty images in his mind of himself and Ziva, naked in bed together. He closed his open raincoat to hide his sensitive condition.

Too late—Gibbs had seen it too.

"Let's go," Gibbs called out. "...there's a bigger stiff inside the townhouse we need to investigate."

The three of them exited the car laughing hysterically. Tim was in shock. How could he ever be taken seriously again? Could this get any worse?

Gibbs stuck his head thru the open window and said, "C'mon McGee---let's go! Holster that pistol before the damn thing goes off!"

In shock, McGee numbly opened the car door and climbed outside into the cool Georgetown morning air.

His thigh was still tingling where Ziva had stroked him. He vividly recalled the impression of her breasts on his arm.

He thought: This is going to be one long day...God sure has a strange sense of humor.