Mass Effect - a Hero Rises

Book 2, Chapter 19 -- Guilt

*****

We were on our way back to the Citadel which, I'll admit, did annoy me slightly as we'd only just been there. But Garrus has asked if we could head there, as he thought he finally had a breakthrough in regards to finding the person responsible for the deaths of all his companions on Omega. For so long he had thought he had been the one at fault, that's he'd made a mistake, become sloppy, or he'd been arrogant in his approach to taking down those he wanted on Omega. But something seemed to be on his mind ever since he'd joined the

Normandy

, and he finally approached me not long after we'd left Aeia behind. He didn't explain too much, just asked if we could go to the Citadel, and he'd explain later. I agreed, of course.

That was two days ago now. He'd barely been out of the front batteries since, except for meal times, and I knew he was probably stewing on something but it didn't really feel like my place to intervene. Garrus would come and talk when he was good and ready.

Heading back to the Citadel wasn't something I had been planning, but as many of the crew had not had the opportunity to get off the ship last time, I organised with Miranda time for everyone to have the chance to get off and at least stretch their legs this time. I wasn't planning a stop of any more than two nights, though she did have to joke if I would be visiting anyone special during our visit.

"Actually, I was thinking of treating someone or some people to a night on the town, and maybe a fancy hotel room afterwards."

"Oh, and who would that be, Shepard, considering there are a few options?"

"Well, depending on how things go, it might even be more than one person."

"Kelly?"

"Of course."

"Honestly, after that, it could be anyone. What about... Tali?"

"If she were to join me, it would be for dinner and drinks only."

"Hmmm... Chakwas?"

"Will be invited, but it's up to her if it goes anything further than a nice evening out."

"Kasumi?"

"I think she'd rather anything happening between us occurring in private."

"Emily!"

"She's invited and has already said yes to meeting up."

"Um... Jack?"

"Has been invited, but as you might be aware, our physical relationship has cooled. She might come along for the dinner and rinks though."

"Me?"

"Are you sure you want to come, Miranda? What about Jacob?"

I loved her reaction. One of stunned silence, jaw dropped wide in surprise. Like I wouldn't have heard the rumours about her little conversation. I wasn't jealous at all. But I was surprised she thought people wouldn't put two and two together. "We haven't done anything yet. I'm not sure if I'm even planning to, but he seemed interested in at least rekindling a physical relationship."

Shrugging, I replied, "Whether you have or not isn't any of my business, Miranda. Are you interested in him?"

"Physically? Yes, I won't deny that. Romantically? No. Would I still like to have fun with you as well? Absolutely."

"What would he say to that?"

"Shepard, he put it rather simply that he'd just like to fuck every so often and he knows I'm still interested in you too."

I couldn't help chuckle. "Thank god we live in such an open minded world nowadays."

"I'll expect monogamy if someone ever put a ring on this finger, Shepard, otherwise life is for living."

"The very words I live by, Miranda."

I was tempted to head right upstairs and start teasing Jacob, of course, but I also figured the pair of them could at least enjoy the company of the other. I doubted either of them looked at it as anything more than a good fuck every now and then, though who really knew what the future held. What I did know is that I'd certainly help Jacob out going forward by not taking too much of her time. She'd figure that out, of course, but I had plenty of fish in the sea.

Arriving at the Citadel the next day, the crew was eager to dock and get off the ship. I wasn't shutting it down entirely like I had on Illium. The crew would be expected to work, but when not on shift, they would be allowed off. My inner circle, so to speak, could come and go as they pleased, as long as they were on board when we eventually departed when I figured it was a good time to leave. Although Garrus was pre-occupied with his own issues, he still disappeared to visit Chloe, stating he would contact me when he had confirmation in regards to the traitor. Everyone else slowly disappeared until I was left with Kelly and a few of the crew.

I wandered over and placed a datapad on her desk. "What's this?"

"Look it over and meet me there later."

She started to read before glancing at me. "What?"

"Trust me."

"But..."

I kissed her cheek. "Trust me. Just do what it says."

Before she could ask any further questions, I headed upstairs, grabbed the bag I'd already packed and prepared, before heading back downstairs. Kelly tried to ask a couple more questions before I left, though I told her to simply do as instructed on the datapad again. All her questions would be answered later.

Grabbing a skycab, I was on the Presidium minutes later, heading to the Hotel Parnitha, named after the Thessian home system, and one of the most exclusive hotels on the Citadel itself. I was making sure to spend every credit the Illusive Man sent me. And a room did not come cheap. Walking inside in just a shirt, jacket and jeans, I felt rather underdressed, and the asari receptionist did give me a look as I strode towards her. "Reservation for Shepard."

Once she'd found my name and noticed what I'd booked, the attitude changed immediately. I didn't take offence easily, so when she smiled at me, I simply smiled back. "Two nights is correct, Mister Shepard?"

"Correct. And everything I've asked for is ready?"

"Yes. The chef will arrive later this evening to prepare the evening meal. Seating arrangements have been made. The bed is prepared as requested. Are there any last minute requirements?"

"No. When Miss Chambers arrives, please just ask her to come straight to my room."

"Of course, Mister Shepard." She handed over the key. "Thank you for staying with us. If there is anything we could do to make your stay more enjoyable..."

"I'll be sure to ring down if there's anything I can think of."

Finding the nearby elevator, it took me to the top floor but one. There were only two rooms, heading left and opening the door to be greeted by a grand tiled room, the large windows providing an unobstructed view of the Presidium now far below. To the left was a kitchen with the latest amenities, to the right the living and dining area. Walking ahead towards the hallway, there was a turn which opened into a large bedroom and accompanying ensuite, though to call it that wasn't quite correct, considering most people would love a bathroom that large.

Glancing at the time, I knew I had a couple of hours, so grabbed my swimming shorts and headed downstairs to the pool. I didn't often get a chance to swim so whenever I had the opportunity, I leapt at it. Swimming wasn't one of my strong suits due to my lack of time in the water, but could still pound out the laps though my technique wasn't great. I did at least half an hour or so before I headed to the other pool that was to just lie about and relax.

Upstairs, I had a shower and dressed myself in something I'd bought quite a while back, wondering if or when I'd have the chance to actually wear it. The chef I requested turned up before Kelly did, so I showed him to the kitchen. He already had the menu, and the ingredients he needed were already in the fridge or were on one of the workbenches. He immediately got to work as I grabbed one of the bottles of wine from the fridge, poured two glasses, and waited.

There was a knock at the door around fifteen minutes later, opening it to see Kelly looking rather surprised as she had a bag in one hand, and a covered dress looped over her other. When she saw me, the smile lit up her face immediately. Ushering her in, I took her bag, handed her a glass, and showed her the view first. "Wow," she whispered.

"Yeah, not too bad, right."

"So... um..."

"You should try it on. Bedroom is just down there, around the corner." I escorted her there, and when she saw the bed, she didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or hug me. She ended up doing a combination of all three. "Get dressed," I whispered.

"Is this just for me?"

"Of course."

"But I thought... the others..."

"A little ruse, Kelly. I wanted it to be a surprise. It's just you and I tonight."

She leaned back and then kissed me. The sort of kiss that suggested many things. I eventually pulled back and asked her to just get dressed, and I'd be waiting in the living room. Walking outside, the aromas coming from the kitchen caused my stomach to rumble, realising I hadn't really had all that much to eat from breakfast.

Kelly walked out later, hearing the click of her heels first on the tiled floor as I turned towards her. The dressed I'd picked out fit like a charm, though I had been sneaky and made sure it was the right size. She'd spent time putting on faint make-up. Her hair didn't need much work as it was. She strode straight towards me as I hugged her. "I can't believe it," she whispered, "Why?"

"About time I treated you to something special."

Pouring her another glass of wine, and one for myself, we stood by the window, sipping at our glasses, taking in the view. I felt her lean into me, which I expected, wrapping my arm around her waist. "So you even organised someone to cook for us?"

"Very last minute, but once Garrus told me, I knew I had to do something for us."

We were seated ten minutes later, enjoying the first course prepared by the chef. Nothing outlandish, as I preferred simple food, I simply didn't want either of us to cook, but didn't want take out either. We were dressed to impress, and I wanted the food to match it. Enjoying three courses in the end, we polished off the bottle of wine, the chef disappearing after he had served us desert, leaving us in privacy.

"Ready for what's next?"

"There's more?!"

"Of course. Come on, there should be a car waiting downstairs for us."

Taking her hand, we headed down to the reception area, and we both earned appreciative glances from other guests. I liked to think I always looked good in a suit, but Kelly was an absolutely knock out in her black dress. There was a skycar already waiting for us, and it drove us to one of the Wards, arriving out front with Kelly already asking a million questions. "Theatre? Since when do you like the theatre?"

"Well, I don't really know all that much, but I thought it would be something to do as a couple. Plus, it's Italian, and if the Italian's can do one thing, it's theatre. Or opera. Or whatever this is."

Kelly could barely contain herself by now, and I'd picked us some excellent seats within the crowd. The balconies were even beyond my price range. As we settled in to watch and listen, Kelly snuggled into me, resting her head on my shoulder. The two or so hours absolutely flew by. Couldn't understand a word of it, but by the end, there were not many dry eyes around the place. The typical romance and tragedy one expects from such experiences.

Walking out hand in hand, Kelly wanted to do one thing and one thing only. Return to the hotel. She practically pulled me out of the car and through reception, but managed to control herself as we rode the elevator up. Heading inside, I closed the door as she immediately turned towards me, our lips meeting and my hand immediately went to the zipper at her back. Peeling the dress of her was easy, standing out of it. She wasn't wearing a bra, so was in just panties, stockings, suspenders and heels. I definitely grinned as she fell into my arms again. "Shepard," she breathed.

Picking her up, earning a loud laugh, I carried her into the bedroom, sitting her down on the bed as she immediately got to work helping me out of my jacket and shirt, kicking off my shoes as she eagerly pulled at my belt and trousers. Once she pulled my underwear out of the way, her mouth went straight for my cock. No teasing tonight, she simply swallowed the entire thing, her head immediately bobbing up and down. Running my fingers through her hair, I whispered, "Easy, Kelly. We have all night."

She didn't really listen. I guess she

really

wanted to return the favour, so I both my hands through her hair, gently caressed her back, and simply enjoyed what she was doing for me. To be honest, I'd been rather turned on myself. She'd looked absolutely stunning in her dress, and I'd had plenty of thoughts about what we were going to do later. Whispering her name, that made her glance up as she knew I was getting close. She simply double down on her efforts, wanting, needing me to finish for her. Gently grabbing her hair, I groaned loudly as I felt the imminent climax, before I moaned and felt the first shot fire into her mouth. She didn't spill a drop, eagerly taking the entire load, and she didn't relent, continuing to suck me until I simply had to ask her to stop. Even then, she didn't really want to, eventually falling to my knees so we were almost face to face.

"I love you," she whispered before hugging me, "No-one has ever treated me like this before."

"Well, those men were obviously idiots."

"And we're not even... I mean..."

"What?"

"Is this serious?"

"It is. It's serious but... open, let's say..."

She leaned back and met my eyes. "How serious, Shepard?"

"There are three of you, Kelly. And I'm not sure I can just choose one of you, and that's the honest truth. But what I do know is that I absolutely adore you and love every single day we're together. I can't think of anyone I'd rather have on the ship with me other than the other two, and even then, it would be different with them."

"Gianna and Shiala, right?" I nodded. The smile was instantaneous. "I like them too, Shepard. I've always understood, but now I

really

understand. So anyone else on the ship?"

"For you, given up in a heartbeat. Is that what you want?"

"Yes.... No... I don't know..."

"While there would perhaps be a couple of disappointed women, our happiness is more important, Kelly. So, I'm willing to be exclusive on the ship if you want that from me?"

"Really?" she asked quietly.

I cupped her face, her eyes sparkling in the low light provided by the lamps. "One hundred percent," I whispered before kissing her. She kissed me back, feeling her arms snake around me as I held her close, enjoying her naked skin at my fingertips. Moving down to her neck, she giggled as I kissed her collarbone and down her chest, definitely making my way to her nipples, gently pushing her back as I kissed down over her stomach to her panties. I managed to get them off easily, and it was no surprise that they were incredibly damp, slowly spreading her legs and immediately burying my face.

She came within a couple of minutes. Normally that would have made me feel rather smug, but I had a feeling she'd been turned on for hours that she was just dying for that release. No surprise that I needed to stop afterwards, crawling up onto the bed next to her as she had a little cry. I think it had proven rather emotional.

Then we made love, and I was left thinking it was the moment we absolutely connected as a couple. We'd enjoyed a lot of sex, both of us would admit that, but the sex we shared, enjoying numerous orgasms, but simply enjoying the act of connecting in such an intimate manner... I knew, at heart, if she'd asked me then and there, nearly everything would have been over with everyone else. That's how much she had come to mean to me.

Watching her ride me that evening was nothing short of spectacular. She just kept going and going, riding through orgasm after orgasm, incapable of the thought of stopping. All she needed was me, my cock buried inside her, my hands and fingers on her body, my lips on hers or anywhere on her body, the gentle words I would share with her as I watched her body move, writhe and spasm for what felt like hours. Only when she was completely and utterly exhausted did she finally stop, and that's when I carried her to the shower with me, simply so we could wash away the sweat before heading back to bed. Curling against me, I held her tight to my body.

"I don't want this to end, Shepard," she whispered.

"Neither do I."

"I never dreamed... I had a crush, as you know. But I never thought we would be like this. I thought I'd be just another notch. I didn't mind the idea, I just wanted to be with you. When we started this, and I said it was just sex, I meant it. But the longer we were together, the more I fell for you. When you told me you felt the same way... I never dreamed..."

Leaning down to her ear, I whispered, "I love you, Kelly Chambers."

She whispered the same words back, my name instead of hers, of course, before she shuffled, getting herself comfortable against me, wanting nearly all of her body to be in contact with mine. She was asleep long before I was. No surprise there. As she slept, I did wonder about what I would do. I knew I loved Gianna as much as Kelly. I knew I could never make the choice. But then there was Shiala. We'd just... connected, somehow, I'm not sure, but from the first time we'd been intimate on the

Normandy

, and then seeing her again on Illium, I knew my feelings for her were deeper than I thought. Being honest, anyone else, I enjoyed the relationship, and I would be disappointed for it to end, but I would give it up for those three.

In the end, it would be their decision.

*****

"Garrus, are you okay?" Chloe asked while the room was still in darkness.

Garrus had been awake for hours by now. He had tried his best to seem unaffected by everything. Chloe has no doubt noticed his distraction but hadn't mentioned it. Dinner has been nice. They'd enjoyed a couple of drinks. The love making was as intimate as it always was. But he had woken only a few hours after she had fallen asleep next to him, and once he was awake, he was restless, so he rose quietly, showered and put on his armour, but couldn't bring himself to leave without saying goodbye.

He felt her presence move, eventually sitting next to him. "Are you okay?" she asked again.

"I'm fine. Couldn't sleep. Too much on my mind."

"Garrus, you can talk to me. I mean...

talk

to me. Not the inane conversations we've shared."

He wasn't used to sharing anything with anyone. But he turned to her, and the look in her eyes... without realising, he was telling her everything. The missions with Shepard on the old

Normandy

. Then the loss of his friend and the absence of any direction in his life. His journey to Omega, the fellow soldiers and mercenaries he had met, the team he had formed, the fight he had taken to the wicked and corrupt of Omega. But then the final betrayal and the loss of all those who he had held in such high regard. And then the final truth.

He knew who it was. He'd known almost the entire time, but had to investigate to be sure. He had been almost his best friend. For that man to betray him? A fellow turian, a brother in arms, a confidant, someone he could never have believed... It broke him in more ways than one. And all that did was fuel the hate, the anger, the rage. Shepard had noticed his change in demeanour recently but had not commented. Even when Garrus had asked to be taken to the Citadel, Shepard had simply agreed, not asking why. He could probably guess anyway.

By the time he was done, he felt drained but, also, better for finally having told someone. And if there was anyone to share his story with, it would be her. She grabbed his hand and led him out into her small kitchen, where he leaned against the bench as she prepared them a coffee each, herself a little food, handing him a couple of breakfast bars she knew he liked. "What will you do?" she finally asked.