Book 2, Chapter 14 -- Vengeance
*****
I'd been in a foul mood ever since my conversations with Jack. The night we'd sat down in her cubby hole and she'd told me everything, and that was after spilling her guts about what happened on Pragia, I got straight onto the Illusive Man and I tore him a secondary arsehole. I'm not sure how long I ranted and raved before I switched off the link before I had to listen to him say a word in reply.
Then I stood there in the dark and cried for her. Because no-one in the galaxy deserved what she'd been put through. I just felt overwhelming guilt about our entire relationship. But I meant what I said. She would have me at her side from now on and I would do anything to help.
My next stop was Miranda. I unloaded on her as well. I didn't accuse her of anything. I just really let her know what I thought about Cerberus. I told her of every single thing we'd found during my time on the old
Normandy
, every world I'd visited, every horrific experiment, and I damn well made sure she didn't write each one off as a rogue cell. She mollified me by promising she would do her own research, that she believed me, and that she even believed Jack, but... if she believed everything, she would also question everything. I didn't think that was a bad thing, to be honest.
Through it all, Kelly was an absolute diamond. She could see I was lurching from one emotion to the next. I tried to maintain my usual air of calm in front of the crew and my squad, but when I was alone with her, I went through every emotion possible. We didn't enjoy anything physical for at least three nights, but I held her as close as possible for each of them, needing to feel her love and comfort as I thought about everything Jack told me over and again.
The boxing bags downstairs got beaten mercilessly, picturing random faces as I worked up a sweat, hitting away until my muscles simply cried enough and I almost collapsed to the floor in agony. Jacob seemed to realise what was going on and stayed away. I certainly didn't blame him at all, but I could see why he did.
Somehow, Jack seemed to come out of it... better. As if getting it all off her chest lifted a weight off her shoulders. Maybe that's what she had needed, to unburden herself, to stop carrying the weight, and now she might be able to start the process of healing. I'd talked with Chakwas, who only learned the basics, and within a couple of days, Jack headed into the med-bay to speak with her. I'm not sure what they talked about, but she was in there for a couple of hours to begin with. Walking back out, she wandered over and sat next to me, letting me know that she'd been given plenty of recommendations, and that she would start talking to people immediately who could help. Chakwas had also prescribed one or two things which might help her as well. "Not addictive, are they?"
"No, nothing like that. I think they'll just take the edge off, not turn me into a drooling zombie. Plus, I need to remain fighting fit as I still want to kill bad guys. But now I do it because I want to, and because you order me to, not for... other reasons."
"You told Chakwas?"
She nodded. "I figured telling her that was important. She explained how and why I'd feel that way. So it's reconditioning my mind, that sex should be something appreciated, that should happen naturally, not bargained for or... you know..." She paused before looking at me. "But what if..."
"I'm not sure if I'd feel entirely comfortable. I still have flashes of what I saw, Jack. I know you went through it, but what I saw was bad enough. God, what
we
did..."
She grabbed my chin between her thumb and fingers. "Shut up," she said quietly, "I don't regret that at all, Shepard. That's probably one of the few times I've ever desired sex with someone, not had it coerced or forced upon me. I practically forced
you
, not the other way around. I know why you feel guilt. Even I can understand that." She let me go and I moved my jaw about, making her laugh. "Anyway, it was one meeting. I haven't even begun to unload on the poor bastards who will have to listen to it all then figured out how to help."
"As long as it does in the end, Jack. That's what matters."
While I focused on Jack, I did carry on making sure everyone else was content on the ship at the same time. I knew Garrus was still looking into who betrayed him on Omega. Samara was still hunting the fugitive she had been chasing on Illium. Thane was at peace, merely waiting for our journey through the Omega Four. Kasumi was investigating the job she wanted to do, and would let me know as soon as possible. Zaeed was suggesting he might come to me soon regarding the job he wanted doing. Grunt was happy, in fact very happy, after his visit to Omega, going into detail about the three asari he paid for and enjoyed nearly two nights with. Mordin rarely slept but spent most of his time in the lab. Miranda was busy as usual, and after my little explosion, things went straight back to how they were before. She desired intimacy again but realised I wasn't in the right frame of mood, again, not because of her directly.
It was a good week before I was intimate again. I was already feeling better about things once I knew Jack was okay, but it took Kelly to make the first move. She slept with me every night, and I think she simply appreciated the affection I still gave her. The night it finally happened, we ate dinner in the mess with the others, conversation flowing as usual, watching as friendships formed between the different groups of people. As we were all a team, everyone was doing their best to gain an understanding of the other. It was good to see, and I guess in that regard, I did lead by example.
Kelly waited until we were nearly alone before she grabbed me by the hand and led me to the elevator. I wasn't expecting anything when we arrived upstairs. A kiss and a hug was nothing out the ordinary. Taking off my shirt wasn't either. When she started to undo my jeans, I knew something was probably up, figuratively speaking for the moment. I helped by kicking off my shoes as she lowered my jeans and underwear, giving me a moment to take off my socks so I stood before her naked.
"That's better," she whispered, hands immediately running down my chest.
"I take it you have plans."
"I do. I want you to do something for me."
"Sure. What's on your mind?"
She disappeared to my desk and returned holding a pair of cuffs. I couldn't help chuckle before asking, "Seriously?"
"I want you to sit on the couch while I get ready but put these on. I'll make sure you're comfortable."
The idea actually excited me a little, as I knew she'd have some ideas, so I turned around and felt her put each loop around my wrist before they clicked shut. She then asked me to sit on the couch, watching me get comfortable before she moved the coffee table out of the way, sliding towards the foot of the bed. I had no idea what she had planned as she giggled, bounding away towards the bathroom, where she disappeared for a few minutes, before returning in a red pair of bra and panties, covered by a see through negligee in the same colour. She came close and leaned down to kiss me before turning around, noticing the thin trip of material disappeared between her cheeks. She then keyed her omni-tool and music started to play. I was treated to a very erotic dance over the next few minutes, where Kelly Chambers showed grace, beauty, flexibility and a desire to perform for me. I watched, utterly mesmerised by her movements. It was a mix of striptease, ballet and dancing. She danced through around three songs, leaving the music playing as she came towards me, moving my legs apart as she kneeled between them.
I could lean forward at least to kiss her before she gently pushed me back, her lips quickly finding places on my chest, moving downwards over my abs before she even kissed my thighs. I was now rock hard, and she kept teasing me, hot breath of my cock and she'd give me the lightest lick before kissing somewhere else.
