Love Me

Author's note: This story is a sequel to Leave Me. Spoilers for season 2.

*****

Nikita had won. Hadn't she? Percy was dead. Sergei Semak was dead. Amanda was, well, on the run, but certainly less of a threat to her now. And yet Division still stood. She was standing in it. In the heart of the beast, Operations, where she had access to everything Division was doing, all their little secrets, where each and every single surviving member was. The people who had been hunting her for years, all convicted criminals, most of whom had taken countless lives, and now she was technically their boss. It really was funny how things worked out.

Of course Percy was the one responsible for Daniel's death, and countless others, so technically her vendetta had been against him. Division was his weapon, something Nikita had always believed she would need to take apart piece by piece to destroy him. As it turned out she hadn't, and as much as part of her wanted to burn this place to the ground Nikita recognise that most people working for Percy had been just as much his victims as people he killed. He had talked about giving them a second chance, a chance to serve their country, but he had turned them all into his own personal army of monsters. Nikita had given herself a second chance, perhaps even a third. These people deserved to have the same.

Despite being willing to kill them all only a matter of hours ago Nikita would do her best to keep them alive and safe, something she wouldn't have to do alone. There was Michael, who had been vital in securing the black boxes, something which had taken a few months but was worth it to remove Percy's contingency plan. Berkoff had actually ended up helping too, and was now sitting a few feet away from her ready and willing to obey her command. On the other side of her was the head of Division Ryan Fletcher who not only arranged the raid on Division but had successfully struck a deal with the president to give the people working at Division a second chance. Nikita didn't like the idea of having a boss again, but she didn't want to officially run Division and if she had to have a boss she was glad it was him. Then of course there was her partner. Her lover. Her everything.

Suddenly a voice awoke her from her thoughts, "You should go to him."

Nikita turned to Berkoff and frowned, "What?"

"Michael." He said, "You've been staring at him for the last hour."

Nikita smiled, "I haven't been staring at him."

It was true, although she tried to take in everything going on all the screens in front of her, and her surroundings in case anyone loyal to Percy tried to sneak up on her, Nikita's eyes had continuously wandered to medical. Specifically to her two closest allies, both of whom had been injured during the assault on Division which Nikita felt totally responsible for. Which of course was ridiculous as they had both had every right to take their final revenge against Percy as she had done, both of them making it very clear they were in this with her to the end. That didn't stop her feeling guilty though.

Feeling a little confused Berkoff began blathering, "But you guys are, you know... together, right? Because Mikey's never really been much of a conversationalist but he's obviously crazy about you and-"

He said a whole lot more but Nikita couldn't register it or anything else because her lover was on the move. The doctors and Michael were trying to talk her out of it but it was no use, when Alexandra Udinov made up her mind to do something nothing could stop her. That was one of the many things they have in common, Nikita briefly smiling at the thought as her heart pounded in her chest with increasing force the closer her lover got to ops.

When finally she appeared, dishevelled and bandaged, Alex spotted her immediately and choked out, "Nikita."

"Alex." Nikita said breathlessly, tears running down her cheeks at the sight of her baby girl.

Alex wasn't sure what she was expecting. Most likely ordered back to medical, she supposed. Perhaps with Nikita coldly dismissing her or perhaps getting angry like she would have done not that long ago. It didn't really matter, regardless of the action and how aching her body was Alex needed to see Nikita. To see with her own eyes the older woman was ok. That they were ok. That everything was ok. Because as she had told her lover before the raid on Division any outcome where Nikita wasn't ok was nothing short of a devastating failure for her. So seeing Nikita alive and well was all she needed. After this, if it was what Nikita wanted, she would happily slink away into the shadows to lick her wounds.

Instead Nikita rushed over to her and pulled Alex into her arms, both women clinging onto each other for dear life. Again that would have been enough for Alex but when Nikita eventually pulled back she paused, cupped the younger girl's tearstained cheek and then after another pause kissed her right there in front of everybody.

The kiss only lasted a few seconds but it was passionate and loving while still being incredibly gentle, a simple press of lips to lips which meant so much to both women. For Alex the most important thing about it was Nikita wasn't ashamed of her. That she wasn't going to have to hide in the shadows, the mighty Nikita's dirty little secret, but now finally people would know she was with this goddess. Know that this goddess was hers, and be jealous of her for it. Be in awe of her, kind of like a certain geek very close by who was the first one to utter a sound after Nikita pulled back and exchanged a soft smile with Alex.

"Ohhhh." Berkoff muttered silently to himself in realisation, "Cool."

"Shut up nerd." Nikita said dryly once she had turned to look at the hacker, the smile leaving her face.

"Hey, I'm happy for you, really." Berkoff quickly assured the assassin, "I, I just didn't see this coming."

Turning back to her girlfriend Nikita smiled, "Me neither."

Again Alex returned the smile and the two spies shared another moment before being interrupted by a fake coughing sound.

"Nikita..." Ryan began, knowing he had to choose his words carefully, "I appreciate you staying here to help with the transition, but you clearly need a break, and Alex shouldn't have left sickbay, so why don't you both try and find somewhere to sleep. Trust me, there will still be plenty to do tomorrow. You staying here any longer won't do anything to change that. So... stand down and get some rest. That's an order."

Those last words were clearly given in the half serious tone, although Nikita suspected that was to appease her. Ryan knew she didn't like taking orders, and as much as she didn't like the idea of running Division she hated the idea of taking orders almost just as much. Of course his tone aside he was right, she was exhausted and the chances of Alex leaving her side now was slim and none, at least without a fight and Nikita couldn't afford to be seen as not on the same page with her allies.

So after staring at Ryan for a few seconds Nikita said, "You're right. I'll take Alex back to the infirmary and get some rest. But if you need me, don't hesitate to call."

Ryan smiled, "I won't."

With that Nikita turned back to Alex and studied her girlfriend's injuries. She'd been doing that for some time, watching as doctor's removed bullets from Alex's shoulder, watched them bandaged and stitch up her baby girl's wounds, waited by her bedside for her to wake up for as long as she could, but now they were truly face to face for the first time before invading Division. And Nikita had to admit, for a girl who had gone through hell and back Alex looked good, both of them getting away with some minor bumps and bruises, minus Alex damaged shoulder.

"Are you ok to walk back?" Nikita asked as she put a protective arm around Alex and guided her towards the door.

"I'll be ok." Alex insisted, "You?"

Nikita smiled, "As long as you're ok, I'm ok."

Alex nodded and then once they were out the door mumbled, "Follow me, I wanna show you something."

Part of Nikita inwardly huffed that this was another person giving her orders, only worse as it was the girl almost half her age who had been her little minion for almost a year and a half. However this was Alex, the girl she would do anything for, so Nikita 'obeyed' without hesitation. After all Alex hadn't hesitated in following her to hell, or even wandering into it all by herself what was almost a year ago now, so this was the least Nikita could do.

Of course as weird as it had been to be back in Ops it was nothing compared to walking the halls of Division again, something Nikita would have thought she would only have to do again as part of an assault or her nightmares. To do so now was kind of jarring, but luckily Nikita had plenty to tell Alex which helped keep her mind off it.

Alex didn't like the sound of keeping Division going, even if it was only temporary to clean up Percy's mess. It sounded like a slippery slope and while Nikita's intentions were noble Alex could think of at least a dozen ways it could all go south. But debate on their future could wait. All that mattered to Alex right now was the fact that they had a future, that she and Nikita were both alive, together and happy.

There were so many ways Alex would have liked to have celebrated that fact, but there was one in particular which was overwhelming and now might be the only time they could get away with it. The future was so uncertain, but right now Alex had never felt safer to be in Division. There were armed US Marines wandering the halls and an army of them waiting outside so even if there were any Percy sympathisers left Alex severely doubted they would risk making a move now. Then again it was hard to imagine anyone would risk their life by taking on the mighty Nikita just to avenge Percy. After all the man was not well liked and by all accounts they had taken care of his contingency schemes.

So Alex guided her mentor to the maze which was Division's corridors until they reached a room the Russian heiress would never forget. The place she had lived in for months but had never felt like home, the entire time Alex knowing she had a true home, a warm bed and a goddess of a woman waiting for her when she escaped this vile place.

Alex never thought she would return here and yet here she was opening the door to her former 'cell' while murmuring, "This... this was my room."

Nikita smiled softly as she followed Alex into the room, "Mine too."

"I know." Alex smiled as she locked the door, adding once she noticed the look Nikita was giving her, "Michael told me. Some nights it was the only thing that allowed me to sleep. Knowing you had been here too, in this exact room, sleeping in the same bed, I... God, it's kind of pathetic but I used to smell the sheets in the hope I would get the smallest trace of your scent."

Clearly embarrassed Alex lowered her head, prompting Nikita to stroll over to her, lift up her chin and whisper, "I couldn't sleep either. Not without you in my arms. I, I don't think I'll ever be able to sleep without you by my side."

Alex smiled gratefully, "Me neither. I only survived here because I could imagine you here with me. Holding me. Touching me. Fucking me."

Seeing the longing in Alex's eyes Nikita murmured in a warning tone, "Alex, your shoulder-"

"Is fine. I'm fine, I swear." Alex promised, "But, we don't have to do anything if you don't want too. It's kind of been a big day for both of us. I just want to be able to sleep with you, here, in this room, just once. Please? I wanna know what it's like to lay in your arms in this room."

Nikita bit her lip, thinking about it for a long few moments. She obsessively weighed the pros and cons, although mostly cons, but still ultimately couldn't resist cupping Alex's cheek and softly telling the younger girl, "Wait here. I'll be right back, I promise. I just have to do something first."

"What?" Alex whined, not wanting to wait another second to have Nikita's arms wrapped around her.

Briefly kissing Alex's forehead Nikita smiled softly and whispered, "Trust me."

With that Nikita moved away from Alex and swiftly left the room. Then despite her aches and pains she marched with unstoppable determination back to sickbay where she grabbed the rucksack she had brought with her on the raid. It was still half full with loaded weaponry, among other vital things, quickly slipping the most important one of them into her pocket before marching back to her waiting lover.

A few of the doctors tried to check up on her but a quick look from her told them to back off. It was the same for the military officers she passed, the deadly spy smirking as it became crystal clear that everyone around her feared her. Nikita knew it was unhealthy to enjoy the feeling, but in a place like this it could only help keep her and her lover safe. And if being feared was the price of keeping herself and more importantly Alex safe Nikita would do whatever it took to maintain the stone cold killer facade all these people saw her as. Not that it was a complete facade, she thought sadly, before putting such things out of her mind as she entered her old Division quarters to find Alex waiting for her on her bed. Their bed.

After allowing herself a brief moment to enjoy that sight Nikita close the door behind her and locked it. She then briefly thought how flimsy that lock was. How almost anyone with even a bit of security clearance could simply override the lock and walk in here making her gesture all but meaningless. That they certainly weren't safe from discovery, or even 100% safe from someone trying to take them down for what they had done, but then again they never would be. This would never be truly over, but at the moment it was over as it was ever going to be, and because of that... there was something Nikita desperately wanted to do. Almost needed to do, as crazy as it maybe.

"Niki..." Alex whispered, getting up from the bed as Nikita turn to look at her and then walked towards her until she was standing in front of her.

"I was going to wait until our first real date, but it's looking more and more like that's never going to happen." Nikita said sadly, letting out a laugh which sounded more like a cry, "It was a childish dream anyway. Such a risk just to feel like a normal couple for a few hours. But we're not normal Alex. We'll never be normal. Not together, or apart. We're both screwed up, and weird, but as long as we're together... I feel like that could be ok. So, this will have to do. This... this room is so... significant to us both, this is probably more meaningful anyway. And honestly, I can't wait any more."

Alex's mouth fell open in overwhelming shock and joy as Nikita slowly got down on one knee in front of her, the gesture unmistakable.

After searching for the right words for a few seconds Nikita continued, "Alex... we've only really known each other for two years. We spent half that time having sex, and the rest barely talking about anything that matters. I've lied to you and held back information for your own good, and for the good of our mission, but mostly because I didn't want to grow attached to you. I wanted to keep my distance so I'd be able to think rationally, but mostly it was because I thought caring about someone would make me weak. And you do Alex, you make me weak because I can't bear the thought of life without you. I can't think clearly or subjectively because you fill my every waking thought. And while you make me weak by dulling those skills you make me ten times as dangerous, because I would burn the entire world to the ground if I could have just one more night with you in my arms."

"Nikita-" Alex began.

"I love you, Alex." Nikita interrupted huskily, taking the younger girl's hand in her own, "I love you more than anyone or anything I've ever known. I... I don't understand it, I don't know when it happened, if there was ever anything I could have done to stop it, or even if I ever truly wanted to stop it. All I know is I'm in love with you, and I want you to have a symbol of how I truly feel about you. So, if I'm honest, now people can know about us I want there to be no confusion. I want people to look at you and know you're mine. That you belong to me, and if they even think about touching you I'll break every bone in their body. And I know that's wrong, but I don't care. And I know we've only been officially together for two weeks but that's like twenty years for the likes of us. And two years, or even one, are like a lifetime. And things are so intense right now I don't know how long we have left, but whether it's two years or two seconds I want to spend them knowing without a shadow of a doubt that you're mine."

Tears of overwhelming joy filled Alex's eyes during Nikita's speech and then they started running down her cheek when Nikita pulled a little black box from her pocket. Then there was a little pause, Nikita looking at Alex for any sign of objection, something which Alex found absurd.

Cupping Nikita's face Alex whispered, "I've always been yours."

"Yes. Yes you have." Nikita agreed, "But I want you to wear a symbol of that. Something which tells the world Alexandra Udinov belongs to me. That she's mine. That someday she will be my wife. Not that we have to rush into that part, not if you don't want too. We can call this a promise ring, if you like. And you can tell me when you're ready to call it something else. Until then... Alex... someday, will you be my wife?"

During the pause in that last sentence Nikita opened the little box and presented Alex with the most beautiful diamond ring she'd ever seen, the Russian girl taking a couple of long seconds to admire its beauty before she said, "Yes! Yes, I'll be your wife, I'll marry you right now if you want!"

Alex barely got those words out she was crying so hard, the salty tears ruining her make up. Normally she wouldn't worry about such trivial things, but this was such a pivotal moment of her life, something she will remember forever, and the fact was she far from her best. Her body was covered in cuts, bruises and dirt, her hair and make-up were messed up, she was probably ugly crying more than anything resembling ladylike sobbing, and her voice seemed so whiny and high-pitched she almost asked for a do over. Yet somehow Nikita was looking at her like she was the most beautiful thing on earth, that look in turn making Alex feel pretty, if not the most beautiful thing on earth.

Before Alex could give any more thought to her looks Nikita kissed her, softly and tenderly, their lips just lightly brushing together. Then Nikita was taking the ring out of the box and sliding it onto Alex's ring finger, the two women staring at each other nearly the entire time. Then they shared a soft laugh, then they were kissing, gently at first and then not, Nikita lowering Alex down onto the bed as slowly and gently as possible, the younger girl slightly wincing as her injured shoulder came to rest against the bed sheets.

They lay there for quite a while, the two assassins passionately making out with Nikita lying half on top of Alex, half curled up against the younger girl's side so she could avoid putting any weight on Alex's shoulder. Of course Alex had all but forgotten about her injuries or anything else because she had Nikita in her bed. The bed which she had spent countless nights dreaming of Nikita in, romantic and sex dreams all blurring together until she wasn't sure which one she wanted. Then the kiss started getting her all worked up and Alex decided since she'd had one she now wanted the other.

Nikita seemed uncharacteristically reluctant to the idea, shutting down Alex half a dozen times when she tried to intensify the kiss and slapping her hands away when they tried to wander anywhere fun. It reminded Alex of how Nikita had been before they started having sex, the young Russian almost shuddering at the memory. Resistance was very characteristic of that old Nikita, although Alex didn't think she'd ever seen that Nikita smile. Not once. Of course Alex was very aware of why Nikita was hesitant, and since subtly asking for what she wanted wasn't going to cut it Alex decided to take the direct approach.