Love and Lust: Calendar Girl

"You saw...a woman dressed as a playboy bunny." Helena repeated listlessly, blankly staring at Dick before adding, "I was kind of questioning why we should care about this, but first, I have to ask: are you sure you didn't have some kind of perverted daydream, Dick?"

"Wait, just hear me out!" Dick growled in frustration, dramatically slamming his hand on the table that surrounded the other members of the Birds of Prey. "I think this bunny woman is connected to one of the Arkham prisoners that escaped! Or even was the one who caused the breakout in the first place!"

"Now that's a stretch." Helena retorted back. "Can we go back to the part where you just admitted to having sex one of our escapees in the first place?"

"Yeah, I have some questions, too!" Stephanie Brown replied in agreement, shooting a confused glance at Dick, as if unsure what to think about him. "Aren't you in a relationship with Starfire?"

It was the following morning after his unconventional capture of Roxy Rocket. The Birds of Prey had convened to report on their individual progress, with Dick and Zinda being the only ones to successfully capture one of the Arkham inmates that had escaped that day. (Zinda had defeated Firefly by ramming him mid-air with her XF-90) Huntress had managed to gain a lead on Killer Croc's whereabouts, with Dinah and Stephanie actually fighting Nocturna--though the two supervillains managed to evade capture, with Helena notably being frustrated that Croc had actually broke out of the trap she'd laid out for him.

Dick, on the other hand, didn't leave out any details about how he had "defeated" Roxy Rocket. He also reported the sighting of the mysterious bunny woman he had seen shortly after apprehending Roxy, which is what started Helena's agitated commentary.

Clearly, the brunette superheroine was more bitchy than usual out of jealousy that Dick had fucked Roxy before her...and Zinda.

Regardless of this, Dick still opted to set the record straight with Stephanie first.

"My girlfriend and I have a unique kind of arrangement." Dick stated, ignoring Helena's spiteful glaring. "Kory- Starfire- is completely fine with me seeing other women, since she doesn't view casual sex or flings as cheating."

"So an open relationship." Stephanie remarked bluntly. "That means she can see whoever she wants too, right? Including guys? And you're just...okay with that?"

"Well...Kory only sees other girls whenever she's not me. Something about me being 'the only guy she needs.'" Dick admitted with a hesitant sigh. "Which she's totally fine with, by the way!"

"How convenient for you." Helena snarled resentfully, making a doubtful snort in response. Dick made a mental note to give the former mob princess a spanking session similar to what his girl did to Selina... "Your weird set-up with your girlfriend aside, we can't ignore the fact that you literally manipulated and hopped into bed with the enemy! Even worse, a mental patient!"

"I didn't manipulate Roxy!" Dick declared firmly. "And she's not crazy, at least not in the same way most of the people locked up in Arkham are. She has an addiction to risk-taking that I tempered with a little bit of roleplay, that's it! And it did way more than anything those 'professionals' could have done! It worked well enough for Ivy!"

"Did someone call my name?" purred the green-skinned woman's sultry voice, the voluptuous redhead sexily sauntering in the room a second later. "Oh hello, Dick...I was just taking a break from my work with Zatanna when I heard you mention Roxy--I'm presuming you had the 'sex therapy' with her per Kory's recommendations?"

"Aha! Well there it is, the truth unveiled!" Helena cried out sarcastically, shooting a venomous glare towards Dick. "He literally just admitted that he's here with his green side-hoe to 'tame' every Arkham escapee of the feminine variety into his personal harem!"

"I didn't say that." Dick said calmly as Ivy unhelpfully commented, "I'm Dick's Mistress, not his side-hoe, you slut!"

"That's enough!" Dinah cut in, causing all three of them to immediately shut up. "First things first--Helena, I understand your concerns toward Dick's questionable ethics in how he handles female supervillains, but at the same time, you have your own biases on the subject. Hell, all three of us do."

"Huh?" Stephanie murmured, looking between Dinah, Helena, and Zinda with a growing realization. "Wait, are you saying that you all--?"

"In the meantime, Dick's strategy of...seduction shouldn't be viewed any differently than how us girls use our looks to gain the upper hand over the enemy." Dinah added. "And his 'sex therapy' strategy has been successful so far--the fact that Poison Ivy is standing in this room with us is already proof of that--but also because of the notes Dr. Meridian gave me this morning regarding Roxy."

"Dr. Meridian?" Dick repeated curiously.

"She's a psychologist and consultant with the GCPD." Dinah replied, "Who's in regular correspondence with our team to give us advice on how we should handle specific escapees; Meridian informed me that Roxy had already made an impressive amount of progress in the last twelve hours since she's been recaptured, and that she wanted the chance to personally thank you for 'whatever you did' to help quell Roxy's addiction."

"She wants to meet with me in person?"

"Yes; mainly because Roxy herself requested 'regular visits' from you in case she 'relapses'" Dinah confirmed with a coy smile.

"So she basically needs her daily fix of Dick or she'll lose it, huh?" Helena interrupted rudely (and hypocritically).

Ignoring her comment along with everyone else, Zinda noted her own thoughts on the matter. "I don't really see the problem here...sure, I think sleepin' with the bad girls are a little odd, but it's not like Dick's shackin' up with them or letting them off with a warning--and if the end results are them bein' reformed, then by all means, keep doin' it!" The blonde pilot paused and turned to address Dick directly now. "Now let's get back to talkin' about that bunny woman you saw last night, flutter bum."

"I did a quick checkup on our criminal database of every criminal in Gotham, inmate of Arkham, and supervillains with an animal motif." Stephanie reported, stepping over to the nearby computer screen to display the evidence of her research. "There's no record of any women dressed in a skimpy white bunny outfit in any of them."

"Yes, I've known every female colleague in Gotham, (which is sadly a very short list) and I've never met any 'bunny girls'." Ivy stated in agreement.

"That just proves my point further--this is someone we know nothing about, it has to mean something!" Dick remarked fiercely, "Now I have two theories on who the Bunny Woman is connected to: either it's Mad Hatter, because of the whole 'White Rabbit/Wonderland theme--"

"-Who wasn't one of the fourteen inmates who escaped yesterday." Dinah pointed out with an expressionless voice.

"--Or she's connected to Calendar Girl, who is one of the fourteen." Dick continued. "Considering the fact that it was Easter Sunday two days ago, it'd make perfect sense for a bunny-themed woman to be working for her, and potentially be involved in the breakout."

"Potentially." Dinah repeated, giving Dick a thoughtful look. "Until that can be proven, however, we should prioritize finding this bunny woman if she's a lead on finding out what Calendar Girl is up to."

"That I can answer." Dick said casually. "When I was escorting Roxy back to the GCPD, I managed to get her to talk about her fellow inmates, and how one of her friends worked in Hollywood like she did...Paige Monroe. Roxy was pretty chatty, so she practically told me everything about what Paige~~Calendar Girl~~is up to. Something involving Janus Cosmetics' newest product that was released recently..."

Helena wasn't amused.

"You know what she was up to this entire time? Why the fuck are you bringing this up now?!?"

"Janus Cosmetics? Isn't that the company Black Mask uses as a front for his crimes?" Stephanie cut in, shuddering as she mentioned the skeleton-masked criminal. "That guy seriously gives me the creeps."

"I'm just glad Batman caught that creep and put him back in Blackgate weeks ago." Zinda replied, placing a reassuring hand on her fellow blonde heroine's shoulder, "We have enough on our hands as it is."

"I think I know what Paige was referring to." Dinah said suddenly, stepping forward and typing up the words 'Janus Cosmetics' on the computer Stephanie had used. "In Roman Sionis's absence his advisor Ms. Li became the interim CEO...and the product she released is an experimental new anti-aging cream that stirred up some controversy over its adverse effects on the modelling agency that made a deal with them with them--that's perfect!"

"Right?" Dick said with a grin. "It's the perfect motivation--there's no way Calendar wouldn't be there; her whole MO is being obsessed with her age and how she's convinced herself that she's hideous under her mask!"

"True, but I meant that it's perfect because Janus Cosmetics is hosting a huge gala tonight, and as a male model, Dick, it'd make the most sense for you to show up and scope out the area!" Dinah exclaimed brightly. "Plus it's a good way to dip your toes back into the water as Dick Grayson, let Gotham know you'll be here for a while."

"You're a male model?!?" Stephanie cried out in disbelief in Dick's direction, eyeing Dick up as if imagining the acrobat in nothing but his underwear, and immediately turning very red in the face. "What agency do you even work for? Wait, don't answer that--still, I feel like I've missed out on a lot of things that have been happening recently!"

"Trust me, you don't wanna know it all." Zinda answered in a hushed whisper before adding in an even smaller whisper. "The magazine he works for is Epiphany. You can thank me later, chickadee."

"Well, it was a matter of time before I made my official grand return." Dick remarked with a sigh. "Guess I better go dust off my old tux-"

"So...who are you planning on bringing with you as your date? It says here that every guest needs to come with one." Zinda said teasingly as she quickly looked up the requirements for the gala event. "Unless you think you can get your girlfriend to make a surprise appearance-"

"As much as Kory would love it, she already told me she'd be too busy working on her new Teen Titans group while I'm here, so I doubt she'd show up." Dick admitted dryly, not even bothering to hide the disappointment in his voice; for half a second he had pictured his gorgeous Tamaranean lover showing up at the gala in a beautiful yet scandalous dress--and then he remembered Batman's warning regarding Kory. "And even if she did want to show up, she couldn't show up as my date--publicly she's dating Nightwing right now, so it's probably for the best that I don't go with anyone that compromises my secret identity."

Dinah nodded in agreement as Zinda slumped her shoulders as she realized what he meant. "So that basically rules Zinda and I out as prospective dates--that's fine, I wanted her help investigating a lead on Magpie's last known location--Steph, you up for being Dick's date tonight?"

"What?!? Me?" Stephanie spluttered, her face growing even redder than before. She did everything but look at Dick as she became more and more flustered. "I can't possibly- I mean, I would--not that I don't like Dick--I know I have a secret identity, but a lot of people know that I'm the daughter of Cluemaster, s-so I can't!"

"Okay, in that case, just patrol outside the building tonight." Dinah ordered instead to the very grateful looking Stephanie. Turning to Helena, who was smirking proudly, Dinah rolled her eyes and addressed her gruff teammate. "Helena, it looks like you're our best op-"

"Excuse me, I'm still here!" Ivy interjected with a haughty snarl, her emerald eyes flashing violently as she slammed her fist down on the table. "Aren't you forgetting that I'm Dick's mistress? I'm obviously the best choice; I can have my babies create a truly spectacular dress in minutes-"

"Ivy, you can't-" Dinah began to say, but the older redhead merely tossed her long, flowing hair impetuously.

"Oh, don't even bother changing your mind now dear, you're all just jealous that I'm the one that gets to go with Dick, to be the one that shows off that he's my man. " Ivy cooed smugly.

"You can't-!" Helena protested angrily, but Ivy cut her off, too.

"Give me one real reason I can't go!"

"Ivy, you're a wanted criminal." Dick answered in a deadpan voice.

And right at that moment, Zatanna's voice called out from another room. "Ivy! I need your help with something! Get over here!"

"Tch, fine!" Ivy growled irately, her nostrils flaring and alluring demeanor dampened at this point. "You can settle for less for now, Dick...but when you want to have a true goddess to spend the night with, you know where to find me!" With one last annoyed huff, Ivy was gone.

"Finally! I thought that bitch would never leave-" Helena commented stuffily as she observed the semi-reformed villainess exit the room. Stepping right in front of his face to make sure she had his complete attention, Helena licked her lips as she grinned eagerly at Dick. "It looks like we're gonna be going together, date."

***

The Claridge building was where Janus Cosmetics was hosting the gala that night--and despite the structure's spacious interior, it was already crowded with socialites, celebrities, and models alike by the time Dick and Helena had arrived.

Dick's unexpected appearance of course stirred the photocell crowd and paparazzi throng into a frenzy, as the former Robin was well-known by the city as billionaire Bruce Wayne's adopted son...as well as recently becoming the most popular male model on Epiphany.

And despite his dislike of the bitchy attitude Helena had been displaying all day, he was very grateful that the brunette bruiser had come with him that night--and not just because she didn't hesitate to shove away people flashing cameras into her face. As Helena Bertinelli, she was only known as a professor at the local university--so it didn't take long for the tabloid-obsessed horde to lose interest in the pair and move onto the next surprise guests.

As Dick and Helena traversed the ballroom, the dark-haired man recognized many of the socialites and famous faces of Gotham...especially the ones that were looking back at him in interest.

The curvaceous platinum blonde Silver St. Cloud in a dark purple dress, the dark-skinned and full-figured Jezebel Jet in a white miniskirt, vivacious redheads Veronica Vreeland and Julie Madison in loose-fitting bright blue and cyan gowns respectively- despite arriving with their own dates, they all could barely hide their interest in Dick, eyeing him up as if he was Gotham's most eligible bachelor--which, now that Dick really thought about it, he technically was.

With Bruce out of the picture for the moment, it made sense that Dick would become the newest object of desire to every woman there, especially with a literal 'nobody' as his date. The fact that Dick was now a male model was definitely a factor in the way they were all undressing him with their lustful gazes...which was a little awkward considering most of these women were much older than him and had dated Bruce before--

Then again, Dick had already slept with Catwoman and Ivy, so this wasn't that much of a deterrent.

Unfortunately, he didn't get much time to either interact with these women or even scope out the area for anything suspicious relating to Calendar Girl...because Helena was too busy trying to accost him herself!

"Come on, fuck me!" Helena hissed impatiently into his ear, practically grinding her body with his once they were out of earshot of anyone else. "Let's just go find a quiet spot and do it there, real quick!"

While Dick was wearing a modest suit, Helena had opted to wear a figure-hugging red dress with a plunging neckline, that exposed so much cleavage that it seemed like the smallest movements would cause a wardrobe malfunction. Still, it was just another worrying sign that Helena's dry-spell was being a serious problem.

"Not here!" Dick whispered back exasperatedly, ignoring the way Helena was rubbing her chest against his, massaging his groin with her knee. "You need to focus on the mission! We're here to stop Calendar Girl, remember?"

"Yeah, but she's not here yet, is she? Who cares if anyone sees, the first place we fucked was outside on the Clocktower!" Helena shot back angrily, not even bothering to lower her voice now. "And don't pretend you're not interested, sex addict, I know you fucked Zinda earlier, alongside that rocket slut--and I'm waaay hotter than those two! Look at me! Don't you like how big my tits look in this dress?"

"They look great." Dick admitted quickly, "But- mmph!"

"I'll let you fuck 'em, hell I'll suck your cock, let you fuck my ass, whatever!" Helena cut in shrilly, heatedly kissing Dick before continuing her horny promises. "It's been almost two months! Don't you want to spank me, make me your bitch again?"

Dick groaned internally, rubbing his temples before quickly formulating a way to get Helena away from him. For the record, he was interested in doing those things with her, but definitely not here. "You know what, Helena? Why don't you meet me in the bathroom if you want to get 'reacquainted' that badly?"

Helena laughed victoriously. "Aha! I knew it! I knew a man-whore like you couldn't resist getting propositioned, you can't help yourself! I'll see you there!" The brunette proceeded to then grab Dick's hands and place them on her breasts, before biting her lower lip and dashing off towards the nearest bathroom.

"She's gone...finally." Dick thought aloud, before making his way towards the more crowded part of the gala. He figured he had at least ten minutes before Helena caught on, and luckily it didn't take long for him to find Ms. Li.

She was the stern looking yet pretty Asian woman dressed in a formal black dress who was currently talking to an attractive redhead in a bright green gown that matched her eyes, a redhead Dick recognized as famed Gotham Gazette reporter Vicki Vale.

(AKA another Bruce ex.)

"-What about the rumors about the various mental illnesses and health problems that the models reportedly got after they tried out your newest skin care ointments?" Vicki was bombarding Li with questions, all with a determined, serious look on her face despite the casual dress she was wearing. "I have sources in the FDA that have some interesting things to say about your skin cream's side effects, too..."

"On behalf of Janus Cosmetics, I'm not at liberty to answer your questions at this time." Li said blandly, maintaining her emotionless expression as if she'd been practicing her lines for this moment. "We cannot claim or deny any unfortunate side effects that the models willingly subjected themselves to with our latest product, only that they did in fact gain a more youthful appearance as advertised. Now if you have any questions I can answer-"

"Like if you've been in contact with Roman Sionis?" Vicki asked quickly.

"This conversation is over." Li declared, raising an eyebrow as Dick approached the two of them. "Richard Grayson- I've heard a lot about you--and I can't help but notice that your return to Gotham coincided with this party...would you be interested in sampling our newest skincare product? With it, you'll look ten years younger-"

"And look like I'm thirteen again? Hard pass." Dick replied back smoothly as Vicki snickered cutely.

"Hmph. The offer is still open, Mr. Grayson." Li said stiffly, a flicker of disappointment briefly crossing her stoic face.

"Dick Grayson...you've grown up quite a bit since I last interviewed you." Vicki was quick to advance onto Dick next, giving the younger man an appreciative glance over his muscular build.