Lizzy Bennet's 'affliction'

Part 1

Elizabeth walked the grove at Rosings early in the morning. She barely slept, kept awake reliving the awful argument she and Mr Darcy had the previous evening. How dare he propose after convincing Mr Bingley away from her dearest sister Jane. And all he had done to Mr Wickham. "Dreadful man," she thought.

Now that she knows of his admiration for her, all of their interactions felt different. No longer did she see a cold hearted man but rather a reserved and perhaps shy one.

She had not forgotten her grievances, nor had she forgiven his offenses, but she was forced to admit she now viewed him in a better light than before. So caught up in her thoughts she did not hear the footsteps approaching.

"Miss Elizabeth, would you do me the honor of reading this letter," he said almost shoving it into her hand.

Mr Darcy quickly turned and began to walk away but was unexpectedly stopped.

"Mr Darcy!"

Elizabeth waited for him to turn.

"Will you not walk with me?" She asked.

Darcy nodded and they began a leisurely stroll.

"Let me guess, it is a letter outlining my every flaw, and congratulations to your good self on your fortunate escape?" She japed.

"If it were, it would be much thicker."

Elizabeth stopped, her hand flying to her mouth and before Darcy could apologize, Elizabeth burst out laughing. Darcy found himself laughing as well.

"Mr Darcy, that was by far the most humorous thing I have ever heard come from your lips. Brava, sir."

"I thank you. It is nice to laugh."

"I highly recommend it, sir. Now what have you had the improper audacity to write me?"

"Tis true, I shouldn't have but you laid two charges at me yesterday..."

"I believe I laid more than two, sir." She interupted.

"You did indeed, but I wanted, no I needed, to answer two of them for my honor's sake and I could not countenance you thinking me so vile."

"Which two exactly?"

"Your sister and Wickham."

"You wish to defend yourself?"

"I do."

"Very well, I am all ears, Mr Darcy, and because of your very surprising and humorous jape, I promise to try to keep an open mind. Or would you rather I just read your letter?"

"No please, although I believe the letter contains all the pertinent facts, I fear it may read more bitter than I intend. I was very angry when writing it."

"Very well, sir, as you please."

Darcy explained how he thought her sister didn't feel as strongly as his friend and worried Bingley would suffer an unhappy marriage. As for Wickham, he laid out all his conniving and debauchery.

Elizabeth listened intently, ashamed of herself for believing Wickham but as for Jane, she could forgive him somewhat but she still felt it extremely arrogant and presumptuous.

They walked in silence for quite some time before she was sure of how to respond.

"Very well Mr Darcy, obviously in Mr Wickham's case I was a complete fool to trust his words."

"He is a practiced deceiver, please do not abuse yourself, you could not have known."

"I cannot absolve myself so easily but I thank you and offer my sincerest apologies."

"No apology is needed but I accept it just the same."

Then Elizabeth stopped and rounded on him.

"But as for my sister, you were wrong, sir. Jane is everything honest and lovely, if she did not care deeply for him she would never agree to be his wife. And what qualifications, pray tell, do you possess to determine the level of affection in demure young ladies?"

Darcy put his hands up in defense.

"I was completely and utterly wrong in the entire affair and I apologize most profusely."

Elizabeth eyed him carefully.

"And will you attempt to put the matter to right, sir?"

"I will indeed."

"Well, then you force me to forgive you, you insufferable man."

"I thank you, for the first part of that at least."

Elizabeth chuckled.

"You are getting much better at banter, sir. It is a marked improvement."

Darcy nodded in thanks, his mind swirling. What did all this mean? Did she want him to propose again?

"You are to generous to trifle with me, if you are still decidedly against me, then I beg you tell me and I will be silent on the subject forever."

"I am not 'decidedly' against you. I was 'decidedly' angry and even that I no longer feel. I have been thinking of our past, now with the knowledge of your admiration instead of the disapproval I thought and although I still think your manners leave much to be desired, I cannot also deny that I am not completely unaffected by you."

"If that was meant as flattery then I believe I am not the only one lacking."

Elizabeth laughed heartily as did Darcy.

"If you desire a flattering wife I would point you in Miss Bingley's direction. As for my affection I think it is a stark improvement to what it was mere hours ago and if you truly wish to win my heart then I would suggest taking the victory."

"You are right of course. Now that I think, it is the nicest thing about me I have heard from your lips and I will treasure it, I assure you."

"Come now, Mr Darcy, we can't have that being what you treasure. For your promise of attempting to help my Jane I will mortify my pride by telling you, when I first saw you walk into the assembly, I thought you were the most handsome man I had ever seen."

"Why does such a declaration mortify your pride?"

"Because, that same night, you said my beauty was 'barely tolerable'."

"I was a fool. I did not truly see you that night, it was not long after that I felt you were the most handsome woman of my acquaintance."

"Only handsome? Do I not have any other qualities?"

"You have an abundance of qualities that I will happily expound on given half a chance."

"You seem very fickle to me, sir. At that same assembly you heralded my sister as the only handsome woman in the room and now you say it is I, what am I to believe?"

"I know you are teasing me, madam, but I will answer nonetheless. Your sister is beautiful but her beauty has no effect on me and as for you, once I was under your spell, there could be no other more beautiful or precious to my eye."

"Oh Mr Darcy, keep speaking thusly and I'll drop to my knees and beg you to drag me to greta green."

Darcy chuckled.

"Do not tempt me, that very thought has crossed my mind. Forgive me for returning to the serious issue at hand but I do not know what your wishes are? I assure you mine are unchanged."

"I cannot agree to a marriage at this time. My feelings are so new and are in such turmoil, it would be ungenerous."

"But you can agree to what, exactly?"

"Well, if you are too much the gentleman to grab me by the hair and drag me to greta green then a courtship seems the next best option."

"You would agree to a courtship?"

"I would indeed, but only if it is agreed that either party may break the courtship. I cannot countenance the thought of either of us being forced to the altar."

"Yet you encourage me to drag you to greta green? Who is the fickle one I wonder? I wholeheartedly agree to your terms, by the by."

The two walked in silence for some time, both thinking of different things. It was Elizabeth that broke the silence when she spotted a very contemplative look on Darcy's face.

"What are you thinking of, sir?"

"I beg you not to make me say it. I don't think it is for maiden ears."

"Now I insist upon knowing!"

"Very well, but I did warn you. I was meditating on two things you said. One being begging 'while on your knees' and the other you suggesting me 'grabbing you by the hair' and dragging you."

"I should remember to choose my words more carefully in your presence."

"So there is no deeper meaning to them?"

"As it turns out, Mr Darcy..."

"Will you call me Fitzwilliam?"

"I will if you ever wish to see me again after what I am about to tell you."

"Mr Darcy, I need your word, sir, that whatever you learn now is for you alone and never to be shared, regardless of how trustworthy the other person is."

"You have my word."

"I have an affliction of sorts."

"An affliction?"

"Yes, I am trying to figure out a way to put it into words that will not offend you."

They walked on as Elizabeth looked around and realized she had no idea where she was.

"Where are we, sir?"

"We are at the far end of the property. This part has not been used for many years."

"Are we assured privacy?"

"indeed, there can be no reason for anyone to be near."

"Come."

Elizabeth led him to a tree which she leaned her back against with her arms straddling it.

"Mr Darcy, I will never be able to find the words let alone have the courage to speak them to you. I think it far easier to show you."

"I don't understand."

"I know. Mr Darcy I am going to ask you to go against everything you know to be right and touch one my nipples."

"What! I could never."

"Mr Darcy, I have an affliction and you must know of it before agreeing to enter a courtship with me. So forget your cursed principles for a moment and do as I say."

Mr Darcy stood frozen staring at her sizable glorious breasts. He has thought of little else since falling for her charms and now she is giving him permission to touch them and yet his feet cannot seem to move. Elizabeth could see his confliction.

"Mr Darcy."

Darcy raised his eyes to hers seeing her knowing smirk.

"You admire them, do you not?"

"Very much."

"Well sir, I am telling you i will not enter a courtship unless you touch one of my nipples. I will ask nothing further and you will understand why soon enough. Now come here, Fitzwilliam, and do as I say."

Darcy approached, he could not take his eyes off the spot she was telling him to touch. Elizabeth smiled at his expression and became very wet. He had to know her secret and either accept her or reject her. She could handle his rejection now, it would sting but it would not be a fatal blow, she was not yet irrevocably in love with him.

Darcy asked, "You are sure?"

Elizabeth was already breathing heavier.

"Yes, do it please."

Darcy slowly extended his finger and placed it on her breast. Elizabeth's breaths kept increasing but once his finger found its mark she cried out and began convulsing and writhing in obvious pleasure. In mere seconds she had exploded in ecstacy and shrunk to the ground.

Darcy gave her a few minutes to regain herself. Eventually she recovered, stood and smoothed her skirts.

"Not what you imagined, I suspect, sir."

"No, I could never imagine such. How long have you been thus?"

"Since I changed into a woman, if you get my meaning, sir."

"And you have trusted me with this knowledge? You amaze me."

"Amaze? I hardly call it amazing. You yourself have confided in me how Wickham compromised your sister. You are a protector of those you love and I would not have you bound to me without knowing what I am."

"And what are you, do you think?"

"Please do not make me choose a word."

"Have you ever had contact with another man?"

"Of course not! I guard myself as best I can, but if any man found out, sir, or any woman for that matter, I would be putty in their hands. I cannot control myself."

"Is it that bad, really?"

"Mr Darcy, my cousin Collins proposed to me, did you know that?"

"Yes, my aunt mentioned it, the thought of that vile disgusting man having power over you."

"Yes, we are of the same opinion, but while I was enduring the most degrading proposal of my life, as I was sitting and he was standing before me, I knew that if he but found one of my nipples, I would, in that moment, have gladly taken his member into my mouth and my fate would've been been sealed."

Elizabeth watched Darcy:s face redden with anger.

"I would ask that you not say such things."

"I am afraid I must, sir. You must understand all and then decide if I am worthy of you. I know it is uncomfortable for you, but try and see it from my perspective, uncomfortable is a mere trifle to what I feel."

"You are right, my apologies."

"You need not apologize, sir. I will answer any questions you have faithfully, so you can make the best decision for yourself."

"Are there any other areas that are similar?"

"There are two but I beg you not to make me name them, suffice to say only a husband would have access to those areas."

Darcy smiled knowingly and nodded.

"I see you have already guessed correctly. Your smile betrays you, sir."

"I believe my smile was more in line with imagining being allowed to test those areas as I was allowed today, madam."

Elizabeth smiled now.

"Perhaps that could be arranged if we truly begin courting publicly. I hope I don't damage your sensibilities by saying, I do honestly think testing need be done, to ensure the assurance of compatibility "

"Because of your 'affliction' you mean? Is it always so intense?"

"Yes that is precisely why and no, that was, by far, the most intense experience I have had. They have been sensitive since puberty and I didn't think much of it until, at an assembly, a man accidentally brushed one of them and I had to run for air."

"Who else knows?"

"Only Jane, not even my father knows."

"Not your mother?"

"My mother would have me sent away. She could not have me scaring away suitors of her other daughters."

"And when you touch those areas yourself?"

Elizabeth laughed, "how far we've come, sir, that you feel comfortable asking such a question."

"You have encouraged me to do so."

"Tis too true and yet I cannot believe I am speaking of such intimate things with a man I thought despised me so only yesterday."

"You are speaking of these 'intimate' things with the man that adores you."

"I could get used to the new Mr Darcy and his pretty words. To answer your question I have explored myself on many an occasion and I thought it intense until today. Now I see my attraction to you intensifies it exponentially."

"You are attracted to me?"

"I did say you were the most handsome man I have ever seen, sir."

"You did, but I think attraction goes much deeper than that. I myself said your sister beautiful but she holds no attraction to me, and you, who I declared 'only tolerable', I cannot close my eyes without seeing your form and yearning for you."

"I had not considered it like that. Mr Wickham, as you know, is very handsome but even then I thought him nothing to you. I think my attraction to you is much deeper than I gave it credit."

"I thank you for your thoughts on my form and your yearning, but you need not feel honorbound to me, as yet. As much as it pains me, I insist you take today and think on all and find me tomorrow and give me your answer, unless you need more time."

"I will do as you command."

"Do you have any other questions, sir?"

"I can think of no delicate way to ask my next question."

"Then might I suggest you ask it indelicately, sir."

"You have alluded to being on your knees and me grabbing you by the hair,"

"I still have not heard the question, sir?"

"Are they things you desire?"

Elizabeth laughed, "yes very indelicate indeed. You need not apologize. I think of a great many things when I am in my raptures, those two things included. All I can say, Mr Darcy, if you were allowed such liberties, you really could have your way with me in any manner imaginable, I dare say. Once I am lost I am completely at your mercy."

"Are you not afraid?"

"I am frightened beyond words but not of what you think, I already am extremely excited at the thought of you exploring me, but am frightened beyond measure of you rejecting me. Spinsterhood was always my plan. I never imagined being able to trust anyone of my affliction, save Jane. In fact, I am determined that if we start this endeavor that it will be the only time I will trust another, so it is either you or spinsterhood and I will accept either. Now, sir, we must head back and you have much to think on."

The pair walked back, jovially laughing at themselves and the ridiculousness of the previous conversation. They enjoyed each other's company now that they understood each other.

Elizabeth gave Mr Darcy a big smile on separating and once again encouraged him not to feel honorbound in any way. She encouraged him to follow his own heart and mind, whatever he decided she would accept.

The following day Elizabeth walked the same grove with a nervousness she could not control. Her biggest fear was he not showing at all and shunning her. She would not blame him, she had a long time to be resolved with her condition and he had but a day.

As sure as rain, she spotted him up ahead, he did not look happy like a man about to be in a courtship might, but he also did not avoid eye contact, so there was hope.

"Good morning, Mr Darcy."

"And to you Miss Elizabeth. Do I find you well?"

"Very well, sir, I thank you. I admit to fearing you would not show yourself. I prefer to know my fate, although if you did not come that would be answer enough."

She laughed, "I wish I had thought of that earlier, it would've made these last hours easier."

"Do you think me so cowardly?"

"No indeed, sir. You must forgive me, you are the only man I have ever told remember. Do you have an answer or do you need more time?"

"Let us walk."

They fell into step together. Elizabeth left it to him to begin.

"Miss Elizabeth, I know my heart but..."

Elizabeth interrupted him.

"Mr Darcy! It is okay. I know it is a great deal to take on. I thank you most profusely for even considering me."

"You misunderstand me. I am willing to enter into a courtship but I do have some reservations and I believe I have come up with a proposal that will fulfill all the demands of honor between us."

Elizabeth released a breath she did not know she was holding.

"Before you explain your plan will you tell me your biggest concern?"

"That would be that there would be times when I could simply make love to my wife, without the extensiveness of your condition."

"You won't always want a crazed sexual partner?"

"Correct, although I also look forward to that as well."

"That sounds very fair, sir. I have no way of knowing if that's possible."

"But you have yet to hear my proposal."

"By all means enlighten me, sir."

"I propose we enter a courtship where we agree to explore your condition and limits. If I break the courtship I will settle an amount on you which will give you the means to establish yourself."

"I could not ask that of you!"

"Miss Elizabeth, I intend to test you thoroughly. You will be ruined, this will give you the means to support yourself and your family in case your father passes. My honor demands that you be settled in a favorable way."

"So Mr Darcy, your plan is to use me quite extensively?"

"I do indeed. May I call you by your given name?"

"By all means, after all soon you will know me so 'thoroughly'."

"Do you object?"

"Oh no, sir! I find myself quite looking forward to it."

"We will need to get your father's signature, but even if we do not marry, I will only break the agreement when you are of age, so the money is at your discretion."

"You are very generous, sir."

"Please call me Fitzwilliam or William. It may be hard finding privacy and do you think there is any chance your father might refuse?"

"Leave my father to me and I will enlist Jane. She will not approve, but she will understand and help us."

"Very good. Are you nervous?"

Elizabeth chuckled.

"Nervous? Yes! Along with frightened, excited, overwhelmed and about a hundred other emotions. When would the testing begin?"

"Once I have your father's signature and we are all back in Hertfordshire."

"Can we not test a little while still here?"

She tried to give him a seductive look.

"Your power of seduction gaze could use some polishing. Did yesterday's experiment stir today's interest?"

"It did indeed. I have no doubt of my powerlessness against you and I do not care a whit."