Live Without Regrets Pt 04

Hayden spotted her best friend from the sidewalk. When she stepped onto the restaurant's patio, Kristen rose from her seat. They wrapped each other in a hug. It had been too long since their last meal together. They spoke through text almost every day, but there was something about seeing each other in person that helped them recenter their lives and minds.

After the salads were ordered, Kristen got right down to business.

"Okay, tell me about the new guy," she said.

Hayden's grin could have lit up the LA skyline. "Oh, yeah, he's great. You saw the pic I sent, right?"

Kristen nodded, "Totes adorable. He's got a good face," she said.

"Yeah. But he's also super smart. I mean, he works for NASA, for God's sake."

"Yeah, is he an actual rocket scientist?" Kristen asked.

"I asked. He basically said no. Then he did this thing about how 'rocket scientist' isn't really a thing. And at a certain point I just kinda kissed him to get him to shut up," Hayden said.

Kristen laughed, "If you're gonna date this guy, you have to know what he does."

"He's a robot guy. Probes and space and Mars and things. I'm figuring it out," Hayden said. She waved off the concern, "He loves his work though. And he gets really passionate about it. You should hear him go on about robots and the moons of Jupiter and stuff."

"I bet," Kristen said, smirking at her friend's smitten grin.

"What?"

"Love goggles," Kristen said, with a big-sister tone.

"Yeah, I know," Hayden said.

"You caught feelings with this one," Kristen said.

"I'm running towards hope," Hayden said.

"Yeah, and that's great. But I'm saying, you need to be careful," Kristen said. "I love you sweetie, but you're not the best judge of character."

There was a time in her life where Hayden might have taken umbrage at that, but after the last few years, she had reached a place where she could admit it was true.

"Okay, then help me," Hayden said.

"You thinking a double?" Kristen said.

Hayden nodded, "If you and Dax like him, that's a good sign. You're better at seeing red flags than I am."

Kristen nodded in return, "I like it. How's Saturday night? I can get a sitter for the girls."

Hayden shook her head, "No, let's do it at your place. Let him meet your girls. I wanna see how he is with kids."

"Are you thinking...?" Kristen said.

"It's early," Hayden said.

"You're thinking about it. Admit it. Say it out loud. Say it to me," Kristen said.

"I want Kaya back. I want my daughter. I want her here and I want her to have a mother whose life isn't in a blender," Hayden said.

"You've been with this guy two weeks and you're already thinking about his last name," Kristen said, taking a bite of her salad.

"The judge said I needed stability. I think Brandon is about as stable as it gets. Meet him. Tell me I'm wrong," Hayden said.

Kristen nodded and smiled, "Bring him by Saturday night. Dax and I will vet him for you."

Hayden had briefed her new beau on what to expect. Kristen and Dax were vegan. They were classic California hippies, but with a modern touch. Kristen had been close with Hayden since they were on Heroes together. Brandon was smart enough to know when he was being tested.

He'd brought toy Mars rovers for Kristen's daughters. It was a nice touch. Kristen watched him showing her girls the pieces of the little robot. He was gentle. She saw the way he handled Hayden with kid gloves. He was respectful. She saw the way he laughed when one of the girls spilled juice on his shirt. He was patient.

She liked his stories. They didn't have anything to do with movies or television. So much of her time was with Hollywood people that she appreciated the change. Brandon talked about books. He talked about baseball. He talked about space.

She asked about his mother and she could hear the warmth in his voice. It was a test she tried with most guys and he'd passed easily. She listened to him talk about the death of his father and felt that rush of empathy that had swept through Hayden.

That was only half of the equation though.

Most of what she got from him was when he was quiet. She saw the little ways that he positioned himself when he sat next to Hayden. Saw the looks he gave her when he thought no one was watching. If Hayden was smitten, Brandon was helpless.

He had a good laugh and a quick wit. She ignored his body. That was all for Hayden. She focused on his words, his tones, his mannerisms. It's not that he was flawless. But she could tell he was trying. Years had taught her that men who were suave were usually callous. The ones that were smooth could also be terribly rough. Hayden had brought both kinds to her before.

This one had one quality Hayden sorely needed lately: earnestness.

After dessert, she put a hand under the table and drummed her fingers on her husband's thigh. That was the signal.

Dax broke into the conversation and spoke to Brandon across the table.

"Brandon, Hayden tells me that you keep a telescope in your car?"

Brandon nodded, "Just a little one for clear nights."

Dax nodded to his daughters, "The girls would love it if you'd show us some things in the backyard."

Brandon nodded again, "Yeah, absolutely. I'll grab my scope."

He and Dax rose from the table together. Dax nodded to the door, "Meet us around back."

Kristen winked at her husband. He'd done his job well.

As the men and children left, Kristen was ready to render her verdict.

"Well?" Hayden asked.

"You're not wrong about him," Kristen said.

"Really?" Hayden asked.

"He's stable, funny, charming. He's good with the girls. Yeah... he's not a heartbreaker. You've never brought back one like this."

Hayden beamed, "So, I'm not crazy?"

"Oh, you're crazy for him. That's not a bad thing, as long as you go slow. I'd tell you not to run off to Vegas and get hitched, but he's not the type."

"No, he's not," Hayden said. "Sometimes I don't know what to make of him. He's just not my usual guy."

"That's a good thing," Kristen said. "It's cool to see you getting out of your comfort zone. I don't ever remember you dating a smart guy."

"Vlad wasn't dumb," Hayden said.

"Sweetie, this guy is an actual rocket scientist," Kristen said.

"He's not!" Hayden said.

"C'mon. This is LA. It's not a town for nuance. You're dating a rocket scientist," Kristen said.

Hayden giggled, "Yeah... and he's crazy good in bed."

Kristen leaned in furtively, elbows on the table, "Now we're talking. Spill."

Hayden matched her pose and lowered her voice, "Well, we both like bondage. He put me in handcuffs last weekend."

"Uh-oh!" Kristen said with a laugh, "How was it once you were locked up?"

"He did this thing with hot wax... like... drizzling," Hayden said, waving a hand over her chest.

Kristen smirked, "Nice, what happened next?"

"He went down on me," Hayden said, sipping her water.

"How was that?"

"He eats my pussy like it's the cure for something," Hayden said. She thought for a second, "He does that a lot."

"That's... generous," Kristen said.

"He's generous," Hayden said, looking down at her plate.

"You say that like it's a bad thing. What happened to 'he's crazy good in bed'?" Kristen said.

Hayden thought for a moment. Kristen read her across the table and knew where to push.

"You like a take-charge guy. Is he giving you that?" Kristen asked.

"He's... he went down on me last night, then two nights ago. He gets me warmed up and he fucks me. But like... it's tender. He hasn't slapped me since that first night. God that was so hot though."

"But since that first night?" Kristen asked.

"He's been gentle," Hayden said.

Kristen found Hayden's eyes and let the look prompt her friend.

"I just..." Hayden said, hesitating.

"Sweetie, it's just you and me," Kristen said.

"I just want to be fucked!" Hayden said, a little louder than she had intended to.

Kristen smirked, "Let it out."

"Like, he's making love to me and it's good, but... I want to be FUCKED. You know? FUCKED! I want to be held down and roughed up and just absolutely fucked. You know? With a capital F. I want him to fuck me like he has a receipt for my ass in his back pocket. Like he paid my pimp an extra hundred."

Kristen's smile turned into a guffaw, "There you go."

Hayden went on, "Have you seen his arms? The sheer size of him? He should be fucking me like he's a Viking and I'm the prettiest girl in the village he just raided."

Kristen laughed, "Is that your fantasy?"

Hayden waved a hand past her face, "I'm not taking questions now."

Kristen cackled. She put up her hands to show that she was leaving that alone.

Hayden blushed. "Is all that so bad?"

"No way. But maybe say it a little quieter. The girls are in the backyard," Kristen said.

Hayden giggled, "Okay."

Kristen put a hand on hers to bring her down, "He's still learning you. And he's not gonna be a total freakshow so early on. You'll draw him out of his shell."

"You think?" Hayden asked. She bit her lip and looked off into the middle distance.

Kristen rethought and looked at Hayden's lower lip.

"Hmm..." she said, drawing out the thought, "You lay on your back for him, right?"

Hayden nodded, "He fucks me like a princess."

"Yeah," Kristen smirked, understanding crossing her lips, "It's your face."

"What do you mean?" Hayden asked.

"He's fucking you face to face. He's... oh that's adorable," she said.

"What?" Hayden asked.

"He can't bring himself to hurt you because you're cute. I've seen this with guys before. Sweet guys. He's a sweet one. Guys like that... they can't look you in the eye and then do bad things to you."

"Seriously?" Hayden asked, surprised. "This is a thing?"

"You said he's a fan. He's seen you acting for years. That face... it's got to mess with him."

Hayden thought about it, "We did admit a lot to each other. We got vulnerable."

"Did you...?" Kristen said, letting the thought hang.

"I didn't want to lie to him. And I didn't want to wait and tell him once he was in too deep."

"How'd he take it?" Kristen asked

"Like he wanted to stand between me and the world," Hayden said.

"Yeah... he's not going to be able to fuck you rough if he thinks you're made of candy glass."

"We said we'd be open with each other," Hayden said.

"Before or after you told him about all the messed up stuff?" Kristen said.

Hayden paused with realization, "Before."

A beat passed between them.

"Did I wreck this?" Hayden asked.

"No. Not at all. But, if you want that dominant side of him to come out, you're going to have to make it come out," Kristen said.

"How?" Hayden asked.

"Play the minx. Play the cheerleader. Hell, just play. It's like Britney said, 'you're not that innocent.'" Kristen said.

Hayden smirked, "I can do that."

"Have you gone face down for him?" Kristen said.

"He's never asked," Hayden said.

"Try it. He'll forget he's got the girl from Remember the Titans in his bed," Kristen said.

"Isn't that gonna mess with the natural order of things?" Hayden said. "I have to ask him to be dominant. Shouldn't that be, like... something that just happens?"

"Give the guy a break, Hayden. He's dating his dream girl. Look at the way he looks at you. He's terrified. One wrong word, one wrong move and he'll be thinking about it 'til he's on his death bed," Kristen said.

"It's not like that," Hayden said.

"He doesn't know that," Kristen said. She jutted her chin towards the rear door, indicating the backyard where Brandon was entertaining her husband and her daughters. "He thinks this is life or death."

Hayden looked over her shoulder, but couldn't really see through the glass door's reflection, "Poor guy."

Kristen touched her hand to get her attention back. "You ever say no to an offer for work?" she asked Hayden.

"Sure. Not much, but, I mean, we all have standards," Hayden said.

"Exactly. I remember when I was coming up, I'd take anything that paid. I just wanted to work. I wanted to be out there. I was scared if I ever said no to a job, I'd get some reputation as being difficult and I'd never work again."

Hayden nodded, "I remember that feeling."

"My agent came to me with this godawful dogshit script and she said, 'turn this down.' And I asked her why and she said, 'you need to show people that you won't take just anything. You're a serious player and this isn't a serious script.' She said, 'turn down one bad job and you'll never have to do it again. They'll stop sending over bad scripts.'"

"What's your point?" Hayden asked.

"You get him to unleash that side one time... I'm betting you'll never have to do it again."

"He'll see I'm a serious player," Hayden said, realizing.

"Bingo, girlie girl."

Ten minutes later, the girls, Dax, and Brandon all came in from the backyard. The girls excitedly talked about seeing the rings of Saturn and Kristen made a point to have them thank Brandon for showing them his telescope.

After they went off to play, Dax sat back at the table. Before Brandon could resume his seat, his phone buzzed. He checked the alert and frowned.

"Problem?" Hayden asked.

"One of the solar panels is acting up. I was afraid of this. They tried to run too much through Battery B and now they're..."

He looked at his girlfriend. She smiled at his nerdy nature, but he realized that the rest of his thought would be meaningless to anyone who didn't work for JPL.

Self-consciously, he smiled, "Um... power issue," he said, making it simpler. "Give me a sec to call the office," he waved his hands at the dinner table. "While I'm gone, this'll be a great opportunity for you all to talk about me behind my back."

Hayden grinned and gave a little laugh. Kristen joined her and chimed in with a "Will do!" Dax looked bashful.

As Brandon stepped out on to the front porch, Kristen turned to her husband. She only had one word, "Thoughts?"

Dax nodded, "He's a nerd, but he's a cool guy. Hella smart and he was good with the girls. I'd have him over again."

Kristen shrugged and looked to her best friend, "I say run with it."

As they pulled out of Kristen's driveway, Hayden decided to deal with Brandon's unleashing tomorrow.

It had been a great night already. There was no need to make it complicated.

He made the turn at the end of the street, and she turned on the radio in the car. The dull tones of NPR streamed out. She looked at him with a wry glance.

"What? I like to get the news," he said.

She clucked her tongue and scrolled through the radio channels.

Bon Jovi on classic rock. She made a note of that. One station had jazz; that was a maybe. She heard Pretty Woman playing on an oldies station. She was looking for Miley or Taylor or something with some pop.

Then it hit her.

She scrolled back to the jazz station, then turned the volume low enough that they could talk. He seemed to approve.

"My place or yours?" he asked.

"Neither," she said. "Head for downtown."

He turned to look at her, "What's up?"

"It's okay. Just head for downtown, I'll tell you where when we get close."

He turned and headed towards the skyscrapers.

The 405 wasn't too crazy this time of night. She directed him to a neighborhood that was far enough from the beach and the skyscrapers that it just came off as generic Los Angeles. The setting would be critical. She couldn't do this in Pasadena or Beverly Hills.

"It's down about five blocks," she said.

"Okay. You could just tell me where we're going," he said.

"Could, but not gonna," she said.

He looked at her sideways and she blew him a kiss. Being minxy might make this go easier.

"Hey, how much money do you have on you?" she asked.

"Um..." he said, then he shifted in the driver's seat, took out his wallet and handed it to her.

She thumbed through the bills, then took one out and held it to the light, "Why do you have two-dollar bills?"

"I like them. They spend just the same. It's a good conversation starter," he said.

"With cashiers?" she asked.

"Or kids on field trips," he said.

"Huh?"

"I work at a place with a gift shop," he said.

"Right," she said. She paused, "Wait, what?"

"JPL has a gift shop," he said.

"Yeah, I know that, but why were you..."

"We get field trips all the time. Sometimes a kid can't afford a keychain or a Lego set or..."

She sighed and smiled at him, "You really do have a heart of gold, don't you?" she said.

"Why do you say that like it's a bad thing?" he asked.

"It's not. It's just gonna make this harder," she said.

"Are you breaking up with me?" he asked.

"No, you big scaredy cat," she leaned over and kissed his cheek. She lowered her voice and said into his ear, "You're adorable. Now make a left."

He complied, now fully in the dark as to what was happening.

She deftly moved to put his wallet into the front left pocket of his jacket. Her hand teased his broad chest and she kissed his ear, "You've got a hundred and thirty-two bucks, sweetie."

"Okay," he said.

She turned and sat back in her seat. Out the window was downtown LA, after dark. This particular street was somewhere between run-down and sketchy. She had a plan, and this was part of it. On the left was a thrift shop. At the end of the block was a movie theater with some empty parking spots out front. It was well lit. That was going to help.

"Pull over here," she said.

He brought the car into one of the parallel spaces front of the thrift shop.

"You got a pocket knife?" she said, as though it was a casual thing to ask.

With a raised eyebrow, he lifted up the armrest between them, pulled out a Swiss Army knife, and handed it to her. She tossed it in her purse and put a hand on his arm. She had his full attention.

"Two blocks down, there's an In-N-Out. Go get two chocolate shakes. Actually, get burgers too cause that vegan crap they fed us just isn't cutting it," she said.

He smirked at that.

"Pay with your credit card. There'll be a line, so it'll take a few minutes. That's fine. But as soon as you're out of there, I want you to come back and park right over there," she said, pointing at the movie theater.

"What's happening?" he asked.

"It'll make sense when you get back. For now, just do what I'm telling you. After you park, roll down the window," she said, nodding to the passenger-side window of the car.

"Hayden?"

She put a finger to his lips, "Do what I'm telling you."

He shut up and she leaned in and kissed the tip of his nose. He wasn't the only one who could be cute.

Before he could ask another question she wouldn't answer she was out the door. She shut it behind her and walked into the thrift shop. She heard the car moving out behind her and was glad. Undoubtedly he was conflicted about leaving her in a place like this, but he was smart enough to know when to follow instructions.

The thrift shop wasn't much to look at, but the selection wasn't bad. The smell wasn't anything to write home about, but she didn't plan to be in here for long.

She looked down at her outfit. It was a green sundress that she'd never been wild about. It was cute, but knee-length and wouldn't make any sense for this little tableau.

Walking briskly past the store cashier, who was far more interested in her phone than the customers in the shop, Hayden found her way to the women's section. She needed something... slutty.

She knew the kind of women who came in here. She didn't judge them. Everyone needed to make a living and LA wasn't an easy place to do that. You had to work with what God gave you. That was what she'd been doing her whole life.

She found a rack that looked promising. She thumbed past a few band t-shirts and one ridiculous fishnet top and found a white tee that looked clean, but threadbare. She nodded and tossed it over her arm. Finding jeans wasn't difficult, but finding the right pair was. She felt the Swiss Army knife in her bag and grinned.