Stephanie Brown, in her new guise as Batgirl, sighed as she spied on the 3... not villains, that seemed to give them too much credit... scoundrels...? that were huddled around the pile of palettes that served as their meeting table. Through the skylight above, Stephanie had a great view of the action. Or would, if there was action.
'Being Batgirl isn't nearly as fun as I thought it would be,' Stephanie thought. She thought she'd be working side-by-side with Batman, fighting evildoers, stopping real crime. Instead, she was watching 3 idiots argue.
"No way am I worse than you!" A man in a green spandex onesie was yelling. "I'm control the weather! That's awesome! You control food!" The villain held his weather-contolling wand in his hand and was waving it in the air as he spoke. Above them, a cloud formed.
"Fuck you, Weather Wizard!" The man in the blue spandex onesie yelled back. On his back were two large containers connected to a gun and around his waist were a variety of... sauce containers? Stephanie couldn't be sure. "I'm the Condiment King! You can't cut the mustard compared to me!"
"Look, let's face it," the third man cut in. This one was wearing a purple spandex top, green & red striped bottoms, and maroon outside underwear. On his back were 4 dainty wings. He at least had the good sense to cover his face with a green helmet. "We're all terrible. That's why we're here, because we suck. What do we do about it?"
The three all hung their heads, confronting their own inherent lameness.
"You're right, Killer Moth, though I don't relish admitting it," The Condiment King said sadly. "I'm just a simple man that has a love for chemistry and condiments. Is that so wrong? How am I supposed to compete with the other villains in this town?"
"You know what I heard?" Weather Wizard chimed in. "There's a guy in Gotham who kills people and then carves a notch in his skin! He's covered in these things! I make it rain lightly on people I don't like! I can't compete with that!"
"Tell me about it," Killer Moth said, his voice muffled by his mask. "Why, the other day I was zip lining around Gotham and above me I suddenly saw some sort of bat/man monstrosity actually flying above me! I almost cocooned myself I was so scared!"
"...Do you mean Batman?" Weather Wizard asked. "Because we've all seen Batman."
Killer Moth shook his head. "No, not Batman. This was like, a bat but also a man. Some sort of mannish bat... whatever it was, it was terrifying!"
"This town has gone to Hell slathered in hot sauce," The Condiment King lamented.
Stephanie clicked on her comm and contacted Barbara Gordon, the former Batgirl, and let her know the situation.
"Hey," She whispered, "I've followed those three... bad guys... to their hideout. Should I go ahead and apprehend them?"
"No," Barbara said quickly. "Stay put and don't make a move. I'll send someone to take them down."
Stephanie cursed silently to herself. "Copy," She said quietly. Once again, Barbara had refused to let Stephanie fight crime on her own.
Since becoming Batgirl a few weeks prior, Stephanie had been doing recon missions like this instead of, you know, actually fighting crime. It frustrated her. Stephanie had gotten the opportunity to fight crime exactly once, when Barbara had been desperate and sent her as Batgirl to help Batman fight the League of Shadows. No one knew what had happened but they had all ended up sticky and naked.
Well... that's not quite true. Stephanie remembered a few things, vague flashes that appeared to her at random. She remembered throwing an incendiary device at some barrels and then... strange visions. A pussy shoved at her mouth. Getting fucked in the ass. A cock showering her with cum. These sights came to Stephanie every time she masturbated.
Stephanie was desperate to fight crime, not just because it was the right thing to do but because, deep down, she got off on it. It was her secret shame, the thing she never told anyone, but she worried that Barbara knew it. Fighting crime made Stephanie incredibly horny and it was her weakness. It had made her easily seduced by Black Mask and, if not for Batman's timely interference, would have led to Black Mask getting away scot-free.
It was almost a shame to Stephanie that she couldn't fight crime by fucking instead of fighting. She was a great fighter, sure, but she was an even better fuck. At the same time, though, these thoughts made her ashamed. Superheroines weren't supposed to think like that. She doubted that Wonder Woman would ever get off on fighting crime, for instance. Stephanie tried to push the impure thoughts to the back of her mind.
But even now, as Stephanie thought about subduing these three criminals, she started to feel horny. She couldn't see them through the cloud that had formed inside the building but she knew the layout well enough to attack. She thought about bursting down through the skylight and knocking out Weather Wizard with a kick to the face before spinning around and giving Killer Moth a chop to the neck. Condiment King would probably run away and Stephanie would snare him with a bola. As she thought about it her hand slid up her thigh, inching between her legs...
"Batgirl," The comm sounded into Stephanie's ear, making her jump. "Batman is on his way. Should be there before too long. Sit tight and don't do anything." The comm clicked off.
'Batman?!' Stephanie thought with a certain amount of glee. She hadn't actually gotten a chance to meet Batman, not really. The only time she had met him was when they all woke up in Ra's Al Ghul's lair and quickly dressed themselves before leaving. Barbara had basically forbid Stephanie from following Batman around, mumbling something about him being too "adult" for her. Stephanie didn't know what that meant.
Stephanie looked back down at the three villains, all of them still lamenting their fate. It seemed so easy to take them down. She imagined that Batman would be thrilled if he showed up to find them already subdued instead of having to waste his time. He'd probably thank Stephanie.
It was decided. Stephanie stood up, getting ready to attack. As she prepared herself, she thought in the back of her mind that she would really need to get laid after this was over.
***
"So what do we do?" Killer Moth was asking. "How are three normal guys like us supposed to compete?" As Killer Moth asked the question, he reached behind him and adjusted his moth wings.
"I don't know how we're supposed to ketchup to these other guys," Condiment King said glumly.
