Let's Be Batman

Stephanie Brown, in her new guise as Batgirl, sighed as she spied on the 3... not villains, that seemed to give them too much credit... scoundrels...? that were huddled around the pile of palettes that served as their meeting table. Through the skylight above, Stephanie had a great view of the action. Or would, if there was action.

'Being Batgirl isn't nearly as fun as I thought it would be,' Stephanie thought. She thought she'd be working side-by-side with Batman, fighting evildoers, stopping real crime. Instead, she was watching 3 idiots argue.

"No way am I worse than you!" A man in a green spandex onesie was yelling. "I'm control the weather! That's awesome! You control food!" The villain held his weather-contolling wand in his hand and was waving it in the air as he spoke. Above them, a cloud formed.

"Fuck you, Weather Wizard!" The man in the blue spandex onesie yelled back. On his back were two large containers connected to a gun and around his waist were a variety of... sauce containers? Stephanie couldn't be sure. "I'm the Condiment King! You can't cut the mustard compared to me!"

"Look, let's face it," the third man cut in. This one was wearing a purple spandex top, green & red striped bottoms, and maroon outside underwear. On his back were 4 dainty wings. He at least had the good sense to cover his face with a green helmet. "We're all terrible. That's why we're here, because we suck. What do we do about it?"

The three all hung their heads, confronting their own inherent lameness.

"You're right, Killer Moth, though I don't relish admitting it," The Condiment King said sadly. "I'm just a simple man that has a love for chemistry and condiments. Is that so wrong? How am I supposed to compete with the other villains in this town?"

"You know what I heard?" Weather Wizard chimed in. "There's a guy in Gotham who kills people and then carves a notch in his skin! He's covered in these things! I make it rain lightly on people I don't like! I can't compete with that!"

"Tell me about it," Killer Moth said, his voice muffled by his mask. "Why, the other day I was zip lining around Gotham and above me I suddenly saw some sort of bat/man monstrosity actually flying above me! I almost cocooned myself I was so scared!"

"...Do you mean Batman?" Weather Wizard asked. "Because we've all seen Batman."

Killer Moth shook his head. "No, not Batman. This was like, a bat but also a man. Some sort of mannish bat... whatever it was, it was terrifying!"

"This town has gone to Hell slathered in hot sauce," The Condiment King lamented.

Stephanie clicked on her comm and contacted Barbara Gordon, the former Batgirl, and let her know the situation.

"Hey," She whispered, "I've followed those three... bad guys... to their hideout. Should I go ahead and apprehend them?"

"No," Barbara said quickly. "Stay put and don't make a move. I'll send someone to take them down."

Stephanie cursed silently to herself. "Copy," She said quietly. Once again, Barbara had refused to let Stephanie fight crime on her own.

Since becoming Batgirl a few weeks prior, Stephanie had been doing recon missions like this instead of, you know, actually fighting crime. It frustrated her. Stephanie had gotten the opportunity to fight crime exactly once, when Barbara had been desperate and sent her as Batgirl to help Batman fight the League of Shadows. No one knew what had happened but they had all ended up sticky and naked.

Well... that's not quite true. Stephanie remembered a few things, vague flashes that appeared to her at random. She remembered throwing an incendiary device at some barrels and then... strange visions. A pussy shoved at her mouth. Getting fucked in the ass. A cock showering her with cum. These sights came to Stephanie every time she masturbated.

Stephanie was desperate to fight crime, not just because it was the right thing to do but because, deep down, she got off on it. It was her secret shame, the thing she never told anyone, but she worried that Barbara knew it. Fighting crime made Stephanie incredibly horny and it was her weakness. It had made her easily seduced by Black Mask and, if not for Batman's timely interference, would have led to Black Mask getting away scot-free.

It was almost a shame to Stephanie that she couldn't fight crime by fucking instead of fighting. She was a great fighter, sure, but she was an even better fuck. At the same time, though, these thoughts made her ashamed. Superheroines weren't supposed to think like that. She doubted that Wonder Woman would ever get off on fighting crime, for instance. Stephanie tried to push the impure thoughts to the back of her mind.

But even now, as Stephanie thought about subduing these three criminals, she started to feel horny. She couldn't see them through the cloud that had formed inside the building but she knew the layout well enough to attack. She thought about bursting down through the skylight and knocking out Weather Wizard with a kick to the face before spinning around and giving Killer Moth a chop to the neck. Condiment King would probably run away and Stephanie would snare him with a bola. As she thought about it her hand slid up her thigh, inching between her legs...

"Batgirl," The comm sounded into Stephanie's ear, making her jump. "Batman is on his way. Should be there before too long. Sit tight and don't do anything." The comm clicked off.

'Batman?!' Stephanie thought with a certain amount of glee. She hadn't actually gotten a chance to meet Batman, not really. The only time she had met him was when they all woke up in Ra's Al Ghul's lair and quickly dressed themselves before leaving. Barbara had basically forbid Stephanie from following Batman around, mumbling something about him being too "adult" for her. Stephanie didn't know what that meant.

Stephanie looked back down at the three villains, all of them still lamenting their fate. It seemed so easy to take them down. She imagined that Batman would be thrilled if he showed up to find them already subdued instead of having to waste his time. He'd probably thank Stephanie.

It was decided. Stephanie stood up, getting ready to attack. As she prepared herself, she thought in the back of her mind that she would really need to get laid after this was over.

***

"So what do we do?" Killer Moth was asking. "How are three normal guys like us supposed to compete?" As Killer Moth asked the question, he reached behind him and adjusted his moth wings.

"I don't know how we're supposed to ketchup to these other guys," Condiment King said glumly.

Weather Wizard threw up his hands. "Look, guy, we get it. You like condiments. Now can we stop with the Goddamn puns?" The abandoned building formed a storm cloud inside it.

Condiment King made an innocent face. "I'm sorry, friend, didn't mean to offend. No need to get so salty."

"Thanks, I-" Weather Wizard eyed Condiment King suspiciously. "I think we just need to do something big. You know, let people know that we're scary so they don't think they can push us around."

Killer Moth tapped his fingers on the palettes, thinking. "You know, that's not a bad idea," He said softly. "We just need to make ourselves look intimidating so people don't interfere with our business."

Condiment King was skeptical. "But what do we do?" He asked. "There's the rub."

The three were thinking hard when suddenly the skylight above them shattered, glass showering them as it fell through the cloud above. A figure dropped down with the glass, a black figure, and it immediately began to attack as soon as it landed on the pallets.

"Holy guacamole, it's Batman!" Condiment King yelled in surprise as a foot struck Weather Wizard square in the jaw, sending him flying backwards. The figure spun and slammed Killer Moth in the neck, right below his mask, with a karate chop. Then the figure turned towards Condiment King as he began to run.

The Condiment King was halfway to the door when he felt his legs bind together, sending him crashing to the floor. The heavy, condiment-filled pack on his back landed on top of him, knocking the air out of his lungs. As he hit the ground he felt his gun land on the ground as well and heard a squicking sound as the impact ejected a condiment.

"Eww," He heard a feminine voice mutter in disgust. Condiment King rolled himself over and saw that the figure was Batgirl, not Batman, and that his gun had landed a million-to-one shot, covering her chest in a sticky brown substance. She hopped off the pallets and walked towards the villain. Batgirl touched the substance with her hand and touched it to her tongue.

"What is that, vanilla?" She asked. Condiment King began to shrug when suddenly Batgirl became wrapped up in thin white silk. Killer Moth had not quite been knocked out and he spun his silk around Batgirl, trapping her arms to her sides. She struggled and fell to her knees, trapped.

"Nice shot, Killer Moth!" Weather Wizard yelled before wincing and gingerly grabbing his jaw. He picked himself up off the ground and helped his compatriots off the ground. Killer Moth held his neck and Condiment King wheezed as the three stood in front of Batgirl.

"I can't believe we captured Batgirl!" Condiment King yelled excitedly. "Miso proud of us!"

"Shut up," Weather Wizard said absentmindedly. "But yeah, we did it! We did a villain thing!" Weather Wizard tried to give Killer Moth a high five but the insect missed, his vision obscured by his helmet.

Batgirl continued to struggle. As the 3 villains watched her, their smiles slowly faded as they realized they had an important question to answer.

"So, uh... what now?" Killer Moth said. The other two villains stared at each other. None of them knew what to do.

"Well... what would other villains do in this situation?" Weather Wizard asked.

Killer Moth continued to rub his neck. "I guess... I guess they'd try to kill her," He said softly.

All three villains looked down. None of them had it in them to kill someone. They were miscreants at heart, not murderers. But none of them wanted to admit that to each other, either.

"Well, I guess we need to look at this from olive the possible scenarios. Murder is one of them," Condiment King mumbled.

"It's a stormy solution but if that's what we have to do..." Weather Wizard said. Condiment King shot him a dirty look and Weather Wizard shot one right back. "What, you're the only one allowed to make puns?"

"Shut up," Killer Moth told the two of them. "I mean, what else is there? I think we need to kill her. That'll show the rest of the villains in town that we mean business."

Batgirl watched all of this go down with growing consternation. Suddenly, a different emotion fell over her face."

"Ooh," She cooed softly. The three villains stopped their discussion and turned to Batgirl. They watched as she began to rub her leg softly with a bound hand, stopping just short of her crotch.

"What... what is she doing?" Weather Wizard asked softly.

"I don't know," Killer Moth responded, not taking his eyes off Batgirl. In the back of his mind he knew that this Batgirl was different from the one who had first arrested him; this one had blonde hair and she was bustier, more youthful, with poutier lips and a slightly sexier voice. In the front of his mind he was mostly thinking about the blood rushing to his dick.

"I don't know what's come over me but I... I can't stop," Batgirl said. Her hand slipped between her thighs, running softly up her groin. The eyes of the three villains all bulged.

"Uh, Condiment King," Weather Wizard asked without ever moving his eyes, "What exactly did you spray her with?"

Condiment King gulped. "Well, vanilla is known in some parts of the world as an aphrodisiac..."

Weather Wizard gulped in turn. "Should it act this fast, though?"

"I don't know," Weather Wizard said somewhat sheepishly, "I've never actually hit anyone with it before."

Batgirl was moaning openly now, her hand slipping between her legs and rubbing her crotch. Batgirl closed her eyes and bit her lip. The three villains bit their lip in turn. They all moved their hips back awkwardly and nonchalantly pulled at their suits, trying to hide their boners.

"God, I'm just so, so horny," Batgirl whispered, seemingly to herself. She opened her eyes and looked at the three crooks.

"The only thing that could make me hornier is if I had a cock to suck on."

Weather Wizard, Condiment King, and Killer Moth all looked at each other. Then, at the exact same moment, all three began to furiously wrestle with their suits to whip out their dicks.

"Goddamn onesie!" Weather Wizard yelled out, ripping at his green spandex suit. Condiment King was likewise encumbered, trying desperately to drop his backpack and gun. His condiment belt was an impediment and he too began to tear at the part of his suit that covered his crotch.

"A-ha!" Killer Moth yelled out once he had removed his moth wings and pulled out his dick from his suit bottoms. He thanked the Lord that he wore a two-piece. The other two villains watched with tremendous jealousy as Killer Moth walked towards Batgirl, his cock already completely erect.

Batgirl opened her mouth and eagerly took Killer Moth in her mouth, his dick quickly getting engulfed. She began to moan on his cock while she sucked on it, sending Killer Moth into shuddering fits. He breathed harshly into his mask, craning his neck awkwardly so he could see Batgirl suck his dick.

Weather Wizard and Condiment King watched glumly as their friend enjoyed his blowjob, their cocks newly freed from the holes in their suits. They glanced at each other, then quickly turned slightly away and began to jerk themselves off.

"You know," Batgirl said as she popped Killer Moth's dick out of her mouth, "I could probably service all of you if you untied me." Smarter criminals would have seen this as suspicious but the two villains not currently being blown immediately ran over and began to tug at the silk binding Batgirl.

"That's not going to work," Killer Moth struggled to say as Batgirl resumed blowing him. "Did you know that... oh shit... silk is one of the strongest natural fibers on Ea-"

"Shut up and help us!" Weather Wizard shouted, tearing furiously at the fabric. He got an idea and pointed his wand (the wand he used to control the weather, not his... you know what I mean) at the silk. From the cloud above a small thunderbolt shot down, hitting the silk and splitting it in half. Weather Wizard yelled in triumph and ripped at the silk, tearing the rest of the fiber off Batgirl.

Her hands newly freed, Batgirl ripped off her gloves and then shot her hands up towards the cocks on either side of her. She began to jerk them as she continued to suck off Killer Moth. The three men stood around Batgirl as she pleasured all of them, all of them taking care not to look at each other.

Condiment King grabbed a bottle from his belt and deposited some of its contents on his cock. The light yellow liquid served as lubricant as Batgirl jerked him and Condiment King sighed heavily.

Batgirl, taking notice of the liquid on her hand, pulled off Killer Moth's dick and directed it towards Condiment King's. Killer Moth whimpered until he felt one of Batgirl's hands as it began to jerk him off. Batgirl placed her mouth on Condiment King's dick and sucked him, moaning in delight. She stuck out her tongue as she blew him, licking up all the liquid as it began to spill off the sides of his cock. Weather Wizard looked at Condiment King questioningly.

"Aioli," Condiment King explained.

Weather Wizard, eager to get his turn with Batgirl's mouth, reached over and grabbed a bottle of Condiment King's belt. He lathered the top of his dick with a dark red liquid and tapped Batgirl on the head. The superheroine turned her head and, adjusted her hands to focus on the two other cocks, began to blow Weather Wizard.

"Ugh," Batgirl said suddenly as she got a taste of Weather Wizard's dick. She quickly moved away from it, going back to blowing Condiment King. The food royal grabbed the bottle from Weather Wizard's hand and examined it.

"This is... oh God, do that thing with your tongue again... this is mignonette sauce," Condiment King said before turning turning his attention back to Batgirl as she blew him. Weather Wizard tentatively touched the oyster sauce that covered his dick and placed a small dab on his tongue. He was disgusted and, once he realized that he had just tasted something from his own dick, he was disgusted again. He wiped off the sauce as best he could on his suit and Batgirl resumed stroking him.

The three villains took turns, Batgirl blowing them one at a time while she jerked the others. The fact that she couldn't use her hands meant that her mouth had to do all the work and she messily engorged herself, spit quickly covering her chin. She moaned while she sucked their cocks, clearly getting off on it, and the fact that they were all getting sucked off by Batgirl of all people got the villains off right back.

It was Weather Wizard's turn with Batgirl's mouth and he was eagerly gripping the long, blonde hair that came out from Batgirl's hood, using it as leverage to fuck her face. He pushed her all the way down on his dick, her nose embedded in his pubic hair, and held her there. He finally let go, afraid that she might be angry that he had taken liberties with her, but instead Batgirl looked up at him and winked with the head of his dick still in her mouth. Weather Wizard shuddered.

The three villains were struggling not to cum when Batgirl suddenly stopped the blowbang and looked up at the three villains from her knees.

"Who wants to fuck me?" She asked eagerly. "I need a cock in my tight pussy right now."

It was Weather Wizard who won this battle as he ran to the pile of pallets nearby and lied down on it, his dick standing up rigidly straight into the air. Batgirl tore at her suit, opening a large hole over her pussy, and hopped up onto the pallets. She straddled the villain and lowered herself onto his dick, taking him to the hilt with the first drop, and began to bounce. Weather Wizard noted with glee how sopping wet Batgirl was. The two began to moan almost immediately as they began to fuck.

The other two villains were unsure what to do. They waited patiently for their turn when Batgirl looked behind herself, smiled at the two villains, and said words that made them almost cum instantly:

"I still have two free holes, boys."

Condiment King and Killer Moth scrambled towards her as Batgirl leaned forward on Weather Wizard's dick. The climate master began to pump his hips up into Batgirl's wet pussy as the other two villains took their places. Killer Moth once again found his cock in Batgirl's mouth and began to fuck it. Weather Wizard had to crane his body to the side to avoid the saliva that began to fall on the pallet as Killer Moth's cock pounded Batgirl's mouth.

Condiment King, meanwhile, quickly squirted some vegetable oil on his cock. As it was lubricated, he took his place behind Batgirl, straining on his tiptoes to reach her voluptuous ass. He tore at the hole in her suit, enlarging it, and then slowly pushed his dick up against the entrance to her ass. Batgirl raised her butt higher in response, moaning on Killer Moth's cock, and Condiment King quickly slipped his dick inside her ass.

Batgirl was airtight now, servicing all three villains with all three of her holes. The sounds were varied and clashed against one another in the empty building: Killer Moth groaned through his helmet, Weather Wizard had a high-pitched wheezing sound emanating from him, Condiment King was muttering something about horseradish, Batgirl's muffled moans came out from around Killer Moth's cock, and the sound of flesh hitting Batgirl's mouth, pussy and ass reverberated above everything else.