Tommy had been tracking the two criminals since the Sun had gone down. It was probably the easiest thing Tommy had done since he had become Batman; after all, trailing two people who were dressed up like court jesters and making no effort to hide themselves was pretty simple, especially for someone who was equipped as Batman was. He had plenty of time to think.
Tommy tried to focus on what was important: Lex Luthor's plan, The Riddler busily working on the scant clues they had gathered, the disappearance of the Mad Hatter...
But all he could really focus on was the recent expose published by Vicki Vale about Gotham's female supervillains and their... nocturnal habits, seemed the best way to put it. The story had been huge,* garnering headlines all over the world. As Tommy passed over Gotham, it seemed he couldn't go a block without seeing someone glued to their phone.
(*For those wondering, Lois Lane's multi-part rundown of corruption in Gotham was well-received by those who made it to the 27th page of the Daily Planet.)
He felt a kind of perverse glee about it. He wondered how various villains reacted: Poison Ivy would have been outraged, of course, and he imagined Killer Frost was consumed by a cold rage. Copperhead probably enjoyed it and Harley Quinn... well, who knew how she'd react.
And then there was Catwoman. Tommy felt guilty including her; she HAD saved him the night Batgirl broke her back, after all, and they seemed to have a certain kinship that he didn't have with any other villain he'd been with. He had even left her out originally, only supplying a dossier on her after much "convincing" by Vicki Vale. With a certain satisfaction, Tommy had actually given his opinion on VICKI VALE, not Catwoman. He wanted to keep that information to himself.
Tommy shook his head and tried to pay attention to the two villains in front of him. He was vaguely aware of the villains. Well, he was vaguely aware of the woman. He was carefully making himself aware of her now, at any rate. He knew her name was Jewelee and that she had a tight little ass, currently being hugged by a tight white mini-skirt. Underneath was a pair of yellow spandex pants that seemed incredibly tight. She wore a red top and red gloves that went to her elbows. A red domino mask covered her eyes. Her wavy blonde hair ran down to her shoulders. She was pretty hot.
The guy... Pinch? Something like that? He looked like a moron in a green & yellow jester's outfit, his green underwear on the outside of his pants. Tommy couldn't really give an opinion on his ass.
Tommy had been following them for about an hour, after he had seen them coming out of an arcade holding hot dogs and a sack full of quarters. He figured that they had knocked the place over but decided to follow them, hoping for a bigger score. Batman didn't stop people for stealing quarters. ...Pennies, one time, but not quarters.
Following them eventually seemed to bear fruit. The two were making their way towards the Natural History Museum of Gotham. Tommy knew from the myriad of banners hanging in Downtown Gotham that the Jewel of Santa Prisca was on display. Its estimated worth was in the millions of dollars. If they were going anywhere, Tommy bet, they were going there.
The bet proved correct; the two wayward villains gradually made their way up the steps of the museum and met a guard outside. The guard put his hand up but, before Tommy could react, Paunch pulled out a gun. He zapped the guard with some sort of ray and the guard seemed to go limp. Pooch then began to move his hands and the guard moved as well, acting as some sort of puppet for the villain. With care the guard was moved to the front door and made to unlock it. When he was finished, Jewelee cracked him over the head and stepped over his body inside the museum.
Tommy hurriedly ducked inside the museum a few seconds after the villains had made their way inside, keeping pace with them. They were chatting loudly, making it easy for Tommy to follow them. He crept around a mastodon that stood in the middle of the foyer, eying the two villains.
"This is wonderful, darling!" Jewelee exclaimed, hugging her beau while they walked. She kissed him on the cheek and then rested her head on his shoulder.
"Simply marvelous!" Peach replied. A guard came around the corner and Jewelee pulled a gem out of the satchel of her purse. The gem shot a purple beam straight for the guard's forehead; he froze in place, seemingly unable to move. The villains laughed and continued on into the museum.
Tommy seemed to have a handle on their powers now. Pitch had the ability to control people and whatever was in Jewelee's purse allowed her to freeze people in place, it seemed. It was a simple matter of avoiding the beams. He readied some explosive charges to throw them off, then he'd jump in and disarm them. Simple enough. He set a timer on his belt for 30 minutes; he knew subduing the criminals would take maybe 2 minutes but hey, Jewelee was hot. You never knew what might happen...
Tommy was fiddling with his belt when he suddenly heard Jewelee exclaim in surprise.
"Hey!" She shouted. "That's ours! What're you doing here???" Tommy's eyes glanced up and then went wide with surprise. Standing in front of them, holding the Jewel of Santa Prisca, was Catwoman.
"...You son of a bitch," She said slowly.
"Me?" Pudge said with alarm. "What did I do?"
"Not you," Catwoman responded with annoyance. She stared past the two criminals, directly at Batman. "Him."
Jewelee turned and started. "Batman?!" She ejaculated. She turned and faced her partner. "Did you know he was there?" The jester shrugged.
"Uh... hi, Catwoman," Tommy said awkwardly. He wasn't quite sure how to handle this situation. "...How are you?"
"Don't give me that!" Catwoman said. Her icy demeanor was quickly melting away. "Don't say 'hi' to me like you didn't just tell the whole world about how I like to fuck!"
"Ooooh," Peach and Jewelee intoned at the same time. They both looked at Tommy, Batman to them, and spoke at the same time.
"That was you? You pig," Jewelee said.
"That was you? You rule," Pirch said. Jewelee elbowed him in the ribs and gave him a withering look.
"You don't understand, I-" Tommy began to say.
"Don't give me any of your excuses," Catwoman said. "I saved your life and that's how you repay me? By throwing me in with a bunch of other girls from your little black book?"
"You tell him, girl," Jewelee said.
Tommy looked at her, annoyed. "Hey, do you mind?"
Jewelee looked at him defiantly.
Catwoman continued to speak. She wasn't waiting for Tommy to respond; she had a lot she wanted to get off her chest and it spilled out of her quickly, unceasingly.
"And to say I'm an ALRIGHT fuck???" She yelled. Tommy winced; he hadn't thought about how that would make her feel. "I'm a great fuck. I'm the best you ever had."
