Let's make one thing perfectly clear. I love Kaley Cuoco. I know she had been on a couple of shows before Big Bang Theory. But when I saw her in that first episode, in that v-neck top, blue jean shorts, and that blonde hair, I knew I had found my next ex-wife.
After years of trying, I finally scored tickets to a live taping of Big Bang. This was my chance to finally meet the woman of my dreams. I had to devise a plan.
The day finally arrived. As I entered the studio I was more nervous that I had any right to be. I mean, what were the chances of my plan working? My guess was slim to none. But after all of the research I had done on how these things go, I thought I had at least a chance. A slim chance.
I took my seat, along with the rest of the audience. The seating reminded me of a nicer version of the retractable bleachers in your high school basketball gym. Each performer was brought before the audience and introduced, as if they needed any introduction. Of course, when Kaley appeared, the place went crazy. Or maybe it was just me. Who could tell? She looked absolutely radiant.
Several scenes were taped, discussed, re-taped, and discussed some more before moving on to the next scene. After a couple hours of taping various scenes a one hour lunch break was called. The actors exited the set and the audience was informed that there were food trucks outside if they were interested. Now was time to execute my plan.
Outside where the food trucks were located there was a large, overhead door where the larger pieces for the set were brought in and out. Workers were constantly going in and out of this door, past a guard who had obviously become complacent seeing the same faces go in and out for weeks. I blended in with a group entering the stage area and slipped past the guard without incident.
Once inside I needed to blend in. I spied a clipboard and a stray ID badge carelessly placed on a counter a few paces in. I was now taking on the identity of one Steve Archer, who looked nothing like me on his ID badge. I'd just try to keep the badge turned around backwards.
I walked to where I thought the star's dressing rooms might be.
"Hey! You! Where you goin'?" asked a man looking very official and agitated. He wore a headset with a microphone and had his own clipboard. I was busted.
"I...I...uh...I was looking for Miss Cuoco's dressing room. I was told to bring this to her," I said, motioning to my clipboard.
"Oh! Are those the script changes we've been waiting on? Jesus Christ, you people sure take your sweet-ass time."
"Yes sir, I'm sorry for the delay."
"Kaley's waiting for them."
"Ummmm, I'm new. Could you point me in the right direction, please?"
He was obviously upset they had sent a newbie down with such important documents. "Out that door," he pointed at a door down the hallway. "Her trailer's the third one down."
The door took me back outside. There were a string of trailers. Instead of dressing rooms the stars had their own trailers. The first two belonged to Johnny Galecki and Jim Parsons. And there it was. Kaley Cuoco's personal trailer. I stood for a moment, collecting my thoughts. I never thought my plan would get me even this far. I looked around, knowing a security guard would be on me at any moment to foil my plan. My heart raced as I reached to knock on the door.
"Commmmme Innnnnnn!" came the reply, nearly singing it, from a very familiar voice. I took one last deep breath, opened the door, and walked in.
There she was! Sitting at a large make up desk in what would be a second bedroom in a normal trailer. She was wearing a large, white robe, one like you would find in one of those ritzy, Beverly Hills hotels, and removing her make up. Her beautiful blonde hair was falling down around her shoulders.
She looked at this stranger standing there, surprised but not alarmed. "Oh! Hello. I thought you were Jenny bringing me my lunch. So, honey, who are you?" She turned to look me straight in the eyes full of curiousity.
I stood there in shock and awe. Not in my wildest dreams did I think I would make it this far. I froze. I was blowing it! Think! Think!
"I...uhhhh...I'm...ummmmm...hello! My name is Mark Alan. I'm, uhhhh, one of your biggest fans." I thought to myself, "Nice job. I'm sure she's never heard that one before, genious. She'll be calling security now." "They...uhhhh...they told me to come down here." I pointed back towards the direction I had come from.
"Oh! You must be the contest winner! I'm surprised they didn't escort you back here for a more formal introduction."
"Contest?"
"Yes, silly. You knoooooow, the contest," she said with a sly grin.
"Oh! Yes! The contest! Yes, I won the contest." I had no idea what she was talking about. I thought it was best to play along. Hopefully the contest wasn't a ticket to jail.
"Oh, yay! Aren't I the lucky girl?! To have such a tall, good looking man win the contest. I was afraid it would be some little, four-eyed nerd. I hang out with nerds all day." We both chuckled. "I've been looking forward to this!"
"Yes, me, too." She had no idea how long I'd been looking forward to this very moment.
"We're going to have to do this kind of quick. I'm expecting Jenny to be back with my lunch any time now. Sorry, sweetie." She stood to face me. She's actually a little taller than I had expected. She began to untie her robe. "So, how do you want to do this, honey? Do you want me to do it in character, as Penny?"
"Ummmmm, yeah, sure, okay."
"Oh good!" she said, her face lighting up, clapping her hands like a little child at Christmas. "I love role playing! You can be Sheldon, I'll be Penny. I've always wanted to do this to Sheldon," she said giggling. "Now go outside and knock on the door."
For a moment I was confused. Then it hit me, I knew exactly what she wanted.
I stepped outside and knocked on the door. Knock-knock-knock. "Penny." Knock-knock-knock. "Penny." Knock-knock-knock. "Penny." I could hear her giggle inside.
"Come in, Sheldon. The door's open." I walked in just as I had done 5 minutes ago. "What's up, buttercup?" she asked.
Sheldon. Sheldon. "You called me over here, Penny. Do you need assistance of some kind?"
She peeled off her robe, letting it fall to the ground. My jaw hit the ground the same time it did. It revealed the most perfect pair of tits I had ever seen, even better than I had imagined. All she had left on were the baby blue boy short panties and a sexy, come hither look on her face.
She reached up with both hands and massaged her breasts, pinched and pulled her own now erect nipples. "Do you like them? Do you like my tits, Sheldon?" I just stood there, staring in disbelief. "I had them enlarged. Did you know that? I think he did a good job, don't you?"
I swallowed hard and tried not to pass out. "Uhhhhhhhh, they're...they're beautiful. They're perfect."
"Thank you, sweetie!" She paused, still pinching her nipples. "But that's not what Sheldon would say, is it? Come on, sweetie, don't get all shy on me. I put my panties on and off just like any other girl." She grabbed her panties and pulled them down to the floor. She stood up straight, revealing a perfectly shaved pussy. "See? Same as any other girl." She began to rub her moistening slit with one hand and massage her tits with the other. "Now what would Sheldon say?"
Sheldon? Shit! What would Sheldon say? "Uhhhhhh...Penny, what are you doing? You can't just leave your clothes laying on the ground. It's, ummmmm, it's unsanitary."
She laughed. "Yes, yes! Perfect. Oooooo, this is going to be fun!"
She moved closer. "Sheldon, what would you do if I got down on my knees in front of you?"
I would thank the Lord and heavens above, that's what! "Why would you do such a thing, Penny?"
She stopped in front of me and knelt down onto her knees. "Because I'm going to give you a blow job, Sheldon," she said looking up at me while expertly undoing my belt buckle and pants button.
I swallowed hard. Sheldon. Sheldon. "Penny! What are you doing?!"
"I've always wondered what you had hiding under here, Sheldon." She kept her gaze on my face while unzipping my fly. She grabbed the waist band of my pants and underwear and slowly pulled them down.
Once the restrictions had been removed, my man meat jumped out at her, almost smacking her on the nose, moistened with precum already. Honestly, I'm no porn star. But it's nothing to be ashamed of, either. 8" long and thick. Many women have commented on it's girth. Kaley was no different.
"Holy crap on a cracker!" She grabbed it by the base. "You've been holding out on me, Sheldon. Now I see why Amy puts up with you." She kissed the tip and began to stroke it.
"Penny! What are you doing?! Don't you know where that's been?!"