I'm writing this story for the sake of writing ... and sex. Don't ask, don't wonder, just shut up and enjoy, okay? ;) Hellboy Β© Mike Mignola & Dark Horse. Kara & Omophagia Β© me.
We were sitting on that steep hill, me and Hellboy, side by side, looking down to the gray lake below. The sun was setting behind the tall firs, heating our backs and sweeping a warm gold glow over the forest and the lake, just barely managing to tinge the mountains in the distance.
Our clothing was in tatters. Hellboy didn't seemed to care, he just sat there slugging back his fourth Amstel, grumbling under his breath that he was more in the mood for a lager. Me, on the other hand, I had my knees tucked up against my chest and my arms wrapped about my body--not because I was cold, mind you, but because my clothing was friggin' falling off of my body!!
Hellboy drained the last few drops from the can and duly pitched it back over his shoulder. I frowned, turning to watch it clatter alongside the other three while Hellboy hauled yet a fifth beer out from the case beside him.
Cracking the tab, Hellboy glanced at me, arched an eyebrow and held the beer out. "Want one?"
I smirked but shook my head. "I told you I'm not much of a beer drinker. Is that all that's left?"
"Wait a sec." Planting the beer can in the matted grass, Hellboy leaned back and hooked the fingers of his fleshly left hand into one of our dozen coolers, dragging it towards us. The tip of his tail curled and whipped about as he popped the lid and rooted around inside. He gave a triumphant "Aha!" and turned back to me, grinning as he held up a can of Coke. "Tons left."
"Good, thanks." I started to reach for the can, all the while struggling to not unveil any more cleavage than necessary. Hellboy drew his hand back, just out of my reaching, his grin growing wider as I scowled.
"Hand it over, Red!" I snapped, springing into a crouch in case I needed to tackle him to get my drink. I didn't realize immediately that jumping around like that was loosening the knot I had tied my bedraggled shirt in at my shoulder. As I reached again for the Coke, I felt the torn cloth come undone and slip away.
My shirt flopped open, revealing the great swell of my breasts, the skin still damp from when I rinsed off in the lake. I had already planted one arm across my chest in case something like that would happen, but I was still startled by how much I had inadvertently shown.
Before I was able to catch the wayward piece of cloth, I saw Hellboy's eyes drop, looking down. He was looking at my breasts, staring straight and unabashedly at them--God, was he hypnotized?! He didn't move!
"Ha!" I leapt up and snatched the Coke out of Hellboy's still hand, jarring him awake. He jumped, his eyes ripping away from my chest and back to mine, wide. A look of guilt crossed his face.
Not knowing what to say, I pretended not to notice it--what else could I do?
And, to be honest, it wasn't like I really minded it ... Well, to be honest ... I had been wanting him to look.
Readjusting the remains of my shirt over my chest, I sighed and looked down to my Coke. Yeah, sure, I could just get up and go change back in my tent, but I was afraid to stand up; my clothes were threatening to go at any minute.
The B.P.R.D. had temporarily assigned me to work with Hellboy to track and either destroy or contain the demoness Omophagia, formerly an ancient Greek priestess who had sold her soul to monsters in order to become the grand high poobah of her temple in Crete. Omophagia then started a cult of cannibalism, got chased out by Theseus (yep, the same guy who turned the Minotaur into ground chuck), somehow was cursed and mummified in Egypt, unearthed, brought to the United States, accidentally resurrected and, well, has been on the lam ever since.
Hellboy had groaned at this assignment. "When are people gonna learn to leave Egyptian tombs alone?"
Hellboy and I had already worked together on minor assignments or consults, but this was our first long mission together, and he was pissed, to say the least. He worked alone, he'd tell me repeatedly, sometimes admitting that Abe Sapien might come along for the ride, but otherwise, nope, alone.
"Tough shit," I finally spat on the way to Wyoming, sick of his whining. "Abe can't travel long distances, so he can't come. You're going to have to settle for me."
So, yeah, we weren't pals for a while. For a while.
Strangely though, I eventually found myself just thinking about Hellboy. Admiring him, maybe. Once a while I'd find myself thinking, 'Wow, he's got a really nice ass and oh my God, where the hell did THAT thought come from??'
And ... there was something else. You know, at first I thought I was imagining it. Sometimes I thought I saw Hellboy just sitting there, watching me. It wasn't a creepy watching, though, don't get the wrong idea. It seemed almost ... thoughtful. If he was looking at me like that and I said something to him, Hellboy would jump, as though snapping awake, look baffled and embarrassed, stammer something, then hurry along on his merry way.
Our friendship had improved considerably by the time we tracked Omophagia to one of Yellowstone's kajillion underground caves. I really don't want to relive that fight right now, don't make me retell it.
All you need to know is that, at the end, Omophagia was dead, the fight had ended but left our clothes shredded and us half naked and covered in protoplasmic slime, clutching each other and laughing our asses off as we slipped and glided out of the caves.
Once we got out of the caves, we made a beeline down to the lake to wash off. Hellboy lingered along the edge of the water, shifting uncertainly and watching me as I gagged and picked ribbons of goo off of my body.
"You all right?" I asked him as I whipped the crud into the bushes nearby.
Oddly, Hellboy nodded, never speaking. Drawing in a breath, he turned and meandered into the woods, heading down shore so I could have some privacy.
I was startled by how lonely I felt with him gone.
Back at camp atop the hill, Hellboy contacted the B.P.R.D. to report that the mission was successful. I winced as I listened to him cuss out the agent on the other end of the receiver. Furious, Hellboy stomped over beside me, snarling that the B.P.R.D wouldn't be able to pick us up until some time tomorrow afternoon.
I had only shrugged. I didn't mind. This gave me a chance to enjoy the woodland before I was bundled off to my sterile little cubical. I told H.B. that I was tempted to put a human sized hamster wheel in there. And one of those giant water bottles, and a big plastic bowl filled with pellets. Hellboy laughed at that one.
So being stranded for a little while was no big deal to me.
Yeah, I wish.