A frantic yell echoed down the ancient walls. Growing ever quieter. Ending in a dull thump. Moving more cautiously, the flame I held aloft picked out a hole spanning almost wall to wall. Far below a fire flickered, and went out.
I edged along a narrow lip of stone, face against the rock, whip in one hand, torch in the other, and Mido's fate on my mind. My shirt snagged on an unseen protrusion. It had caught the buttoned front and I couldn't loose myself. I only succeed in also catching a bra strap. Fuck! I took a chance and lunged for the far side, just gripping the edge and hauling myself to safety. My shirt a tattered rag on the wall, my bra flapping down to join Mido. It was cold in the tomb, and my naked nipples contracted.
The light was brighter now. The path seemed clear. Suspiciously clear. I cautiously stepped forwards and recoiled as spears flew out from either wall. I yelped in pain, a burning sensation across my right thigh. Spears were fouled in my blood soaked pants. Pulling out a knife, I cut them off me. The wounds were only shallow, but they stung, and ruby red ran down my leg.
I stumbled on, in boots, panties and a fedora. When I reached the ceremonial chamber, it was lit in some mystical way. In the center, was a stone plinth. Set in this, a gleaming, aurous cylinder, reflecting eldritch light.
I dropped my whip and grabbed the rod. As it came away from its mount, a thunderous noise sprang forth and the ground trembled.
I needed to retrace my steps, and fast. Somehow traverse the pit more rapidly. My left had held the torch, my right the totem I had come to retrieve. And, on the floor, my whip. No pockets, no belt. And masonry beginning to fall around me.
Reaching a decision, I peeled off my panties, spat on the rod, and shoved it hard between my butt-cheeks. I'd taken bigger, it was fine. Clenching hard, and picking up my whip, I sprinted past the spears and towards the exit.
At full speed, I leapt the pit and crashed on the other side. A somersault, and back on my feet. Twenty more strides and I was out. Lying on my face, in the sand, the Rod of Ra sticking out of my ass.
I wondered whether big brother ever had these problems.