I am thinking this story can only be titled "WOW" as I begin typing. In a few days, I will turn 57 years old and for the first 56 and a half years of my life I considered myself while not entirely a loser I was so close that at times it felt that way.
I was married to my high school sweetheart for a whole 6 months and 5 days. I was never fortunate enough to find the right woman or have the children I always wanted. I am not dirt poor but I am definitely closer to that than I am to being even middle income.
Then shortly after New Year's Day as I worked at my job as an underpaid cashier, the phone rang and a strange voice that seemed oddly familiar asked if I knew the capitol of California.
It preturbed me because I was really busy and it seemed like a prank call but I answered, "Sacramento."
The voice laughed and I almost hung up before and after she told me I had just won a free month's vacation to anywhere in the world I wanted to go then asked if I would like to give up the vacation for a chance to win a million dollars tax free.
The store had finally emptied by then and giggling to myself as I still figured it was a prank call I answered, "Sure thing unless of course the trip is between your thighs."
I figured for sure that would end the call but she laughed loudly then said, "I'll tell you what Mr. McIntyre. If you can answer three questions, I'll give you the million and a month's vacation with me as your companion. The between my thighs part will not be included unless I decide once we have met that I am interested in going that direction."
Before I could make a snap reply she cleared her throat and asked, "If I offered you a job that paid either a million dollars a day for 30 days or a penny the first day doubled every day for 30 days, which would you take?"
I almost answered the million a day just to end the conversation since a few customers were entering the store but I gave the correct answer of a penny doubled for 30 days.
She quit laughing and said, "You are smarter than I first figured Mr. McIntyre. What time do you get off?"
This time I giggled as I replied, "After the first question I figured it would become harder but you gave me a real easy one. I close at 10PM and get off at about a quarter past ten."
She was totally serious as she said, "I was a TV star Mr. McIntyre. I still do broadway and an occasioal guest spot but my star days are long gone. I will call back after you have closed and you can ask me 3 questions which I will answer honestly then if you can tell me who I am you will win the million dollars and a month's vacation with me to a destination of my choice."
She hung up before I could reply and I continued working as if the phone had never rung, totally convinced it had been a prank call.
When the phone rung as I locked the door, it never even crossed my mind that it was her calling back. I often get calls at closing from customers checking to see when we closed.
I said, "Hello. This is Woody. How can I help you tonight?"
I recognized her laugh as she replied, "Why by asking me 3 questions. To be honest, I seriously doubt I would ever be attracted to you but your wit does enthrall me a bit and I think getting to know you might be quite interesting."
Without pause I asked, "What color are your eyes?"
She answered, "Blue."
I continued, "What color is your hair?"
She answered, "Blonde."
I finished, "How many female co-stars were on your show?"
She laughed loudly then said, "You are a strange man Woody. Your questions were no where near what I expected them to be yet I get a feeling once I answer this one that you are going to get it right."
I giggled as I said, "Well Angela does that mean you might consider the between your thighs part too."
The phone slammed down breaking the connection and damn near bursting my ear drum then almost immediatedly after I hung up it rang again.
I picked it up and said, "Miss Light that was extremely rude. I'm not so sure I am interested on what being between your thighs is like anymore."
She laughed before saying, "Yes you are Woody. You have won but I must know how you knew it was me."
I answered, "Are you sure? If I answer that, you are definitely going to think I am crazy."
She giggled, "I already do Woody."
I smiled to myself then replied, "I first began watching your show because I was so attracted to Katherine from the commercials I saw and after the first episode I saw I was hooked on how cute Alyssa was and dreamed of meeting her when I was young enough to be with her. By the end of the 2nd episode, I had the hots for you like I hadn't had since my divorce. Last night I watched a 6 hour "Who's The Boss?" marathon on the TVLAND network and I dreamed about meeting you and us falling in love and living happily ever after. I woke up about two hours before my alarm went off in the midst of the first wet dream I had had in over 30 years. I wouldn't call your voice distinctive in the sense that anyone would know it was you the instant they heard it but to me well lets just say that as I asked what color your eyes were, I knew it was you."