It had been more than a week that Alex found out she was pregnant but hadn't spoken a word of it to anyone. She was quite fatigued and after doing some research on the Internet found that fatigue was the most common side effect of pregnancy along with nausea, vomiting, and loss of appetite. She surprisingly only suffered from the fatigue and she supposed Josh benefited from that since she was forever falling asleep leaning against him, in his lap, or in his bed. It was Sunday morning and he came over early. After carrying her from her own bed to the guest bed he shed his clothes, crawled in and curled up against her where they fell back to sleep together. Once they woke, they dressed and headed out into town to have breakfast. They sat out on the patio of a local restaurant and ordered.
"I'm going to have the strawberry pancakes ..." Alex said to the waiter. "With scrambled eggs, a slice of ham, and bacon." The waiter looked at her then blinked and looked again. He repeated the order to her and then nodded slowly when she said that was correct. Josh looked at Alex and did a double take then gave the waiter his order. When he turned and walked away Josh laughed.
"Obviously you're hungry this morning." He said and stirred cream into his coffee. Alex nodded.
"Famished." She said and sipped her tea. He smiled.
"Well okay then. So, darling, what should we do today?" He asked folding his hands in front of him. She shrugged.
"It's a gorgeous day; we could go swimming in my pool." He nodded.
"We could do that." He said. "Or we could go to the beach and swim." She nodded this time.
"Whichever, I don't care. I just want to get away from here." He sat thinking about which he'd prefer when the waiter began to deliver the food. Josh watched with interest as Alex began to devour the pancakes. He'd never seen her eat like that in the year that he'd known her. His own breakfast was growing cold as he sat and observed. It wasn't long before she finished it and moved on to the eggs. By the time he was finished with his meal she had eaten nearly all of the food she'd ordered then sat back and puffed out her cheeks.
"Whoa." She said and then laughed.
"Holy shit, Allie, I think that was a world record for you." Josh said with a grin.
"I was hungry." She giggled.
"Obviously. Would you like the rest of mine?" He teased. She laughed and held up her hand.
"Oh no thanks, I couldn't." Josh smiled then finished his breakfast. After he paid the bill they got into his car and headed for his condo. They had decided to go to the beach after all so Josh was going to change into his bathing trunks then they would head over to Alex's so she could change. As soon as Josh turned the corner he spied a limo out in front of his building and at that very moment January emerged from the back seat. "Oh fuck." He said.
"What?" Alex said as Josh stopped the car on the side of the road.
"January's home." He said disgusted.
"Take me home, Josh, I don't want to see her. Take me home, please!" Alex said in a panic. Josh made a u-turn in the middle of the street and drove towards Laurel Canyon. He looked over and saw the distress on her face; she was breathing heavily, panting.
"Allie, baby ..." He said reaching over and taking her hand. "Are you okay?" She turned towards him and frowned.
"No, I'm not okay, Josh, we almost ran into your wife." He shrugged.
"So? So we went out to breakfast, where's the harm in that?" She pulled her hand from his and turned away.
"You just don't understand the gravity of this whole situation do you, Josh?" He felt his temper flare.
"You know, you keep telling me that and I keep defending myself but you continue to think I'm a total idiot don't you?" He snapped. She clicked her tongue and sighed audibly.
"No, I don't think you're an idiot, I think you just don't realize what torment this is for me." He shook his head.
"Well, you have a choice here, Alexandra. I've offered it to you many times but you care too much about him." She flinched at his intonation of 'him'. It had been more then a month since they had fought over the divorce issue and their relationship had been quite pleasant until now.
"Don't start that again." She muttered.
"I don't need to start 'that' again." He said sarcastically. "It's never gone away, it'll never go away, it just goes on and on and on." His lips tightened and he frowned. "I'm sorry, Allie. I know you feel bad about it." He said, finally softening. "And the only thing I feel bad about is that it tortures you the way it does. I don't want to be married to her anymore. The only thing that keeps me from divorcing her is the fact that she's never here anyway. And until you're a free woman divorce isn't going to help anything." It grew silent in the car as he sped down the road towards Alex's house. He reached out and lightly touched her shoulder. She turned to face him and he saw that she had been crying. "Oh sweetie ..." He said softly. Looking ahead he found a place where he could pull over. He did and then put the car in park. Turning to her he smiled sadly. "I love you, Allie. I'm sorry about all of this and yeah, had I never said a word to you on your wedding day we wouldn't be in this ... predicament for lack of a better word." He sighed and after unbuckling her seat belt pulled her into his lap. Sliding his fingers into her silken hair he pulled her mouth down to his for a kiss. "But we're here and we're in love and we've got to be patient. Well I do at least." He gazed into her sparkling blue eyes and smiled. "Just know that whatever happens in this life, happens to us, to you, to me ... that I love you with every ounce of my being." She slid her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.
"I love you too." She whispered. "I'm just scared." He smiled weakly.
"I know you are and to be honest, I'm a little timid about the whole thing myself but I know how I feel about you and it couldn't be more real." After another kiss he let her slip back into her seat and after she was safely buckled in he pulled away. A short time after that he pulled up in front of her house. They both got out of the car. He pulled her to him for a kiss then he took off. Alex let herself into the house, dragged herself upstairs then lay on her bed and cried.
The closer he got to the condo the more his gut ached. He not only didn't want to face his wife at this point in time, he wasn't anxious to see her either. He just felt like they didn't have anything in common anymore and his love for her had grown cold. Funny thing was, why hadn't she called to let him know that she was on her way or that she was here already? He glanced at his cell phone again and saw nothing. He pulled into the dark parking garage, parked the Porsche and headed up. Pretending not to know she was there he stuck his key into the lock on the door and turned. It wasn't locked. Taking a deep breath he pushed the door opened and prayed that his acting ability was just as strong as his singing one. Silently he moved through the house, frowning and acting suspicious. He feigned surprise when he saw her in the bedroom.
"Jan?" He said with a mixture of shock and confusion. She had been folding clothes and stuffing them into her dresser drawers. She looked up and smiled.
"Howdy stranger." She said moving towards him. A feeling of dread washed over him and he smiled forcefully. You can do this Groban ... he mentally encouraged himself and slid his arms around her when she approached. She leaned up for a kiss and as his mouth touched hers what he felt astounded him – he felt nothing. Even the last time they kissed he felt something ... even just a slight tingle. This time was different. He may as well have been kissing an aunt or an uncle. She pressed her mouth more firmly against his and though the kiss may have been what she considered to be sexual, he could not but he tried. "Well," She said pulling away and batting her eyelashes at him. "Did you miss that?" He smiled and nodded.
"Of course." He said in a low voice. She felt her body ignite at his deep tone. "Did you?" She shook her head.
"I'm kissing all the time, Josh, you forget I'm an actress." His first instinct was to roll his eyes and for a moment he started but stopped immediately when he realized what he was doing. "But your kisses are the best!" She clamped her mouth onto his once more. When she pulled at his shirt he groaned. She took it as a sign that he was anxious to make love to her; he meant it as a feeling of apprehension. He allowed her to undress him then she began to touch him all over. Surprising himself he had gone stiff. She grinned when she ran her hands down his belly and wrapped her fingers around it. "Oh you brought me something ..." she said and stroked him. He pushed her backward towards the bed anxious to get the act over with. With a deep sigh of resignation he undressed her, paying careful attention to her needs then made love to her. He had a tough time getting himself to climax because he'd already had sex once that day and she wasn't exactly Alexandra. When he closed his eyes she could be but as soon as he opened them she wasn't. Her moans were nothing like Alex's tiny squeaks of delight. Her body was bony instead of fleshy like Alex's. Josh closed his eyes and willed himself to concentrate. After a while he gave up, disengaged from her and rolled onto his back.
"What's wrong?" She asked rolling over and toying with the hairs on his chest. He rubbed his face vigorously with his hands and sighed.
"I don't know." He lied and offered no further explanation. He closed his eyes and felt frustration welling up inside him.
"It's okay sweetie, it happens sometimes." She snuggled against him. "We'll try again later." Instinctively he slipped an arm around her. They lay silent for a while before Jan spoke again. "So where'd you go this morning so early?"
"I had breakfast with my parents." He lied again. "You should have called me; I would have been home to greet you properly." She shrugged.
"I really wanted to surprise you but it was me who was surprised." She said with a sigh.
"Oh no, you surprised me. I thought someone had broken into our place." She giggled.
"Were you going to sneak up on me and kill me?" She teased. He laughed.
"Maybe." If she only knew how close to the truth that statement was ... She chuckled.
"You can't kill me; I have a movie to finish."
"So what's up with that? For how long are you here?"
