Jag: Sarah

Disclaimer: JAG and its characters are the property of Donald Bellisario, Paramount and CBS. All other characters are mine and fictional.

Sarah MacKenzie

Central Campus Apts.

Duke University

September 30, 1992

Dearest John,

This has to have been the longest month of my life. I thought that if I waited to write to you, the pain of our separation would have diminished... but it hasn't.

Each night, as I sit alone in my apartment and remember our last days in the cottage on the cliff in Hado, I long to feel you near me once again... touching me, holding me...whispering my name in the moonlight. My love...how I miss you.

Oh, John, why don't you write? Why don't you call? Have you fallen out of love so quickly? I'm not sure I could bear your answer, my dearest, because our time apart has only made me love you more.

You fill my thoughts...you fill my dreams...I only wish you were here to fill my life.

Please write, my love, Your Sarah

1800 HOURS

Sarah's Apartment

Duke University Campus

Durham, North Carolina

It had been another rough day.

Sarah returned home heavy laden with books from her first year law classes in "Torts" and "Criminal Law". It looked like it was going to be another long night...weren't law students allowed to sleep?

"Barb," she said, turning to her friend and study partner," maybe I'm just not cut out for this."

"Oh, Mac," Barb smiled, "You know you don't mean that. You're depressed over John, you're having to adjust to a whole new world full of civilians...you're just on 'overload'"

Mac knew she was right. Barb usually was. It never ceased to amaze her how close the two of them had become in just four weeks.

She'd met Barbara Dannon on her first day in "Constitutional Law". The professor, determined to 'weed out' all but the most devoted, had given the class an unattainable reading schedule to manage. She and Barb had commiserated over the unfairness of it all, until they had decided to split the material, then share their notes. It had worked, and they'd been good friends ever since.

Briefly she scanned the small kitchen in her small one-bedroom apartment for something "quick" to fix for supper. There wasn't much...a paper that had been due in "Civil Procedure" had taken up all of her shopping time over the last two weeks.

Finally, sharing a can of "Dinty Moore's Stew", and a couple of stale rolls, they settled down to another evening deep in study.

It had been four, long weeks since she'd left John at the Futenma Air Terminal on Okinawa...it didn't seem possible. There were times when she could still feel his gentle touch upon her face, and hear his voice in the dead of night. It was hard to study, when so much of her longed to be somewhere else.

The fact that he hadn't tried to contact her during that time, had only served to make matters worse. How could she concentrate when a part of her was missing?

"If you're going to be this miserable, then you need to contact him." Barb had said. "Don't just wait for something that might never happen...talk to him. Find out what's wrong, and then deal with it. Either way, you'll get to move on."

Finally, in desperation, she decided to use some of her precious study time, breaking the barrier of silence, and writing to John instead.

What if he didn't answer?

The thought was too much to bear. Angry with herself for once again deviating from the task at hand, Sarah dropped the finished letter in her pack, grabbed her "Criminal Law" text, and began to study for tomorrow's quiz. She had to get beyond this...she just had to...

John Farrow

H&S Div.

Camp Butler, Okinawa

October, 7, 1992

My Sweet Sarah,

Not a day has gone by that I haven't picked up the phone and begun to dial your number, but I felt, deep in my heart, that giving you space and time to away from our relationship was the kindest gift I could offer. How could you even imagine that I no longer loved you?

Being C.O. of a "paper" battalion has lost all interest for me. With you gone, I need more to occupy my body and mind. I've decided to apply for a transfer to a Marine Expeditionary Unit. Maybe an M.E.U. will give me something to fill my days.

My precious Sarah, that brings me to something we should talk about. I've been offered a position at Twenty-nine Palms in California, and another one at Quantico. But there is a third...as C.O. of the 24th MEU at Camp Lejeune in North Carolina, about 100 miles from you. What do you think?

Sarah...I have to tell you that I have reservations about Camp Lejeune. We parted for good and valid reasons...ones that still hold true. I still refuse to stand in the way of your career or the bright future ahead of you, but this last month apart has mellowed my perspective considerably. I miss you more than I can say, and I'm desperate to see if we can work something out.

Write to me soon, dear Sarah. I love you...I miss you... I need to hear from you.

All my love, John

1600 HOURS

October 12, 1992

Sarah MacKenzie's apartment

Duke University

It was a dream come true! John still loved her! He was transferring to Camp Lejeune. Could life get any better!

Sarah grabbed for the phone and immediately began to dial his bungalow at Camp Butler. She had to talk to him...hear his voice...share his thoughts.

"Farrow here" a decidedly male voice answered. "What can I do for you?"

"John? It's me...Sarah."

A pause.

"Sarah? I can't believe it's you! Hearing your voice..."

Sarah felt the tears begin to well up behind her eyelids. "Oh John, I got your letter...I had to call. It's been so hard..."

"I know Sarah...I know. I feel it too. So I'm guessing Camp Lejeune is a 'yes'" he laughed. "I don't know what I would have done if you'd told me to go somewhere else!"

"Oh John...Oh John...just keep talking." she pleaded, as the tears overcame her. "I...I..." she sobbed, uncontrollably. "I need to hear your voice." she rasped. "Say anything...anything."

And so a minute turned into an hour...and an hour into two. John insisted on paying her phone bill...it would be astronomical, but worth every penny. They would be together again...the feeling it gave her was priceless.

Time seemed to crawl as Sarah counted the minutes, then days, then weeks since their one and only phone call. Already, her demeanor had changed with the promise of his transfer, and life began to take on new meaning. There was now a spring in her step and a ready smile on her lips that had not been there before.

Sarah fairly glowed with anticipation.

John was coming. She was happy. She was alive. She was in love.

Sarah MacKenzie

Apt. 716

Central Campus Apartments

Duke University

October 20, 1992

Dearest John,

Only two more weeks and I'll have you with me again! I think of you constantly, my love. You're my first thought in the morning, and my last thought at night. Is there any wonder why I have a perpetual smile on my face?

My studies are extremely difficult, but they're going well. So far I've received either an 'A' or 'B' on just about everything. Are you proud of me?

My Darling...I want so much to call you...to hear your voice once again, but after the length of our last long distance call, I know it probably isn't a good idea. I'll have to content myself with rereading your letters over and over again instead.

I'm placing my hand on this page, my love...touching you...feeling the beat of your heart. It's a poor substitute, but it's all that I have for now...

Forever,

Sarah

0900 HOURS

November 7, 1992

Marine Corps Air Station - New River

Camp Lejeune, North Carolina

It was Saturday morning...the day John was to land at the New River Air Station.

Sarah grinned giddily as she drove her antiquated Marine surplus Jeep through the MAS gate at Camp Lejeune. It felt good to be dressed in "Marine Green" once again, a measure she'd felt would ease her admission onto the base. John's transport was due in at 1000 HOURS, and she wanted to be early.

John would have to report for duty on Monday morning, but until then, he was all hers. A flush crossed her features as she anticipated all that would entail...oh God, how she'd missed him!

Reminding herself again of the requirements of protocol, Sarah watched as his flight disembarked on the tarmac.

Sara's heart pounded in her throat as John passed through the gate into the waiting area, his jaw firm, his presence strong and competent.

Together they stood, each frozen in place, their eyes saying the words denied them by the protocol of rank.

Shakily, Sarah raised her hand in a salute ("I want to touch you, John.")

Returning her acknowledgement ("Soon, my love...soon."), John asked: "Lieutenant, are you in charge of my ground transportation?"

"Yes Sir. That I am, Sir."

"Very well then. Proceed."

Silently, they climbed aboard Mac's Jeep, and headed for the colonel's housing on Front Street in Courthouse Bay, overlooking New River.

"How far is it to my billet?" he asked impatiently, his fingers caressing her hand on the gear shift knob.

"According to the map I got at the main gate, it isn't far now," she sighed, her hand warming to his touch.

"I can't believe you're actually here, John. You don't know how much I've been anticipating this...seeing you again...having you with me."

John looked at Sarah, his eyes filled with emotion, as he gently stroked her thigh. "How could I not know, Sarah...how could I not know?"

John's "billet" was a red brick colonial house with a view of the river. They were met at the door by a Marine corporal who delivered John's official vehicle and gave him the keys that would allow him access to his new life.

"Is there anything else the colonel needs, Sir?"

"No thank you, corporal. That will be all." John said, anxiously dismissing the young man. "I think I can take it from here."

With a parting salute, the corporal turned and was gone.

Briefly, the two wandered from room to room, sizing up his new living quarters. John's moving cartons, sent on ahead more than a week ago, were already in place throughout the house. Sarah was impressed.

"It must be nice to be a colonel." she said, her voice softening as they entered the master bedroom.

Sarah felt his warmth against her back as he pressed his body against her, his arms encircling her waist.

"Sometimes...sometimes not." he whispered into her hair. "There are times when the protocol can be a pain in the..."

"Shhhh." she hushed, turning into his embrace, her fingers tracing the strong line of his jaw.

"Kiss me, John?" she asked, her body arching against his. "Let me know you're really here...that this isn't just another dream."

"Sarah..." he said, his voice rasping with unfulfilled passion. "I've waited so long..."

Gently, he covered her lips with his, feeling the silky softness of her permeate his bones.

Sarah twined her arms around his neck and held him to her, unwilling to relinquish his firm body, inhaling the masculine scent of his after shave.

John's hands began to explore the gentle curves hidden beneath her jacket as he claimed her lips once more...probing the sweet depths of her mouth, feeling her heart pound against his chest.

A soft moan escaped her lips as he cupped her buttocks through her skirt, pressing her against his burgeoning erection, her deliverance so near and yet so far.

She felt the moisture build between her thighs as she gazed into the lean, hungry look of his eyes...a reflection of her own?

Slowly, John removed her jacket and began to free the buttons of her blouse, his fingers trembling with anticipation.

"It's all right, John...I'm not going anywhere." she soothed, her own urgency evident in her voice as she began to stroke the hardened prominence between his legs.

"Oh, Sarah...don't!" he gasped, his words ragged and guttural. "It's been so long...I want you so much..."

Reluctantly, she removed her hand as he caressed the bare line of her back, releasing the catch of her bra, and adding it to the growing pile on the packing cartons.

Quickly, her pulse pounding in her ears, Sarah opened the waistband of her skirt and dropped it to the floor.

John was overcome, his straining arousal pressing tightly against his uniform, his eyes clouding with passion.

Gently, he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bare bed, his gait staggered and unsteady.

Then, tenderly, he began to peel the last of her clothing down her hips, greeting each new territory with his lips as it emerged before his gaze.

"Oh...John..." she breathed, fighting to touch him beneath his clothing. "I want to feel you in my hands, my love... Hurry...please!"

With a motion born of urgency, John rose and began to tear at his clothing, an endangered button bouncing across the bare, hardwood flooring.

Mesmerized, Sarah caressed his body with her eyes as he lowered the final barrier between them and stood before her, his engorged member standing proudly erect, drawing her irresistibly forward.

"Sarah..." he warned, as she slipped from the bed and dropped to her knees between his feet. "You know what this does to me...this is not a good time..." he gasped as she enclosed his enormous shaft between her palms and began to caress the smooth, hard tip of his maleness with her tongue.

Hungrily, she drew the massive head between her lips, feeling it fill her mouth with its enormity, suckling the minute drops that escaped unbidden from its pulsating length.

"Sarah!" he moaned. "Stop! I can't take any more! You're completely destroying my control!"

In one fluid motion, he placed his hands on her hips, and lifted her atop a pile of packing cartons.

"John?" she began, uncertainly "What..."

Stroking her inner thighs, John, inserted his fingers within her, parting her, baring her to his gaze...his probing tongue...

Sarah was overcome with the nearness of him... the feel of him within her...with the gentle caress of his fingers against her tender nub.

Frantically, she clutched at his hair as her climax swept over her, her legs wrapping tightly around his broad shoulders, her cries echoing through the barren room.

"John! Please...please!"

Wiping his face on his discarded t-shirt, John parted her thighs once again and drove his hardened length deep within her, filling her, sending her ever beyond the brink.

Briefly, he paused to allow her body to adjust to his intimate invasion, then clasping her hips firmly between his hands, he pulled her against him, impaling her once more on his massive erection.

Unstable at best, the cartons beneath her started to shift under her impassioned response. As they began to slide and topple to the floor, John placed his hands beneath her buttocks, lifting her against him...plunging deeper into her body...carrying her... mounting her against the wall.

Sarah wrapped her legs tightly around his lunging hips, feeling his powerful thrusts over and over again deep within her core, his lips feeding hungrily against her throat.

Again she cried out in completion, moisture flooding between her thighs, her body responding to his massive coupling as he filled her with the moist heat of his passion, and joined her fall over the brink of sanity.

Gasping, he held her in his arms, supporting her weight, impaling her against the wall like a butterfly on a pin. Then, finally, taking a deep cleansing breath, he carried her in his arms to the bed.

Gently, he lay down beside her, covering her body with his shirt, brushing her hair away from her moist forehead.

"Sarah...Darling...did I hurt you? I tried to hold back...to give you more of a chance to adjust to my...well...you know...size." he said, a slight flush spreading across his cheeks. "I just can't seem to control myself around you. I can lead an entire unit into battle without breaking a sweat, but a look...a touch from you and I lose my mind."

Sarah's eyes were closed, her mind bathing in the afterglow of his love...his passion.

"Sarah?" he spoke, concern tingeing his voice. "Are you all right? Talk to me!"

Limply, Sarah opened her eyes and tried to focus on her lover's face, then, giving up, she rolled toward him and spread his shirt over both of their bodies. "Never change, my love." she sighed contentedly. "You're perfect just as you are."

Then finally, their bodies intimately entwined, they fell into a deep, restful sleep...each content in the knowledge that they would awake in each other's embrace...a dream no longer.

Sarah MacKenzie's Apartment

Duke University

And so the months had passed, with Sarah spending her weekdays deep in her studies, and her weekends in John Farrow's arms.

Then Christmas came, and for the first time in her life she had someone of her own with whom to spend the season.

John and Sarah had taken a Saturday drive into the snow-covered mountains and cut a tree to decorate at his home in Courthouse Bay. Sarah had strung popcorn and cranberries, while John had watched her delight unfold, childlike, with each passing day.

She spent her holiday break at John's home on base, filling her days preparing for next semester's classes, and her nights making slow, sweet love to the man who filled her dreams.

By the time New Year's had arrived, Sarah had begun to file her lifetime of loneliness away in a solitary place within her, replacing it instead with a deep, abiding love for the man who had given her the gift of life.

With John's arrival, Sarah's law school academic capabilities had suddenly begun to blossom. No longer playing "catch up", Sarah had become a prominent and sought after study partner, and was frequently referred to by her professors as not only a top student, but as a formidable lawyer-to-be.

Then, as 1993 began its slow progression, John began to get word of a potential deployment of the 24th MEU to Somalia, in support of the United Nations "Operation Restore Hope"

As February gave way to March, the rumor became a certainty. John would be shipping out with his troops within the week in an attempt to keep the Somalian clan warlords at bay and provide humanitarian relief to the beleaguered people of that oppressed country.

Sarah was crushed. As the CO of a "paper battalion" in Okinawa, John had been safe and secure. But now, commanding a Marine Expeditionary Unit, he would be on the front lines, the vanguard of all combat units deployed in the skirmish. There was a very real possibility that he might never return home to her.

While Mac, a Marine herself, was proud of John's role in securing the peace, Sarah...the woman within...was terrified at the thought of losing her lover in the throes of battle. Finally, torn and distraught, Sarah had Barb cover her classes while she spent the last few days with John in Courthouse Bay.

Busy readying his men for deployment, John had very little time to spend with Sarah during that last week, but being a Marine, she understood. Instead, she was grateful for each moment they were privileged to share...cherishing their time together as though it would have to last until the end of her days.

The night before his departure, she had lain in John's strong arms in Courthouse Bay while he stroked the tension from her body, softly touching...caressing, as though to take the memory of her passion with him in the months to come.

Sarah had wanted to forego her birth control pills that last week, the thought of a child...John's child... a consolation in her time of need. But John was adamant.

"I can't do that, Sarah. I can't do that to you...and I could never leave my child behind without a father... if anything should happen to me. Promise me that you won't consider it, Sarah. Sweetheart...I need to hear you say it."

And so, with tears in her eyes, she'd given her word...her sacred vow, and though it broke her heart...she had honored his request.