This is the real story of It's A Wonderful Life, a remake of She's A Sexual Wife. Because this story is so long and the length of it necessitates that it has chapters and therefore under the contest new rules is not allowed in the Winter Contest, this is my unofficial Winter Contest entry.
I couldn't believe my Dad saw Lucille Ball and Donna Reed naked and got enough of a look of them to discern which had the better body.
"Yeah, that Donna Reed was a real super trooper. She'd do anything to advance her acting career, even if it meant having sex with an old drunk like Jimmy Stewart. He was much older than her by thirteen years and he grossed her out when he touched her. Yet, she was able to put her feelings aside about having sex with older men and did what she needed to do to get the part."
"Wow, so Jimmy Stewart was a drunk. I had no idea."
Suddenly, I imagined bending Donna Reed over and giving it to her good while she wore her white gloves.
"Jimmy Stewart on the other hand, just as he was portrayed in the movie, had taken up drinking. Shell shocked after the war from flying one too many missions in his plane, he was a mess. His nerves were shot and he had a terrible speech impediment from childhood that worsened with the Post Traumatic Stress he had gotten from the war. Drinking was the only thing that calmed him down enough for him to speak his part without stuttering."
"Gees, Dad, I had no idea that Jimmy Stewart was a drunk. I always thought of him as a big war hero."
"Well, he was that, too. Only, back then, because of the war and before he made it big in 1939 with Mr. Smith Goes To Washington and Destry Rides Again, he didn't make a movie from 1941-1946, when he made She's A Sexual Wife that later became It's A Wonderful Life. Now, you can see that he, too, was desperate for money and to advance his acting career after being out of work for 5 years and being in the military for much of that time. Only, there were no jobs. There were no acting parts. No one was making movies."
"I can't imagine life without movies," I said.
"He made a few coins by playing his accordion on the street corner. It was a sad time for everyone back then and even sadder for Donna Reed and Jimmy Stewart, two so very talented actors. So, it was understandable that when this role came along, albeit in a porn movie, that these unemployed movie stars jumped at the opportunity."
"I never thought about what happened to the actors during the war, Dad. I never thought that just as they stopped making cars, they stopped making movies."
"Yeah, well, as I said about the porn movie they made together, She's A Sexual Wife, they were all there auditioning and hoping to get the part. Doris Day, Harriet Nelson, Barbara Billingsly, Lucille Ball, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Jane Russell, Lana Turner, Maureen O'Hara and, of course, Donna Reed, who was chosen to costar opposite Jimmy Stewart as Mary Hatch Bailey."
"I had no idea that you knew all these movie stars, Dad."
"Yeah, at first it was exciting to see these young starlets stripping down to their underwear," he said in the way that Don Knotts used to brag on Andy of Mayberry when he played Deputy Barney Fife. "I remember being more than excited when they removed their underwear and were just standing their stark naked in their birthday suits. I couldn't believe that there I was seeing what I was seeing on a closed sound stage. No one knew I was there up in the rafters watching. I was as quiet as a mouse."
"So, what did they do, Dad? Was it the director interviewing the women? Did they all stand in a line or did they file out one at a time and just get naked?"
"Yeah, it was Frank Capra and his assistants. There were men and women there. They sat directly in front of the stage and they all sat behind a long table. I had a birds' eye view of the actresses as they walked out on stage, as I was facing them from my high vantage point. They had the actresses file out one at a time. They were all backstage in a room and couldn't see what was happening on stage with the interview process. No one knew how the other was doing or how they did."
"Was Jimmy Stewart there?"
"Nah, he was off in the nearest bar, probably."
"The poor guy."
"I remember Lionel Barrymore being there though. He was chosen to play Mr. Potter. He was always there. He was there for every audition. He was the stereotypical dirty, old man." My Dad laughed. "Lionel volunteered to step in and receive blowjobs from the women auditioning for the part when the assistant producer, who was gay and allowed the women to blow him, couldn't take it anymore. He physically got sick on stage from having a woman touch his pecker."
My Dad suddenly drifted off. He appeared dead. I had to use the paddles on him again to revive him.
"Dad! Dad," I said shaking him. Finally, his heart started beating again and he started his story again where he left off, as if he had never stopped talking. It was surreal.
"Yeah, so anyway, Frank Capra did most of the talking. He'd make some polite small talk before asking the women to remove their clothes. They were all eager to undress and show their bodies, except for Doris Day. She was the first to leave."
