For Natalie Portman the most important thing in a interview was not to be caught off guard. Most interviewers were nice enough to let any potential interviewee know what they would be asked ahead of time, but sometimes they would slip in something and Natalie always try to guess what, if anything it could be. It kept her up at night, tossing and turning in fear that she'd be caught off guard, or worse so fixated on watching for an unplanned question, that she let something slip in a pre-planned question and either way she accidentally reveals something that could threaten her career just when it was finally clicking.
Natalie hadn't always worried about this so much. She didn't used to have any secrets, just a few stories which barely qualified as mildly embarrassing, but then her life had been turned upside down during the filming of the movie she was moments away from talking about in her interview, Black Swan.
The movie had been hard work, but very rewarding, and that was before all the talk of award nominations, but there had been a scene Natalie had dreaded from the start, that being the lesbian sex scene between herself and her friend Mila Kunis.
Just the slight thought of it sent tingles through Natalie's entire body, the actress wishing she had enough time to escape to the toilets to properly alleviate the tension she felt as her interview got ever closer.
In a final attempt to focus Natalie let a particular memory wash over her, remembering each aspect of a certain night in vivid detail, just so she could momentarily give in to it and then refocus again.
*
It had been a day of shooting that scene Natalie had been dreading so much. She tried so hard to lose herself in the role, but it had been just so awkward she knew without needing to be told that it wasn't quite right.
In the end they had wrapped up early with the intention of continuing again tomorrow, although Natalie didn't know if she could take another day of shooting that scene, not because the whole thing had felt awkward, that she had prepared for, what she couldn't have possibly prepared for and were struggling to handle was a very different feeling which was both unwelcome and terrifying for the actress.
The unwelcome and terrifying feeling had made Natalie hesitant to except Mila's invitation to come over to her hotel room for a little girl time, but Mila had worn her down and she had somehow convinced herself that it would re-establish normality between them.
It didn't work. Casual conversation had felt just as awkward if not more than the earlier kissing, long pauses of deafening silence filling the air when they had spoken so freely before.
Natalie didn't drink when she had to film the next day, and she didn't drink much even when she was free next day, but it hadn't taken much on this occasion for Mila to talk Natalie into just one little glass of wine, or a second, or a third, until she simply lost count.
At that point normality was finally restored a little bit, but there was this tension in the air that hadn't been there before.
Then Mila said something which made Natalie cough up her drink and exclaim, "What?"
"We should practice." Mila repeated nonchalantly.
"The... the scene?" Natalie questioned in a hushed tone.
"Yes the scene." Mila laughed, and then when she saw the look on Natalie's face clarified, "What? We didn't practice before today and you obviously didn't feel comfortable with it, so maybe a little practice would make you feel more comfortable."
"I don't think so." Natalie quickly said dismissively.
"Why not?" Mila asked.
"Well..." Natalie began, her brain desperately searching for a good reason, "It's two totally different environments. On the set we're surrounded by people, here we're alone..."
"So, we can practice here and then tomorrow when there's lots of people around you can just imagine we're alone. Then you might not feel so awkward." Mila interrupted.
"That wasn't the problem." Natalie protested.
"Then what was?" Mila countered.
"I... I don't know." Natalie lied.
There was silence for a few moments and then Mila smiled softly.
"Do I really need to point out the irony of the situation?" Mila asked. All Natalie could seem to do was stare at her blankly so Mila sighed and said, "You're just like your character in the movie. You're sweet and wholesome, the perfect White Swan, but you need to loosen up and get in touch with your inner Black Swan."
Another silence followed before Mila argued, "I mean, what are you afraid of?"
Mila had looked at Natalie expectantly as Natalie made one final attempt to think of a good excuse not too, and when that failed she simply forced a smile and said, "Nothing, I guess."
"Good..." Mila said, downing her latest glass of wine before gently leaning over to cup Natalie's face and gently bring it closer to hers, "So just trust me, ok?"
Natalie opened her mouth to insist that she at least finish her wine first, but before she could utter a syllable Mila's sweet lips were pressing softly against her own, Natalie barely having the presence of mind to lean over to place her glass down on the table before the kiss became too passionate.
However unlike the scene this kiss didn't have the same ferocity. It was just soft. Softer than any kiss Natalie had ever experienced before.
It was still awkward, how could it not be, but it was easier, Mila softly caressing Natalie's lips with her own for like an eternity, Natalie becoming so lost in it that she wasn't even aware of her body melting into the other girl's arms until the kiss was broken.
