Indecent Exposure 1

Disclaimer and Warning

THIS IS A PARODY OF DC COMICS CHARACTERS!!!

All the characters belong to DC Comics, a Time Warner Company. No Copyright infringement is intended. I just borrowed them so that I could appease my constant need for Fan Fiction and to please some adoring fans out there. I have not received one red cent from writing this story and if you sue, all you'll get is two bad ass little girls. The only payment I wish is praise, criticism and some ideals for other stories.

This work is copyrighted to the author. If you wish to archive this story, please ask permission first. Nine times out of Ten, I'll say yes. Please do not remove without the author's permission or make any changes to this story. Thank you for your consideration.

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Titans Tower, New York, 9:00 AM

He couldn't believe his eyes. He just couldn't. That couldn't possibly be a pair of silk thong panties hanging from the corner of the big screen TV!!

Dick Grayson was standing in the center of the Titans Tower rec room with his mouth agape, wondering if the team was attacked in the night and no one knew of it. Everywhere he looked he saw chaos. Socks and scanty women's clothing covered every available space. Pictures hung on the walls at weird angles. Empty cans of beer were everywhere with most of them cluttered on the coffee table and around the sofa in front of the TV. Empty chocolate syrup bottles and whip cream containers were everywhere that the beer cans and clothes weren't, and to top it off, he was staring at a very obvious Roy Harper lying on the floor with two very beautiful and very well endowed nude blondes and a ambitious amount of used condoms all around the trio.

Trying his damnedest to find a rational and logical explanation for Roy being passed out drunk and having a orgy with two blondes on Titans Tower rec room floor, when anyone could come in and discover him, was really asking a lot for the former Boy Wonder to come up with.

So why not ask the source?

Walking over to Roy and side steeping overturned furniture, the blondes, and puddles of some kind of sticky substances that he didn't even want to speculate about on the floor, he made it to Roy's side. Bending down so he was as close to Roy's ears as possible without waking him just yet. He wanted to make sure that Roy heard him loud and clear when he spoke. He took a deep breath and leaned in closer to Roy's ear.

"What in the Hell do you think your doing?" Dick yelled.

Startled, Roy shot straight up from his reclining position on the floor and into a battle stance. Unfortunately, he was as nude as the day he was born and it took away from the stance's effectiveness to scare an intruder. But the look his long time friend was giving him succeeded in doing what Roy's pose did not.

The blonde toys slept on.

"Ah.... I can explain," Roy started.

Walking right up to Roy and staring him right in the eyes, blue eyes pinning green, Dick said through clenched teeth, "Save your explanations, Roy! It's obvious what happened here, and nothing you say will make me think differently! You have 10 minutes to get your...'friends' –" he said pointing at the two women still laid out on the carpet fast asleep "— out of here, and not one second longer. And when you're finished, I want to see you in the conference room." With another level look at Roy to make sure he knew he meant business, he turned on his heel and stalked out the room. Behind him he could hear the sounds of two disgruntled women and one Roy Harper laying on the charm even as he was kicking them out the door.

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"Great, just wonderful! All I would need is for Gar to come in and see Roy like that, or even worse, Raven!" Dick started ranting silently to himself. "What does he think he's doing? Titans Tower is a place of business, not a brothel! One day his dick will land him in a ton of trouble!" Dick was so busy cussing Roy out for all he was worth, he didn't see Wally as he walked around the corner and bumped right into him, falling to the floor.

"Whoa, fearless leader! What's the rush?" Wally asked the man sitting on the floor.

Extending his hand, Wally helped his long time teammate and best friend up off the floor. "Sorry Wally, I didn't see you. I've got a lot on my mind." Smiling at the speedster, he replied, "I guess you can say my morning's off to a really bad start."

Watching him dust off the seat of his green Robin shorts and massaging his sore rear end, Wally asked, "Roy? What did Roy do this morning?" He looked at his watch; it was only 9:10 AM -- way too early for Roy to be getting into trouble. Roy usually didn't get up that early unless Lian awakened, or if there was Titans business to attend to. Lian was with Ollie and Dinah, and there were no meetings scheduled for today. For once the Titans had some down time. The fact that the Titan's resident bad boy had been up and already in trouble before 9:30 had Wally really curious as to what Roy could have done that pissed off Dick so royally. Looking at Dick, Wally waited for his question to be answered.

"C'mon, walk with me to the conference room," Dick murmured. "We need some privacy."

"Sure." He started walking with Dick down the corridor that led to the conference room. Neither man said anything on the way there. When they reached the room, Dick immediately sat in the seat at the head of the long T-shaped table. Wally sat in Kory's seat at Dick's right side and waited for him to speak.

"Well?" Wally started.

Leaning back in the reclining chair and taking a deep breath, he began. "I just came out of the rec room, and guess what I saw?"

Going through his thoughts and thinking of all the situations that Roy could have gotten in that would piss the former Boy Wonder off, he had to pause. There were TONS of things that Roy could do that Dick wouldn't like. Thinking it would be safer just to have Dick answer the question, Wally played dumb. "Uh.... what did you see?" he asked hesitantly.

"What I saw was Roy passed out in the middle of the rec room, either drunk or dead asleep. My money's on the former," Dick said in a quiet rage.

"WHAT?" Wally exclaimed. Sure, being drunk wasn't something you needed to see at anytime, especially with Gar around, and in their line of business, it was a definite no-no. You could be putting someone's life in danger… but it wasn't THAT major. The Titans haven't had an incident of any kind in over a week, and as long as he was in the privacy of the Tower and not making a public spectacle of himself, there should be no problem... right?

Unless there was more to it. Deciding to take a big chance, he asked warily, "What else are you leaving out?"

"Oh? Did I forget to mention the two stacked, nude blondes, the beer cans all over the room, the panties on the TV and the empty containers of chocolate syrup and whip cream?" Dick asked sarcastically.

"WHAT? You have got to be kidding!! What if Gar or even Raven had..."

Holding up his gloved hand, Dick stopped Wally from finishing. "I know, it's what got me angry to begin with. That, and the fact that any one of the superpowers-that-be could have came in and found Roy in that condition. What if Superman, Batman, or the Martian Manhunter had come and seen that? It's bad enough they still think of us as children, and Roy wouldn't have helped that assumption," he said.

Before he could say anything else on the subject, Roy ducked his head into the room, making his presence known. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yeah, you could say that," Dick replied. Understatement of the year, Roy my boy. Deciding to get it over as soon as possible, he gave Wally a pointed look, silently asking him to leave the room.

Catching the look Dick was sending him, Wally jumped up out of Kory's seat and started toward the door. On his way out, he patted Roy on his shoulder and shook his head at him. "You just CAN'T stay out of trouble, can you?" Grinning at the discomforted look Roy was giving him, Wally decided to stop teasing him. Knowing Roy, they'll be other chances for him to tease and taunt the archer. Laughing, Wally left the two men alone.

Looking at Roy standing in the doorway, Dick motioned for him to take a seat. "Come in, we have a lot to talk about," Dick intoned quietly, a silent anger building in his eyes.

"Yeah, I suppose we do," Roy said. Damn! He thought, while walking toward the large T-shaped table. If the look on Dick's face is any indication, then my ass in for a serious kicking. That man is all business. He was still a little hazy, and his stomach was doing the rumba, but now was not the time to mention being sick. He'd really done it this time. Taking a seat in the spot that Wally just vacated, Roy sat and waited of the axe to fall.

Drawing his hands together in front of his face and leaning on his elbows on the table, Dick asked in a quiet voice, "Roy, would you mind explaining what happened, and why it happened on the Titans Tower rec room floor?"

Oh, boy! He IS pissed! Roy thought. Now what? Guess I better tell him the truth. Dickey-boy looks half out of humor as it is, and the ole Harper charm will NOT work on him. Better off not trying.

Leaning back in Kory's chair and rubbing his aching head, he started speaking. "Amigo, all I can tell you is what I remember... and that's not very much," he said, grinning sheepishly at Dick waiting for a similar response.

Dick started glaring at him.

OK, so much for trying to get him to see the humor in this. Just tell it, Harper, and you might keep your skin intact. Roy began again. "I left here after our Friday night financial meeting and went to that new club in Greenwich Village, The Rave. From the moment I stepped through the door, the ladies were all over me! And of course, it would be less then gentlemanly to neglect even one of the beauties clamoring for my attention," he bragged.

"Roy..." Dick intoned. He was getting impatient with Roy's bragging.

Holding his hands before him in a defensive manner, he stated, "OK, OK! I'll be good!" Shaking his red head, he thought, Yeesh! Some folks have no sense of humor. "OK, so there I was in the club, ladies all around and loving me when I see two of the most beautiful blondes on the planet, and they were looking at me like a piece of meat. Not that I minded, of course, but there was something about them that seem so... mercenary. Yeah, that's a good word. Those two were on a seek and destroy mission... and they wanted me to be their first casualty."

Leaning back in his chair with his hands crossed behind his head, Roy kicked his legs up on the table, getting conformable. Watching Dick give a pointed look at his feet, Roy ignored it and continued his story. "Not being one to pass up a challenge, I moseyed on over and introduced myself. They introduced themselves as Honey and Blondé." Roy watched Dick's left eyebrow rise almost to his hairline, a look of disbelief crossing his handsome features.

"Honey and ...Blonde? Are you making that up Roy?" Dick asked.

"It's BLONDÈ, with an accent on the "e", not BLONDE, and no, I swear to God I'm not!" Roy said making an X over his heart and raising his right hand. "That's what I thought at first, too. Until I started teasing them about lying about their names. That's when they whipped out their drivers licenses and on it, printed clear as day, one Honey Wilson and one Blondé Prescott. You can just imagine what I thought about their names."

"I don't need to imagine. I know. 'Easy lay' pops instantly to mind," Dick said with disgust coloring his voice.

"Hey Robbie, just because Batman has you so totally sexually repressed doesn't mean I should be, too. I'm a healthy male with a healthy male appetite, and I'm still young enough to try to get it where I can and from whoever I can. As long as I'm careful and protect myself and the person..." Seeing the look Dick was sending him with that last statement, Roy corrected himself. "Or persons I'm with, then I got my bases covered," he ended.

"What about promiscuity?" He asked.

"What about it?" Roy shot right back. "I'm single. I can date who I want, see who I want, and sleep with who I want! Besides.... believe it or not, I don't sleep with all that many women!" Roy all but shouted. "For the most part it's window dressing. A role I play to keep all the serious minded women at bay. A real relationship is a complication I don't need right now," he said. Certainty marked his every feature. "Besides, when did this turn into a sexual and moral discussion?" he asked, a frown marring his expression.

"When I walked into the Sexual Olympics," Dick said, watching Roy cringing in his seat. Crossing his hands in front of the deep red of his vest, he said, "I'm still waiting for you to tell me how you went from the club to Titans Tower."

This guy reminds me of a pet bulldog I once had. He didn't let go either, not once he got his teeth in something, and Dick got a firm hold on my ass! Roy thought.

Picking up the story from where he left off, before it got totally off subject, Roy continued. "I offered to buy them a drink, and struck up a little small talk with them. Honey was Playboy's Playmate of the Year for 1981 and 1982. Blondé is an aspiring Actress. She wants to get her big break in the world of..." Clearing his throat and making a discreet movement with his hand, he finished, "…movie erotica."

"A porn star," Dick clarified.

"No, not a porn star. She does erotica! There IS a difference, you know," Roy said in a long-suffering voice.

Raising his eyebrow again and pinning Roy with his "you have got to be kidding!" look, Dick said, "Not much of a difference."

Sighing, he said, "Yes it IS! Erotica is implied. Porn is explicit. Very explicit," Roy said, daring Dick to argue.

"So, you're saying that these women you met in the club last night, the same women who followed you here and had a orgy with you and for all you and I know, each other, is not capable of making a porn tape?" He said, directing his question at the man sitting in Kory's chair.

Silence greeted him.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Dick said, smirking.

Giving Dick his best-aggravated look, he continued. "Anyway... one second we were talking about their jobs, the next, I was in my car on the freeway doing 85 mph to get to the grocery store as fast as I could before they changed their minds."

"Change their minds about what?" Dick asked.

"Showing me what they could do to me with chocolate syrup, whip cream, and a cat-o-nine-tails," he said, deep in thought remembering the events of the previous night.

Caught off guard by what the archer just said, Dick was blinking rapidly and wondering if he lost his mind, surely Roy hadn't said... "Cat-o-nine-tails? Isn't that a whip?" he asked Roy, who was staring at the ceiling and had the most blissful expression on His face.

"Yeah.... It's a whip. And boy, did those ladies know how to use it. I returned the favor of course," he said, grinning at a shocked Dick Grayson.

"What do you mean by you returned the favor? Don't tell me you beat the women with the whip!" Dick said, the anger returning in his voice.

"No, I didn't 'beat' the women with the whip! I 'spanked' them. What do you think I am?" Roy said, giving Dick a grieved look.

"Sorry, wrong wording," he apologized.

"No worries," Roy told Dick. Deciding to pick the story back up, Roy began again. "Three bottles of syrup, two containers of whip cream and a case of Budweiser, and we had a instant party! After we left the grocery store, I remembered that I didn't have any condoms on me, so I had to run in the 24-hour drug store to get some."

"At least you're not taking chances," Dick said.

"I think I'm through taking those kind of chances," he replied dryly, thinking about his 6-month-old daughter Lian. "Anyway, I'm on my way to the ladies' apartment, and that's when they tell me they have a thing for superheroes. That the Titans have some of the sexiest superheroes in the business, and that they often do role playing when they have a willing male," he said, watching Dick's mouth drop open. "Yeah," Roy chuckled. "That's how I looked. So here I was, literally the stuff these women dreamed of, in the flesh, and I couldn't tell them anything," he said in disgust. "When we got to the apartment, the ladies excused themselves to go change and I made myself more conformable on the couch. I had reached for a beer and was just raising it to my mouth when they came in." He shook his head. "You will never guess what I saw," he said, as if he was still having trouble believing it.

"What?" Dick asked impatiently.

"I saw Wonder Girl and Starfire," he said slowly.

"What, do you mean you saw Donna and Kory?" Dick said, rubbing his temples because a dull, throbbing pain had settled in. He was wondering what more could Roy throw at him this morning.

He didn't have long to wait.

"Exactly what I said. Honey had changed into Wonder Girl's red jumpsuit, complete with black wig, boots, and a lasso on her hip. Blondé had changed into your girlfriend's lavender metal bikini. Tall auburn wig, green pupilless contacts, and a golden-colored body paint that she was covered in. I had to do a double take -- that's how convincing she was."

"My God!" Dick murmured under his breath.

Shooting him a look across the table. "What's the problem bro? You shouldn't be surprised, you know. Donna, Kory, and Raven are exceptionally beautiful women. It's not so amazing that women would want to emulate them. You should be flattered," Roy said, winking at Dick. "Think of all the time, effort, research, and money that went into Blondé costume. It paid off, too; it was accurate as hell. From what I saw of it, she got all the details right. From the emblem on the waistline of the bikini to the ridges on her boots. Cool, huh?" Roy asked.

"My God!"

Taking pity on an obviously stunned Robin, Roy went on with the rest of the story. Seeing as how they spent so much time and effort on the costumes, I thought they would enjoy seeing how the other half lived."

"You planned to introduce them to..." Dick started.

Cutting Dick's statement short, Roy said. "No, not introduce. I just wanted to show them around, a tour of some of the non-restricted areas."

"Roy... all areas in Titans Tower are restricted to the public and you know that!" Dick said.

"OK, some of the LESS restricted areas. You know, like the kitchen, swimming pool, and the rec room. Places like those," Roy clarified.

"OK, So you brought them to the Tower. What I want to know is how you explained Roy Harper having access to the Tower and having a key card that allowed him to enter at will?" Dick asked.

"Easy, boss man. I said that I worked for S.T.A.R. Labs, and that we was doing some work for the Tower, and that I had low clearance key card that would allow me to enter some low security areas. And that if they were interested, I could take them and we could party over there. I knew it was pretty safe. Gar was at home with Dayton, Vic was at his apartment, Donna and Kory were at the penthouse, Wally was in Blue Valley and you were either on patrol, with Kory, or in your own apartment. That left only Raven, and she's too tactful to interrupt. See? No real complications -- well, not unless some super-baddie wanted to wreck the evening for me, but that didn't happen," he said.

"Sure of yourself, weren't you?" Dick asked.

"Not really," Roy said, shrugging. "Odds were just really good. That's all."

Sighing and rubbing his temples harder, wishing Kory was there to massage them, Dick asked, "I take it the women were game to come back here?"

"Yeah, they were game. I waited while they changed out of their costumes. When they were ready to leave, I gathered up the stuff we got from the store, and hit it. Twenty minuets later I was showing them around the place, 15 minutes after that we was sipping on some cold ones and watching TV, 10 minutes later, I was trying my best to get knee deep in both of them as fast as it could. Five minutes after that, I was IN!" Roy said, using his arms, simulating someone getting "shafted." "The next thing I remember is you standing over me looking like the Second Coming."