January 2013
Amy Poehler was dressed to the nines for our date.
She had a black dress on that wasn't very short, but just short enough to catch the eye. Her chest was covered up, but the dress was form fitting enough to show she had a formidable pair bundled up. Above, her blond hair and blue eyes were done up just right, in that mix of being adorable and being fucking gorgeous that she mastered all too well.
I tried to honor that balance by not being too pervy in checking her out, but letting her see she was getting to me. I was kind of used to it by now, since this was date number three between us. And I was used to trying to hold myself back, given the sensitive state of her personal life.
It had been four months ago that she and fellow comedy star Will Arnett stunned their cult audiences by announcing their separation. It was clearly not the most ideal subject to talk about with her, but it was touchy enough for her friends at the Parks and Recreation set to prop her up.
I believe it was Aubrey Plaza and Rashida Jones who were most encouraging of her to actually date me when they saw us talk. It was certainly them who threatened me with playful/deadly serious warnings when it came to Amy. I already knew not to screw up with her, but there's nothing like being threatened by famous friends to really drive it home.
There was a reason they were so protective and caring around her, though. Anyone who watched her on TV and knew anything else about her could figure it out. After watching her faithfully on TV and movies for over a decade before actually meeting her, I had a good idea.
I was a rather ordinary 28-year-old, non-famous person. Now someone as brilliant, funny, beautiful and full of life as Amy Poehler was trying to move on from her long-time marriage with me. I was well aware of how responsible I had to be.
On the surface, an outsider wouldn't be able to tell Amy was going through that much. She was cracking jokes during her stories from the set, smiling brightly and seeming to be the light of the two-person party. It wasn't anything unexpected from her, really.
When she brought up how this was our third date, and what that meant, I certainly got much less suspicious. Yet on the drive back to my place, the nerves did start to set in.
It was obvious that if we were doing...what third dates usually bring about, it would be her first time since her separation. Combined with the usual nerves before having sex for the first time with someone new, and the additional nerves of doing it with a beautiful celebrity and long time crush...well, it was both an ideal and unbearable combo.
I tried to get it together, since these nerves could turn into something...more embarrassing during the act. I was in a zone trying to get myself stable, all throughout the second half of the ride home. I was so focused, I didn't realize I was still in a trance a minute after I'd parked my car.
Amy should have asked me what was wrong and gotten my attention by then. But when I snapped out of it, then saw she was perfectly still as well, I had everything put in a proper context.
All my nerves were nothing compared to hers right now. My trivial concerns seemed much smaller, compared to what she was about to do. What it was clear she was trying to rev herself up to do all night, but it didn't stop her from getting cold feet anyway.
Even with four months to get herself ready for this, she was still getting out of a decade-long marriage and relationship. I assumed this was new territory for her in more ways than one. As much as I realized her friends were pushing her to do this, and she was pushing herself to do this as a way to move on, putting it in practice was another matter.
The worst part was how small Amy looked right now. She played characters with the biggest, most joyous personalities on TV, and seemed to live out loud the same way off screen. But seeing her apologize, try not to cry and explain herself by trying to lightly comment how "divorce sucks" was...just not right. Not from her.
So I got her out of the car and into my home, all the while assuring her we didn't have to go upstairs - or do anything else she wasn't ready for. She did say that she wanted to, although I had to ask honestly if it was for the right reasons.
If she only wanted to use me for rebound sex because she was forcing herself to, or her friends were pushing her, or for any other reason that had nothing to do with liking me as a person...some such reasons would be easier to accept than others.
When I brought up some of those theories, some of Amy's old fire came back. It made me relieved, but also nervous, since she took offense with the premise that she would just pick any old random guy from the street for something like this. At least it told me she really did like me, even if I didn't frame it the best way.
It was just a case of her being nervous to take the leap - the latest in a string of hard ones that confirmed she had to move on. Any other woman in her position would feel the same, as she reminded me.
Considering how I had Amy on a pedestal most of the time, it was a reality check. At that moment, she was just a regular, 41-year-old soon to be divorced mother of two, trying to come to terms with moving forward - and accepting that another man, 13 years younger of her, could want her and that it was okay to want him too.
Even though it was startling and sad to see someone like her so nervous and insecure, I still wanted her. When I let her hug me, I still had to hide the clear, hard signs of how much I wanted her, like usual. But I wanted her to be ready to want me too.
After a while, she was ready to try something. A test run, she called it.
She stood up halfway on her toes, making me relieved I wasn't too tall for once. But I felt 10 feet tall - not just in one part of my body - when she began her first kiss with me.
It was slow and somewhat tentative, as I kind of expected. But when she broke off and tried again, it was almost filled more with promise, with an undercurrent of passion coming across as well. She then put her hand on my cheek and drifted it towards my neck, pressing her lips deeper and letting them move around a bit.
When she came off, I exhaled deeply and opened my eyes. Amy looked back and let me see the nerves, hope, bright light - and underlying arousal - in her deep blue eyes. Her lips also threatened to curl up into a little smile as well, which was almost as arousing.