"Are you coming over or not?" Aubrey Plaza texted. "Don't be one of those people that spend their birthday alone, Anna."
"I guess I will, not like I'm doing anything," Anna Kendrick, Aubrey's best friend, responded.
"Remember, this is your last birthday before the big three-oh," Aubrey sent.
"You're making me want to come so much faster LOL," Anna sent back. "I'll be there in a half hour. Just get the pot smoke out of there before I get there, you know I hate the smell."
"You wouldn't hate it so much if you'd smoke with me just once," Aubrey texted back.
"I've told you I don't like smoking, get me drunk instead," Anna sent.
"Fine...," the thirty year old responded before putting her phone down and taking one final hit off of her bong. "You'll smoke with me one of these days, Anna," she whispered as she blew out a cloud of smoke.
After putting her marijuana away to please Anna, Aubrey grabbed a can of air freshener and sprayed the room down until the overkilled scent of lavender filled the large apartment. Looking at the clock, she realized that Anna would arrive in a few minutes and she should probably get dressed as she was only wearing a large t-shirt and a blue pair of panties.
Aubrey changed into a cleaner t-shirt and pulled a pair of purple sweatpants over her underwear. She looked in a mirror and fixed her untamed hair to look as human as possible. Even though Anna knew that Aubrey was not the most polished-looking woman when she had nowhere to go, the older woman wanted to look semi-good for her BFF.
A heavy knock came to the door and Aubrey rushed over. She opened it and saw her short friend standing in front of her with a pink hoodie and a new pair of jeans on.
"I was expecting you to be wearing less," she joked as she walked in.
"All you had to do was ask," Aubrey laughed.
The girls went into the kitchen and Anna quickly demanded a drink. Aubrey smiled at her as she poured her friend a glass of Crown Royal and Coca-Cola. A drink that should have lasted a few minutes lasted only mere seconds as Anna swallowed every drop of alcohol that she could.
"Rough day?" Aubrey asked as she sipped on an iced tea.
"Rough week, Aub," she responded as she pointed at the glass, signaling for another drink. "Car problems, new bitch on set, Edgar flaunting his new model girlfriend...I fucking hate my life."
"Anna, you hate your life?" Aubrey said with an eye roll. "America's second favorite sweetheart with movie after movie coming out...you have nothing to complain about," she stated as she poured her a drink.
"Professionally yeah but personally, I can complain all I want," she said as she slammed the second drink down. "My ex has a nineteen year old lingerie model in his bed and I haven't gotten laid in ten months."
"Again I say, all you had to do was ask," Aubrey said as she playfully placed a hand on her shoulder.
"You're too good to me," Anna said with a laugh.
"Why don't you take that hoodie off and come watch a movie with me," Aubrey said.
"Aub?" Anna asked as she looked confused.
"No, you should take it off because you're starting to sweat, not because I want to see you naked," Aubrey laughed. "Well, not JUST because I want to see you naked."
Anna took her hoodie off and tossed it on a chair. She was wearing a plain black tank top underneath without a bra.
"How can someone be cold and sweating so much?" Aubrey asked, looking at the pointy nubs on her chest.
"Movie time," Anna said, ignoring her.
The girls went into the living room and sat on the couch. They watched a movie and made some small talk until about an hour in when Aubrey's boyfriend walked in the apartment. The man walking in, however, was not the man that Anna was familiar with her dating. Instead of the 'Life After Beth' director she expected, she saw a much younger man enter.
"Who is that?" Anna whispered.
"That's Gary, my new boyfriend," she whispered back. "Isn't he adorable?"
"Yeah, he looks eighteen," Anna said.
"Don't be silly, he's twenty," Aubrey answered before popping up and giving him a quick kiss. "Gary, this is Anna. Anna, Gary."
Anna shyly waved at the very attractive young man before turning her attention back to the movie. She picked up her glass, filled with her fourth Crown & Coke, and sipped away as Gary and Aubrey shuffled off to the kitchen.
"Hey, so are you still up for this?" Aubrey asked Gary.
"She's okay with you paying me to fuck her?" Gary asked.
"She thinks you're my boyfriend, she doesn't know anything but she hasn't gotten any in almost a year," Aubrey responded.
"And she won't mind you joining in?"
"If she hasn't picked up that I'm not joking around about wanting to be with her, she never will," Aubrey said as she looked back at Anna, who was focused on her drink. "She has slammed those drinks down ever since she got here, she isn't all there anyway."
"Isn't that kind of a bad thing to do?" Gary asked.
"I paid you to fuck us, not lecture us, Dr. Phil," she said as she pulled him in for a kiss. "You should work on kissing, you kind of suck at it."
Before he could respond, Aubrey skipped her stoned-self back towards Anna and grabbed her hand.
"Come on, I got something that I really need to show you," she said as she pulled her up.
Anna held onto her drink and was pulled towards Aubrey's bedroom. The dominant girl looked back at Gary and mouthed, 'get naked'. She was so focused on Gary that she walked into the door frame and almost fell over.
"Fuck!" she yelled.
"Ha!" Anna laughed.
Aubrey grabbed her hand and (slowly) led her in her bedroom while Gary undressed in the kitchen. Anna sat down on the bed as Aubrey dug through her closet. Once her hand found what she was looking for, she looked over her shoulder and smiled at her friend.
"Ready to see something awesome?" she asked as Anna finished her drink.
"Sure," she answered.
Aubrey pulled a small black dildo out of her closet and held it up. Anna looked unimpressed until Aubrey pushed a button and, from the base, the dildo grew to almost a foot long. She pushed another button and it rapidly shrunk and grew.
"It's a portable fuck-machine," she said as pressed it against her cheek. "It's the best hundred dollars I've spent."
"Gary not enough for you?" Anna snickered.
"Try this thing out," she said. "Take off your pants."
"Aubrey!" Anna yelled.
"Oh calm down, just try it."
"I'm not a lesbian!" she slurred.
"Neither am I...I'm bisexual," she said as she lunged forward and placed a rough kiss on her drunken friend's lips.