Dear MJ,
I'm writing this on my tablet, in the backseat of your car as you drive to the airport, Felicia in the passenger seat, pointing out landmarks from a tour guide. I think she wants you to stay. I know I do. But it's my job—my privilege—to support you and I could never be as selfish as to ask you to turn an opportunity like this down. So don't think for a second that we can't endure being apart from you. Even if I'm missing you already. I know I'm striking a bit of a contradictory tone here—
You know me. I would spend every waking moment with you, if I could, but that wouldn't be good for us. You need to have your life and I need to have mine—we need to choose to live together, not have no other options. I'm making a mess of this—the last time we tried being together, I think we got some things wrong, and everything we did wrong I want to get right this time. I don't want you to feel left out. I don't want you to think anything you do or feel is unimportant, because it's important to me and it's important to Cat, even if she doesn't admit it. I know I've had a pretty crazy job over the worlds, you have always made me feel strong and capable and that's how I want to make you feel.
I mean, my
goodness,
you're one of the leads in a two hundred million dollar movie. Don't think for one second I don't think that has its own pressures and challenges and a lot of BS that I'll never have to deal with. But you can handle it, I know you can. And whatever changes this makes for our life together, we can handle those too. As an... us.
I'm going to write this out longhand and send it to you in England via air mail, so hopefully I'll have thought of a better way to phrase all this. Please don't ask to look at the first draft. It is getting deleted.
I know,
I know,
our life together has been crazy and Felicia isn't going to simplify matters. But that's good, complicated is good.
You're
complicated and I love you to death. One good thing about said crazy life is that I know you can take care of things in England, and I can take care of things back here, even apart.
I've been thinking about Gwen lately. Not in a bad way, a fearful way—I haven't been to the bridge—but I thought about the three of us, and Flash, and Harry... the Coffee Bean, Empire State University, all that. Things with Gwen were always simple, and I think I've been using that as a benchmark for a long time. Like love should be simple. But it wasn't simple, not really. She was lying to me and I was lying to her. How's that saying go? 'Romeo and Juliet wouldn't have lasted'?
It's hard to write that down. Don't think that I resent her. I still have feelings for her, the same way I have scars. But if she were back, I would still choose you and Felicia. She wasn't the love of my life, you two are. Because my life didn't end with her. It went on. You stood by me, and Felicia fought for me, and as complicated and weird as things got, that's still love.
I have no idea how to end this letter, so I'm not going to. I'm just gonna send what I've written today and send some more tomorrow. Maybe let Felicia write something. Probably not. I'm still not sure what I could have possibly done to deserve the two of you, so I can only assume that I've just gotten phenomenally lucky. Like a lottery winner or something. You hear about those lottery winners who waste it all on beer cozies or whatever? I don't want to be that guy. I'm gonna remember how lucky I am, always.
***
"You could just use webbing, you know," Felicia said as Peter failed to bite through another length of duct tape, getting a tape-y taste all over his tongue. It looked so easy in the movies...
"I like to advertise my identity a little more subtly than that."
"You should wear looser pants, then." Felicia dug into her pea coat, taking out a glove for her costume, and slipping it on as she sauntered up to him. "Because that is totally Spider-Man's ass you're popping."
"Popping?"
She cut the duct tape with her claw. Peter affixed it to the top of the box he'd packed up. One more load for the movers Felicia had hired. Big burly Russians who had talked about how, if anyone asked, they were playing pool down at Cousin Marv's. Peter wasn't sure they were aware that they were just helping him move out of his apartment and into Felicia's.
Peter picked up another widget for this combined spring cleaning and move. He'd never really gotten down to the nitty-gritty of pitching Ock's stuff. And he definitely didn't remember owning so many anime statues. He put it in one of the pitch bags.
"Can't you go bug Reed Richards for something to just teleport all this junk to my place?" Felicia asked, sitting atop an ajar door like that was at all a natural human being pose. "This is boring."
"It's my stuff. I don't want it to spend any amount of time in the Negative Zone. Also, secret identity." Peter picked up a yellowing paperback copy of A Princess of Mars. "Hey, I think this is mine." Ock had pitched most of his reading material, preferring a Kindle. Philistine.
Felicia sighed. "Why do you insist on bringing a bunch of junk into my classy up-town apartment?"
"It's not junk. This was actually a landmark achievement in sci-fi..."
"Oh God..."
"You can trace elements of Star Wars
directly
to this book..."
"
God,
" Felicia repeated. "Okay. Fine. But your room, remember? You have your room, MJ has her room, I have my room. Boundaries. That's how I'll survive being in love with nerd trash."
"'She said lovingly'..."
"I only love you for your body. Sure you want to do this right now, with MJ in the air? Seems a little, I don't know—"
"Keeping busy is a good thing," Peter replied, boxing up a collection of old game cartridges. He'd probably put them in storage, see if the next time he moved he was mature enough to sell them on eBay or at a garage sale. "I'm not just going to brood about my problems. Not that Mary Jane being successful in her chosen field is a problem..."
Felicia smiled wryly. "Sure you don't want to go brood on top of a church or something?"
"I'm not Daredevil."
"I can flirt with you, try to get you to eat my pussy, it'll be just like old times!"
"If you want me to eat you out, you can just ask."
"Here? I'd half-expect Norman Bates to be watching through a hole in the wall."
"I congratulate your knowledge of film canon."
"Oh, I know about the scariest film ever made? I must be Roger Ebert. Say, where are all the diamonds?"
"Diamonds?"
Felicia hopped down, bending her body this way and that to make a pantomime of looking for them. "And, you know, pearls, precious metals, occasional piece of artwork? Stuff I've stolen over the years and gifted to you, just as a thanks for all the sex?"
"You couldn't send flowers?"
"It's very hard to steal flowers. They grow in the ground."
"Well, those diamonds..." Peter rubbed at his upper lip. "Man, those diamonds..." He scratched the back of his neck. "They were, technically—well, not just technically—stolen property, which I really don't... hold with..."
"Peter."
"I might've, you know, turned them over to the police."
"
Peter.
"
"As Spider-Man, of course, just said that I busted up a fence or whatever and found these, here you go, I didn't give them your name, of course..."
"I gave you presents and you
returned
them?"
"You could think of it as me just giving gifts to the police. They work hard, you know."
Felicia made a beeline for the door. "If that's how much you appreciate me, you can just pack up without my help!"
"You weren't helping!"
"I was motivating you!"
***