Guilty Pleasure Ch 05

Disclaimer: I don't own the Dukes of Hazzard, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warning: Slash, Incest, First Time, Angst

Rating: FRAO

Italics and/or * indicates thoughts

*

Several hours later we headed home. After Bo had come back to the cabin, we had a long talk about where we would go from here. It was ironic really, I had been in the Marines, had been to war and yet I was the one who was afraid. As my cousin drove us home, it gave me plenty of time to think about what was scaring me. By the time we reached the farm, I was sure I'd figured out that I was most afraid that Bo would give up on me. I wasn't really afraid that he didn't mean it when he said he loved me. I know Bo better than anybody and though I'd seen him in love, I'd never seen that look in his eyes before. I couldn't help the warmth that spread through me, knowing that it was me Bo was looking at with a love more intense than anything I've ever seen.

When Bo parked the General next to the house, I saw Uncle Jesse at the picnic table, snapping grean beans, and the warm feeling fled. Taking a deep breath, I swallowed hard and climbed out of the car, steeling myself to face my uncle. I sure hoped Bo was right when he said that Uncle Jesse would understand, not that I planned to tell him everything. Walking over to the picnic table and sitting down, I looked up from the ground when Bo sat beside me, his smile giving me the courage I needed.

"Uncle Jesse, guess we need to talk, or at least I need to tell you what's been going on with me. I suppose the first thing I should tell ya is, I ain't been doing anything illegal." I was ignoring the fact that the club I'd gone to was considered to be an illegal club. "Uncle Jesse I figured out something about a year ago, I'd suspected it for a while but...." I stopped speaking, unsure of how to continue.

"Luke, whatever it is you can tell me, ya ain't got to be scared boy," Uncle Jesse assured me, giving my hand a squeeze.

"Well, the thing is...Uncle Jesse I'm gay," there I'd said it, now all I could do was wait for his reaction.

"That's why you've been sneaking off?"

"Yeah, been going to Atlanta. There's bars there, for men like me," I replied.

"Why didn't ya tell us?"

I couldn't believe how calmly he was taking this. I just told my uncle that I'm gay and he sits here asking questions, as calm as if I'd just told him I liked peach pie over apple. "I was afraid y'all would hate me if you knew," I finally admitted.

"HATE YOU?" He yelled the question, guess I should've known he wouldn't like that. "Lukas K. Duke, how could you think that any of us would hate you for being gay? We're your family boy, I thought you knew what that meant." The hurt in his voice was so clear, I couldn't help wishing he'd go back to yelling.

"I'm sorry Uncle Jesse, I should've known that you wouldn't hate me. It's just that, well there's so many people that think it's a sin. Like I told Bo, before I realized that I'm one of them, I thought the same thing. It wasn't until I accepted that I'm gay that I understood it's not something you choose. I know now that this is just the way I am, the way God made me, but I wasn't sure how you'd feel about it. I never meant to hurt or worry any of you, can ya ever forgive me?"

"Forgive ya? Of course I forgive ya Luke. I know ya never meant to hurt us, and I sure don't blame ya for being the way God made ya. Now is there anything else you need to tell me?"

I hated lying to him and I knew that Bo didn't agree with me, but he was going along with my decision to keep our feelings a secret for now. I wasn't sure how Uncle Jesse would take the idea of his two nephews together, and besides we weren't even sure yet if there was an us. "No Uncle Jesse, that's all there is," I told him, before standing up and heading out to the barn for evening chores.

After Luke went to the barn, I got up to follow him, stopping when Uncle Jesse called my name. "Yes sir?"

"I know Luke didn't tell me everything and I'm not going to ask you what he's holding back. I would never ask you to betray his trust like that, I just need to know one thing. Is there anything else I need to worry about?"

I let go the breath I hadn't even known I was holding, I thanked God that Uncle Jesse didn't expect me to tell him the rest of Luke's secret. I couldn't help being relieved that he'd asked a question I could answer honestly, "No sir, there's nothing you need to worry about."

"Alright, you better go help Luke with the chores."

Giving a short nod, I jogged off to the barn to help Luke. Coming inside the barn I saw Luke sitting on a bale of hay, staring off into space. "Luke? You okay?"

"Huh? Hey Bo, yeah I'm fine. Did Uncle Jesse ask you anything?"

"Just if there was anything else for him to worry about. I wish we could tell him...never mind, forget I said anything."

"I'm sorry Bo, I know it's hard for you to hide stuff from Uncle Jesse, especially something this important. But we talked about this cousin, it's not gonna be easy to get past my problems. At least if nobody else knows about our feelings and it doesn't work out we're the only ones affected by it."

I knew that what he said made sense, but that didn't mean I had to like it. "I know Luke and I ain't arguing with ya, I'll just be glad when we can tell them about us. Well come on, we got chores to do," I said, trying to act normal.

Three weeks later and I was starting to feel the urge to return to Atlanta. I just didn't know how I was going to explain it to Bo, heck I didn't know how to explain it to me. Things between us had been going really well, not that we'd done anything beyond kissing and cuddling, but it was a start. I woke up every morning with my arms wrapped around the man I loved and thanking God for letting my dreams come true. Even after three weeks, I still kept expecting to wake up and discover it really was just a dream. I hadn't figured out yet how he could love me, especially after what he'd seen. His love was the only thing that kept me from running to Atlanta, back to the club. *Lord this doesn't make any sense. What's wrong with me? I have everything I've ever dreamed of and I still feel the need to go back to that...sickness. Dear God give me strength, please help me to resist the temptation, don't let me hurt Bo like that. You know it would tear him up if I went back, if I let those men, but I'm not sure I can fight it. Help me please,* Luke prayed, jumping in surprise when Bo walked into their bedroom.

"Hey there you are. You trying to get out of helping me replace the General's brakes?"

"Nah, just wanted to grab a bandana that's all," I explained, picking up a bandana from the dresser. "Well what are ya waiting for?" I asked when he just stood there looking at me, not saying a word.

"The truth," Bo answered simply, folding his arms across his chest and leaning casually against the wall.

"What are ya talking about Bo?"

"I'm talking about the last three nights, you waking up from nightmares. I've heard you talking in your sleep, you're dreaming about what happened at the club aren't you?"

I looked away from him, dreading what was coming, knowing that I couldn't lie to him.

"Luke?"

"Sort of," I told him, delaying the inevitable for as long as possible.

"Sort of? What do you mean?"

"In my dreams, it's not me that's in the club...it's you."

"Me?" He squeeked out, clearly not expecting that. "Why would you be dreaming about me being in that.... Luke, am I being hurt or am I hurting somebody?"

I looked up at that, surprised to find him standing next to me, one arm on top of the dresser. I must've really been out of it, if I didn't even notice him moving towards me. "You were being hurt and I was in the observation room watching. Somehow when you look up, you're able to see me and you...Bo you look at me with so much hatred in your eyes. That's when I finally see the face of the man who's hurting you, it's me Bo...."

"Luke you know that ain't gonna happen, don't you?"

"Doesn't stop me from feeling like I've dragged you into a world where you're gonna get hurt. Doesn't change the fact that if I'd just left Hazzard as soon as I realized how I felt about you, then you wouldn't be getting dirtied by me."

"What the...? Luke Duke being with you is not getting me dirty!" Bo snapped, fighting to keep his voice down so that Uncle Jesse wouldn't hear.

"I'm sorry Bo, I didn't mean to upset you, but I can't help how I feel."

"So now what, you just gonna give up on us already? Gonna walk out that door and leave me behind?" He asked me, unshed tears shimmering in his eyes.

"I'm not giving up on us Bo and I ain't gonna walk away from you, not unless you want me to. This is why I didn't want you to know about the dreams, I knew you'd get upset," I told him. Reaching out to caress his cheek, I leaned in for a gentle kiss, "Could we not talk about this right now darlin?"

"I guess it can wait, we do have a brake job to take care of, but Luke, we will talk about this."

*Damn, I was hoping to distract him. Should've known better.* Now that I knew he wanted to talk more about this later, I was inclined to make this the slowest brake job in history. Of course it didn't work, and two hours later we were on our way up to still site four to talk in private.

The drive up to the old cabin had never been so quiet. Luke and me didn't always say a lot, but we could usually find something to say. Finally I saw the hidden turnoff that would take us to the old still site and to what had become our special place. A few minutes later, I brought the General to a stop in front of the cabin, climbing out I was only mildly surprised when Luke didn't follow me. "You gonna sit there all day or are we gonna talk?" I asked him, leaning down next to the window and looking across at him. I stood up, smiling in satisfaction when he began to climb out of the other window, he wasn't happy about it, but at least he was out of the car now.

I walked into the cabin and sat down at the small table, waiting for Luke to come inside. Five minutes later he stepped inside the cabin, but instead of sitting at the table, he stayed by the door. *Gonna be like that is it? Fine Luke, but if you think I'm gonna let you run, you are in for a surprise cousin.* "Luke why don't you sit down over here with me?"

"I'd rather stand if it's all the same to you Bo?" He answered, his stiff posture telling me just how much he didn't want to be here.

"Luke I don't understand why you said what you did earlier. Why do you feel like you're making me dirty by loving me?"

"Are you serious Bo? How can you not understand? You of all people should know exactly why I said that."

"Well I don't, so why don't you spell it out for me?" I asked him, hoping I could make him open up before he did something we'd both regret.

"You saw the kind of man I've become, you know what I let those men do to me. Hell I asked them to hurt me Bo, to use me like...like some piece of meat. I might not have asked for that man to rape me, but I might as well have. If I hadn't gone into that club, hadn't put myself in that place he wouldn't have had the chance to d..."

"Now you hold it right there Luke! You said yourself that man had grabbed men from other bars, and outside of them too. Seems to me that even if you'd only gone to the regular gay bars or none at all he still might have raped you. Don't you dare stand there and try to tell me that it was your fault. I was there Luke, you might have gone into that room willingly, but you didn't ask to be raped. You still don't believe me, do you? Okay what if it had happened to me, would you say it was my fault? It could've you know, I mean I followed you there, suppose some guy had decided that he liked my looks and didn't care what I wanted? Would it be my fault?"

"Of course not Bo, but that's different."

"How is it different? Because I've never been with a man before? Or is it because I didn't fall in love with my cousin? But I did fall in love with my cousin, didn't I? According to you that means I deserve to be punished!" By the time I'd finished, I was yelling and glad we'd decided to come up here where we could be alone.

"Don't say that! You don't deserve to be punished, there is nothing you could ever do to deserve that," Luke protested.

"Luke, if I don't deserve punishment for loving you, then why do you think it's wrong for you to love me?"

"I can't explain it Bo, I just know that I need it. I need to be hurt, it's like a drug. I told you that before and I don't know how much longer I can fight it." Luke told me, sliding down the wall and burying his face in his hands as he finally broke down.

My heart was breaking at the sight of my strong cousin, sitting on the floor of the old cabin with tears streaming down his face. Pushing away from the table, I walked over to him, sitting down beside him, I gently pulled him into my arms. "Shh, it's okay Luke. It's gonna be okay, we'll get you through this together. It may take some time, but even if it takes the rest of my life, I'm going to prove to you that you deserve to be loved. That you should be loved and cherished, not hurt, never hurt," I whispered, turning his face upward, I gently brushed his lips with mine.

Pouring every ounce of love I felt into the deepening kiss, I could feel Luke trembling in my arms. Suddenly he shoved me away and jumped to his feet. For several seconds I sat there too stunned to move. The sound of the General's engine roaring to life brought me out of my daze and I ran outside, "Luke!" He looked at me with so much pain that it took my breath away, neither of us moved and then he reached forward. I ran forward, planning to jump in the window before he could leave. As I was about to make my move, I stopped cold, realizing that the car was no longer running. By the time he'd pulled himself from the car, I was by his side. "Luke, come back inside, please. I promise I won't do anything you're not ready for," I spoke quietly, the way you would to a horse that's been spooked.

Leaning against me, he spoke so quietly I barely heard him, "You didn't do anything wrong Bo."

"Then why did you shove me away and take off like the devil himself was chasing ya?"

"I...want to love you Bo, God knows I do, but I don't deserve someone like you. Nothing you say can change the fact that I ain't normal, and if you stay with me sooner or later you're going to get hurt."

"Damn it Luke, I told you before, the only way you could hurt me, is if you leave me."

"You're wrong Bo, I'm going to hurt you. Hell I'm hurting you now and I haven't even given into the temptation of going back to the club yet."

"Luke please stop it. The only thing that's hurting me right now is seeing you beating yourself up like this. Can ya tell me why you're thinking about going to that club?" Wrapping my arms around him again, I bent down for a gentle kiss. "Let me help you babe, come inside with me, please. I want to show you how much I love you, want you to show me how to love you," I whispered huskily.

Pulling back, I looked into his eyes but I didn't see any deception. The only thing I could see was love and desire, "I don't know if I can Bo. But I don't want to go back to those other men, not really."

"Then come inside, we'll take things as slow as you need."

I couldn't help laughing at that.

"What?"

"I'm sorry darlin, it's just...well you're a virgin when it comes to this and, shouldn't that be my line?"

"Guess so, but when have we ever done things like everybody else?" He smiled at me in a way that I couldn't help returning.

Taking his hand, I led the way back into the cabin and to the bed in the corner. Sitting down on the mattress, I pulled Bo down beside me, caressing his face, I slowly leaned in and brushed my lips against his. I felt his arms slipping around my waist as he eagerly returned the kiss. Running my tongue across his lips, I deepened the kiss. Gently pushing him down onto the bed, I slowly opened the snaps on his shirt. Slipping the shirt from his body, I began to run my hands up and down his chest, the feel of his skin beneath my hands turning me on and taking me by surprise. *Maybe this can work, maybe our love can be enough.* Following the trail my hands were making with my lips, I kissed my way down his chest. Stopping my downward journey, I began to kiss and suck at his nipples, quickly discovering how sensitive they were. It wasn't long before Bo was twisting beneath me, pushing himself upward, unconsciously asking for more attention. Attention I was only too happy to give him. Letting my hands continue to explore his gorgeous body, I continued to kiss and nibble at his chest, loving the sounds of his pleasure. Pushing myself to my knees, I moved to the end of the bed and pulled his boots off. Slowly moving my hands up his long legs, I began to unbuckle his belt. A moment later I pulled down the zipper on his jeans and was pulling them down his legs, dropping them onto the floor, before doing the same with his boxers. Gazing at the beautiful body laid out before me, I couldn't help grinning at the sight of Bo blushing under my stare.

"Ain't you a little overdressed cousin?" He asked, the mischevious twinkle in his eye the only warning I had before he pulled me down beside him. Turning onto his side, he propped himself up on one arm and tentatively reached for the snaps on my shirt. The care he was taking not to upset me, making sure he moved slow so he wouldn't startle me in any way, was one of the sexiest things I'd ever seen. Moving my hand to cover his, I put his hand on the next snap, silently giving him permission to continue. Mimicking the moves I'd made earlier, Bo soon had me undressed and was again laying beside me.

Leaning over him, I lowered my head and began to kiss him passionately. Slowly moving to his throat, I lightly nipped at his adam's apple, kissing it a second later before moving on. "Bo," I whispered between kisses, "I want to show you how good love between us can be." Feeling him trembling beneath me, I reached for his erection as I spoke. "Shh, it's okay darlin, we ain't gonna do too much today. You ain't ready for that, we got no lube and the truth is, I don't think I'm ready for that yet." I assured him, knowing that the trembling I felt from him was as much fear as anticipation. Kissing my way down his body, I slowly pumped his cock with my hand. Lightly sucking at the base of his erection, I slowly ran my tongue up the underside, until I reached the head. Darting my tongue out, I lapped up the drop of pre-cum I saw glistening in the slit. Gently drawing the head of his cock into my mouth, I held him down when he bucked up at the feel of my tongue swirling around the cockhead and down the sides. I slowly drew his cock deeper into my mouth, the sounds of his moans turning me on like nothing else ever had. As I sucked on him, I placed one long finger in my mouth, before moving to the crack of his perfect ass. Carefully pushing my finger into him, I gently moved it in and out, looking for that one spot that I knew would drive him crazy. By the time I found it a couple of minutes later, Bo was so near the edge from the dual sensations that one stroke across his prostate was all it took. Swallowing greedily, I drank down every drop of cum he had to offer, stopping only when he pulled away, the head of his cock too sensitive to touch. Moving back up the bed, I kissed him deeply, allowing him to taste himself on my lips.

"Oh God, that was...I ain't never felt anything like that Luke. I got a question though, how am I going to explain to Jesse that I ain't wearing my boots?"

"Why wouldn't you being wearing your boots?"

"Well, I figure it's gonna be hard to get them on with my toes curled like this," he grinned up at me, just before pushing me to my back. "My turn now."