Good the Bad and the Horny

Note- A twist on the classic spaghetti western with Scarlett Johansson as the Good, Liz Hurley as the Bad and Haley Atwell as the Horny.

xxx

New Mexico, 1862.

The woman with no name stood next to her pony, Scarlet, and squinted in the hot sunlight. She took a last drag on her disgusting cheroot and spat black spit onto the dusty ground, hitting a cricket dead centre which spun into the air. The tan Vaquero style hat shielded her sparkling green eyes for the most part as she looked on the one horse town in the near distance.

"Old Wild Cherry, what a dump." She sneered.

The blonde fingered her six shooter in her leather gun belt and bared her white teeth as that glimpse of a memory came back to her. She looked quite sedate in her grey and cream striped poncho over her grey woollen shirt with the black horn buttons. Concealed under which were a pair of astounding thirty six inch breasts that heaved at the tight fitting shirt. Also tight fitting were her black denims which fitted into her tall black leather boots.

"Let's finish this off."

She remounted her pony, took the reins and rode into town, determined to wrap up unfinished business. As she arrived she passed an old broken wooden stage coach and dead dog, its body attracting flies by the dozen in the searing heat. On the further most shack on the outskirts of the small town a grizzled old lady of about seventy sucked on a clay pipe in a rocking chair, her toothless cheeks two hollows in her head.

"I know why you are here, and it doesn't bode well. Heed my words and take great care." The woman looked at her and wagged a bony finger.

The blonde went from a trot and then to a walk before she dismounted and walked down the street with not one look back. She waved her arm and tilted her hat down as a gust of wind blew sand her way.

"Thanks for the advice, old timer."

Her eyes fixed on the hotel ahead, Leroy's Hotel and Tavern, and she passed the general store and hitched Scarlet to the rail and entered. She blinked several times as she came in from the brilliant sunshine into semi darkness. On the threshold she turned to the right and then to the left taking care to note the occupants of the reception and adjoining bar. The inside was not much cooler than outdoors as she brazenly approached the bar, her boots making noise on the hard wood floor.

"Drink?" Said the barkeep as she put her boot on the foot rail and planted her hands face down on the counter, her gaze straight ahead."

"Whisky." Came the answer from an expressionless face.

He served up a glass and filled it from a half empty bottle. The stranger swallowed the fire water in one gulp, knocking her head right back. Once drained she slammed it onto the counter and nodded in silence for a refill. His eyes trailed over her body, sizing her up and liked what he saw. Long blonde locks pooled in waves about her shoulders and her nicely rounded butt stuck up behind her almost inviting a hand to smack on the supple flesh. She was about five feet five, green eyes and a soft kissable mouth, her upper lip the same exact same thickness as the lower. "What brings you here to this rat hole?" The man inquired.

The woman stared intently into his eyes, her full mouth pouted, both lips tight. Her silence spoke volumes and he shifted from one foot to the other nervously. He watched as she placed a small cheroot in the corner of her ruby lips and struck a match along the top of the counter to light it. She drew in the smoke and puffed into the fat middle aged mans face. He gulped and peered into a pair of bewitching green eyes from under the brim of her hat.

"If you need a room you're out of luck, every room is taken."

"In this shit hole?" Drawled the woman as she took another shot of whisky.

"The war has nearly reached us now, folk are getting itchy feet."

"That a fact."

She swept the poncho over her left shoulder and the tender got a good look at her shooting irons.

"We don't want any trouble round here lady."

"I'll level with you. I'm on the lookout for a dark haired woman, slim, tall and speaks with an English accent."

The man gave himself away as his eyes went to the next level for a split second. Her right hand rested on the handle of her nickel plated Navy Colt and she raised her right brow.

"Don't rile me and we'll get along. What number room?"

The woman with no name ran her thumb over the hammer of her gun and awaited the answer.

"Six, room six. And she has company."

"Do you know him?"

"Her, she's also English. She performs on the stage."

"I'm going upstairs now, and if you know what's good for you I suggest you keep your trap shut."

"You got it lady. And by the way, it's two bits for the drinks."

He received a scowl as a reward for his boldness and he quickly grabbed the coins that were slammed onto the bar counter. The determined stranger took the creaking stairs one careful step at a time, her Colt drawn and firmly held in her right fist. When she got to the top of the landing a chamber maid looked at her aghast and was motioned to be quiet by a finger to the lips by the figure in the poncho. The staircase split the upper hallway in two, four rooms on each side.

"Have you got the room keys?"

The eighteen year old girl nodded with eyes wide in fright as she looked into the business end of the pointed revolver.

"Open door six, quietly."

The pair of them approached the room cautiously and the key was inserted into the lock and turned almost in slow motion. The maid was shooed away and the door knob was twisted and the door to the small room was opened. Immediately there came the unmistakable moans of females from within. At first she imagined them to be moans of pain but it became apparent that in fact they were the moans of pleasure.

"OH!"

She put her left boot inside the room and held the door open a few inches and the noises grew louder and more urgent. Her right boot stepped before the other and she peered into the low lit room to see a bed against the far wall and two naked forms entwined in each others arms. It was difficult to make out faces as the women were engaged in the 69 position.

"Uh, uh, uh, yes!"

The female with longer hair had her pussy on the others mouth and she moaned without pause. Her hips gyrated as a tongue worked on her muff with audible slurping. The one on top had her face buried between wide open legs and bobbed up and down, presumably lapping at her lovers cunt.

"Don't stop!" Came a cry in a distinct English accent.

Totally engrossed in the scene before her the intruder moved her left hand imperceptibly between her upper thighs and clamped tightly on her mound under her denims. She licked her lips as she perceived the erotic sight of the two buxom women cavorting with wanton lust. Her breathing became ragged and she was afraid of giving away her presence but decided to venture inside further. Inside the room were the bed, a tub, sink with hand pump and a stove. On the other side of the door, unseen by her, was a tin bucket for a toilet which clattered noisily.

"I strongly advise you to drop the guns."

The sudden appearance of a Colt 45 aimed directly at her was quite unnerving as the near on six foot tall woman rose from the bed, a fine sheen of perspiration on her entire body. Slim, willowy and blessed with a flawless complexion the long haired brunette looked at her with smouldering eyes and a determined jaw. Although she was stark naked her legs seemed to never end and she loomed over the shaken blonde. This was Angel Eyes Hurley, an educated woman from England and her sworn enemy.

"Well, well, Blondie. Long time no see. You're looking mighty fine."

The armed woman spoke in a cut glass English accent, low of voice and long on the vowels. She had come to America where she had become a professional gunslinger, out to make as much money as possible in a as short a time as possible. Blondie dropped her guns and spread her hands out.

"How did you find me? You were never blessed with brains. In fact if brains were water you couldn't give a flea a foot bath."

"Simple, I just followed the stink!"

Angel Eyes recoiled at the remark and then burst out laughing.

"I've come for what is mine, and then I'm gonna kill you."

"Is that right? And what may I ask is it that I possess of yours?"

"I figure that since we BOTH turned over Tuco to the Sherriff of Santa Fe, then we each deserve half of the $4,000 bounty. Since you took off with the whole cash you owe me two grand."

"Tut, tut, my dear woman. I did all the donkey work on that one and I think I deserve full payment. You can just whistle for your share."

Blondie narrowed her eyes and her right hand moved a fraction.

"Don't even think about taking me on. I'm much too quick. Never the less if you think you can go ahead and make my day."

The forgotten female on the bed stirred and the woman inclined her cherubic face and looked at her with bright brown eyes. The single lamp illuminated her pale skin and her hefty boobs were now bared for her to see. She had fine white shoulders and long arms and cascading medium length chestnut hair. On her back she spread her legs and laid bare her pussy, parted and inviting.

"Forgive my rudeness. This is none other than Miss Haley, renowned striptease artiste and burlesque performer in Paris and London."

Angel Eyes put her hand beside her mouth as an aside.

"And believe you me, she is seriously horny. I mean all the time. Men, women, in threes or fours. And, she can turn your clit red raw in ten minutes. Would you care to find out?"

"Not right now." Said the blonde in a low voice.

"Oh, but I insist. Strip off your clothing."

The tall naked woman gestured with her cocked revolver and flicked her rivals tan hat from her head. The smoking hot blonde exhaled and reluctantly slipped off her poncho followed by the careful and languid unbuttoning of her shirt. She pulled it open and her huge bosom heaved as her back arched and she unveiled her 36 inch boobs. She unbuckled her gun belt and reached for the buttons on the front of her jeans and rolled them down her willowy pins until she stood naked in her drawers. Proud of her boobs she lifted her chin high and swept an errant chunk of fair hair from her eyes as her tits thrust out. Self assured and confident she stood in a brooding silence.

"Everything." Said Hurley waving her revolver at her.

Blondie paused, then put her thumbs in the linen underwear and slipped them off and displayed her full nakedness to the other two. She was simply perfection. All curves. Boobs, hips, ass and thighs. Her thatch of golden pubes were fine and seemed to be almost transparent so that her puffy labia were plain to see.

"Such curves, I'm getting quite wet already."

Haley sat up and looked directly at Blondie with her hand trapped between her legs. She particularly admired the rounded ass cheeks that thrust out behind the naked blonde. Her long lashes fluttered as she flashed her adorable smile.

"Why don't you go and give her a nice big kiss." Said Hurley.

"Are you sick? I'm not doing that."

Haley pouted and Hurley winked at her and then levelled her shooting iron at the exposed pussy of her rival.

"Do you know what a Colt 45 can do to a woman's private parts? It's not a pretty sight believe me. Now you have two choices, one is preferable to the other, don't you agree?"

Blondie blinked and decided to cooperate and she neared the bed was astonished to feel her pussy dripping! As she walked her cunt lips rubbed together and she feared that she might actually cum right there and then! She settled beside the medium haired English woman whose fingers trailed along her naked back. Her mouth zeroed in on the fair haired one and Blondie found herself responding to the wet lips, her right thigh connecting with Haley's left. As the kiss became more urgent Haley brought her left hand straight between the others legs where she felt the heat from the woman's vulva.

"Hot and steamy. Are you sure you haven't been with another woman before?"

Blondie moaned a negative as her downy muff was given exploratory strokes and she began to rock into the welcome digits that drew delightful circles around her outer folds. Hurley padded over to a rocking chair directly opposite the bed and lifted her long right leg up and rested her foot on the seat edge.

"Entertain me ladies."

Haley nuzzled the elegant neck of Blondie who tilted her head up. The combination of delicate kisses and rhythmic fingering down below made her tighten her thighs and her toed curled up accordingly. Light perspiration began to prickle her skin as the fingers found their way to her erect clitoris with unerring accuracy.

"Mmm, my gosh!"

The hand moved over her clit, barely making contact and Blondie stuffed her left fist in her mouth. Suddenly Blondie felt her cunt seep juices ooze down her crack and Haley pressed her side against her while shoving two fingers inside the damp walls of her pussy. Shivers of pleasure were sent through her lower body as she became lost in the moment and together the two lovers gently went backwards onto the bed and embraced.

"What jolly good fun." Gushed Hurley in her plummy accent.

Her compatriot had bent Blondie's knees and raised her rump up, so presenting up her golden thatch. Haley tasted the soft inner thighs with her lips as she spread them out wide. Her face lowered and she painted the sublime slit, smearing the gash with thick saliva that glistened under the oil lamp. Angel Eyes licked her lips and absentmindedly ran the gun barrel along her belly until it settled against her dark brown pussy mound.

"Lick me, lick me." Moaned Blondie who writhed on her back with her fingers entwined in the lustrous hair of the woman between her open legs.

It was her first experience of another woman and the oral stimulation was remarkably pleasurable compared to her previous male lovers who had just slobbered on her cunt. Blondie was consumed by a wanton abandonment and moved her hips up, fucking Haley's tongue which darted like an arrow intermittently into her dripping sex.

"So good," she mewled with her eyes closed.

Her feet came up and she placed her soles on the back of Haley who moved to and fro, her own quim decidedly damp. Her tongue action grew ever faster as she clamped her face down on the woman beneath her, humming and thrumming with glee. Blondie came hard, shudders shook her whole body and her big boobs quivered. Her trembling thighs relaxed as Haley rose up from between them, moisture from her pussy on her lips. She hauled the panting blonde up and then clambered onto the and took up a doggy style pose.

"Oh, this looks clever." Grinned Hurley who ran her revolver in a circle on her mound.

"Come on darling, lick me from behind."

Haley looked over her shoulder with her fingers under her and used them to part her labia. Blondie gazed intently at the V of her muff and reached out to stroke her pussy, so gently that Haley hardly felt. The light teasing drove the horny slut crazy with the desperate need to caressed with harder contact and wiggled her ass. Her juices flowed as finally a finger wormed its way inside her cunt and moved in and out.

"Yes! More!"

Blondie put her hot wet tongue to the straining thighs of Haley who jumped as her insanely pulsing quim caused her to catch her breath. The probing tongue darted here and there as the blonde held both cheeks apart and buried her nose in Haley's butt hole. The brunette screamed as her pussy and ass were subjected to a thorough licking and she gripped bunches of sheet in her fists.

"Fucking wonderful." She moaned.

Haley then flipped over onto her left side and wrapped her arms and legs around Blondie and rubbed her pussy into hers. They squirmed and rolled with each other as they matched each others grinding. Angel Eyes frantically strummed her cunt, loving the erotic and extremely arousing sight on the bed.

"I got to get some of this action." She moaned.

Haley, the more experienced, was pressing her wet muff harder and harder and smiled to herself as Blondie's cunt juices merged with her own. She slipped on top of the groaning blonde and ground her belly down and mashed her huge tits to Blondie. Haley began to slide up and down and the friction of cunt on cunt was awesome. Their clit's were making serious contact and the inevitable climax took them both and Haley fell atop her lover, sweat coating them both.

"Move over ladies, I'm coming in."

It was at that moment the woman with no name took her chance and kicked out and unarmed Hurley who yelped with surprise. She was shoved hard and she hit the floor with a bump, her revolver out of reach.

"You bitch!" She cried.

Hurley leapt and went crazy as her nails dug into the back of Blondie as they grappled. Both screamed out with anger as they each got a handful of hair and pulled hard. Their big tits bounced into each other as they hit the floor, clawing and gouging, their fingers slipping and sliding off their naked bodies. Blondie managed to get on top and threw her right leg over her adversary and pushed down with all her weight. Her eyes glared directly into Hurley's as they struggled and then they rolled together and Hurley got into a superior position.

"Eat pussy, slut!"

Hurley sat on Blondie's face and smothered her with her sopping quim. She squirmed to and fro so that Blondie had her nose in her pussy and her mouth against her asshole. Blondie could not breath, and all she could smell was the overwhelming female aroma in her nostrils.

"How do you like that?"

With the last remaining strength she had Blondie got her hands up and grabbed hold of Hurley's buttocks and wrenched them apart. She yelled out and rolled away, hotly pursued by an irate blonde who got hold of her wrist and bent her arm behind her.

"You're breaking my arm, you slut!"

"Fuck you, English bitch!"

Hurley managed to elbow Blondie in the tits and turn to thrust her knee in the exposed cunt and the blonde felt tears in her eyes. Both panted hard and as they recovered they both went for their discarded guns. The Good and the Bad faced off, guns in fists, naked bodies sweaty and greasy, and boobs heaving. Haley, the Horny, knelt up on the bed, eyes as wide as saucers as she watched the standoff.

"Don't be too hasty now."

Barely inches from each other the two seething shooters lowered their weapons and stared each other out.

"After three." Said Hurley.

The woman with no name nodded and wiggled the fingers of her right hand.

"One...two..."

On the count of two they both raised their arms and the deafening sound of two shots made Haley clamp her hands to her ears. She shut her eyes tight and waited for the ringing in her ears to stop. Then she opened her eyes again and slowly looked up through the rising gun smoke.

END