Meanwhile, at Monica and Chandler's place, after he finished showering, Chandler probed delicately, "Monica, do you consider titfucking to be sex, like intercourse?"
She frowned, "Um, well, no. It's not penetration, in and of itself, it can't get someone pregnant or transmit a disease, so, not it's not full-on sex."
Chandler ventured, "So, you wouldn't consider a husband who titfucks another woman to be cheating?"
Monica said, "Oh, God, yes!"
Chandler said, "So obviously, oral sex is cheating."
"Yes, even for the President of the United States."
Chandler asked, "Handjobs?"
"Yes."
"Kissing on the lips?"
Monica said, immediately and firmly, "Yes. Are you planning on trying these things anytime soon, Chandler? Because I could have your things packed in a matter of minutes."
Chandler tried to be casual, "Oh, no, no. It's just that different people have different definitions of what is sex and what is cheating."
Monica folded her arms, and cocked her head, "You want to titfuck Phoebe and her sister, don't you?"
"I didn't say that."
Monica said, "You didn't have to. I'll tell you what; I'll think about it."
A glimmer of hope shone in Chandler's eyes. He called Ross, "Ross, I just had a little talk with Monica about what constitutes unfaithfulness, sex, and cheating. Not surprisingly, she considers kissing on the lips, and everything from there on up, to be cheating."
Ross said, "Yeah, that sounds like Monica. Sorry, dude."
Chandler said, "But, wait! She also left the door open to giving me permission to titfuck Phoebe and/or Ursula! I think I may have a chance!"
Ross was envious, "Ooh, that's big, Chandler. I need to talk to Rachel. Bye." Ross sought out Rachel. She was sitting in a chair in the living room, reading a fashion magazine. He got down on one knee, beside her, and took her hand. Before he could speak, she said, "Ross, you're not going to...."
Ross realized that he was on one knee, and said, "Oh, no, no, no! I want to ask something else. Chandler said that Monica is considering letting him fuck Phoebe's tits...or Ursula's. That surprises me."
Rachel said, "If Monica says yes, then you can, too." She returned to her magazine. For the next several weeks, Ross begged Chandler to keep up the pressure on Monica.
Chandler said, "Dude, I have to tread lightly. Monica is not as open-minded as Rachel. I think I may have a trump card to play, though. My birthday is coming up. I'm going to wait until she asks me what I want, and very delicately ask for permission to do it."
Within a few days, Monica approached Chandler with a smile, "Honey, you know what special day is coming up, soon?"
Chandler played dumb, "Um, I dunno."
Monica slumped sarcastically, "Yes you do. What do you want for your birthday, apart from the obvious?" Her look told him that "the obvious" was sex with her.
Chandler, "Well, apart from the obvious," she smiled in acknowledgement, "I was fantasizing, you know, and I really like titfucking. You've made me love titfucking, Monica, and I thank you for that...."
Monica said, "You want to titfuck Phoebe, preferably alongside her sister."