Two weeks later, Ross, Rachel, Chandler and Monica sat together, solemnly watching another porno starring Phoebe and Ursula. As the opening sequence began, Rachel asked bitterly, "You guys were supposed to chaperone her! How the hell could this happen?"
Ross, said, "Just watch." The movie featured an exciting newcomer named Rexx, who bore a strong resemblance to Joey Tribbiani. Monica stood, and screamed, "Damn him! Damn him to hell!" Rexx was on-screen, getting a blowjob from one of the sisters.
Rachel said, hopefully, "Maybe Joey's only getting with Ursula.... Oh, never mind." Rexx now had one sister sucking his balls and the other sucking his dick.
Chandler shook his head, without taking his eyes off the on-screen action, and said, "What now? We do two interventions?"
Monica pointed at the screen, "Look, Chandler, it's number 70, the Suspended Scissors! If he can do it, you can!"
Ross, as the most mature friend, was elected to approach Phoebe and Joey. He called Phoebe first, saying, "Phoebe, we all love you, but we are worried that you are going down a path that is destructive."
Phoebe was exasperated, "And I suppose you want to give me a good talking to—again."
Ross was calm, "No lectures, Phoebe, just talking with friends who love you."
"I suppose Monica and Rachel are furious?"
Ross said, "Well, yes, they are, more than Chandler and me."
"I'm willing to listen to you and Chandler, at my apartment."
Ross consulted with Chandler, Monica and Rachel, who all agreed that a meeting between Phoebe and the guys could only be a step in the right direction. Ross and Chandler went to Phoebe's apartment. It had always been a source of wonder that Phoebe lived in a superb apartment. It was spacious, with a nice view, and in a building with a round-the-clock doorman. The mystery of how the flaky Phoebe could afford such a place had now been solved.
Phoebe invited Ross and Chandler to sit on the couch. She brought them cold beers. She drank water. The next thing Ross and Chandler could remember was waking up chained, spread-eagled, to Phoebe's king-size bed. Phoebe and Ursula hovered over them, filming and taking still photos. The guys were nude.
As Ross and Chandler struggled to regain their senses, Phoebe explained, "Our friend, Jeff, suggested this solution to our little disagreement. You two will have a lot of explaining to do if you tell anyone, including your girlfriends, about this. We already have enough video and photos of you two to incriminate you to the whole world. Now, all you have to do is lay back, and enjoy yourselves."
The girls set the cameras onto tripods. The guys noted that there were several cameras pointed at the bed. Phoebe and Ursula stripped. Over the years, Ross, Chandler and Joey had spent hours speculating on what Phoebe looked like nude, and what she was like in bed. They now knew that she looked bombshell beautiful nude, and they would soon know how she was in bed. Her sister, too. The ladies crawled up to the men's crotches and began blowing them both. Chandler said, with difficulty, "I think mine is Ursula, Ross. Look at the tattoo on her ankle. I guess you have the pleasure of realizing one of our favorite fantasies; having Phoebe."
Phoebe lifted her head up, out of Ross's crotch, long enough to say, "Don't worry, guys, you're both going to get the full treatment from each of us!" The head they were getting was so good that Chandler and Ross took Phoebe's promise as good news.
Ross struggled to speak while he was in ecstasy, "Dude, hey! I realized something, buddy. We can't speak anyone's names while the cameras are on, okay? If we use each other's names, or any names of people we know, we can be tracked. Understand?"
Chandler said, "Oh, my God, I feel like I'm being turned inside out! I understand, dude!"
Ross said, "I'm going to come! I'm gonna come!"
