Ross had always been on good terms with his ex-wife, Carol. The revelation that she was a lesbian had been embarrassing, even humiliating, for Ross. People naturally wondered if there was something wrong with Ross that drove Carol away from men forever. Carol had taken up with her partner, Susan, soon after she broke up with Ross. Ross was able to satisfy himself that Carol and Susan had not known each other prior to the breakup, so Carol had not cheated, as far as Ross knew. Carol was a beautiful woman. Susan was a rugged woman.
Carol phoned Ross. Ross told her that he had moved into a new apartment with Rachel, and Carol was enthusiastic and supportive. Carol asked if she and Susan might have a look at the new apartment sometime. They agreed to drop in Wednesday night.
Wednesday, after work, Rachel and Ross welcomed the women warmly, gave them a brief tour, and the four sat down with wine for Rachel and Carol, and beer for Ross and Susan.
Carol began, "Ross, we love the apartment, and we love that you two are together. However, we have an ulterior motive for wanting to see you. Susan and I want to have a child. We'd be great parents, I think." Ross and Rachel agreed. "You are the finest man I know, Ross. You check all the boxes." Ross and Rachel held hands tightly in anticipation. "Susan and I would be honored and thrilled if you would be our donor. I will be the mother."
Ross gripped Rachel's hand strongly, and said, "Oh, that is an honor. I am very flattered. This, however, is a decision Rachel and I must make together, like all our important decisions. May we be excused for a few minutes?"
Carol said, "Of course."
Rachel and Ross retreated to their bedroom, and closed the door. Ross asked, "What do you think?"
Rachel did not hesitate, "I think it is a beautiful idea, and an excellent choice on their part, Ross. Lots of couples are doing it this way these days. In a few years, it won't even seem strange. You would absolutely have to clarify the boundaries, such as whether the child would be told you were the father, what contact you might have with him or her, and so on. You'd need a lawyer."
Ross said, "Rachel, I am a little surprised that you are so in favor of this, but I am pleased. On the face of it, I think it's an honor, and I'd like to do it for them. I was telling the truth when I said I thought they'd be great parents."
Ross and Rachel returned to the living room, holding hands. Susan and Carol were encouraged by the smiles on their faces, and they held hands, themselves. Rachel and Ross sat down, and Ross said, "Yes! I would be honored. I want you two to become parents. I know you will have a happy family."
Carol and Susan cheered, hugged each other, and hugged Ross and Rachel. They were obviously thrilled. When everyone sat down, Ross said, "Of course, we will all need to be clear on certain things, such as who knows what, legalities, and so on."
Carol said, "Ross, we have that dialed in. There is a law office here in the city that specialized in these sorts of agreements. We have already drafted what we think would be ideal. Do you want to hear about it now?" Ross nodded. "Well, first, Susan and I would prefer that we be known as the child's parents, but the child must know your identity in an age-appropriate way. Most of the child's friends will come from heterosexual homes, and it would be confusing for our child not to know the father's identity, and that he lived in the same city. Children have the right to know their donor, but we would not encourage contact with you. How would you feel about that?"
Ross cleared his throat, and said, "Wow! I always assumed that I would be part of the child's life. I suppose that doing so blurs the line between parents and, I guess, a donor. I think I could live with it, not be a parent, and just be happy for you two. I wouldn't need or want any visitation, obviously."
Susan took up the thread, "Of course, the contract—I hate to use such an impersonal word for a very personal agreement—will protect all of us completely. We will have no claims or recourse to you, and you will have no rights as regards the child. The child will know your identity at an appropriate age."
Ross exhaled, and said, "When you put it like that, it seems I would be abandoning the child."
Rachel jumped it, "Ross, of course you wouldn't be abandoning anyone. You would be giving a beautiful, healthy child to a loving couple who truly want one. This child will never feel unwanted."
Carol cried, and said, "Oh, Rachel, that was beautifully put, and just how we feel."
Susan, "We think you, both of you, should sleep on this for a few nights. We invite you to speak to our attorney, at our expense, of course. There are some significant logistical issues that we have not addressed here, as well."
Ross was shedding tears himself, "At this moment, I'd be inclined to do it."
The meeting broke up with all four crying and hugging.
That night, Ross and Rachel talked about the prospect of him being a sperm donor for Carol and Susan. Both were enthusiastic and excited. The longer they talked, the more confident they became. Rachel said, "There is one thing that I worry about, Ross, and you are the only one who can allay my concerns. Would you be satisfied with the child knowing you are the father, but having not contact? He, or she, would be living on the same island as you."
"Truly, the more I think about it, the more convinced I am that it would be best all around, for many reasons. I would be a fifth wheel, in parental limbo. I would prefer to know that Susan and Carol are the parents, and let them do the parenting. Besides, when the child turns 18, he or she can choose what sort of relationship he or she had with me."
Rachel asked, "Do you know what you would have to do? I mean, the nuts and bolts—ha, ha, nuts and bolts!—about getting the sample, and so on?"
"No, I have no idea. On television, the guy jerks off into a cup. Romantic!"
Rachel said, "Well, Ross, what you're doing is noble and beautiful, and it would be my pleasure to extract the sample. I can't promise to make it romantic, but I will make it fun!"
Rachel and Ross did research on in vitro fertilization, and were disturbed by what they found. There were significant risks to both the mother and child. A greater chance of birth defects. Rachel was alarmed at the phrase "statistically significant increase in birth defects." Ross tried to explain the true meaning of the term "statistically significant," but, still, the scientific evidence was disturbing to them both.
Rachel said, "I think we should talk to them tomorrow, Ross. Even if you refuse to donate, somebody else certainly will, or they get sperm out of the 'miscellaneous' bucket!"
Ross and Rachel could not help but giggle. Ross said, "I may not wish to be party to something that endangers a child, even if it does mean that they go to another donor."
The next day, Ross, Rachel, Carol and Susan got on a conference call. Ross explained his concerns about the safety of the procedure. Susan said, "Ross, I understand completely and I share your concerns, to the extent that I would prefer not to use in vitro. Carol insists on it, however. She is concerned that I will be jealous if we do not use artificial insemination. I am completely certain that I would not. Do you understand me, Ross and Rachel?"
There was a pregnant(!) pause, and Rachel stepped in, "If I understand you, Susan, you would prefer, I guess you'd call it natural insemination. Is that correct?"
Susan said, "Exactly, Rachel. The good old-fashioned way is safest all around."
Carol said, "Ross, Rachel, wouldn't you be concerned about the effect on your relationship? I know I am."
