I should have seen it coming, although there's no way I could have.
Granted, when my friend set me up on a blind date with a friend of his named Gillian, it raised an eyebrow. Still, anyone would see it as a coincidence.
But it was just me standing outside the restaurant. So when I heard a female voice calling my name, it was easy to figure out that it was Gillian.
Figuring out it was Community's Gillian Jacobs was quite another matter. But it appeared there she was.
After four years of obsessive viewing, I was among the select few millions of viewers and bloggers that could instantly recognize her. My TV brain even connected that Gillian's pretty red dress was like the one Britta Perry wore to end Community's first Valentine's episode.
Why the hell was she wearing that to meet me? Why the hell was she meeting me? What the hell was my friend trying to pull? Out of all those questions, the one I actually asked, "You're Gillian?" was just marginally better.
"So this is where I yell 'Surprise!' then?" Gillian joked while I tried not to get beside myself.
"How does Dan know you? Why didn't...." I stopped myself. When I actually started to think this through, I asked, "Did he enter me in some 'Win a date' contest for mega fans? I think I would have heard about that myself."
"No, we haven't tried that yet. Now I'm kind of surprised we didn't," Gillian said. "He didn't even tell me you were a fan."
"Well, I'm a big one, so...." I started and stopped again. Now the whole situation hit me – and now I saw I probably hadn't made the best impression. If Dan was doing this for me – this unreal, incredible thing – I couldn't waste his efforts, no matter how he used them.
"I've got a ton of questions, obviously. Maybe you'd be more comfortable hearing them inside," I offered.
"I was going to eat there anyway. I'll bet once I shut my stomach up, I can hear you better," Gillian figured. I gave my first smile and headed inside before I lost my nerve.
As we waited for our table and ultimately got led to one, I was hesitant to get too close to her. I told myself I'd be the same if this was any other blind date, given that we'd have just met either way. But it wasn't like I hadn't seen this blind date before, or hadn't laughed at her work, read about her, written about her....done other things with her in my mind, etc.
Still, I kept myself steady as we sat down and ordered our appetizers. Once we got that sorted out, I was ready to ask, "Okay, so how long has Dan kept you a secret from me?"
"He told you he's a guard at Warner Brothers studio, right? You do know that much about your friend?" Gillian asked.
"Yeah, but he just guards the front gates. Supposedly," I answered. "He didn't tell me he talks to the stars. Trust me, I made sure to ask. Besides, he's only been there a few months."
"He said he got hired right before we got a fifth season. I'm guessing you know what day that was, for at least one reason," Gillian guessed. And with my photographic memory of the day Community actually got renewed again -- and my good memory on when Dan got his job -- the math worked out.
"You've been filming for about a month. He got cozy with you guys that quick?" I asked next.
"His lunch hours match up with ours. He said he was a big fan....but I guess he might have been playing you," Gillian answered.
"He has a real bag of tricks, I guess," I realized. As a few more things dawned, I voiced, "I'm sure he didn't keep it a secret because I'd freak out. I'm not that kind of fan."
"I've met every kind of fan there is. We all have. It's the only reason we're still on the air," Gillian said fairly accurately. "If he did this for you, he must have been really sure you'd like it."
"You could say that about anyone. Anyone sane, anyway," I made my way to a compliment. "Maybe not married guys. Not the really good ones. But the ones who look and wouldn't touch...."
"Well, I'm not here with any of them. Unless Dan buried even juicier secrets," Gillian said while glancing at my ring-less hands.
"No, five or so is our limit," I assured her. With the ice broken and awkwardness brushed aside, I felt lighter as the appetizers arrived. But just as things were perfectly comfortable, I risked it anew.
"So why are you blind dating to begin with?" I asked. "I don't think it'd be a problem to let dates see you first."
"Not during a hiatus, anyway," Gillian started. "But with our Dan back, and all we've gotta do for Season Five, we're really hunkering down. That doesn't leave me time to find a date myself right now. So I casually mentioned blind dating to your Dan, and he pitched you as a candidate. That was two days ago."
"Yeah, that's when he got around to pitching you too," I confirmed. "He just told me he knew an available, lovely blond named Gillian. And he said we had a lot in common. Seems he's been right about all of that so far."
I didn't know if it was good or bad to be so bold, as true as it was. She seemed pleased and flattered, so I took that as promising.
"Wait, you really didn't think it might be me? Even if he didn't tell you he met me, you know he works near us! What other Gillian did you think he meant?" she asked
"Any one of them sounded more plausible. Back then, at least," I qualified. "Since he hid you so well from me, I can only imagine what he hid about me."
"We can do more than that now, can't we?" Gillian inquired. Before I took that a different way, she added, "He said we had a lot of shared interests, you'd go out of your way for me, and you'd make a real impression on me. I can't really say he's wrong just yet."
"Good, that buys me some time," I tried to chuckle. "Just to get it out of the way, I won't ask you to give it up on the first date. I can wait several months for real spoilers like everyone else."
Gillian laughed instead of being offended at the setup, which I took as a big win. "You sure? There's some really hot scoop I can show you. I've been trying to save it for Mr. Right, but his loss can be your gain."
I brushed aside how she ran with my joke, and telepathically told my groin to do the same. To get away from that thought, I closed out with, "Just tell me if Jeff and Annie get together this season, and I'm good," only halfway kidding and hoping against hope.
"Not a Britta shipper, huh? I knew he was hiding a catch about you," Gillian commented. While she sounded comical, I had to add a serious clarification.
"Yeah, another fan who loves Annie more than Britta. And by extension, Alison over you," I alluded to Internet darling Alison Brie. "Alison, Alison, Alison, right?" I added a Brady Bunch style zinger before actually getting serious.
"Okay, so I worship Alison Brie....and if this wasn't a date, I'd have a lot I'd want you to pass onto your writers about Annie," I said, swallowing the urge to rant about that. "But I still know there wouldn't have been a show in the first place without Britta, even if she's never the best. And....I know there are other cool, funny, breathtaking ladies on that show to have long time crushes on. I know that all too well."
"I see," Gillian seemed to bite back a smile, or at least my hopeful brain told me. "I'm sure Yvette will be happy to hear that. She likes hearing that from the right people," she said, namedropping Community's other leading lady – but hopefully in a more serious way at the end.
"I'll be relieved if that's true," I played along.
"We'll find out soon enough, I guess," Gillian capped off, as dinner arrived on cue like this really was TV.
If this was TV, they would reduce the actual dinner and the rest of our talk to a montage. Then they might spend a bit more time on how I offered to drive Gillian home in her car, to make us for not driving to the restaurant together – and how I made sure I narrowly had enough for a cab ride back to my car.
No matter how long it took to see it, the end result had me walking Gillian to her door, unsure of what to do after that. I bought time by saying, "Don't worry, I won't blog or exaggerate anything online. I'll be too busy having words with my Dan for that."
"Leave some for me at work tomorrow, okay?" Gillian added.
"Of course," I agreed, then the awkward uncertainty returned. But as much as I might not want this to end, I had to return to reality. "Well, I should wait outside for my cab before then. And get around to calling one while I'm at it."