Fantasy Celebrity Big Tit Baseball

Fantasy, celebrity, big tit baseball is coming to a stadium near you.

As a payback to its adult fans who are unable to afford the price of admission and who loyally watched baseball games at home, the Boston Red Sox have a bright idea of mixing sex with baseball. Wow! Sex and baseball is something that naturally go together like chocolate chips in cookies. Instead of fantasy major league baseball, with ticket prices out of control and most fans unable to afford to see a ballgame in person, it's time for fantasy, celebrity, big, tit baseball. Oh, yeah, there's nothing better than watching topless celebrities playing baseball.

Who knows? Maybe one they they'll be topless Olympics. Seriously, how many of you would watch more track and field, ice skating, gymnastics, and swimming events if all women over 18-years-old were topless? Wow! Be still my heart.

"Pardon me for being rude Gayle but I have to go home now. The Olympics are on TV. C'mon Joan, let's go."

"Wow! Bob is really into the Olympics," said Gayle, a friend of Bob's wife Joan.

"Olympics my ass? Ever since the women participated in the events topless, he only watches the Olympics to see tits."

With as much focus on their bare breasts as sports announcers talk about the athletes outfits, I think it's time, much like the Olympics of old in Greece, that women participated in sporting events topless. How many of you would watch Serena Williams play tennis bear breasted, Danica Patrick race with Nomex everywhere but on her tits, and Kim Ya-Nu ice skating topless. Seriously, how many of you would watch more beer commercials, drug commercials, and any commercial for that matter if the women on TV were topless. Yeah, tits are what I'm talkin' about.

* * * * *

"Ball four. Katy Perry walks to first. Only no ball player has ever walked to first base in the way that Katy Perry has just jogged down to first base topless," said Don Orsillo.

"Wow! Look at those tits bouncing," said Jerry Remy. "She certainly has big breasts."

"Now with Jessica Simpson at the plate and swinging and missing wildly, Katy takes off and slides to steal second base while Pedroia tags her in the middle of her tits too late. She's safe," said Don of the Boston Red Sox. "What did you think of her tits Jerry?"

Mildly stunned and stupefied as a professional baseball broadcaster and ex-second baseman for the Boston Red Sox, Jerry was taken aback by Don's impromptu and inappropriate question.

"What do I think of Katy Perry's tits? What can I say?" Jerry giggled like a school girl. "She's a beautiful woman made more beautiful by running the bases topless," he said with a shrug. "I mean, how many men dream about seeing a beautiful, topless woman running the bases."

Don nodded his head in agreement and smiled at his partner.

"Jessica Simpson bunts. Wow! Look at her run. She's going to knock herself out with those tits bouncing up and down," said Don laughing. "I don't know how but she's safe at first while Katy takes third."

"Jessica's a good little runner," said Jerry shading his eyes from seeing her bouncing tits. "I'm going to have a lot of explaining to do when I go home to my wife," he said laughing and turning red.

"Kim Kardashian is up next," said Don. "Wow she has big ones made to look even bigger by her petite size. Do you think those breasts are real Jerry or do you think that they are the artificial confections created by a plastic surgeon?"

"Artificial confections? You're turning into a silver tongued devil with women flashing you their tits. I don't know if her breasts are natural or not Don. I'm not looking," said Jerry laughing. "If I was to hazard a guess, I'd say they are real. They look real to me. Following in her daughter's footsteps, rumor has it that her mother, 58-year-old, Kris Jenner, is posing for Playboy too."

"Wow! I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree," said Don. "There's the pitch and the first swing is a hard hit ground ball right through the wickets of the shortstop. Kim is safe at first. Wisely Katy stayed at third. Bases loaded, no out, and walking to the plate is Halley Berry with Tyra Banks on deck. Both those women are such beautiful women," said Don. "To see them both topless raises them higher on my list of the most beautiful women in the world."

"They are indeed very beautiful Don," said Jerry dawning a pair of sunglasses and putting his head down with his hand to shade his eyes from his embarrassment.

"As a show of support, lack of support actually," said Don with a laugh. "I'm noticing that more and more women in the stands are removing their shirts and bras," said Don laughing. "There's a regular tit fest out there. I've never seen so many naked breasts in my life."

"Unlike professional wrestling where there are lots of minors in attendance, I'm just glad that the Red Sox made the rule for today's game that no one under the age of 18-years-old is admitted. I saw them checking ID's at the front gate. This isn't a baseball game for children. Actually, this isn't a baseball game at all," said Jerry laughing. "This is strictly for entertainment. This celebrity topless game is to give something back to the loyal fans watching baseball from home."

"One pitch, one swing, and it's a line drive single that shoots passed the third baseman and bounces off of the left field stands wall. Here comes Katy Perry across home plate with Jessica Simpson right behind her. Rounding the bases from first, to second, around third, and heading home with her tits bouncing wildly is Kim Kardashian. It's going to be a close play and the catcher tags her left breast but her foot is already across home plate. She's safe! Halley clears the bases with one swing of her bat," said Don.

"With the outfielder having to chase the ball down, his throw is late and everyone is safe. Three nothing, no out, and Halley Berry is standing safely on third base," said Jerry.

"Wow, with so very much to see, especially when you have four topless women running the bases at the same time, it's certainly difficult to focus on just one runner," said Don laughing.

"Yes it is difficult to focus. It's been difficult for me to concentrate on the game when there's so much else going on," said Jerry laughing. "I don't know where to look. My eyes go from the runners running the bases to the fan support of topless women in the stands. Everywhere I look, I see tits, nipples, and areolas."

"I know what you mean Jerry. Baseball has taken on a new meaning for me too. Now when I watch a game, I'll only be thinking of tits," said Don laughing. "Let me ask you this Jerry, do you think they'll ever be a game where men will run the bases naked or bottomless?"

"Nah, what are you nuts?" Jerry looked at Don as if he was crazy and/or gay. "Who wants to see naked men running the bases? If you want to see naked men, just go to the locker room after the game."

"Nah, I'm good," said Don laughing. "If I want to see a naked man, I just have to look at myself in the mirror after I shower."

"I can't believe all the topless women with us today. Jerry gave the stands a long look. "My wife would never sit in public topless."

"No doubt all of these thousands of women sitting in the stands topless would pay to see naked men running the bases and there are some men too, if you know what I mean, who'd pay to see men running the bases naked," said Don.

"Albeit a bit hung up on naked men but you make a good point there Don. With more than 10% of the population being of that sexual orientation, we have plenty of gay fans, that's for sure," said Jerry trying to get out of that segment delicately without offending anyone.

"Oh, boy, here comes my favorite busty woman to the plate, Sofia Vergara. I just love her in Modern Family," said Don. "She has big tits. Will you just look at those things? Do you watch that show Jerry?"

"I'm usually watching a ballgame or already in bed Don," said Jerry. "Other than watching baseball, I don't watch very much TV."

"She certainly does have big ones. Very impressive, very impressive," said Don. "Ball four and bouncing her big tits, Sofia jogs down to first base."

"I don't know if it's because these women are topless, but they haven't been able to get anyone out," said Jerry. "I think the Red Sox players are preoccupied staring at the celebrity women's bare breasts."

Don looked at his partner and made a face.

"You say that as if it's a bad thing Jerry," said Don laughing. "Who wouldn't stare at topless celebrities? Rather than seeing them fully dressed in movies and on TV, people paid the high admission to see these women in person run the bases topless."

"Indeed, admission prices are pretty hefty to watch today's game live here at Fenway. With bleacher seats going for $100 and grandstand seats selling at $200, I have no idea how much they charged for box seats, roof deck seats, and the green monster seats," said Jerry. "I'm betting they are charging a lot for the better seats. Looking at the crowd, it's standing room only and those patrons paid $50 just for the privilege of standing to watch the game."

"I have to say Jerry, especially with a game like this, the best seats are right here behind home plate, down the first baseline or the third baseline," said Don.

"You're right, you'll certainly get an eyeful from any of those seats," said Jerry laughing.

"Scarlett Johansson swings wildly at the first pitch. Strike one. Another wild swing at a ball nearly over her head. Strike two. The third pitch is in the dirt with her swinging. Strike three. The ball gets away from the catcher and goes all the way to the backstop," said Don. "Haley comes home and Sofia easily makes it to second while Scarlett is safe at first."

"I can't believe she swung at those pitches. They were all balls," said Jerry. "No matter, she made it to first base with still no one out."

"Let me ask you this Jerry," said Don. "Do you like big breasts?"

"No not necessarily Don. My wife, Phoebe has small breasts. To me, any more than a handful or a mouthful is a waste," said Jerry holding his hands in front of his chest as if he was feeling naked breasts while opening his mouth.

"I guess that would depend on the size of your hands and mouth," said Don with a laugh. "I have bigger hands and a bigger mouth than you do. My wife, Lisa, is averagely endowed," said Don with a chuckle. "Having never been with a big breasted women, I don't think that I could handle some of these women. They all do certainly have big tits."

"A lot of men love big breasted women," said Jerry. "If I had to pick one woman that I'd love to see running the bases topless, it would be Mimi Rogers."

"Mimi Rogers, the ex-wife of Tom Cruise before Nicole Kidman, certainly has big tits. I saw a recent video online of her from a movie that she made, aptly called, Full Body Massage, where she's receiving a massage and they show her breasts. Wow! Mimi Rogers certainly does have big breasts. Jennifer Love Hewitt is up next with Selma Hayek on deck," said Don.

"Now, I never figured Jennifer Love Hewitt for having big tits, but she sure does have big ones," said Jerry. "Selma Hayek is legendary for having the best breasts in Hollywood and from what I can see of them she certainly does have nice tits. Sorry Phoebe," he said. "I'll be in trouble when I get home. I'm just glad we only play the one game."

"Jennifer pops it up. One out. Selma steps to the plate and the first swing is a ground ball to second. Pedroia with a scoop, a tag, and a throw to first, double play!"

"Bottom of the third inning, with three Red Sox up and three Red Sox down. Game over. The celebrity women win over the Red Sox three to nothing. I didn't think that Scarlet Johansson could pitch but she pitched a no hitter."

"Granted it was only three innings and the Red Sox aren't used to hitting a ball that travels to the plate at 30 miles an hour," he said with a laugh. "Their timing was way off with them swinging and missing such slow pitches."

Joining the rest of the team to celebrate their win were Christina Hendricks, Lindsay Lohan, Heidi Klum, and Meghan Fox. Taking a bow after all thirteen women ran around the bases topless. Katy Perry, Jessica Simpson, Kim Kardashian, Halley Berry, Tyra Banks, Sofia Vergara, Scarlet Johansson, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Selma Hayek, Christina Hendricks, Lindsay Lohan, Heidi Klum, and Megan Fox were off to play another fantasy celebrity, big tit baseball game at another major league stadium. Jumping up and down topless, all thirteen women came together in a group hug to press their tits against one another and to pose for pictures. During the game the female fans showed their support by removing their tops, standing, and waving their bras over their heads to the celebrities. Definitely, fantasy, celebrity, big, tit baseball was way better than regular baseball and hopefully here to stay.

* * * * *

For the first time, MLB, major league baseball, was experiencing a good problem but in a bad way. An ongoing mystery to the teams' ownership, ticket prices were way up but surprisingly attendance was at record high levels. Standing room only, this year promised to be another banner year for baseball. A weird and unexplained phenomena, surprisingly, every time owners raised their ticket prices, instead of discouraging fans to buy tickets to games, more fans bought tickets to games. Who would have guess that? Weird, so very strange.

Now being that these major league team owners were so very successful and being that these ballplayers were so handsomely and routinely rewarded with multi-million dollar contracts and bonuses, other than giving out bobble head dolls, the ownership finally wanted to do something for the average fan. Owners and players wanted to give something back to really entertain the fans, their captive audience while watching a 4 hour ballgame. Management representing all teams called a meeting during spring training in Florida. Putting their heads together, they needed to find a viable solution, one that would reward their loyal fans with something as crazy as it would be memorable. Especially for the fans who couldn't afford the high ticket prices to watch a game in person and who faithfully watched them at home on television, the teams' ownership were finally thinking of them instead of only themselves. Team ownership focused on the problem in the way that Billy Beane devised the money ball plan that was highlighted when Brad Pitt played his character in the movie Moneyball.

In the way that the WWF did for wrestling, MLB needed something that would not only raise baseball to the next sports level but also to the next entertainment level. Ask and you shall receive, especially when throwing enough money at highly creative, highly educated, and highly talented people. Each major league's marketing team collaborated with one another to come up with a simple albeit creative idea by putting two of America's best pastimes together, baseball and sex. Baseball gets their attention but sex sells, especially in Puritanical, sexually frustrated America. With one a passive sport and the other an active activity, just as most people, most times, especially when they are young, can't get enough of baseball, they can't get enough of sex either.

* * * * *

Plagued by the same issues and problems every year with major league teams firing this coach, hiring that manager, and trading one player for another player, this year was different albeit still very much the same. For Red Sox fans, until John Henry opens up his bank vault and hires a power hitter to hit fourth after Ortiz in the vein of Ortiz and Ramirez of old and Fielder and Cabrera of the Tigers before they lost Fielder, sorry to say but the sox aren't going anywhere this year. They need someone, a designated homerun hitter, to replace their aging and slowing clutch hitter, David Ortiz.

They need a primo pitcher who can give them six solid innings each outing to keep them in the ballgame when they lose John Lester to free agency. They need another relief pitcher when 40-year-old Koji Urehara can't strike them out anymore. Having never replaced Papelbon when losing him to the Philadelphia Phillies, the Red Sox need a dominant closer. A fluke, mainly due to the adrenaline to uplift Boston after the horrible bombing at the Boston Marathon, last year was the dream team's impossible dream come true. This year is a reality take. I still like Gomes, the one in the United States flag jacket when meeting the President. He's a mad man and Pedroia, well, the total package, if only he was a bit taller, he's Mr. Baseball.

Not necessarily a Tigers fan but seeing the writing on the wall by the talented team they have, I pick the Tigers to win it all this year. My money is on them. Even after losing Prince Fielder, they are the underdog team to watch. Their fans are as loyal as Boston's fans. Yet, when watching a Tigers game, sadly and shockingly, most faces are white. Surely, these Caucasian fans don't live in Detroit nor even remotely close to Comerica Park. Where are all the brothers from the inner city?

Unemployed and disenfranchised, filling our jails and manning our military, black men and women most times can't even afford to go to a ballgame in the city that they call home. That's a shame. That's not right. That's not fair. That's just wrong. I blame the Republicans, only don't get me started on politics.

* * * * *

Even higher than the New York Yankees, the Red Sox now have the highest priced tickets in all of baseball at an average of $52 a ticket. Wow! Are you kidding me? When did that happen? No doubt, it happened by the Red Sox winning the World Series last year.

For a family of four to buy decent seats, one not in right field behind a pole, will cost $1,000 for tickets, parking, souvenirs, a program, and to have something to eat other than hotdogs and beer. Whenever complaining about inflation and when telling me how it used to be before I was born, my much older brothers wax on about the 60's. Affordable for all, they tell me about the time when bleacher seats sold for fifty cents a ticket, grandstand seats were seventy-five cents, and box seats were a dollar-fifty. Now for decent seats, you'd have to pay one-hundred dollars a ticket and even more. That's crazy money to see a ballgame. Who can afford such inflated prices to watch a ballgame? With no end in sight, when will it end?

Seriously, who has that kind of money to throw away on a baseball game? Yet, every year, I see the same season ticketholders sitting in the same seats. Don't these people have jobs? Don't these people work? Are they all independently wealthy? They'd have to be independently wealthy to afford to go to every home game and to be sitting in the best seats as they do.

How much does that cost sitting front row center behind, to the left, and to the right of home plate for 82 games out of the year? Where'd the Hell did they get the money to go to every frigging home baseball game? Just the same as Detroit, all of these season ticket holders are older, white men. With Boston a multi-racial city, where are all the black men? I wonder if these season ticket holders are even from Boston.

* * * * *

Instead of viewing baseball as a team sport, as professional wrestling has done to make itself over, major league baseball needed to do the same thing and, finally, they took the first step to do that. This year instead of thinking of themselves as sportsmen playing a sport, they thought of themselves more as in the entertainment business. Tom Warner, of the Boston Red Sox and most notably the executive producer of The Cosby Show, Rosanne, 3rd Rock from the Sun fame, and other TV programming, took the lead by contacting some of his Hollywood industry connections. They came up with an entertainment plan that would top playing ice hockey at Fenway Park and/or hiring Aerosmith to give a live concert.