Note- Seriously, this never really happened. I made it all up in homage to those in celebrity.
xxx
I pouted and huffed as I adjusted the apron around my waist. What a complete waste of a sunny afternoon spent in a hot kitchen baking bread I thought to myself as I banged the chef hat on top of my head. When I had woken up earlier the sun was already shining through my net curtains as I rubbed my eyes and sat up. I got out of my king sized bed and padded naked to the large window of my penthouse apartment and looked down at the River Thames. The view was stunning and along the quay I saw many happy people out and already enjoying the morning. Then I headed to my bathroom and stepped into the shower and went over my plans for the day. I had known about the weekend project for weeks but hadn't figured on it being such a glorious spring day.
"Bugger!"
I had committed to a new South London voluntary charity project called 'Urban Help.' The organisers had been alarmed at the rising numbers of violent crime in the city, especially amongst those most vulnerable young men and women just entering adulthood. On two occasions now I had organised some programmes of charity work for two nineteen year old up and coming boxers. My biggest success were two strapping, not to mention well hung, black guys by the names of Eddie and Cornelius.
'Ah, those two! Bliss!"
The needles of hot water from the shower felt sublime as I soaped myself and reminisced about the fantastic threesome I had enjoyed just a short time ago. Since then I had managed to rope in some other celebrities to commit to the unpaid charity project and Emily Blunt had been most accommodating. We had renovated a vicarage in Tulse Hill and had enjoyed some extracurricular activities on the side. Getting our brains fucked out by Wilko, a tall black guy with an ass to die for being the main distraction!
"Heaven!" I sighed as my hands moved between my upper thighs.
This time around I had been delighted to invite and land Jessica Brown Findlay, she of the period drama 'Downton Abbey' to name but one of her several successes. Like myself she was twenty nine with a slim build and light brown hair. When I first met her I was particularly taken by her natural beauty. She had gorgeous chestnut coloured hair and a cute oval face with flawless cheeks. Her smile was infectious and I knew straight away that we would get along.
The guys had moved on since my last visit into gainful employment and I was proud that I had helped them stay out of gang life. This next assignment for myself would therefore be the first where I didn't end up on my back with my legs up in the air.
"So, 'Fare Share' have generously offered some fresh food from surplus and we are going to cook lunch for around fifty homeless people in a community hall in Mitcham on Saturday morning. It's mostly men who are out of work and are in need of some nutritious food. I believe they are from the EU for the most part, Romanians and Polish. Are you up for it?"
Jessica nodded and smiled broadly.
"Sure, why not? I like to cook in my spare time."
"Great. We shall have some help from local women who need something to occupy themselves with. A lot of nineteen year old girls are under pressure these days to err on the wrong side of the fence. Anyway I thought maybe we could bake fresh bread and make some nice sandwiches."
"Right, and I know how to make spiced carrot and lentil soup."
"Sounds good. How about a sweet?"
"Got it. I call it my meringue mess. It's just eggs whites, sugar and vanilla extract. Real gooey."
"Right. We're all set. Meet me at the Mitcham underground station at seven and I'll pick you up. The food should already be delivered by then and we'll team up with the girls."
x
The morning air was fresh when I drove up to the station. Jessica was already there and getting some harassment from an old drunk who kept bugging her. I pulled up alongside the kerb and called out.
"Hop in." I told her as I unlocked the passenger seat.
"Thanks. What a creep! Kept asking for small change."
Jessica looked great in a loose white tee shirt and faded denim shorts and I took a long look at her toned legs as she sat beside me. Her chestnut tinted hair was stylishly parted in the centre and fell down below her shoulders. She was without make up, as was I, and as we chatted the sun felt warm and I wished that we could just keep driving down to the coast.
"Tell you what. When we're done we'll go get drunk." She suggested.
"Well I'll drink to that!" I grinned as I cheered up a tad.
By the time we arrived at the community hall I had lost all interest in the project. The brick building was pretty nondescript with a flat roof and a display board at the front. The biggest poster read 'Free Charity Lunch Saturday at Twelve. The remains of graffiti were visible despite the efforts of the Council to remove it. By the door were several discarded silver bullets, hippy crack, or really nitrous oxide canisters that the frustrated young men took for a high.
"This is it"
We parked my bright red mini hatch in some shade and I unlocked the door to the hall. Once inside Jess hit the light and we saw three long tables, each lined with about two dozen chairs in the spacy makeshift dining room. To the left was the big kitchen, and to the right what looked like an admin office. I took my top coat off and smoothed out my print dress.
"Lets go check the kitchen."
We both headed through the two swing doors and found that the food had arrived safely. Jess put the ovens on to save time and checked out the two fridges as I busied myself with locating the cutlery and dinner plates. Then in the distance I heard the door bell chime and I looked at my mobile for the time.
"Must be Latrice and Janet."
I hurried off to let them in and as the door swung open I saw the two volunteer black women, both in zip up hoodies. They were slouched and looked thoroughly bored.
"Hi. I'm Emma, pleased to meet you."
The two women looked at me from the corners of their eyes and with their chins up. As if they regarded me as something that had just fallen out of the back end of a dog. The larger of the two had short cropped dark hair and a stud pierced nose and looked older, about twenty or twenty one years of age, than her friend. Her heavy build made her seem sort of aggressive as she approached me. 36DD-24-35 I reckoned on her vital statistics and I noted her huge ass behind her.
"Latrice, innit."
The other girl was eighteen, about five feet three I guessed with nice little tits that jiggled lightly as she moved. Her face seemed softer, with high cheekbones and a button nose.
"Janet."
"Great. You girls ready to have some fun?"
Latrice sneered at me and I felt a little deflated. I tried to snap out of it and reminded myself that this was all for charity. The conversation died a sudden death before it had even started. That was when we all traipsed off to the kitchen and when I put on my apron and hat and began mixing the flour, salt and yeast in a large bowl. The big woman took off her hoodie and immediately took out her mobile phone and began to text someone.
"Latrice, we need to crack on please. Can you start to lay the tables?"
"Whatever!" She mumbled and showed me the palm of her hand. "Ain't no boss of me, skinny bitch."
This last aside was just about audible for my ears and I was regretting the entire thing. Just like me they probably wished they could be anywhere but here today. At the other end of the kitchen I saw Jessica and Janet giggling and getting a little flirty as they cracked eggs into a big metal bowl. They seemed to be getting along fine I thought, slightly jealous.
"Hey!"
Not once but twice Latrice passed by me behind my back and accidentally, on purpose, bumped into me as I rolled out the dough.
"Excuse me!" She said, not in the least bit apologetic and uttered another insult under her breath.
I was now thoroughly uncomfortable with the evil looks and catty remarks and I checked my mobile again, wishing the time away.
"Hey, sista! Wanna do that thing?"
Latrice yelled across the kitchen as I fumed with her lack of help. Fat cow! My thought processes were in a bit of a state as I put my head down, unaware that the two black girls were plotting right behind me. Suddenly I heard a shriek of laughter and my apron was untied and my dress was lifted up to the back of my neck. My expensive Naja invisible hipster panties were dragged down to my shoes and I was exposed from the waist down.
"Hey! What the fuck!"
Janet and Latrice both laughed like drains and pointed at my bared backside, clearly amused by my embarrassment. I got a hard smack on my cheek, (left lower) and howled. It was Latrice who bent down and read the label of my panties.
"Damn, bitch! Your knickers cost more than my weekly job seekers allowance!"
Fuck all this, I thought. I was as mad as hell as I tugged my underwear back up and went to where Jessica was making her meringue. I picked up an egg and then broke it over the shorn head of Latrice. I felt great and cracked another over her big bosom.
"Now apologise!"
