Eddie Guerrero 1967-2005

I would just like reiterate that this is not an erotic story. This is an account of my feelings around the death of WWE superstar Eddie Guerrero.

In loving memory of Eddie Guerrero, 1967-2005.

When I woke up on Sunday morning, I felt fine, normal. My fiancé walked into the room and asked me if I'd been to WWE.com yet, and I said that I hadn't. His face got very serious and he said there was bad news.

Hurrying to my computer with a sinking feeling in my stomach, I clicked open the link to the website. Front and center on the page was the horrible news. Eddie Guerrero, at the age of 38, had been found dead.

I could only sit and stare at the screen. When I spoke, the only thing that would come out was 'Oh my God!' I was unable to believe it for a few moments. Staring blankly at the screen, I waited for the words to change to something I could understand. Tears actually came to my eyes.

It was such a surprise. Eddie was so young, and in great physical shape. He'd conquered a drug and alcohol addiction, and the day before he died was his fourth anniversary clean and sober. I had just seen him wrestling in the ring a few days before, and Latino Heat had been as hot as ever.

Over the next few days more news came out. He and his nephew Chavo Guerrero, also a wrestler, had met on the plane to Minneapolis. They had hung out for the evening, and made plans to go to the gym the next day, each arranging a wake up call. Eddie didn't answer his, and Chavo was concerned. He went up to Eddie's room with some hotel staff and they opened the door for him. Eddie was in the bathroom.

Monday night Raw was a very solemn event. Eddie had touched so many lives, professionally and personally, and several of the wrestlers were in tears. It was a beautiful and very sad show. Everyone said that Eddie would want the show to go on, and it did.

Death scares me and so it was very strange to watch the wrestlers talk about Eddie. Most of them were taking comfort in their faith, and a common thing to hear was 'I know I will see him again.' I have no such faith about life after death. As far as I'm concerned, Eddie is gone forever, as is everyone who dies.

I know it may seem silly or trite to care so much about the death of a professional wrestler when there are people dying in poverty all over the world. It seemed silly to me too, at first. But to me Eddie's death was somehow linked to every other death. Watching his grieving friends and family brought the reality of death to me in a way that a newspaper article never could.

Eddie Guerrero will never jump off the top rope into a frog splash again, but far more importantly, he will never hug his children again. Just like all the other people who have died before their time in the whole world, he will never again physically touch his wife, his children or his mother. He will live on only in their thoughts and prayers.

My thoughts turn away from Eddie personally, now. I know more about the man he was by looking at the sadness in the faces of his family, friends and co-workers. My heart goes out to his wife Vickie and their children, as well as his mother. I think it's a tragedy when parents outlive their children. My thoughts are with Chris Benoit, his best friend, as well as his nephew Chavo Guerrero, who was so close in age that the two were more like brothers. My condolences to everyone involved with the WWE. Even the newest person could not help but be affected by Eddie.

He was a lovable trickster, a devoted husband and father, and a beloved family member. He was an inspiration to anyone who was trying to conquer an addiction. I never met him but I cried when he died. My fiancé and I talked about it for days, trying to figure out what could have happened to kill a reportedly healthy man in the prime of his life. As I write this, the autopsy reports have not yet been released.

So now it has come to the place where it is time to say goodbye to him. This time always comes when someone dies. For me it is easier than his grieving family and friends. I know that they are strong enough to grieve, accept, and move on. I hope the healing starts soon for them.

Adios

, Eddie. I loved watching you. Heel or face, I cheered for you as you lied, cheated and stole your way through the WWE. I will never forget your Latino Heat shoulder shake. SmackDown will never be the same without you. The WWE will never be the same without Eddie Guerrero.

Viva La Raza!