Dirty Deeds of Dic Dragonbone

A fantastically fictional adventure in celebrity erotica.

A Young Man Seeking His Path To Honor, Glory, & Sexual Prowess,

On His Quest For Knighthood & To Get Laid,

He Will Need Help Along The Way.

With

Brie Larson as The Fighter

Elizabeth Olsen as The Witch

Hayley Atwell as The Healer

Taylor Swift as The Bard

Babes, Bumpkins & Baddies Await In...

The Dirty Deeds of Dick Dragonbone

*****

Chapter Three: A Righteous Man

Starring Taylor Swift

Codes: MF, Fantasy, Oral

*****

Smoke hung heavy in the air, wafting in lazy chaotic swirls, twisting around the cluttered and cramped cottage as Taylor Swift entered. Waving a hand in front of her face to clear the air a bit, she nevertheless inhaled a good deal of the strong-smelling incense. Well, mostly incense. It almost covered up the distinct order of marijuana. Almost.

"Hello? Is anyone there? Madame Helena?"

Her voice wasn't its usual honey coated self. Instead it was muted, barely more than a hoarse whisper despite her best efforts.

"Come in dearie." A wizened voice called from somewhere within the haze of smoke. "What can Madame Helena do for you today?"

An older wizened woman emerged from a backroom, hunched over with flyaway grey hair so outlandishly wild, it could only be found on the head of a witch. With a wave of her hand the smoke cleared, retreating to the corners of the room, revealing a table adorned with a crystal ball and a deck of tarot cards. Two comfortable looking armchairs sat on opposite sides. Behind the witch, a young woman followed, head bowed low in reverence. Making herself as invisible as possible, she settled in the corner, a silent observer. Bent over with age, the witch was draped in countless multicolored shawls, but her eyes were sharp as ever as they fixated on the leggy blonde, gesturing for her to sit down. As both of them of took their respective seats, the witch spoke first.

"What can Madame Helena do for you today? Gaze into your future? A reading of the cards? A tonic for a lost love? Or poison for a spurned lover, perhaps? Make his little sword a bit rusty? That'll make him think before he sticks it in another harlot."

Taylor cleared her throat loudly in an effort just to be heard. "Nothing like that. I need a remedy for returning a lost voice. As you can hear, mine has abandoned me. Can you help me?" She said, still little more than a whisper.

"What's that?!?" The elderly witch barked, cupping a wrinkly hand to her ear.

"I need a TONIC to cure my LOST VOICE!" Taylor yelled, straining what little reserve was left in her vocal chords.

Tonight, was her performance at the

Bow-Legged Bride Inn

, in a show that would have an audience bordering on 100 people. One of the biggest shows of her career so far, and here she was, a songbird without a song.

"Ahhhh, something to restore your voice." The witch sighed, nodding and rubbing her chin. Eyeing Taylor, she beckoned her closer with a singular finger. "Lean in. These old eyes aren't what they used to be. Lemme get a good look at you."

Leaning forward, her big blue eyes stared intently at the witch. The witch stared back just as intently, eyes squinted as though trying to ascertain something. "Hmm, you bear the mark of one touched by a scarlet witch."

Blushing slightly, Taylor nodded and cleared her throat with a grating sound before speaking once more. "One my traveling companions, but not versed in the healing arts. I also travel with a former priestess of the Goddess, and she could not help me either. Only soothe my aching throat, not return my voice."

The witch nodded knowingly. "Of course, dearie, do not fret. Madame Helena can help with that. Any friend of the scarlet witches is a friend of mine. And for such a pretty young thing like yourself, I'll even give it to you at a discount. Just give me a moment."

The witch stood up and puttered over to an alchemical station behind her. Humming tunelessly to herself, she began rummaging through the many drawers, opening and closing them with careless clanging force.

Making a

tut-tut

click with her tongue, she turned to her assistant, scolding her, "Maisie! What have you been doing to these drawers? It's a Goddess damn mess in here!"

"Apologies Ms. Carter. I will reorganize them promptly." The young woman in the corner responded meekly.

Muttering incoherently, Madame Helena eventually pulled out all the necessary ingredients she was searching for. One by one she placed them next to the mortar and pestle.

"Marshmallow root. Hmm. Sage. And echinacea. Yes. Yes. Oh, and honey of course. Lots of honey." Turning around, she faced Taylor once more and spoke directly to her. "You'll need to get the final ingredient while I prepare the potion."

"And what's that?" Taylor asked earnestly, her neck craning to get a look.

"The semen of a righteous man." The witch responded without missing a beat. "Retrieved orally. With that your voice will be stronger than it's ever sounded before!"

"The...semen of a righteous man? Where am I supposed to find that!?!"

"Don't rightly know dearie. All the men I know are rowdy drunken layabouts, but I'd wouldn't try the sailors down by the docks. Not a very righteous bunch, that lot."

Brow furrowed, Taylor slumped over in her chair, defeated. Then the answer hit her like a lightning bolt. She knew exactly where to get some. Practically jumping up from her chair, she hurriedly excused herself and turned to hustle out the door.

"Wait!" The witch called. Taylor turned, her hand on the door latch. "Take this vial." With surprising dexterity, the witch tossed a small glass vial, which Taylor deftly caught. "Deposit the seed into there and bring it back to me. And, this doesn't matter as much, but the more virile the man, the better."

Silently nodding and mouthing her thanks, Taylor vanished from sight, the door shutting behind her with a snap. The moment the door was closed, the witch stretched, yawning loudly and with a wave of her hand dropped the glamour from her face. Looking about 20 years younger and a hell of a lot spryer, she sat back down in the chair and put her feet up on the table. Relaxing, she snapped her fingers at her assistant

"Get too it, Maisie. Start brewing the potion." The young woman in the corner hurried over the work desk and began unstopping vials.

As her apprentice began the work, she timidly asked a question, "Ms. Carter, I know I've only just started my training, but I've studied the texts extensively. They say nothing about a man's seed for a simple vocal restoration tonic."

"There are some things you can't learn in books. That's your first lesson. The people of Boobania are a horny lot. Trust me. If your solution doesn't require bodily fluids or a perverse sexual act, the client will never believe in it to work. I usually add an ounce of spunk or the act of sodomy here and there to whatever remedy I'm cooking up."

The young woman nodded politely and resumed her potion making.

***

"Richard! Richard!" Taylor whispered, unable to make her voice heard over the noise of the crowded market square as she spotted his lanky form from behind. Hurrying up behind him, she gently caressed his neck to get his attention. He jumped about a foot in the air, spinning around as he dangerously wobbled, threatening to topple over.

"Oh, dear." Taylor whispered as she watched him balance precariously.

"T-T-Taylor. Sor-r-r-ry. You f-f-frightened me." He said, quickly righting himself and blushing with furious embarrassment.

"Forgive me, but I need your help with something. Right this instant." She wheezed.

"Of course." He said without a second thought as she grabbed his hand.

Leading him away, they ducked and weaved between the people of the crowded square. Down a narrow side alley, she darted. It she seemed deserted enough for what she had in mind. Letting go of his hand, Taylor turned to face him. He seemed confused, staring up and down the alley with clear and evident befuddlement.

"Err, Taylor? What did you need my assistance with?"

Pressing herself very close to him so their faces were only a mere inch apart, Richard was suddenly very aware of his extremities and unsure of what to do with them. And why was he sweating so profusely. His shaggy mane of brown hair was sticking to the back of his neck as he gulped loudly. The drumbeat of his heart sounded loudly within the confines of his chest. Those azure pools stared at him, utterly unreadable.

"This is going to sound crazy, but you're the only one who can help me." She whispered in a husky, albeit strained, tone.

Her glowing ruby red lips seemed to move in slow motion, perfectly articulating every letter, every syllable of every word spoken. Upper lip resembling the finest archer's bow ever crafted, and with a lower lip so full, plump and juicy not even the sweetest of fruits could hope to match it. He'd never seen their equal. He found himself nodding dumbly to whatever she was saying, mesmerized by her mouth.

As those said lips curled into a sly smile, Taylor said, "I need your cum. Specifically, I need to blow you and have you cum in my mouth."

The silent nodding continued for a moment, before being followed by an outburst as he finally comprehended what she actually said to him. "WWW-W-WW-H-HHH-H-AA-A-A-TT-T-TT?!?!?!?!?"

If not for being pressed up against the cool stone of a building, he would have fallen over flat on his back.

"It's for a witch's potion. To return my voice. Please Richard. I need the seed of a righteous man. And you are the most righteous man I know."

Batting her lusciously long eyelashes at him, there was a silent plea contained within those blue eyes. That expansive crimson lower lip trembled slightly as she awaited his answer.

"Ummm...there's n-n-no one else?" He asked, suddenly acutely aware that his dick was pressed up against her thinly clad leather-bound thigh.

"No one. Only you. Please Richard. I need you."

How could he deny a woman in need? That was a core tenant of knighthood. Although, he'd never imagined a woman asking for anything like this. Still, it was his duty to help, if he could. An eternity seemed to pass before he slowly nodded his head once more, not trusting his mouth with any words to speak.

"Fantastic!" Taylor said in the faintest of whispers, dropping down into a deep squat, her face perfectly level with the crotch of his britches.

"H-h-h-h-here!?!" Richard spluttered, his head whipping left and right. The alley was empty apart from some sparse refuse and the occasional person milling past, but none seemed to pay them any mind.

"I'm on the clock." She said, straining to be heard as she undid the cinch of his belt. "I could just

command

you to cum, but I don't think that's what the witch meant."

Resting

Thrust

carefully against the wall, the scabbarded sword remained stoically still. The same could not be said of Richard who was trembling from head to toe as Taylor tugged on the front of his trousers, his cock flopping fully into view. Even semi-hard, it dangled a good portion of the way down his leg, practically to his kneecap. Staring at it with slack-jawed wonder, Taylor's sapphire eyes practically popped out of her head with surprise. Her hand drifted towards the massive member unconsciously as if to wrap her spindly fingers around it, but then she jerked it away as if scalded by heat, remembering what the witch had said:

retrieved orally.

"By the Goddess...I thought Lizzie was taking me for a ride when she said you had a dragon cock. Maybe after the show, I can repay this favor and we can really find out what this thing can do."

"N-n-n-no. That's q-quite ok-k. J-just helping-g-g-g a f-friend in n-n-need is all." Richard choked out, beginning to have second thoughts about this whole thing.

Those second thoughts vanished the instant the blonde bard puckered her pretty painted lips and placed them against the mushroom head, planting a kiss that sent a jolt of electricity throughout his entire body and made his cock surge to full attention in two seconds flat.

Tongue flicking out like a serpent, it tickled the underbelly, darting down and all around before she brought it back to the tip, teasing the winking eyehole, already dribbling with excitable precum. Trailing over the bulbous crown, then the long ways down the shaft, Taylor made sure she left behind a thin sheen of saliva across every inch. It cooled pleasantly in the open air of the alleyway. Her tongue even made its way down to his testicles, huge and hanging beneath the mammoth trunk. Each of them too was soon covered in a comfortable layer of her spit.

With a satisfied grin, Taylor settled comfortably in her squat on the uneven cobblestones. With her mouth opened wide, it closed around the bulging bellend. Entering her warm wet mouth, lips sliding down, was pure heaven. The suction was so tight, she may have well have been a succubus sent to suck out his soul out. His hands scrabbled for support, gripping the wall behind him, worried that his buckling knees would otherwise collapse. Taylor's hands were steady, her well-manicured digits dug into his thighs, clutching them for support and balance as she rocked back and forth on the balls of her boot-clad feet.

Each bob of her head sucked a little more down, until she reached about halfway. That's when she struggled, giving a cough and a splutter as she tried to swallow more down. Cheeks puffing out comically, she hacked up a few ropes of spittle that flew and spattered against him. Recovering with grace, she nevertheless retreated backwards, leaving a red smear of lipstick behind across the broad expanse of vein-encrusted manmeat. Releasing her oral hold on him with a *POP* so loud it echoed down the empty alleyway, her crimson lips nevertheless remain untarnished. Some kind of enchantment, no doubt.

"Bit bigger than I'm used to, I must confess." She whispered so softly that Richard could barely hear her over the blood thundering in his ears. "I bet all the ladies tell you that. But then again, I always like a challenge."

"All the l-l-ladies, sure..." He muttered incomprehensibly.

As her lips latched on once more, she pushed them along the shaft with renewed intent. More and more of it vanished into the bard's mouth, her speed faltering slightly the further she made it. About three quarters of the way down, she was forced to stop again, choking on the skin flute lodged in her windpipe and made a hasty, less gracious retreat as Richard was once more peppered with a spray of saliva.

"Y-y-you don't have to s-s-swallow the whole thing-g-g." He mumbled, looking down at her with blurry vision. "Ev-v-verything f-feels amaz-zing."

"Nonsense." Taylor said, clearing her throat, her voice sounding stronger as she did so. "I've never met a dick I couldn't deepthroat."

Righting herself once more, her fingers dug into his thighs until it was near painful. Her mouth opened wide, a perfect red round oval. He could see her soon to be invaded tonsils. With determination burning in her eyes, Taylor tried once more, taking inch after veiny throbbing inch deep into her gullet. Pausing on occasion to let herself adjust, she made it past further than ever before only to waver an inch from the base. Eyes watering slightly, she stretched her lips forward, conquering that last inch and settled in triumphantly, having achieved her goal. A throaty gurgle sounded that may have been a cheer, but Richard wasn't sure. He wasn't sure of anything, except that he might pass out from the sheer pleasure of it. The feeling combined with the visual of Taylor's lips puckered in a kiss against his groin, the rounded point of her chin nestled securely in his equally oversized bullocks, the not-so-subtle bulge in her throat was too much. Inside, he could feel her silver tongue hard at work, undulating and curling, even as her throat squeezed him tight on all sides.

"B-b-b-y the God-d-d-d-dess, T-T-Taylor..." He mumbled, unable to process this never before felt feeling.

Continuing to hold him there like an expert sword swallower, the pink in her cheeks gradually turned to red and finally she was forced to release him with an enormous gasp of air. Rocking back on the balls of her feet, she wiped the spittle clinging to her lower lip with a swipe of her thumb and cleared her throat again. The back of her hand took care of the rest of the spit on her chin.

"You know? My voice feels stronger already." She said, in-between teasing the tip with the tip of her tongue. "Maybe we'll have to do this before every show from now on! Still, let's finish this."

Before Richard could even summon up the energy to muster out another syllable, Taylor was back on him like a fiend. Before had been slow and precise. This was nothing like that. Her blonde head was bobbing up and down with a speed and ferocity unmatched by any woman even in his wildest of dreams. This newfound ferocity was accompanied by the slurping sounds of dripping spittle and deep throated vibrating moans that seemed to shake his entire body. He really had no idea how long blowjobs were supposed to last, all he knew was that he wasn't going to last much longer. Fixated on her task, Taylor was in the zone, going at him like a warg with a bone. The bubbling concoction was brewing within his balls, as Richard was struggled to get a warning out, to let Taylor know that he reached his breaking point.

"T-T-Taylor. I c-c-can't. I need-d-dd to. Gott-ta-ta-ta C-C-CUM!" He finally managed to blurt out.

With practiced ease, she withdrew so only the tip was still held between her crimson lips. Cheeks caving inwards, she sucked like never before. Balls jumping, his cock gave an almighty twitch, but was kept in place by the tight oral hold she had on him. A torrential flood of cum exploded forth, filling Taylor's mouth in a flash. Those alabaster cheeks went from caved in to ballooned faster than a frightened pufferfish as he fired a seemingly ceaseless stream of spunk. With a savage grunt, he threw his head back and banged it against the stone wall but he couldn't care less as he continued his unleashing his unceasing torrent of thick, sticky seed.

"MHMMMM!!" Taylor sounded from below as she was filled to the gills.

His dick spurting out the final contents of his balls, he finally ceased shooting his shot. Cock slowly deflating, Taylor released him, her lips still pressed tightly together. The grip on his thighs loosening as she reached down to rummage in her satchel. From within she produced the empty vial. Bringing it to her still crimson lips, she pursed them, allowing a thick string of sticky cum to drool out into the clear container. Spitting out the remainder of the cum until it was filled to the brim, she was still surprised to find a good amount left swirling around her mouth. Tilting her chin upwards, her eyes met Richard's once more. Opening wide, she splashed her tongue, playing around in the murky white pool. They closed once more, followed by a loud *GULP* and then opened to reveal that it was all gone.

"Wow. You taste really good too!" She said, licking her lips appreciatively and popping upwards to her full height. Reaching up on her tallest tiptoes, she gave him a quick peck on the cheek that left behind both lipstick and a bit of cum. "Thank you so much Richard. You are a true friend. Now, I've gotta run! Got to get this to the witch!" Her voice sounded almost back to its normal wonderful melodious self.

"Mhm...hmmm...mhhhmm..." Richard mumbled stupidly after her.

Positively skipping to the alleyway entrance, she passed by the passerby who had, at some point, stopped to watch them. His hand was down the front of his dirty trousers, clearly pumping furiously. Pausing next to him, he unabashedly kept going. With the lightest of touches, Taylor caressed his cheek and he visibly shuddered, a wet splotch forming in his pants.