(This series is pure fantasy. Please enjoy it as such.)
We promised we'd give Amy Schumer another chance on Celebrity Sexfights, after her tough loss to Sarah Silverman, and here it is.
This time she faces another fellow comedian, Chelsea Peretti, of the hit comedy series Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
Chelsea pleaded with us to include her in our lineup. The sassy brunette with the mesmerizing blue eyes, assured us that we wouldn't be sorry, predicting that she'd probably be considered one of the greatest sexfighters in the world, right up there with Joan Collins and Rosie O'Donnell.
Amy was looking for redemption, after letting a victory slip away last time out. I'm not sure it will be that easy against Chelsea. The sassy brunette talks a good game, but who knows if she can back it up.
Either way, this should definitely be a fun match between the two hilarious, yet sexy stars. One thing I didn't understand, was that they decided to pass on the bikinis, and go with schoolgirl outfits. It worked with Jennifer Esposito and Leah Remini, but I'm not sure it would be the same for these two.
The arena was at capacity again to see the two hot comediennes go at it. One particular fan had a special interest in tonight's match. Chelsea's husband Jordan Peele had a front row seat for the event. He and Keegan-Michael Key were just two of many celebrities in attendance. Andy Samberg, Tina Fey, Bill Hader and Kate Hudson were also some of the bigger names in attendance, as well as stars from the world of sports, like Danica Patrick, Deion Sanders, Chris Paul, and Super Bowl champion Travis Kelce.
All fans, celebrity or otherwise, were in for a treat.
Amy Schumer was the first star to be introduced, drawing plenty of laughs and cheers when she strolled down the aisle in her agreed upon schoolgirl outfit.
Wearing a plaid blue skirt and white blouse tied in a bow at her midriff. exposing her bare belly, she was a combination of innocence and naughtiness. With a solid blue unbuttoned blazer and white knee socks and black & white saddle shoes completing her outfit, Amy looked like she just got out from serving detention.
She stopped halfway down the aisle by Deion Sanders, bending over, lifting her skirt, showing off her white cotton panties. The flamboyant football star got into the act, spanking the chubby comedian's nice round ass. Amy responded with faked shock, innocently pouting as she continued on down the runway.
Chelsea Peretti was next, and made quite a splash as she appeared in the doorway, dressed as a teenybopper schoolgirl.
The pigtailed brunette was wearing a short-sleeved white button down shirt and black tie, along with a red plaid skirt, white knee socks and black high heels. The skirt was extremely short, barely covering her crotch, showing plenty of her smooth white thighs.
Chelsea's big black glasses and bright red lipstick, made her look like a nerdy teacher's pet. The kind that sat in the front row, spreading her legs underneath her desk, giving the teacher a free peek at her white cotton underwear.
The blue eyed schoolgirl skipped down the aisle, stepping into the ring alongside her blonde rival. For a 45-year-old, she was very convincing as teenage jailbait, strutting over to her corner, waiting for the match to begin.
Amy calmly walked across the ring towards the pig-tailed brunette, stopping just inches from her, getting up in the new girl's face.
"Don't even think about it, Chelsea! You don't stand a chance against me!"
The big bad blonde was bullying the fresh meat, before Chelsea did a thing. She just wanted to let her know who was boss. The new girl wasn't about to take any shit. She stepped up, sticking her big honking nose in Amy's face, showing that she wasn't afraid of her, or anybody else. The sassy comic reminded Amy that her threats rang hollow.
"So, I have no chance, just like Sarah had no chance? Nice try, bitch!"
Chelsea stood up to the menacing blonde, not backing down. She wasn't going to be intimidated. Especially by someone who hasn't won yet.
"I'll make you personal little toilet, just like Sarah did. So watch yourself!"
Amy could only pretend to laugh it off, embarrassed that the newbie would bring up the golden shower.
"Yeah, that won't happen. Sarah might have gotten away with that, but you won't be so lucky!
She was losing her temper, pointing her finger at Chelsea, gritting her teeth while poking her in the chest.
"I will destroy you!"
"Maybe with your breath" Chelsea answered back, ducking her head and waving her hand as if she was trying to fan away some foul odor.
Her goal was to get under Amy's skin, and it seemed to be working.
The blonde amazon had enough, slapping the smart aleck with a barrage of strikes, backing Chelsea up against the ropes. Amy grabbed her by the pigtails, shaking her head back and forth, as if she were trying to separate it from her body.
The fight was on as the two schoolgirls went at each with a ferocious intensity that we haven't seen yet, here at Celebrity Sexfights.
Trying to defend herself, Chelsea grabbed Amy by the collar, and responded with a knee to the stomach of the aggressive blonde, causing her to double over in pain. Before Amy had a chance to collect herself, Chelsea delivered a second blow to her face, stunning the big bad blonde.
The wisecracking brunette from Brooklyn Nine-Nine showed that she wasn't averse to fighting dirty. With Amy doubled over, holding her tummy and reeling from the knee to her jaw, Chelsea went for more. She spun her around, giving Amy a swift kick in the ass, sending the dazed blonde into the ropes.
After doing some damage with her black high-heeled shoes, Chelsea took them off, and stood in the center of the ring, taunting her flustered foe.
"You didn't think I was gonna let you just walk all over me, did you, Schumer?"
Amy was seething as she stared back at the pig-tailed tease, while clinging to ropes, trying to find her bearings. She was still reeling from Chelsea's vicious blows.
Amy straightened up, whipping off her blazer and kicking her black & white saddle shoes off to the side. She rushed the snotty brunette, locking up in another hair-pulling embrace. They twisted and turned, tugging on each other's hair while dancing across the ring.
The two schoolgirls were clutching at whatever they could get their hands on to take control. Chelsea was tugging at Amy's white top, loosening up the dress shirt that was tied in a bow at her midriff. At the same time the big blonde was tugging on Chelsea's short plaid mini skirt.
Amy overpowered the pig-tailed brunette, as they went crashing to the floor. She ended up on top, and yanked Chelsea's skirt off, leaving the sassy chick in her white undies, knee socks & shirt. Chelsea was still clinging to Amy's top, ripping it open, giving everyone a good look at the curvy blonde's white low-cut bra and nice cleavage.
Even though she was trapped on the bottom, Chelsea showed she was quite a scrapper. She shoved her palm under Amy's chin, pushing the heavier girl's head back, keeping her at bay.
Schumer was forced to take a different approach, scooting up with her open shirt hanging off her shoulders. She sat on Chelsea's stomach, smirking at her. Amy reached back, slowly running her fingers across the front of Chelsea's white cotton undies.
Amy's playful fingers semed to be hitting the mark, but her fun was short-lived. Her arms were being restricted with Chelsea tugging on her white shirt, pulling the sleeves down over her forearms, literally handcuffing her.
Amy twisted her upper body, struggling to free herself. Frustration was setting in as the big blonde was sitting there unable to use her hands. Even though Chelsea was flat on her back, she still had a firm grasp of Amy's blouse, leaving her immobilized.
The match became somewhat of a stalemate with neither sexy schoolgirl able to do much. While Chelsea was content to keep Amy tied up in her own shirt, the big blonde wanted more. She was pissed she couldn't take advantage of being on top.
Amy started twisting and turning, eventually wiggling out of her blouse, freeing up her arms. She immediately pinned Chelsea's wrists to the mat, looming over her in her white bra, shoving her chest in Chelsea's face, burying the sassy brunette's big nose in between her cleavage.
Not satisfied with just smothering Chelsea with her boobs, Amy wanted to plant her big butt on the sassy brunette's face also. She started to slither up Chelsea's body, but lost her balance in her desire to further humiliate her rival.
Chelsea managed to roll Amy off to the side, hoping to turn the tables on the curvy blonde. She snagged Amy's blue plaid skirt, yanking it off as the two comics rolled around on the floor.
The schoolgirl brawl continued with the two women on their knees, clawing at each other's sexy outfits.
Amy was showing plenty of skin, down to her white bra and panties. She wanted to even things up, ripping Chelsea's white blouse with buttons flying everywhere. The black necktie was still hanging loosely around the brunette's collar, and Amy tried to used it to strangle her feisty opponent.
Amy pushed Chelsea to the floor, onto her hands and knees, while clutching the black necktie like a bridle. She pulled back, choking her rival, wrapping her arms around the groggy brunette, who was fighting to catch her breath.
Amy didn't show any mercy, ripping Chelsea's white blouse open, and squeezing her breasts. Amy tugged on Chelsea's lacy bra, ripping it apart, with the luscious pear-shaped tits dangling freely.
With Chelsea's bra and blouse ripped to shreds and barely hanging from her shoulders, Amy wrapped her left arm around her neck, and reached down strumming Chelsea's white cotton undies with her free hand. The Brooklyn Nine-Nine star cringed as she felt Amy's fingers brush across her crotch, stimulating her sensitive pussy.
Amy Schumer began to assert herself, pulling back on Chelsea until they were both sitting up on the floor. Amy wrapped her thick powerful thighs around Chelsea's waist, while cupping her beautiful breasts with both hands. She stuck her chin on Chelsea's bare shoulder, teasing her by licking her ear and whispering some not so subtle threats.
"Just cum for me, bitch. Be my little sex slave."