(This series is pure fantasy. Please enjoy it as such.)
We turned to the music industry for our latest Celebrity Sexfight, with former punk princess Avril Lavigne taking on tongue wagging tease Miley Cyrus.
It's no secret that the two popular singers don't like each other, which should make for an interesting battle. Avril was ripping on Miley, during a recent appearance on The Jimmy Kimmel Show, saying she was nothing but no-talent trailer trash, who only got where she was because of her daddy.
Miley was on the show a few days later, and when asked to respond, simply replied, "Who the fuck is Avril Lavigne to talk about talent? Does she even sing anymore?"
Of course, Jimmy wasn't one to let it go, asking why she would say such a thing.
"Beats me. Maybe she's insecure because she's a talentless whore herself. Who knows?
The audience let out one big "oooh" at Miley's answer, sensing an intense rivalry in the making.
Jimmy chimed in, trying to casually make light of the obvious dislike between the two singers, with some well-placed sarcasm.
"Well it's a good thing we booked you on separate nights. God forbid we would have a catfight on this show."
He even gave us some free publicity.
"Or maybe you and Avril could battle it out on Celebrity Sexfights. Have you seen that new show? WOW!"
"I've seen it and I think it's awesome. I'd love a chance to take on Avril. I might even have to break out my strapon for that little bitch."
It didn't take much convincing on our part to get the two young singers to battle it out on our show. There was no way either one would back down.
It was a packed house as usual, and by far the rowdiest. Both singers have dedicated fans, and it showed. Drinkin' and singin' with a few raunchy cheers thrown in too. Several fights broke out, with dozens of misbehaving fans ejected before the stars even made an appearance.
Jimmy Kimmel served as emcee for the night's match, which only seemed fair, since he basically set up the Sexfight on his talk show. He claimed to be neutral, but I think everyone is aware of his close relationship with Miley, having her as a guest on his show dozens of times. I'm sure it really didn't matter as long as Avril was okay with it.
Jimmy took the microphone to introduce the two sexfighters.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to another exciting night of Celebrity Sexfights!"
The crowd erupted in a loud roar and he hadn't even mentioned anybody's name. You can just imagine what this place was gonna be like when the combatants actually showed their faces. Or more importantly, their bodies in revealing bikinis.
"Our first sexy grappler is one of Canada's most famous singers since Anne Murray. She's topped the charts with Complicated and Gilfriend, What the Hell, here's Avril Lavigne!"
The little spitfire came out like a ball of fire, to a rousing ovation. Rocking a purple bikini, she had matching purple streaks in her shoulder length blonde hair, bringing back memories of the early 2000s. She pranced down the aisle, bopping to one of biggest hits, What the Hell. Avril was definitely not lacking in energy. She stormed into the ring, turning and flipping the bird to the crowd. She grabbed her crotch and started strumming her pussy, playing a sexy air guitar.
I thought we should declare her the winner on her wild entrance alone. Of course Miley might have something to say about that.
"Very nice, Avril. It looks like you're ready to rock."
"Taking on Avril tonight is one of the nation's biggest stars, with hits like Wrecking Ball and Party in the U.S.A., please welcome Miley Cyrus!"