I'm Jason Connors, I use to just be the average writer down at the Daily News, but ever since my very public relationship with Natalie Portman, I had been turned into a full time celebrity interviewer. Well, actually, in truth I was briefly fired but when Natalie offered to give me the names of several hot shot celebrity managers, I was back in the game, this time I'm a celebrity interviewer.
Sitting back in my office at the Daily News has been awkward. After all, a while back I was fired and pissed off the previous editor because I chose Natalie Portman over the job, which by the way I never did very efficiently. Anyway I'm back working for the paper fulltime, no more of that freelance shit. The new editor, Ed, was pleasantly happy with my article on Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal. Oh yeah, and I'm back in a relationship, actually a real relationship, with Natalie Portman again. You may not have known but when I told you dear reader, about my night with Natalie, that that was only about 3 weeks after the whole Reese Witherspoon incident. So I haven't been working back here for long.
I looked up to see several people watching excitedly as someone came out of the elevator. It was Natalie, I watched as she walked through the maze of cubicles to my office. When we first dated, Natalie coming in here was a massive deal. Now people were more pleasantly surprised then anything. But there were a few who were still jumping with joy at the sight of her. Natalie just smiled as she stepped into my office.
'Honestly Jason, tell your friends to curb their enthusiasm.'
'I told them before hand that you weren't very special and that no one should care when you come,' I said disinterested.
'Easy on the sarcasm. Remember, we're in a relationship now.'
'What brings you here Nat?'
'Well seeing as you have your job at the Daily News back. I was wondering if my services are needed anymore.'
'What are you kidding? I'm back at work here but I'm lead writer of the entertainment section. I'm not heading back to the opinion columns anytime soon. Really nothing much else is different as I basically gave 90% of those interviews to this newspaper anyway. Only now they've given me an office and expect regular articles. So any interviews you can set up would be greatly appreciated.'
'Well, I don't have an interview for you but I do have this.'
Natalie threw a card at me. I caught it easily and flipped it over.
'A membership for Long Island Health & Relaxation Resort? Why the fuck would I want this?'
'You want that because the Resort is a place where many celebrities spend time and relax. Figured you can try getting your own interviews.'
'I can't do that.'
'You got that interview with Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal. Even I couldn't have gotten you that one.'
'Yeah but this is a Resort. The celebs go there because they are stressed. And why are they stressed? Because of reporters like me begging them for interviews 24/7.'
'Don't worry, it'll be easier than you think,' Natalie said before heading for the door.
'Where are you going?'
'Meeting my dad for lunch, which reminds me. Are we still up for dinner?'
'Yeah. Meet you there at 6.'
'Ok, seeya.'
So even though Natalie gave me the membership to the Health & Relaxation Resort for the purposes of finding celebrities to interview them, I decided to go there with the intention of just relaxing. The resort wasn't exactly a resort, it was more like just a small country club but even so, the place was pretty spectacular. Gym, pool, gaming room, bar, the list goes on. Fuck interviewing I thought, I'm heading to the pool. I didn't actually go inside the pool but I just sat next to it with a cold beer in my hand. I must have seemed like a pervert just sitting there and watching the girls go in and out of the pool. Didn't actually see any real celebrities here but I saw some several B- grade ones. You know the type of actors that you see in those shows that were cancelled after 2 episodes. I was nearly asleep when my phone rang. I sat up straight and looked at the phone, new number. I flicked opened the phone and answered it.
'Hello.'
'Hi Jason. It's Reese.'
'Witherspoon?' I asked surprised.
'Do you know any other people named Reese?'
'Yeah, this one guy in high school. Complete prick who cheated his way through school. Is this him?'
I heard Reese laugh on the other line.
'Listen, I called up your work and your assistant gave me your number. I just wanna tell you that I'm in town.'
'Really?'
'Yeah, promo tour finished early. The movie's released and doing great so now I have a lot of free time.'
'I have an assistant?'
Once again I heard her laugh and it brought a smile to my face.
'Listen, I'm only passing through New York tonight and my plane leaves tomorrow morning, I'm planning to go back to LA for to visit my kids. I was thinking we could meet up while I'm in town. You know, like we discussed.'
Oh FUCK! And that was when I remembered. Shit, what the hell have I gotten myself into I thought. I agreed to meet up with Reese Witherspoon when she got back from her promo tour. We wanted to have a relationship. But now I'm in one with Natalie. SHIT! Look at me; I'm about to date two of the most well known celebrities of the planet and I'm pissed off and freaked out about it. Why did I ask for a relationship with Natalie? Fuck!
'Jason, you still there?'
'Yeah,' I said in a raspy voice.
'Are you available today?'
'Yep.'
'Ok, where do you wanna meet?'
'How about the Long Island Health & Relaxation Resort? Been there?'
'Only once, I can be there in half an hour.'