Celebrity Ass-Licer

What you are about to read is a piece of fiction.

What you are about to read is very disgusting bizarre, gross, and in very bad taste.

In other words, after you read this you will surely have to masturbate.

To paraphrase “Nice Guy” Eddie; “Lady E was so hot you had to jack off to her at least once.”

I don’t really know if the above quote applies to the point I’m making, but I do believe it’s pretty cool to quote from a Quentin Tarantino film.

CAPervert

2003

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Hi, it’s me again. Bob, the Celebrity Ass-Licker. Back with more tales from the wonderful world of licking the butts of the most beautiful and gorgeous women in the public eye.

As I said in my previous article I realize that some of you may think that what I do is crazy and unbelievable.

Well, suffice to say I disagree and so let’s just leave it at that.

I am based in California. Most of my famous clients are based in California as well.

But every now again I fly to other cities in order to service my clients.

For example I had to fly to Chicago recently to service the singer/actress Beyonce Knowles. The same Beyonce Knowles of “Destiny’s Child” and of the Austin Powers movie.

I have been licking Beyonce’s ass now for two years and I gotta tell you I really enjoy this young lady. I mean not only is she a great looking woman----- I mean licking her ass and whole body is pure heaven, she is also one of the nicest people you ever want to meet.

When I went to see Beyonce in Chicago she was at her hotel and when I entered her hotel suite I found her in a festive mood. Apparently her latest record was successful (don’t ask me the specifics of what record hit it big because quite frankly I don’t keep up with today’s recording industry since I’m really a Frank Sinatra-Dean Martin-Tony Bennett-kind-of-Guy.)

Anyway, upon entering Ms. Knowles’ suite the young black woman greeted me with a hug and immediately put her hands between my legs and started fondling my cock and balls. This was the way Beyonce always greeted me and I was not surprised. Nor was I surprised when she unbutton her shirt and insisted that I suck on her brown titties.

At our first meeting Beyonce Knowles had told me that even though she wanted me to eat her ass out she said that she would also want me to suck on her titties, give her long French kisses, and make love to her and her body all night long.

“I can satisfy your every need,” I explain to my new customer that day in the manner that my Grandfather and father had taught me. I then laid her on the bed and proceeded to make love to her. At the end of which I laid her on her stomach and buried my head between her ass cheeks. Licking her asshole in such a way that by the time I was through Beyonce was in such a sexual frenzy that she begged me to masturbate her in order to spray her pussy juices in my face.

Now on this day in Chicago when I visited Beyonce she sat me down on the couch in her hotel suite and said that the night before she had a dream in which I had smeared strawberry jam all over and up her asshole and pussy before invading them both with my tongue. She asked me if I could help her make her dream become reality. Of course I said yes.

For the next couple of hours I took three jars of strawberry jelly and dumped the jam on her body and made sure I crammed the jam into Beyonce’s asshole as well as her pussy. I asked her if she was allergic to the jam smeared all over her skin and she asked the same about me since she wanted to do the same. I gave the same answer that she gave. “I didn’t know, and I didn’t care.

Beyonce and I stood in the shower as I applied the strawberry jelly on her body and she did the same thing to me. She was correct when she said she wanted the jam stuffed up her asshole and her pussy and I did exactly as she wanted. When it was time to eat her asshole I must say it was quite tasty. Of course it didn’t taste like jelly it tasted like jelly coming out of an asshole. Coming out of an asshole of a hot sexy woman named Beyonce Knowles.

I fucked Beyonce with her pussy hole filled with jelly as well as sticking my tongue up her rectum and licking the jam off of the walls of her anus.

It crossed my mind whether or not I was practicing safe sex because even though I’m known as “The Celebrity Ass-Licker” I do take pride in keeping up on the news of what is safe sex and what is not. I must admit though that there are times when I’m not even thinking straight. Like when I have my face buried between Beyonce Knowles’ ass cheeks and I have my tongue up her asshole. You try thinking straight at that moment. It ain’t easy.

Now we did all of this in her bathtub which by the time we finish was just smeared with strawberry jam and when we were finally through----- when I shot my cum in her face----- when she sprayed her juices in my face, we showered and made sure we not only removed the strawberry jam from our bodies but the jelly in the bath tub as well.

After we were both clean up we laid on the bed and I was able to wrap my arms around beautiful Beyonce and she fell asleep. As part of my duties as Beyonce Knowles’ ass-licker she always wants me to hold her in my arms after we are through so she can fall asleep. Usually I don’t go this far with my clients, but I do make exceptions.

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Recently I gain a new client in Shakira who contacted me through her agent and asked if I could perform ass-licking duties on her. When I heard this request I must say I was not in the mood to take her on as a new client since I was not accepting any clients. But then when someone showed me a picture of Shakira I decided to take her on. I told her agent I was doing a favor by taking Shakira on as a client, and he replied that I wouldn’t be sorry. He assured me Shakira’s ass would be the best thing I ever licked.

As I write this installment of “Celebrity Ass-Licker” I have seen Miss Shakira a total five times and believe it or not I have not come near her ass. Now this is not surprising since a lot of my clients are shy when it comes to getting their ass licked and I don’t even attempt to perform my duties until I win their trust. Until they feel comfortable with me putting my tongue up their rectum.

With Shakira each of my meetings with her have been in her house and we have been in her living room where we both talked about our sex lives and she has confessed to me what it is about getting her ass licked she finds so appealing.

In my talks with Shakira I have found that for whatever reason she has a fetish for Oprah Winfrey. Don’t ask me where this fetish comes from but I do know that she will spend hours talking to me and anyone else about her sexual fantasies of Oprah. How she dreams about spending the night with the woman. Living in her big mansion as her lover. Lovers who will take long hot showers together, eat in bed together, watch old movies together, and fall asleep in each other’s arms.

According to Shakira the very thought of caressing Oprah’s ample breasts and fingering her ass and pussy makes her totally hot. In my last talk with the singer she even went so far as to masturbate while she was talking about me. All the while describing how she would love to French kiss Oprah Winfrey. Lick her arm pits and lick her toes.

“Don’t you think I’m a freak?” the young lady asked me. To this I had to nod my head. To this I also had to say I loved freaks. After all I informed her, I was the one who loved licking famous female assholes.

***** ***** *****

My Father made his name by licking the asshole of First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy and I distinguished myself by licking the asshole of First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton.

It was right after her husband Bill was inaugurated as President that I received an invitation to the White House to meet Mrs. Clinton.

“They tell me you can make my asshole feel like pure heaven,” Hillary said to me after I was lead into her office after coming under the inspection of her secret service detail.

“Well, yes, I believe that I provide a very valuable service. I do believe that the art of licking an asshole is something that is truly special and magnificent.

“And I agree,” Hillary Clinton said as if I was talking about her health care plan. She then stood up and like a man about to take a leak she unzips her pants and slides them down her legs. She then gets on her hands and knees and sticks her ass in the air.

Once Hillary was on all fours I knelt down behind her, slid her panties off of her ass, and grabbed her ass cheeks with both of my hands.

After spreading her ass I dipped my face and tongue into the first lady’s rectum and soon I was tickling Hillary as my tongue slid into her rectum as if it was a cock.

While I’m doing this I am fingering Hillary’s pussy and soon I can feel her shoot her juices all over my hand. It was at this point that I tried to take my tongue out of Hillary but the first lady would have none of it.

“You don’t go anywhere, buddy,” Hillary Clinton commanded me as she looked over her shoulder and gave me a stern look. The kind of look that you imagine she gives to Chelsea. The kind of look you imagine she gives to Bill.

“You keep your tongue up my asshole and you don’t take it out until I say so.”

“Yes, Mrs. Clinton,” I then replied dutifully. Doing what I was told. For the next fifteen minutes I licked her ass and all the while Hillary kept grinding her ass in my face. Doing so in a rhythmic manner.

That was my first encounter with Hillary Rodham Clinton and I have continued seeing her throughout the years while she was First Lady and after she became the United States Senator from New York.

Like all of us Hillary has her ways but for the most part I think of her as a good person.

I also consider Hillary a freak when it comes to sex. A freak who loves to have sex and quite often. Now it has been rumored that Hillary is a lesbian and this is quite true. After one of our first ass-licking sessions in the White House she told me that she had a taste for pussy and wanted me to get her some.

“I don’t want any of that intern-shit,” the First Lady told me that day. Making a joke which I did not get until years later once the Monica Lewinsky scandal became public. The next time we met I brought a young lady whom I had met at a strip bar and whom I sure would get along quite well with the First Lady. Her name was Alysha and she was a young African-American woman who reminded Hillary of Janet Jackson.

At first Mrs. Clinton and Alysha were very shy with one another but then once they sat on the couch they cuddled up and Hillary began rubbing Alysha’s breasts and then rubbing her pussy. It was at this point that I decided to leave the two alone. It was time for the two ladies to enjoy each other.

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