You didn't expect to go out this way. But, of course nobody ever really does. Of course, it's difficult to escape the wrestling curse. You either die far too young or far too senile. It's almost a guarantee that your last few years will be spent suffering and rotting away slowly. And yet, you thought that somehow the curse would avoid you. That you were somehow different, somehow special.
What will happen when you get to St. Peter's heavenly gate? Will he allow you into the Lord's kingdom or will he simply spit in your face and send you on your way. In your mind, you believed that you were a good guy. Sure, you had made a few mistakes in your life – but who hadn't? You knew that you had things to answer for, the drugs, the booze, the steroids, and of course... that anthrax accident. God damn, it always came back to having to explain the anthrax accident. You were just another wrestler who partied heavily and struggled to overcome your addictions. And in most ways, that was your final straw, your coming-to-God moment. You finally saw the universe for what it was and God's light had finally penetrated your soul. You were born once again as one of God's children.
You had done your best to be a good person, a good friend, a good husband, and a good father. Some of your closest wrestling associates considered you not only a good friend, but also a brother. From Hogan to Finkel, to Jimmy Hart – all of them had been integral to some of your finest moments in life. Your first relationship failed, but as with most things in life, you continued to do your best. On your second marriage to Barbara, you got things right. It was here that you became who you would always be first and foremost, a father. Nobody could ever deny that everything you did, in its own way and style, was for your daughter, Alana. Poor Barbara...poor Alana.
The wrestling curse comes slowly. It starts with a twinge in your arm, a crick in your knees, an issue in your shoulder. After awhile, it creeps up even more. Your mind and facilities start to vanquish. You become accustomed to the pain, you become content with the pain. You stop noticing the things that others would.. a spasm in the body, slurring of the words, heavy breathing, etc. Finally, others start to become numb to noticing these issues too; they've given up on alerting you that things are getting worse, that your health is suffering, and that nobody is going to be surprised when you don't wake up one day. It'll happen sooner rather than later for all of us...
How long have you been diminishing without even the knowledge of doing so? Your health the last few months had been decent. You were getting up well-rested, your diet had improved, your drinking had been minimized – and yet, it was too little too late. You spent your final day with a nice lunch with your daughter before spending your final evening watching television with your wife Barbara. Barbara went to bed around eleven pm that night and you made sure to give her a goodnight kiss as you had done for the previous twenty-one years. You had no clue that this would be the last time that you would ever see your lovely wife. You had simply expected to continue watching television for another hour before hitting the hay and sleeping soundly. You got up from your recliner and turned off your television for the final time at 12:11 pm.
Two hours later, you woke up to use the restroom. Nothing seemed too out of the normal, and yet before you knew it – the room started to spin as things went dark and then light and then dark once again. Your head was spinning and this scene continued to play out. Your ears started to ring louder and louder, before finally exploding in an enormous erupting sound. And then again – just like with your eyes, the sound came in and finally went out - completely out. Everything was dark, everything was silent, and that's when you felt the ultimate rush. You felt an overwhelming sense of euphoria, you felt weightless, you felt more content than you had ever before. You were no longer in any pain – and then you saw the light. It was the brightest light that you had ever seen. The light continued to increase as you felt yourself lifting towards the skies.
The following morning your wife woke up and noticed that you were missing. She had assumed that like normal, you had just fallen asleep in your recliner. However, when she went out to the living room- she noticed that this wasn't the case. Perhaps, you had gotten up early and went to visit the gym. She knew that every once in awhile – you and Hogan got together to still work out. Occasionally, Barbara had lamented that you were still working out at your age, but she relented to your desires. She always was a good woman and partner. She didn't deserve to see what she was about to see... then again, nobody ever deserves to find a loved one like that.
Barbara normally didn't like to talk to Hogan, she knew that her husband liked having his free space and alone time. However, she had a gut-wrenching feeling that something about today wasn't right.. that today was somehow different. She grabbed her phone and dialed Hogan.
The phone rang once, twice, three times – no answer.
She called back and listened to the phone ring loudly time after time. Still, there was no answer. She knew that Hulk was up, he was always up by now. She began to get increasingly nervous.. perhaps something had gone wrong, perhaps with Hulk or perhaps with her husband. Maybe, they had gotten into a car wreck or maybe some kind of terrible accident had occurred while they were working out. Perhaps, today was the day that her husband had finally exerted himself too much during a workout.
Little did she know that this had taken place just a few hours earlier.
On her third attempt to call Hogan, he finally answered his phone in his rough and boisterous voice -
"Beefcake, what the hell are you doin brotha – Why the hell are you callin me this early. We aren't working out today brotha."
"Terry, can you repeat what you just said? Did you say that Edward is.. oh god, is Edward not with you?"
"Barbie – is that you? I haven't seen Beefy or heard from him in a couple days. I've been busy making other appearances recently. You know how it's been the last few months, trying to rehab my image and everything. I've been absolutely swamped and we haven't had the time to work out in awhile. Is there.. something wrong?"
"Oh Terry... I haven't been able to find Eddy anywhere today and I just have the worse feeling about that. The last time I saw him was last night... he seemed perfectly fine before I went to bed.."
"I'm sure things will be fine brotha, knowing Beefcake he is probably just dicking off somewhere around the house. Ya know how he is Barbara – always tinkering with this and that. Did you look everywhere in the house already?"
"I have only checked the living room, the only spot I've found him in lately is that god damn recliner of his. Always just sitting in that recliner, watching hours upon hours of wrestling on the television. Always watching the WWE Network. I swear if I didn't know any better, I would think that he is trying to relive his glory years once again. Hell, with the way he has been taking care of himself lately... it wouldn't even surprise me if he was thinking about getting back in the ring again."
"Barb, brotha, it's been fifteen years.. there's no way that is what Ed- ... "
With that - Hulk's voice was cut off by a shriek. A panicked-stricken and obviously disturbed Barbara quickly got back on the phone, her voice trembling: "Hulk – I think it's bad... I just noticed that not only is the bathroom light still on, but the sink appears to still be running also.. in fact, I can see a huge puddle starting to form on my floor."
"I'll be there as soon as I can Barbara, wait for me please. You don't want to do this alone."
