Big Bang Theory Season 4 Ep 04 06

Author's note: The series resets with this episode.

One of my readers requested adding pictures of the new characters, but this is not allowed by Literotica. When a new character is introduced, I will put in parenthesis the character's real name so you can look them up on the internet.

A couple days passed and things were back to normal. They were all eating at the Cheesecake Factory. Sheldon and Raj were arguing and Sheldon called Penny over to their table.

"What can I do for you Sheldon?"

"Oh nothing Penny, I just wanted to make Raj stop talking."

She turned and saw Bernadette, "Oh, Howard, heads up. Your ex-girlfriend just came in for her shift." She walked away.

Leonard looked to Howard, "When was the last time you saw her?"

"Not since we broke up, wow. How am I going to play this? Sophisticated and relaxed, friendly, noncommittal, cold and distant?" Just then Bernadette turned and headed towards their tables. Howard jumped off his chair and ducked under the table to hide from her.

She walked past and cheerfully exclaimed, "Hi guys!"

They replied, "Hello!"

Sheldon looked under the table, "I see you decided to go with pathetic and frightened."

Raj chuckled, "One of his best moves!"

They left and Howard headed home. He was exceptionally horny and slipped into his satin P.J.'s and turned down the lights and turned on some mood music. He began fantasizing about Katee Sackhoff. He started stroking his cock.

Just then he mother yelled from downstairs, "Howard, have you seen my girdle?"

He yelled back, "No, Ma! Maybe it committed suicide! Leave me alone!" He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, "Now, where were we?" He started stroking his cock again thinking about sex and suddenly Bernadette popped into his head.

"I believe you were about to rip off my uniform with your teeth."

He was stunned, "Bernadette, what are you doing here?"

She smirked, "Well, if I had to guess, I'd say I'm here because you saw me this earlier this evening and you're still hung up on me."

"No, I'm not!"

Katee Sackhoff replied, "Clearly you are. Otherwise, based on past experience, we'd be done by now."

He sat up, his cock began flaccid, "Okay, I'm a little confused here."

Suddenly George Takei popped in, "Oh myyyyy, can I help?"

Howard was befuddled, "Not that kind of confused."

Bernadette rebuffed, "What's George Takei doing here?"

Katee chimed in, "Howard, do you have latent homosexual; tendencies?"

He was really flustered now, "Of course not!"

George added, "So you say, yet here I am."

Katee turned to George, "George, let me ask you something. How did you deal with being typecast as a science-fiction icon?"

"It's difficult. You try and stretch as an actor, do Strindberg, O'Neill, but all they want is, "Course laid in, captain."

She threw her hands up, "Tell me about it, its frakking frustrating." They get up and leave together.

Howard sits up, "Wait, Katee, why are you leaving?"

The imaginary Bernadette replies, "She's leaving because you really wanna be with me."

All of a sudden his mother yells out again, "Howard, I found my girdle! It was in the dryer! I think it shrunk! I'm spilling out like the Pillsbury Doughboy here!"

He shook his head, "And with that mental picture, I think we're done for the evening." He fell back into the pillows and went to sleep.

The next day Howard and Leonard are in the cafeteria and Leonard presses Howard to find out why they broke up, but he won't tell.

That evening Howard goes to see Penny. He knows she won't open the door if she knows it's him. He knocks on the door three times, but has a recording of Sheldon's voice calling out, "Penny, Penny, Penny!"

She opened the door to find Howard there, "What do you want Howard?"

"I just have a question. Uh, does Bernadette ever talk about me?"

"Yeah, absolutely."

"She does?"

"Yeah, sure, just yesterday, she asked, "Why is Howard hiding under the table?"

He smiles, "Oh, she saw that, huh?"

"Oh, no, not at first. Right after I pointed it out though."

"Let me ask you something else. Is she seeing anybody?"

"Uh, not that I know of. While we're on the subject, why did you guys break up, anyway?"

"Oh, I'd rather not say, heh."

"Howard, if you want my help, I've gotta know what happened."

"It's embarrassing!"

"Yeah, that's what I'm counting on, now spill!"

"Okay, well, you know..... "World of Warcraft"?

"The online game, sure."

"Well, did you know that the characters in the game can have sex with each other?"

She rolled her head, "Oh God, I think I see where this is going."

"Her name was Glissinda the Troll. Bernadette walked in on me while we were doing the cyber-nasty under the Bridge of Souls."

She cracks up, "Oh, you're right, that is so embarrassing."

"Would you talk to her?"

Again Penny laughs, "Bernadette or the troll?"

"Bernadette, she was so mad at me, she wouldn't listen to my side of the story."

"Well, what was your side?"

"For all we know, Glissinda the Troll wasn't even a real woman. She could've been a 50-year-old truck driver from New Jersey."

"Really? And that didn't make her feel better?"

"Will you please talk to her? See if there's any chance we could get back together?"

"UH, gee, Howard. I really don't wanna get in the middle of this."

He wore her down and she finally agreed to talk to Bernadette. She set up a coffee date with them after her shift at the Cheesecake Factory.

Howard was waiting when she came to the table. "So Bernadette, how have you been?"

"Okay, you know, busy with school and work."

"So, are you seeing anyone?"

"No, what about you? Have you been seeing anybody?"

"Well you know, we guys, have needs."

"So you've been seeing other girls?"

""Well, uh, not real girls."

She looks disgusted, "Does that mean slutty trolls?"

He looked down, "Okay, fine, look I'll admit, heh, there are dark, sordid little corners of the internet where the name Wolowizard is whispered in hushed tones. But the only reason I go there, the only reason I've ever gone there is because I don't have a real woman in my life."

"Howard, you did have a real woman. I was right there in the next room while you were clicking that troll's brains out."

"Yeah, but we weren't heh---I mean, you and I never...."

She leaned in "Had sex?"

He nodded and looked down, "Yeah!"

She sat back, "Well, whose fault was that?"

"What do you mean, whose fault was that?"

"We could've been having sex, but you never made the move."

He was kicking himself now, "I didn't think you wanted me to make the move."

"Howard, a girl doesn't go out with a man like you, with your looks, your fancy patter and your tight hoochie pants, if she's not expecting him to eventually make the move."

"Really, son of a bitch!"

After that, Bernadette agreed to go on a date with him. They played miniature golf and had a bite to eat. Afterwards, Bernadette drove Howard home. When they got to his house, she put the car in park and all of a sudden there was an awkward moment, neither knew what to do next.

Howard started, "I had a good time."

"Me too."

From the back seat a voice, the voice of Katee Sackhoff came into his head, "Kiss her good night."

They leaned in and they began kissing, it grew deeper and Katee's voice came again, "All right, now a little tongue."

George Takei popped into his head; the voice came out clear, "Hold on there, we've only just rekindled the romance. Let's not sully the moment with the exchange of saliva."

Katee overran his thoughts, "Don't listen to him, she wants it. Tongue! See, I was right!"

Howard was playing with her breast, cupping it as he shoved his tongue into her mouth and she met his with an even stronger tongue.

Bernadette's hand fumbled with his zipper and freeing his cock, she began stroking it. Kissing him even deeper. Breaking the kiss she dropped down and took the entire length of his cock into her mouth. She knew how to suck cock. She bobbed up and down; her tongue flicked out and bathed his entire shaft.

Katee leaned over and watched and whispered to Howard, "Now make the move."

George broke in, "Mm-mm, too soon!"

Katee interrupted him, "Trust me, she's ready, make the move. Listen to me Howard, it's time. Make the move, now!"

Bernadette was slurping up and down on his cock, the way she was going to town, Howard thought Katee was right. He slipped his hand under her skirt and raced for her panty clad pussy. All of a sudden Bernadette popped off his cock and sat up straight, making a grunt, "What are you doing?"

"You said— Make the move, heh, remember?"

She straightened her skirt and sat up even more, "Well, not now. We're starting a new relationship. I need to get to know you again.

He stuffed his cock back in his pants, "No, you don't. It's me, the lusty charmer with the fancy patter and the hoochie pants."

"Be patient, we'll get there!"

She kissed him again and out of the back seat came George Takei's voice, "Told you!"

Things went back to normal, one evening Leonard and Sheldon were watching TV and Sheldon brought up Amy and Leonard asked him why he didn't spend time with her. He told Leonard and looked at him quizzically.

"I believe you are jealous I have a female friend and you don't. The next day they talked about other universes and what Sheldon said made him chuckle. On their way out of the apartment Sheldon waited for Leonard to lock the door, "What makes you chuckle, Leonard?"

"Um, recently? Not much."

"Is it because of the conflict that arises from your desperate need to pair bond with a woman and the apparent collective decision on the part of all womankind to deny you that opportunity?"

"Um............Shut Up!"

At the comic book store Leonard dropped into an even deeper depression when he found out Raj had a girlfriend too. "I can't believe it, Howard had a girlfriend, you have a girlfriend, Sheldon's got a ---Girl who's a friend."

Sheldon nodded, "Thank you!

Just then Stuart walked by and Leonard stopped him, "What about you Stuart, do you have a girlfriend?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I met her at Comic-Con. The one place in the world where saying I own a comic book store is an actual pick-up line."

"Oh, well, good for you."

Stuart shook his head, "Not really, she's horrible. When she wants to have sex, she puts on her plus-size Wonder Woman costume and shouts, "Who want to take a ride in my invisible plane?"

Leonard shrugged his shoulders, "Why don't you just break up with her?"

"Heh, no, I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because then I'd be alone, like you!"

Raj rolled his eyes at Leonard, "Dude, why don't you just invoke your girlfriend pact with Wolowitz?"

"Uh, because I don't need his girlfriend to set me up with one of her girlfriends. I'm perfectly capable of finding a girl on my own.

Back in their apartment, Leonard slips into yet an even deeper depression. He's lying flat on the sofa, taking up the entire sofa. Sheldon comes over and stands over him, "Leonard? Are you sleeping?"

He mumbles out, "No!"

"Are you ill?"

Again he mumbles out, "No!"

"Are you depressed because you're alone and no one loves you?"

"I don't know, maybe."

"I want you to know that I'm genuinely concerned about your well-being."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. But it's still no reason to have your feet in my spot."

Leonard scoots up, now only taking up two of the cushions.

From across the room, Amy blurts out from Sheldon's open laptop, "May I offer an observation?"

Leonard sits up, "What the hell? How long has she been there?"

"Since we got home from the comic book store."

"That was two hours ago!" He reached out and puts his glasses on.

"As per your suggestion, we're hanging out. Quite frankly, I don't see what all the hoopla is about. Go on, Amy."

She starts up, "From a neurobiological standpoint, Leonard, you may be alone because your psychological state is causing an actual pheromone-based stink of desperation."

Sheldon turns to him, "Did you know that, Leonard?"

"No!"

"I did!"

Amy continues, "I understand that some people find mates in social gathering places such as bars and taverns. Have you tried a bar or tavern?"

"No, I'm not gonna pick up a woman in a bar."

Sheldon nodded, "Wise decision, you see, Amy success at a bar is based on classic male attributes such as: height, strength, attractiveness, the ability to hold one's liquor and throw darts, separately or together. Leonard had none of these attributes, right, Leonard?"

He stared at Sheldon for a few seconds and sarcastically replied, "Right!" Annoyed he stood up and left while Sheldon and Amy continues on.

Amy stops Sheldon from signing off, "Wait, I have a request."

He stared at the screen, "Yes?"

"I'd like you to meet my mother."

"I see can I get back to you on that?"

"Certainly, good night."

He closes the laptop and hurried out the door to catch Leonard on the stairs all the way down he calls out, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard, Leonard!"

He stops him on the second landing, "Yeah, what?"

"Amy Farrah Fowler has asked me to meet her mother."

"Yeah, so?"

"What does that mean?"

"Well, you know how you're always saying that Amy is a girl, who is a friend and not your girlfriend?"

Sheldon nods, "Uh-huh!"

"You can't say that anymore."

He chases Leonard down the stairs, "What?"

"Well, she obviously wants to take your relationship to the next level."

"Ugh, I don't want the next level, I like this level. Fix it for me."

"Me? How am I supposed to fix it?"

Simple, you want a girlfriend. Amy wants to be someone's girlfriend. Take her off my hands. I give you my blessing."

"That's insane, good luck."

"Wait, what am I supposed to do?"

"Have you considered telling her how you feel?"

"Leonard, I'm a physicist, not a hippie."

"All right, well, let me see if I can explain your situation using physics. What would you be if you were attached to another object, by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis?"

His eyes lit up, "Screwed." All of a sudden it dawned on Sheldon.

Leonard patted him on the back, "There you go." He turned and walked out. He headed over to Howard's house, ringing the doorbell, he heard Mrs. Wolowitz yell out, "HOWARD, GET THE DOOR!"

Howard yelled back, "Why can't you get it?"

She replied, "You know I'm doing a bowel cleanse for my colonoscopy. I'm like an upside-down volcano here."

He opened the door, "Oh, hey, heh, I hope you didn't hear that."

"The volcano thing? No! I wanna invoke the girlfriend pact, Howard."

"You that desperate?"

"No, uh, I just.....You know, I want what you have. You know, I want a woman in my life.

A few days later Leonard was at the restaurant with Bernadette and Howard. The three of them were dressed in business attire while they waited for Bernie's friend to arrive. Leonard unfolded his napkin, "Thanks again for doing this, Bernadette.

She nodded, "Oh, I take pacts very seriously. One time at my lab, a Petri dish of genetically modified super-virus went missing. That day, we made a pinky swear never to admit that we crossed Ebola with the common cold."

Howard chuckled, "Why the hell would you cross Ebola with the common cold?"

"We never did. That would be a terrible, terrible thing."

Leonard's date came through the doorway, very loud she blurts out, "Hi, sorry I'm late. I was at the gym." She was dressed in a tank-top and sweatpants. Her huge tits tried to leap free from the scoop-neck on the shirt. Her long blonde hair was pulled up in a high ponytail. She took a seat, "Spin class, worked up quite a sweat." She picked up her napkin and blots the sweat from her armpits.

Bernadette introduces them, "Joy, this is Leonard. Leonard, this is Joy (Charlotte Newhouse)."

She shakes his hand, "Hi, you don't look like a genius. Go ahead, say something smart. Eh, time's up!" She bursts out laughing. Just kidding; first thing you need to know about me, I'm hilarious."

"Yeah, so Bernadette tells me she knows you from self-defense classes."

"Yeah, Israeli Krav Maga, lots of fun. Basically, a hundred different ways to rip a guy's nuts off."

She orders lobster and halfway through she lets out a loud belch, "This lobster's good on the way down and the way up."

Leonard looks at her, "Should be, it's $30.00 a pound."

"Hey, this is a date, right? Ahem. Excuse me, I have to go to the little girls' room and take a wicked whiz. "

Bernie stood up, "I'll go with you."

Joy blurts out after standing, "Fair warning, I had the asparagus. My pee is gonna stink up the place."

Howard turns to Leonard, "I think she likes you. Come on, just give her a chance. Maybe she'll grow on you."

"Or maybe she'll finally succeed in ripping my nuts off. Listen Howard, I appreciate the effort, but this is, like the worst date of my life. I guess I have some self-respect."

"Howard chuckled, "Not that I've ever seen."

"It's relatively new, I just know I'm not gonna spend time with someone I don't like simply to have a girlfriend. I'm okay on my own."

Just then Joy came back, "Good news, I made lots of room for dessert."

Leonard turned to Joy, "Uh, Joy, it was nice to meet you, but, uh ---"

"Yeah, you too, hey, you got anything for next week-end? I need a date for my cousin's wedding."

"You're asking me out?"

"Yeah, and it's an open bar, so I'll probably be giving it away." She gave him a wink and took a sip of her wine.

He stopped for a second, "I'll look forward to it."

The Amy, Sheldon set up to meet her mother was just a ruse to get her mother off her back about dating. On Sheldon's laptop, they tricked her mother into thinking they were really dating and it worked.

The following week-end, Leonard picked up Joy and she was just as obnoxious as on their first date. The only good thing was the way she was dressed, she certainly was dressed to give it away. She was wearing a red dress, it had a plunging neckline and when she took her seat in the car, the split skirt fell away, nearly to her hip on one leg.

Leonard took in the shapely leg and tried to hold his cool, she was already making him crazy. It seemed his little head was overpowering his larger head. He resigned himself to one lousy afternoon for hopefully, one wild evening.

They had to travel down to San Diego for the wedding and reception. As expected, she was an embarrassment during the ceremony, but once the dinner was over and the reception, dancing and drinks began, Joy was overshadowed by all of the fun and music. Leonard really began having a good time.

Joy was playful once she had a few drinks in her and during the slow dances, she would plaster her body against his and from time to time, she would grind her pussy against Leonard's growing lump. She would giggle and nibble at his earlobe, "Oh Leonard, we are going to have a fucking wild time tonight." She growled into his ear and sliding her hand down, she'd squeeze his ass and sneak around and gently rub his cock. "Mmmm, I found someone else who's looking for a wild time."

He returned the nuzzling and nipped at her bare shoulder, "Just don't get any ideas about ripping my nuts off."

She bellowed a loud laugh and swung around as the music turned hot and fast. She turned her back to him and bending over slightly; she pushed her bubble butt against his lump and rubbed it obscenely.

The band took a break and Joy announced, "I have to take a wicked wiz, get me another drink will ya Leonard?" She scampered off and Leonard had an idea.

He hurried out of the banquet hall and hurried to the front desk, "I was wondering if you had any rooms available. My wife has had a little too much to drink and I'm not in much better shape. I'd hate to drive back to Pasadena in the shape she is, and the night isn't over yet."