Big Bang Theory Season 09 Ep 08 10

Leonard felt bad after Sheldon returned with engagement ring in hand. The following morning, Leonard got up early and made Sheldon breakfast.

Amy sat at the kitchen counter and as she sipped her coffee, she turned to him, "Aren't you worried you're making French toast on oatmeal day?"

He stepped over to the stove, "Oh? Well, what's this? A pot of oatmeal? Or thanks to you, what I will now call "gloatmeal"? He chuckled as he turned back to the counter.

She shook her head, "Oh, I don't want credit for that."

Suddenly Sheldon came out of his room all cheerful and smiling, "Dr. and Mrs. Hofstadter, lovely to see you this fine morning."

Leonard poured himself a cup of coffee, "You're in a good mood this morning."

"I am indeed, I've decided, instead of wallowing in sadness about Amy, it is time that I find myself a new female companion."

Penny chuckled, "Ah, good for you, what brought this on?"

"I realized something. When Amy was in my life, I was hyper-focused on my work and ignored her."

Penny nodded, "And you don't want to make the same mistake with the next woman?"

"No, I need a new woman in my life to ignore, so I can hyper-focus on my work again."

Later that evening Sheldon invited Raj and Howard over. He knew they were the two who set things up in the first place for him to meet Amy. He sat down, "Thanks for coming over. Now that I'm looking for my next girlfriend, it seemed only logical that I employ your services once again."

Howard smiled at him, "You sure you're up for that? She did hurt you."

"Oh, no, it's all right. I think of my time with Amy as a stick of Fruit-Stripe gum. Sweet and enjoyable at first, but ultimately a flavorless lump of sadness."

Raj added, "You're not wrong about Fruit-Stripe, I was always a Hubba-Bubba man."

Howard sat forward "What are you looking for?"

"All I'm looking for is an educated, intelligent woman who shares my interests, while retaining her own unique point of view. She should be kind, patient, and most important, unable to imagine life without me by 10 o'clock tonight."

Howard's jaw dropped, "Isn't that a little unreasonable?"

"Ah, fine, she doesn't need her own point of view, now chop, chop!"

While this was going on, Penny and Bernadette were drinking wine in her apartment. Amy was changing into her dress for her date with the tall blonde guy.

Penny took a seat and yelled to her, "Come in, Amy, show us the dress!"

She was a little hesitant, "Okay, but I'm really stepping outside of my comfort zone here." She came out with a flowing dress that nearly covered her entire body. It was fashionable, nothing like she normally wore, but no exceptionally sexy.

Penny looked at it, "Uh, I don't think any of your comfort zones are showing."

Bernie stared at her, "It's your third date, maybe you could go more sexy."

She threw up her arms, "Well, some people think the sexiest organ is the brain."

Penny scoffed, "No one ever brought me drinks at a bar because my brains just popped out of my shirt."

She reached down and removed one of her shoes, "Do you have any heels higher than this? He's pretty tall."

Bernie squealed, "Ooh, tall! Finally some details about this mystery man."

Penny hopped up, "Yeah, come on, tell us more"

"Well, I told you his name and that he's tall. What more do you need?"

Bernie gave her a sly smile, "Did you kiss him yet?"

She cleared her throat, "Just a little peck on the lips."

The both squealed in delight. Penny hopped up and down, "Well, we're your best friends. Give us one more detail and we promise we'll leave you alone."

Amy rolled her eyes, "Fine, um, he's British!"

They both squealed again and slapped the sofa several times.

Amy chuckled, "All right, that is a juicy one!"

"All right, where's "Tall British Dave" taking you?"

"He's taking me to that new Italian place on Walnut. I'm gonna go look for other shoes."

Penny shook her head, "Oh, good luck, I threw out all my tall ones when I married Leonard."

After she left the room, Bernie turned to Penny, "Hey, you wanna swing by that place tonight and get a look at this guy?"

Penny leaned over and whispered, "We don't even know what time they're gonna be there."

Bernie gave her a sly smile, "I'll just call the restaurant; pretend I'm Amy and check the reservation."

Penny nodded, "Damn, you're sneaky!"

She threw her head back, "Yeah, but I'm little, so it's adorable. You should have seen me last week with Howard and my dad. You were right; having them both at the same time was very, very hot."

Back at Sheldon's, Howard took Sheldon's laptop to the desk, "I think the quickest way to find you a new girlfriend is just to get you on every dating website out there."

Sheldon wasn't interested in dating website.

Raj came over to the desk, "You know Howard, if we present him as a prize, maybe the women would.

Howard looked up at him. "Well Sheldon is smart, he is a respected scientist."

Sheldon cut in, "And I have the soulful eyes of a cow."

Howard had an idea, "What if we put a post on Craigslist that says, "World-class Caltech physicist seeking girlfriend. If interested, solve the following puzzles for a chance to meet him."

Sheldon loved that idea, "Oh, we'll make the puzzles extremely challenging to eliminate unworthy candidates."

Raj added, "Oh, we can set it up like a scavenger hunt. Where the last puzzle gives the winner Sheldon's contact information."

Howard nodded, "This is actually an interesting social experiment. "

Raj stepped closer, "I'm a little jealous of the people who get to do it."

Howard chuckled, "Me, too, and we've seen the prize!" He pointed to Sheldon and shook his head.

Penny persuaded Leonard to take her to the movies. She was dressed in a loose fitting silky blouse and tailored black slacks. They were headed down the stairs and Leonard was confused, "I don't understand why we're leaving so early for the movies?"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, we're gonna meet up with Bernadette to spy on Amy and her date."

He rolled his eyes at her, "What? I don't wanna do that."

"What do you say the three of us get in the back seat and while we're waiting for Amy and her date to arrive, we both suck on that big fat cock of yours?"

So let me get this straight, you and Bernadette are willing to double-team my cock so you and she can invade your friend's privacy?"

She chuckled, "I like the way you put your cock being serviced by two blondes before mentioning us spying on Amy. Aren't you curious who she's out with?"

"Not really, but I am curious who get to ride my cock if I get overly excited and want a release."

Back in Sheldon's apartment, he's just finished his girlfriend challenge and posted it. It was now live and he sat anxiously to see what results it would produce. He sat back, "Right now, somewhere, a woman is dividing the atomic weight of the best noble gas by the number of colors in the oldest national flag still in use."

Howard cut in, "Then using that number as average speed to calculate the travel time from Mordor to the Shire."

Sheldon was grinning from ear to ear, "And taking her first step towards a lifetime of laughter, love and best of all, my big penis."

Raj just stood there and shook his head, "I hope we didn't make the puzzles too hard."

Howard shrugged, "Well, if she can solve them, it'll prove she's intelligent, tenacious and so socially awkward, she has nothing better to do on a Saturday night."

Sheldon stared at his computer screen and smiled, "Golly, she sounds too good to be true."

Over at the Italian restaurant, Amy is having dinner with her British friend, Dave. They got a table by the window, perfect for Bernadette and Penny to spy on her.

Dave leans over after looking at his menu, "This is fun, I haven't dated much since my divorce."

Amy smiled back at him, "Well, I'm having a good time, too. If you don't mind me asking, why did you and your wife split up?"

"Oh, you know how it is, we wanted different things. I wanted children, and she wanted a pastry chef named "Jean-Philippe".

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

"No, it's alright. It's why I left England. It reminded me too much of her. Cold, gloomy, and easily accessed by a Frenchman through a tunnel.

Outside, Bernadette was already in the backseat. Leonard hopped in first and was followed by Penny. He was already removing his pants as Penny leaned over to Bernadette, "I promised Leonard we'd both give him a little head if he agreed to bring me here. So where are they?"

"There they are, across the street, in the left window." She giggled as her tiny hand tried to encircle Leonard's already stiffening cock.

Penny looked down and chuckled, "Already ready and raring to go huh?" Damn it, we should have brought binoculars."

Bernie continued to slide her hand up and down Leonard's stiff cock. She reached under the front seat and pulled out a pair and handed it to Penny, "Right here."

Leonard's head was back against the seat and he looked down, "You just happened to have those in the car?"

She chuckled, "Kind of, before I met Howie, I liked to keep close tabs on my boyfriends."

"By stalking them?"

"No, stalkers are creepy; I don't see you having a problem with my hand full of your fat cock; now do you? By the way, I'm just a harmless little girl with military grade spy equipment. She scooted back and smiling up at him with those bright blue eyes, her tiny tongue flicked out and began wetting the entire head with her spit.

Penny looked at them through the binoculars, "Oh, there he is!"

Bernadette popped her mouth off of the head of Leonard's cock, "He's cute, right?"

Leonard's fingers swept through Bernie's silky blonde hair, "You're talking about me, right?"

Penny groaned out, "No Leonard, she's wants to know about Dave, Amy's boyfriend. We both already know, you're cute."

Leonard used his other hand to reach for the binoculars, "Can I see?"

"What? Now you're interested? You didn't even want to come."

He chuckled, "If Bernadette continues to lick my cock this way, I just may come sooner than expected. Anyways, you guys make being a crappy friend look fun, although you promised that you both were going to share in the fondling of my cock,"

She shrugged, "Fine, look at them while I join Bernadette down there." She handed him the binoculars and began sharing her husband's cock with Bernadette and before long, as they always did, they were licking at the head and began kissing each other."

Leonard looked at Amy and Dave, "Okay, I see them. It looks like they're having a nice time. Not as nice as I am, but who knows what Amy has planned with him afterwards. I wish I could hear what they're saying."

Bernie pulled away from Penny, her lips and chin were covered in her saliva and a little of Leonard's pre-cum, "I should have brought my parabolic microphone."

Penny stared up at her, "Your what?"

Bernie giggled, "Nothing, not important, keep sucking."

In the restaurant Dave looked to Amy, "So, you've never been married?"

She shook her head, "No, to be completely honest, I've only been in one long-term relationship."

"What happened to that?"

She shrugged, "That's a good question. After five years, it was just feeling like more work than it should be."

"That's too bad, was he a neurobiologist like you?"

"No, he's a theoretical physicist at CalTech."

"I love teaching math, but that would be my dream job. What's his focus?"

"Um, it used to be string theory, now it's dark matter. But let's not discuss Sheldon, let's get back to you."

He was suddenly excited, "Wait, you're not talking about Dr. Sheldon Cooper?"

She nodded very slowly, "I'm trying not to. Do you know him?"

"No, but I've followed his work for years, he's a rock star. You've got to tell me about him. What's he like?" He leaned over and stared into Amy's eyes.

Out in the car, Bernadette had picked up the pace and Leonard was on the verge of cumming. His hands were guiding her head up and down, even though she knew exactly what he liked.

Penny was staring through the binoculars, "He really seems into her."

Bernie giggled, "Seems like Leonard is really getting into me. If you don't take over, he's gonna really be in me, if you catch my drift." She couldn't wait, she reached down, slipped her panties off and swinging her leg over his, she settled down and sank her tight-lipped pussy onto Leonard's cock. "You can't cum in me Leonard, Howie and I are trying to make a baby and I don't want him to have all the allergies you have."

He chuckled, "And you think having Howard's baby is going to be perfect?"

Penny chuckled as she watched Bernie riding him, "Well it can't be worse than you after a bowl of ice cream of a slice of cheese. Anyways, when you are ready to cum, let us know and I'll pull it out and you can cum in my mouth. I could use a little bit to drink right now."

I sure hope you're thirsty, I believe I have a mighty big load churning in my balls."

She chuckled, "How lame, but I'll take whatever you have."

"Are we still going to the movies after this?"

Bernie was riding him harder and faster. She was on the verge of cumming and she groaned out, "I'm cumming Leonard; just make sure you pull out." She looked to Penny, "If it wasn't for his very effective cock, I would have asked you why you brought his along."

Penny chuckled, "I had to, we're married now."

Bernie threw her head back and screamed out, luckily there wasn't anyone around the car as she came hard. She looked out the car window, but they were all steamed up."

Leonard grabbed her by the hips and lifting her, planted her on the seat beside him and immediately, without saying a word to Penny, he guided her head to his cock.

Penny let out a loud moan, "Mmmm, I just love sucking cock, especially when it is completely coated with Bernie's milky cream, just adds more to the flavor." She sucked, taking nearly three-quarters of his cock into her mouth and throat. She felt it jerk and pulling back slightly, her mouth was suddenly filled with his jism. She had to swallow quickly as more followed. It was too much and a little bit seeped out of the corner of her lips. She managed to control the rest of it. She sat up and was immediately met with Bernie's mouth.

"Don't be a hog Penny, I worked hard for most of that, come on and share." She forced her tongue between Penny's lips and she was rewarded with a stream of cum. She licked at her slick lips and they swapped his cum back and forth until it was totally gone.

Bernie rolled down the window to expel all of the steam from the cab of the car. She stared at Amy and Dave.

In the restaurant, Dave was making Amy more upset by the second, "I'm sorry, just one more question about Sheldon."

Sarcastically she spit out, "Sure, why not?" She took another forkful of food and stuffed it into her mouth.

"It's more of a four-part question, really. When he wrote his paper on supersingular prime numbers, how long did it take?"

She rolled her eyes, "Um, about an hour and a half."

"WOW! I mean...Wow! And you were there to see it?"

She played with her plateful of food, "Yes, we were on a date. Very much like this one."

He ignored her sarcasm, "I doubt it was like this one. I mean, he's a genius. And I wasn't even smart enough to figure out why my wife always smelled of croissants.

She was curious, "What was the rest of your question?"

"Do you think you can introduce me to him?"

Now Amy was getting pissed off, "Really? You want me to introduce you to my ex-boyfriend?"

He stared at her, "You're right, it's weird. No wait, do it! No, I changed my mind, I'd be too nervous." He nearly screamed out, "Oh, I don't know what to do!"

Leonard was a little messed up, "Are we gonna be much longer? I really have to go to the bathroom."

Bernie was staring through the binoculars, without even looking away; she reached under the seat and pulled out a jug and handed it to him, "Right here!"

Dave was finishing his wine after dinner, "You know, I once drove 500 miles to hear him speak at Stanford."

Amy was getting antsy to leave, "Listen, um, I'm kind of tired. Can we call it a night?"

He sat up, "Oh, gosh, sorry, I just spent the whole night talking about your ex-boyfriend. I'm such an idiot."

"No, you're not."

"Well, maybe not an idiot. But certainly not as smart as.....Someone we won't mention."

She smiled and reached for her purse, "Thank you."

"That you said you might introduce me to. I'm free on Thursday." They got up to leave.

In the car, Bernie was watching through the binoculars, "Hey, they're leaving."

Penny reached for the binoculars, "What? Here, gimme, gimme." Penny looked, "Oh, my God, oh, my God! They're coming right towards us."

Bernie started the car, "We gotta get out of here."

Penny turned and looked, "Wait, what about Leonard, he went to pee?"

Bernie scrambled to put the car in gear, "He and his tiny bladder can take the bus." She backed the car up and slammed into the car behind her, setting off the car alarm. They both screamed and getting out of the car they were confronted by Amy and Dave.

He came over, "You just hit my car."

Amy threw up her arms, "What are you guys doing here?"

Bernie tried to act surprised, "Hi, Ames! What're you doing here?"

Leonard finally returned and looked at the two cars, "What happened?"

Dave was in awe, "OMG!" He leaned down and pointed at him, "Aren't you Leonard Hofstadter?"

Leonard was taken aback, "Ah, yeah?"

"I saw you speak at Stanford with Sheldon Cooper." He turned to Amy, "Amy, can you believe it? It's Dr. Leonard Hofstadter!"

She rolled her eyes again and sarcastically repeated, "No, pinch me!"

He continued to lean over to be at Leonard's height, "It's an absolute pleasure to meet you. Can I shake your hand?"

Leonard was still holding the pee bottle and pulled his hand back, "I don't know if you want to do that, I was just.....Okay, never mind." He shook Dave's hand."

He turned to Amy, "I'm never washing this hand again."

Leonard chuckled, "You really should."

Back at Sheldon's apartment Raj and Howard were nervous, but Sheldon sat in his spot looking cool and relaxed as he thumbed through a comic book. Raj came over to the sofa, "37 minutes left until the deadline."

Without looking up, Sheldon replied, "Someone will show."

Howard left the computer and came over, "And no matter what happens, this was still a fun experiment.

Sheldon repeated, "Someone will show."

Raj sat down, "Maybe you don't want someone exactly like you. You know what they say, opposites attract."

Sheldon put the comic book down, "By that logic, I should be with someone short, dull and needy. Not to cast dispersions, but I can't shake a stick around here without hitting that.

They sat around and Raj was getting really nervous, "60 seconds, this is not looking good."

Sheldon was eating from a carry-out box, "One minute is a long time."

Raj looked at his watch, "45 seconds."

"Forty-five seconds is a lot of time for a woman to walk through that door and fall on love with me."

"Guys, 15 seconds."

Howard was getting excited, "Maybe she's waiting to show up at the last possible moment."

Raj did a countdown, "Five, four, three two, one." He threw up his hands and sat back, "That's too bad."

Howard shook his head, "Maybe we did make the test too difficult."

Raj let out a sigh, "I don't think it matters. Look Sheldon, I believe when the time is right for you to meet someone, it'll just happen, okay? Not because of a test or a website, but because---!" Suddenly there was a knock on the door and they all stared at it. Raj blurted out, "We are the dreamers of dreams!"

Howard jumped up and went to the door and stared through the peephole, "It's an actual girl and she's really pretty!"