Big Bang Theory Season 08 Ep. 08

Author's note: The series continues with this season 8, episode 8

*

Bernadette was in an incredible mood. The one month wait was over and she had Howard naked and on his back. She fucked him for several hours. She came so many times she lost count and made a note to thank her mother-in-law for the funds to have the procedure done.

Howard stopped her, "Remember, my mother is very ashamed, really for no reason, but she doesn't want any thanks for this, so please Bernie, don't say a word to her. I wasn't supposed to tell you about it in the first place."

"Okay, but I will always think of her in a lot better light from now on. Oh, just to let you know, Amy and I are going to Penny's tonight."

Amy picked her up and saw the cheerful Bernadette, "Why are you so happy Bernadette?"

She let out a sign, "Oh, no reason, just very, very satisfied and calm."

They got to Penny and barged in and both called out to Penny, "Hi!"

She was pulling out the wine glasses, "Hey!"

Bernie was bubbly, "We brought snacks for movie night."

Penny looked up, "Oh great, I don't suppose you also brought napkins, clean bowls, utensils and a roll of toilet paper?"

Bernie raised her second bag, "Right here."

Penny was grinning from ear to ear, "AH! You guys are the best."

Amy walked over to the sofa, "What's with all the clothes?"

"Well, with all the new stuff I bought for work, I needed room in my closet."

"I meant why are they folded, but whatever." She reached down and picked up a slinky red gown, "Ooh, what's this?"

Penny giggled, "That, believe or not, is my prom dress."

Bernie moved over to the sofa, "Wow, you still have it? I just assumed it was balled up in the corner of a barn somewhere."

Penny gave her a disgusted look, "What kind of teenager did you think I was?"

Bernie looked back at her, "Slutty! Amy added, "Easy!"

Penny shook her head, "The word is "Popular!"

Bernadette turned to Amy, "How was your prom? Did you go?"

"No, but I was on cleanup crew."

Penny grimaced, "Aw, that's sad."

"No, it was okay. The DJ let me dance one slow song with my mop before he shut down. Whenever I see a bucket of dirty water, I still hear "Lady in Red" and I get wet."

Bernie added, "My prom was pretty terrible too. I was so excited about my date, but turned out he only asked me because he liked my friend. He spent the whole night talking to her."

Amy bit her lip, "We get it; you had a friend and a date. Stop bragging."

Penny shook her head, "It doesn't matter. Prom is silly anyway."

Bernie took a sip of her wine, "Easy for you to say. You went with the captain of the football team."

Penny shook her head, "Uh, no! I just made out with him a little while his date was puking, heh!"

Bernadette was giggling, "I have an idea. Maybe we can have, like, a prom do-over."

Amy was excited, "That would be so much fun. We could decorate the roof and make the guys wear tuxedoes"

Bernie added, "Get our hair done and slow dance."

Penny tried stopping it, "Guys, trust me, as someone who's been to like, seven proms, it is never as good as you want it to be."

Now Amy was pissed, "You went to sever proms?"

"Yeah, let's see. Four "Under the Seas," two "Enchanted Evenings" and one "Night to Remember" that I cannot remember for the life of me."

Majority ruled and without the guys input, it was decided, they would be having prom night on the roof.

Bernadette was ecstatic; and she couldn't wait.

A couple days later, the guys were huddled in Leonard's apartment along with Penny when Howard popped in, "Hey."

Leonard looked up, "Hey, where's Bernadette?"

He let out a groan, "She and Amy are dress shopping for their prom thing."

Raj hopped up and down, "Oh yeah, I got that Evite; ever since I saw "Pretty in Pink, I've wanted to go to an American prom. But then I saw "Carrie" and I did not wanna go to an American prom. But then I saw "Never Been Kissed" and I'm back on the prom bandwagon. This prom thing has been a real roller coaster."

Howard took his carry out container of food from Leonard, "Bernie's really excited. I mean, I could tell, because her voice got so high the beagle next door started howling."

Raj looked to Sheldon, "Did you go to your prom?"

He shook his head, "No, heh! I had a date with a proper education. Instead of a tuxedo, I dressed myself in good habits. Instead if spiked punch, I enjoyed the intoxicating flavor of knowledge. Instead of dancing in a gym, I shook my booty to the seductive rhythms----"

Penny yelled out, "OKAY, OKAY!

Sheldon whispered to Raj, "---of AP calculus." He gave Penny a dirty stare.

Raj got Penny's attention, "How come you're not shopping?"

Leonard answered for her, "Let me guess, you think the whole idea is lame?"

She scoffed, "Who cares what I think. What do you think?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "To be honest, it's kind of a dream come true to go to even a fake prom with a woman as beautiful as you."

She rolled her eyes, "Ugh, thanks a lot!"

"What?"

"Now I can't blow this off without being a bitch."

Raj cracked a smile, "That sounds like a yyyyyyyes!"

Later that evening Bernie and Howard were sitting in their apartment. He was pouring each of them a glass of white wine and she was checking her e-mails, "Ooh, every single person RSVP'd yes. This is so exciting." Her voice went super high, "Isn't this exciting?" All of a sudden the beagle next door began to howl.

He took a big swig of his wine, "Yep."

"Look, even Stuart's bring a date. I wonder who it is."

"You know exactly who it is. He's gonna bring my mom. Why did you even invite him?"

"Because he's our friend and you two need to get along. Why can't he take your mom? You took her to your prom."

Howard rolled his eyes, "I didn't take her. She was a chaperone."

She was getting upset, "I saw a picture of you two dancing together."

"What was I gonna do? They were playing our song." He reached in his pocket and picked out his phone, "I can't take this anymore." He called Stuart

Stuart picked it up, "Hello?"

"Stuart we have to talk. This thing with you and my mom, I hate it. It's making me crazy. You and I were friends for years. And now you're bringing my mother to a party I'm going to? What the hell?"

I'm not bringing your mother, I have a date."

"Oh, so now you're cheating on my mother?"

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you talking about? There's nothing weird going on with me and your mother."

All of a sudden Mrs. Wolowitz called from upstairs, "Stewie, your bath is getting cold!"

Howard heard that through the phone and Stuart replied to Howard, "I gotta go, Bye!"

The next evening Penny was texting on her phone when there was a knock on her door, it was Sheldon, "Penny, Penny, Penny!" He knocked three times.

She opened the door, "What's up?"

"I'd like to discuss this party that Amy and Bernadette are throwing. Since you and I are reluctant to go I think I've come up with the perfect way for us to enjoy it"

She crossed her arms, "Great, how?"

"We pretend we're aliens." He stared at her and she gave him a cold stare, "I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I'm gonna say that you love it, and wanna hear more." He walked past her into her apartment. He turned with her still at the door, "Now, in the beloved novel "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" an alien named Ford Prefect pretended to be human in order to blend in so he could write an entry about Earth for "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". Which is a travel book within the actual book."

She closed the door and listen to what he was saying, She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath, "Okay, just one question. WHAT?!"

"My point is, pretending to be an alien is a valuable coping mechanism I've used many times. I did it the first time I went to see you in a play. You had no idea Commander Un-Frump of Seti Alpha-3 was in the audience." She put her hands to her face and began to walk away, but he continued, "Oh, don't worry. He gave you seven thumbs up.

She opened her refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of wine, "Okay, here's a question. As an alien pretending to be human are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?"

He was dumbfounded and walked to her in the kitchen, "There are post-prom mating rituals?"

"Not always, unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always."

He shrugged, "Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it"

She nearly fell over, "You're kidding."

"I may be an alien, but I have urges. If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space well, then I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin." He stared at her and saw a look of confusion on her face, "I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on." He turned and left before Penny could respond.

The following weekend, Leonard and Sheldon were in their apartment. Leonard was tying Sheldon's bow tie. "If you're not gonna learn how to do this, they make some pretty good clip-ons."

"Bruce Wayne doesn't wear a clip-on."

"Bruce Wayne doesn't make his roommate tie it for him."

"His name is Alfred, and, yes, he does."

Leonard pulled back, "There, perfect."

"Are you sure? It's my first prom, I wanna do it correctly"

Leonard was already dressed in his tuxedo and he moved to his laptop, "I thought you were gonna be an alien."

"I was, but Penny didn't want to and you didn't want to. Bernadette, Amy, Koothrappali and Wolowitz didn't want to. And even I knew it was weird to hire somebody." He walked into the kitchen and picking up his flask he placed it in the inside pocket of his tuxedo jacket.

Leonard watched him, "Was that a flask?"

"Yes, I've decided to embrace all of the traditions associated with prom including spiking the punch."

"You're gonna put alcohol in the punch?"

"Oh, no, this is pomegranate juice. It's all the fun of high school high jinks with a cell-protecting zip of antioxidants."

"If you had ripped jeans and a leather jacket you'd be the toughest kid on the Disney Channel." He stood up from his laptop, "So anything else planned for tonight?"

"Oh everything, getting our picture taken, slow dancing, being elected prom king; pointing out that kings aren't elected. It's gonna be off the hook."

"And while you're at it, I know that at this age, your hormones are raging, but just because all of your friends are having sex doesn't mean you have to."

Sheldon stiffened and turned to Leonard, "Why would you say that?"

Leonard shrugged, "You know, because a lot of people lose their virginity on prom night."

"Penny implied the same thing. Is this true?"

"Just relax, it's a joke. You don't have hormones." He patted him on the back and they headed over to Penny's apartment. Leonard knocked on the door and Penny answered it. She looked gorgeous. She was wearing the red dress she was going to give away. It had two tiny straps holding it up and her back was completely bare down to her waist. It was a two-piece and the top ended in a tiny skirt at her belly. The skirt portion hung down to her feet. Her lip-gloss matched her dress and her eye make-up accented her green eyes and she had a tiny silver bandana in her short blonde hair. He stared at her, "Wow, you look amazing!"

She giggled, "Thank you, so do you."

Amy came out of the apartment dressed in an ankle length royal blue dress and her deep cleavage was showing him exactly where to look. A tiny matching shawl covered the rest of her nearly bare shoulders and back. She looked at Sheldon, "Sheldon, you look so handsome."

He stared at her, "Thank you."

Penny had her arm resting on Leonard's shoulder, "Sheldon, doesn't Amy look hot? That's gotta put some starch in the upper flermin."

Amy looked to Penny, "What's that?"

Leonard replied, "Oh, it's a scaly genital organ that grows between his shoulder blades. Try not to touch it when you're dancing."

Sheldon was having a panic attack; he turned to run back into his apartment, "Excuse me."

Amy called out to him, "Where are you going?"

He stopped at his door, "I can't do this and for your information, the flermin doesn't rub between my shoulder blades, it grows out of the belly button on my neck." He slammed the door behind him.

Leonard shrugged, "He's right, I was thinking of the lower flermin.

In the limousine, Howard, Bernadette, Raj and Emily were already drinking heavily. Emily was refilling her glass. She just like Penny was wearing a red dress. It was ankle length too, but it was being held up with a halter strap around her neck. Her fiery red hair was pulled back in a tight bun and her lipstick matched her dress, just like Penny's.

Bernadette looked like a new bride. Her dress was white and her arms were bare. The bodice was tight to her neck rhinestones were all along the front and accented her large breasts. The skirt was sheer from the knees to her ankles, giving flashes of bare legs beneath it. Her hair was down, resting on the upper slopes of her dress and her lips were painted red too.

Both Raj and Howard were in suits with Raj wearing a red bow tie to match Emily's dress. Howard was a little nerdier; still he had a burgundy vest under his grey suit.

Raj took another sip of his wine, "I'll text Stuart, let him know we're close."

Emily leaned over to put the wine back in the tiny refrigerator and Bernadette saw her back, "That's a neat tattoo."

She leaned back and looked at it on her back, "Oh, thanks, it's Sally from "Nightmare Before Christmas".

Bernadette chuckled, "That movie's so cute."

Howard jumped in, "Do you like her because you both have red hair?"

Emily smiled back at him, "A little, but more that she's covered in scars and can pull her own limbs off and sew them back on."

Suddenly Bernadette felt uncomfortable, "I like Cinderella."

Emily pointed to her, "Did you know in the original book, the sisters cut off their toes with knives in order to fit in the glass slipper?"

Bernie felt extremely uncomfortable, "I like "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo."

The car stopped and Raj called out, "Here comes Stuart and his date."

Emily took a sip of her wine, "Oh, she's cute."

Howard looked out the window and buried his face in his hands, "Oh, my God!"

Bernadette looked to him, "What?"

He pointed out the window, "That's Jeanie."

Bernadette leaned over, "That's Jeanie?"

Emily looked to Raj, "Who's Jeanie?"

Howard blurted out, "Don't say it!"

Of course Raj had to say it, "That's Howard's cousin, the one that he had sex with."

Emily nodded and cracked up.

Howard replied, "She's my second cousin, we were 15. I just said, don't say it."

Emily snickered, "No, it's okay; he told me that story a long time ago."

Howard yelled out, "RAJ!"

"It was our first date' there was an awkward silence, what was I supposed to say?"

Back at the apartment, Penny and Leonard slipped up to the roof. She poked her head out, "Oh, it's beautiful."

He closed the door behind him, "The girls really did a nice job."

"I know I wasn't into this before, but I'm so glad I get to take you to your first prom."

He took a step back, "What makes you think I didn't go to my prom; I went."

"Who'd you go with?"

"I took a little lady I like to call loneliness."

She put her hands on her hips and stepped closer to him, "AW!"

"No, it's all right. We ended up having a threesome with her friend humiliation." He walked past her and looked at the decorations.

"If I'd have been there and saw you, I would've asked you to dance."

He turned towards her and chuckled, "Oh no, you wouldn't have."

"You don't know that."

"It was before my growth spurt."

She scoffed, "What? That already happened?"

"Ha-ha, very funny!"

"Well, you wouldn't have asked me either."

"I would have asked you; in my head." They both chuckled, "On my way home, while I was having a good cry."

She laughed and threw her arms around him and gave him a big kiss.

Downstairs in his bedroom, Sheldon had his jacket off. He was lying in his bed with his feet elevated, trying to cope with a panic attack.

There was a knock on his door, "Sheldon? Can I come in?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"According to an online message board, I may be having a panic attack. SoccerMom09 had similar symptoms."

"You're making me worry. What's going on?"

He sat up, "What's going on is we're about to go to a prom and there's a great deal of pressure on couples like us to engage in what Mr. Bob Eubanks called "Making whoopee!"

She's still talking through the door, "What pressure? All I said was you looked handsome. Can you please open the door?"

He got up and opened the door, "It's not just that. Leonard and Penny also made comments about it. And I'm not blind. Even I looked twice when I saw my posterior in these tuxedo pants."

Back in the limousine, Stuart and Jeanie were on the seat at the back of the limo and Bernadette and Howard joined Emily and Raj on the seat along one side.

Jeanie (Kara Luiz) looked amazing. She unlike the other women was wearing a short dress. It was a gold and black print showing off her legs in dark stockings. The top of the dress has two straps holding it up, but showed a lot of cleavage. Her dark chestnut hair was hanging down in waves, framing her pretty face and just like Emily and Bernadette, her lips were painted red.

Stuart was talking, "So I met Jeanie at your Aunt Gladys's. She passed me the Manischewitz; I took one look at this punim, and almost plotzed on the kugel."

Raj leaned over to Emily and whispered, "Is that what I sound like when I talk about India?"

She kept her eyes on Stuart; he looked sharp in his black tuxedo. All she did was nod.

Bernie was biting her lip and Howard looked at the two of them, "So my mother is okay with this?" Jeanie looked to Howard, "Why would she have a problem with me and Stuart?"

He scoffed, "Thrust me, because they have a weird, inappropriate relationship."

She rolled her eyes, "Weirder than what you and I did in my dad's Corolla?"

Raj leaned over to Emily, "This is so messed up."

Emily chuckled, "I know, I'm having the best time. Let's open another bottle of wine."

Howard stared at Jeanie, "Why would you even come to this? Didn't you know I'd be here?"

"It was a long time ago, Howard. It was so small; I didn't even realize I lost my virginity."

Stuart cut in, "Yeah, she told me how small it is. And you're only second cousins, who cares?"

Bernadette was getting pissed and she knew it was time to unveil the new Howard. She put down her glass of wine after downing the entire contents, "Wait, so you knew and you brought her anyway?"

Stuart finished his glass full, "So she's good enough for Howard, but not for me?"

Bernadette reached over, unbuttoned Howard's pants and lowered his zipper and whipped out his newly enhanced stiff cock, "Yeah, and for your information Jeanie, it isn't as small as you thought, is it?" She stroked it several times and it grew in length and both Jeanie and Emily stared at his huge cock. Bernie blurted out to Stuart, "You have weird relationships with your own mother and cousin; this is Howard's turf."

Like a magnet to steel, Jeanie slipped off the seat and knelt before Howard. She reached up and grabbing hold of his pants, she tugged at them until they slipped off his legs, along with his boxers and shoes.

Emily pushed her way past Bernadette and knelt down beside Jeanie and looking at her she giggled, "You wanna share?"

Bernie released his cock and watched the two women attack her husband's cock. She never felt hotter than right now. She suddenly realized what Howard saw in watching her getting fucked, it really turned her on.