Big Bang Theory Penny And Bert

Tensions rise when the guys struggle to complete their Air Force project on time and are forced to work around the clock, leaving Sheldon fighting to stay awake. Penny and Amy attend a university gathering at the home of Bert the geologist.

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Penny and Amy were making small talk as they made breakfast for their partners, since they had hardly seen them for quite a time. They've been talking about how they miss their nerds, particularly Penny.

"... and you know what I miss the most?... Sex..." Penny was saying.

"Oh pleeease... it's just been a few days... for you... I've been missing it for months," Amy said sadly.

"Oh poor you... I'm sorry... I still can't believe you can hold up so long..."

"Well... there's my battery-operated toothbrush to relieve myself," Amy said, shamefully.

"Oh my gosh... Amy... didn't we tell you about the different toys you can have..."

"Yeah... Bernadette specifically... but you never told me where to get them... Besides, I don't want Sheldon to freak out..." Amy said, thinking of how Sheldon would react if he saw a rubber penis lying or hidden around.

"Well...you are missing out... big time..."

"Yeah... Sometimes I really feel jealous of how you guys talk about sex..."

"What... why?... Well, besides, you get it only on your birthday..."

"Well... We did it a couple of times..."

"Really?!..." Penny blurted, excitedly.

"... I just wish we did it more often... and spice it up like... you know... beyond missionary..." Amy said, wistfully.

"Sometimes our nerds need coaching... or initiate it..." Penny said and thought of how sex with Leonard was back then.

"... With Sheldon? I don't think I want to take a chance," Amy said, sadly, "... Sometimes I wonder what it feels like..." she continued imagining the sex positions she secretly researched.

Penny saw the dreamy look on Amy's face, "You should have shacked with that British guy you dated."

"Dave?... Honestly, after I experienced sex and how good it feels... I wondered how it would have been with him... will it be different?... Better?"

"Oh Amy... You definitely missed out... I bet Dave has a big penis..."

"Does it really matter? I read about it but I'm..."

"Oh yesss... yesss... it does... but of course, it's your preference at the end... Length, girth and all... I bet Dave's in the length category," Penny commented as she stared at Amy, thinking.

"Because he's tall?..."

"... What?... Oh, yeah... You should date more..." Penny said playfully and went on giving Amy pointers on sex and penises till their partners walked in.

Sheldon and Leonard were walking through the hallway, "I had a bad dream that my best friend became a tyrant and forced me to stay up all night to work," Sheldon said.

"Oh, I had a good dream that when I carried you to bed, I let your head hit the wall and I laughed," Leonard said, grinning.

"Good morning," Penny greeted the guys with a big smile.

"What is this?" Leonard asked, smiling, looking at the food on the countertop.

"Well, we didn't see you last night, we're not gonna see you today, so we thought we could have breakfast together," Amy chimed in.

"Oh, that is so nice," Leonard said as he examined what the girls had prepared.

"Ow, it does hurt," Sheldon, pressing his head.

"So, what are you guys gonna do today?" Leonard asked the girls, ignoring Sheldon.

"Well, Sheldon was supposed to go to this party with me this afternoon, but I don't think that's happening..." Amy said.

"Oh, that was never happening," Sheldon commented.

"Oh, I'll go. I like party," Penny said.

"Well, to be honest, it's not like a party party, it's more like a gathering where scientists of different disciplines get together to share their work and keep current on what's going on in other fields. I don't know why I called it a party, sorry," Amy explained.

"It's okay, I'll still go," Penny said.

"You don't think you'll be bored?" Leonard commented while he thought of why he had never heard of or been invited to the gathering, even Howard or Raj.

"Oh, I'll have some wine and listen to people go on about crap I don't understand. I mean, how is it any different from every single day of my life?" Penny said.

"I won't be there," Sheldon said, not caring.

"Look at that, it is a party," Leonard said, smiling.

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"This should get her inhibitions dissipate..." Bert said as he held an alabaster-like old jug that looks like it belonged to a museum. It was given to him by a native tribe elder when he was doing a geographical survey in one of the secluded portions of Mexico a few years back before he started at University. He was told that the drink's proof becomes stronger as it ages. He was told by one colleague that didn't drink and how his team of surveyors got into a drinking fest with the natives. The weird thing that the colleague mentioned was everyone drinking didn't look like they were getting drunk, but calmness of laughter till a few got knocked-down to sleep, others got horny-calm was the only word he could describe, and they ended up shacking-up with the native women who partook with the fest. The last thing everyone remembered when they woke up was they were having drinks but didn't know why they were completely naked, except for Bert, who was only half-naked, in their own assigned dwellings. The team were in shock when the non-drinker told them what had happened and everyone swore to each other that it had never happened, particularly to the married ones.

Bert planned the gathering knowing that no one aside from Amy would be showing up. He just invited a handful, the ones he knew would definitely not come. He also set the date when he heard about the Air Force project that Sheldon is involved in, hoping that he wouldn't be able to come. He transferred the contents of the jug into a clear empty bottle, then checks the food and drinks on the table. He was beginning to feel anxious, since it had passed an hour since Amy's hadn't arrived yet, when he heard knocks on the door.

"Hi, Bert. This is my friend, Penny," Amy greeted Bert when the door opened.

"Hi," Penny said, smiling. "Holy crap he's a huge guy," she commented in her mind.

"Hey, come on in. I'm going to go turn on some rock music. That's a geology joke," Bert said with a gleeful manner. "Wow... she's hot..." he thought of Penny, shifting his interest.

"Bert's a geologist," Amy told Penny.

"And a joker," Bert added.

"How early are we?" Penny asked Amy in a whisper when it appeared there was no one else.

"Oh, actually, we're an hour late," Amy whispered back.

"I suddenly wish Sheldon was here..." Penny commented, "... So should we talk to each other or mingle?" she added sarcastically.

"I don't know where everyone is," Amy said, sounding like an apology.

"Yeah, I mean, I could see him eating one or two guests, but not a whole party," Penny said jokingly. She couldn't shake off the thoughts of how large Bert was as she took a quick glance at him.

"Well, I guess this is kind of a bust. You don't have to stay. I'm gonna start cleaning up," Bert said sadly, disappointed, giving the girls the best act he could manage for them to feel sorry for him.

"Okay... I feel so bad about leaving him here," Amy told Penny.

"Oh, it's funny, I was just feeling the same thing... We can stay for a bit... he seems nice."

"Are you sure?"

Bert tried not to listen, but his plan seemed to be working, "Hey, listen, could you not say anything about this to the people at the university? You know, people look at me strangely and think I'm a monster or something, and it's kind of embarrassing," he said, acting sorry for himself.

"Don't say that... I told you before, you are a nice person... I wouldn't have gone out with you if you were not..." Amy was saying.

"Wait, what do you mean... You went out?!" Penny asked, surprised, excited.

"Well, we just went to a rock show convention," Bert said.

"No..." Penny said, unbelieving, giving Amy a look.

"Amy's the coolest and nicest girl on campus... why she went out with me..." Bert said.

"No... I'm not..." Amy said, shyly, embarrassed.

"Oh yeah, everybody thinks so..." Bert said, assuring.

"What? You told me about your foot fungus, but this is a secret?..." Penny asked Amy, unbelieving. She turned to Bert, "So how was the date?... Wait... let's drink to this amazing secret..." she said as she got a glimpse of alcoholic beverages on the table behind Bert.

"Yeah, let's drink..." Bert said as he turns towards the drinks with a big smile as he thought of his scheme working.

Penny watched Bert pour wine into two glasses, then turned to Amy, "You didn't mention going out with someone like him..." she said, whispering with excitement.

"Here you go..." Bert said as he handed the drinks to Amy and Penny, "... I'll mix some real drinks... be right back."

The girls thanked Bert simultaneously with a big smile from Penny, then they settled down on the couch.

"It's not a big deal, and it's not even a date," Amy said to Penny.

"Oh yes it was..." Bert said without looking at the girls as he grabbed a bottle. "This is going to happen..." he said in his mind and reminded himself to keep the girls drinking.

"I believe it was a date too..." Penny said and took a half swig of her glass, "... so what do you think of Bert?" she followed, teasing, then finished the rest of her wine.

Amy felt guilty, embarrassed, and shy all at once and finished her wine in one swig before she answered, "Well... he's nice... funny at times..."

"Here you go..." Bert said as he handed the drinks to Penny and Amy.

The girls set their empty glasses aside and each took a glass from Bert. "What do we have here?" Penny asked with excitement.

"Ahmm... I think it's called Boozy Sweet Tea... Sweet Tea and Limoncello..." Bert said nonchalantly, then smiled, "A toast to two beautiful girls that I can say that I have in my apartment..."

"Oh... thank you..." Penny said with a little surprised tone,, "See you're beautiful..." she gestured to Amy, then raised her glass, "... To us beautiful girls!"

Amy was a little hesitant about raising her glass and eventually made the toast. She started to sip her drink at first, then swig it down when she found the taste quite pleasing. She saw Bert and Penny looking at her when she put her glass down.

"It's good... right?" Penny asked, staring giggly at Amy.

"Yeah... it is..." Amy confirmed with a smile.

"What tea did you use?" Penny asked Bert as he took the empty glass from her.

"Brisk..." Bert said and took the empty glass from Amy, "... its cheaper and easy..." he continued as he walked back to the table. He took the Brisk can and showed it to the girls, then poured some into the glasses, took the bottle of Limoncello and poured some into the glasses.

The girls watched Bert stir the drinks and put ice in them. "... You sure like dating huge guys," Penny whispered, teasing, giggly.

"It wasn't a date..." Amy insisted, in a whisper.

"Oh Bert... Tell me how your date went with Amy..." Penny said giggly as she took the drink that Bert extended to her.

"It was great..." Bert began to narrate while Amy sipped her drink continuously till it was empty.

"... I brought her rocks almost every day as just an excuse to see her..." Bert was narrating.

Penny noticed Amy's glass was empty, "... Wait hold on..." she said and finished her drink as well, "... Bring those over..." she said, pointing at the bottles of drinks.

Bert moved quickly for his size and got the bottles on the coffee table. Penny just poured liquor into her glass, not minding what it was, and took a sip, "... Ohhhh... this is too sweet for me..." she commented.

"Let me try... I like it sweet..." Amy said.

Bert just eyed the glass with the liquor that was in the jug and watched Amy take a sip.

"Wow... this is my kind of liquor..." Amy said and took another sip.

Penny examines the bottle, "What is this? There's no label..."

"It's from Mexico... home-made... kinda..." Bert said.

Penny poured a half glass of the liquor and took a sip before chugging it down. "Mmm... that is good but too sweet for me..." she repeated, "... Anyway... you were saying... you brought her rocks?"

Bert started over, giving his version of his date with Amy. He would sneak in jokes or make obvious made-up things he did with Amy that made the girls laugh and drink more. All three were having a great time; the girls were giggly as Bert made jokes and humorous comments. Aside from the glasses of the sweet Limoncello tea drink, Amy already had four glasses of the sweet drink, Penny was on her second bottle of wine that was halfway empty, and Bert had a few beers, a glass of wine, a glass of sweet drink, and a few shots of whiskey.

Bert would simply look at Penny at first while they drank and converse till his gaze became longer and even made eye contact with her. His interest in Penny increases and makes him aroused just staring at her, especially when she leans over and clearly sees her cleavage supported by a black bra.

Penny's curiosity towards Bert grew as her reservations diminished. Her thoughts of his physical size made her horny as she wondered about his penis size. Especially when she saw the bulge in his pants that seemed to grow each time she gave him a full view of her cleavage whenever she reached for a drink.

Amy's was already knocked-down, slouched on the couch that Penny and Bert didn't even notice for minutes till Bert had to use the toilet.

"Amy's out..." Bert said nonchalantly as he stood up, "... I need to use the bathroom."

Penny saw Bert shift his bulge as he walked away. She then looks at Amy, "Aww... poor Amy..." Penny commented to no one, "Amy!... Amy!" she called out as she shook her knee. She laid her down lengthwise on the couch when she didn't get a response.

"She's really done?" Bert asked, startling Penny.

"She's a light drinker..."

"Too bad... fun's over..." Bert said with a hint of sadness.

Penny didn't miss the bulge on Bert's front, "Why... you're tapping out?... We can still have fun," she said in a flirtatious way.

"Rock on!... You are awesome and hot..." Bert blurted, excitedly.

"You are a nice person... Bert..." Penny said, nodding her head. She felt tingling sensations between her legs as she thought of how big Bert's bulge had gotten and how he towered over her, standing up close together.

"Let's have a toast..." Bert said and mixed the sweet drink with Limoncello, "... Let's try this mix."

"Instead of sweet tea?... That could be a good mix," Penny commented as she watched Bert stir the drink.

"Here... you go... To the only hot chick that ever stepped into my apartment..."

"Awww... To the nice person that no one believed existed... Bottoms up..."

"That's nice...." Bert said, then gulped down his drink.

Penny did the same while she eyed Bert standing in front of her like a wall that would completely cover her if it fell on her.

"Oooo... that tasted better," Penny said with a big smile.

"It does... too bad it's all gone..." Bert said and noticed Penny staring up at him, "... I would ask you out, but I need to be Boulder..." he said, emphasizing 'Boulder', "... get it Boulder... Bolder?" he asked with a smile.

"I get it... I get it..." Penny said, smiling and made eye contact for a few seconds like she was thinking, "... I'll just use the bathroom... be right back."

Bert pointed to the bathroom for Penny, then shifted his cock aside as he watched her behind as she walked away, "I hope that stuff still works..."

Penny took a deep breath and blew it out and stared in the mirror, "Oh fuuuck..." words came out in a gasp as she felt arousing sensations all over her, particularly on her nipples and inside her pussy. Images of Bert's well-sized bulge was all she saw in the mirror, "Screw it... I want that cock..." she said in her mind and started to unbutton her top.

Bert got a blanket and laid it over Amy on the couch. "Maybe next time..." he said to himself. He was rearranging the table with the drinks between the sofa chair and dining chair when he saw Penny approaching.

"Awww... that's so sweet... You're a good person..." Penny said when she saw the blanket over Amy.

"Yeah... I wish everyone would think so..."

Penny sat on the sofa chair, "Why would you say that?"

"... People think I'm a monster because I'm big... "

"Well, they just have to know you better... You're really nice..." Penny said and leaned over to take her drink from the table and made sure her shirt's upper placket opening hung down from her chest.

Bert's eyes went wide when he saw Penny's breast in full view without a bra, its nipples protruding from its areolas.

Penny took her time bending down to make sure Bert had his eyes full and when she straightened up, she saw his stare was glued onto her chest. She even stuck her chest out and made her nipples poke out against her shirt. "See... even my nipples say you're nice..." Penny said giggly.

"Really?... I definitely like to check out your topography," Bert said, unmindful, staring at Penny's chest.

"Topography... I get it," Penny said giggling.

"I'm sorry... it's the alcohol..." Bert tried to apologize, but sounded more of a blame.

"Apology for what?" Penny asked and leaned down once more.

"The thermal expansion in my pants..." Bert said boldly, stating.

Penny saw the bulge on Bert's pants, which looked much bigger than before. "You're such a joker... thermal expansion... it looks like it's ready to explode..." she commented.

"Yeah... like Kilauea..."

Penny laughed, knowing Bert's reference to the volcano that was constantly erupting in Hawaii. Her pussy tingled from the thoughts of his cum exploding inside her. "Okay... Since you're a joker... I will help you erupt if you tell me your favorite geologist sex joke that will rock my pants off," she said like a challenge, though her pussy was ready to be fucked even if his joke is bad.

Bert's cock got even harder and bigger, straining inside his pants as he stared at the beauty in front of him and saw her unbuttoned the top two buttons of her shirt.

"Do you know why geologists are great at sex?... Because geologists know that it's Orogenic THRUSTING that makes the BEDrock... and I'm a geologist, and I'm hung like a HORST..." Bert said with pride. He stood up and started to unbuckle his belt.

Penny didn't manage to say a word till he saw Bert's pants fall down to his ankles, exposing his hard cock, "Holy crap... Bert... Oh my gosh... you're not joking..."

Bert saw Penny's jaw dropped, staring at his huge cock. "Girls get scared and take off when they see this..."

"Really... they're missing out..." Penny said and started to undress.

"You're not scared?" Bert asked, unbelieving, and started to take off the rest of his clothes.

Penny was completely naked when Bert got his shirt off, "Nope... it could be the alcohol... but ehh... who doesn't want a taste of this... Holy craaaap..." she exclaimed, unbelieving, as she took hold of Bert's penis.

Penny was mesmerized at the size of Bert's cock that she couldn't even get her fingers around its girth. She pulls him back towards the sofa chair, sat down and starts to fondle its entirety, from its head to its hairy sack. "How big is this thing?... Have you measured it?" she asked, admiring its size.

"I don't know... I can't even remember when the last time I got hard like this..."

"Seriously? You haven't had sex, even played with yourself?"

"I had sex once... it's been a while and I can't even remember..." Bert said as he thought of the tribe in Mexico.

"Ohh, poor you..." Penny said as she stroked the length of Bert's penis with two hands, "Holy crap... How big is this thing... really?" she said, curiously, and felt her pussy tingle and practically drooling, imagining if she could even take it.