Best of Last Man Standing

Everyone in this story is at least eighteen years of age when having sexual relations.

Season four finds Eve finally turning eighteen on December 21st. She turns eighteen in episode 12 during the meeting with Helen Potts. With Vanessa and Mike consumed by their new neighbor, Mike puts off initiation of Eve. Once they had their encounter with Helen Potts, the holidays are upon them and Eve begins to wonder if her father would ever look to her for comfort. Getting a little ahead on the game, so sit back and enjoy the encounter with Helen Potts (Patricia Richardson, Mike's previous wife on Home Improvement)

Early in the morning, Mike and Vanessa were woken from their sleep by the constant barking of Chuck Larabee's German Shepard. It seems Chuck's neighbor, one Helen Potts is once again running her tile saw early and this caused the dog to bark constantly.

After Mike talks with Chuck and found out he never could reason with her, Mike took matter into his own hands and headed over to Helen's house to speak with her. When he entered the back yard and saw her, he had a case of Deja Vu, "Boy, have we meet before?"

She looked him in the eye, "You do look vaguely familiar." She was dressed in a man's flannel checkered shirt and quilted vest and blue jeans, not very feminine. Her long dark brown hair was pinned up in a sloppy bun and she looked annoyed.

He tried to ease into the conversation, "Is this your tile saw? It's a nice one."

"You like tools?"

He snickered, "Not as much as I used to. So, other than making a lot of noise, what are you doing out here?"

"Ugh, I got a million things to fix around the house. My idiot husband thought he was quite the handyman...but mostly, he just set stuff on fire, blew things up, and complained about my cooking."

He chuckled, "Sounds like a fun Tuesday night. (That was the night Home Improvement used to air).

"You should try putting up with him for eight years. Eight Long Years!"

"The thing is, this saw is making a lot of noise, and it's bothering the dog next door. Who's barking and keeping everybody awake. Is there a way you could just start the sawing a little later in the morning?"

"Sorry, I do my best work in the morning."

He groaned, "I used to get my best sleep in the morning" He walked into her back door and knocked, "Excuse me."

She let out a sigh, "You again? Look around, my husband is the reason why this place is such a mess. He was always souping up all of our appliances. He rewired our waffle iron so it went up to 1,000 degrees. You know what melts at 1,000 degrees? A waffle iron."

He tried to reason with her, "Listen, if you're gonna saw in the morning, why don't you do all of us a favor and just don't do it on the weekends?"

"You know, this is America, I can run my tile saw whenever I want."

He tried again, "Actually, in this part of America, there's a law against doing construction work before 7:00 A.M"

"So. you're gonna bring the law into this? Wait, wait, aren't you the guy that has the flagpole?"

He nodded, "Yeah!"

"A pole that size has got to be against some kind of building code."

"Yeah, but my pole doesn't wake people up in the morning."

She chuckled, "At your age, "I'm not surprised."

"Alright, alright, so you take a shot at me, you don't like the American flag---."

"It's not the American flag that I object to. It's when you fly your Broncos flag. I prefer Oakland."

He groaned out, "People in Oakland, don't even prefer Oakland."

"You know, I think it's time for you to leave. This reminds me of talking to my husband. One more thing, you don't want me working out here on the week-ends, but during the week, i have my customers. I am a licensed Masseuse, and before you open your trap, no I DO NOT give happy endings."

He left and knew Chuck was right, she was a ball buster. He went shopping and returned home. He was happy, he was able to go to an ATM to get his money, go through a self-serve line at the grocery store and not once being bothered by people, it was fantastic.

Vanessa was listening to him, "Yeah, the people are happy about it too, honey. Well, lucky for you, I don't mind being friendly, so I went down to see Helen Potts."

He was in the pantry putting away the cereal he just purchased, "Yeah, what a nut bag, huh? It's amazing a woman with so many tools has so many screws loose." He walked out of the pantry and there, standing beside Vanessa was a cleaned up and sexy looking Helen Potts. He paused a moment and continued, "Hey, how are you?"

She had a glass of wine in her hand, "Hi, Mike!"

He looked to Vanessa, "Hey!"

Vanessa picked up her glass of wine, "I invited Helen over for drinks."

He nodded, "Yeah, see that, yeah!"

Helen chuckled, "Isn't that great? After we finish, Vanessa is coming over for a full body massage. You look tense, you look like you could use one too."

"Yeah, hope Vanessa can get you a to-go cup." He disappeared, hoping to avoid seeing her.

Vanessa and Helen sat in the kitchen and after finishing their wine, they headed over to Helen's house for her massage.

Helen had the table all set-up and she changed onto a pair of form fitting tights and a sports bra. She pulled her chestnut brown hair up in a ponytail and lowered the lights and turned on some soothing music.

Vanessa slipped out of her clothes and wrapped the large over sized towel around her and came out. She put her long dish-water blonde hair up in a bun and slipped to the large table. She looked out and saw a huge table with an assortment of tanks and armor vehicles on it. She looked to Helen, "Are these your toys or what?"

She chuckled, "No they were my husband's. I haven't had the energy to pack them up and sell them. He loved them, but couldn't take them with him. Knowing him, he would have if he could have." She adjusted the ring for Vanessa's head, "Enough about him, so you and Mike, married, how many years now?"

Vanessa let out a long sigh. This was something she needed for so long. "Aw well, let's see, Kristen is 24 now and we were married just over two years before I became pregnant with her, so we'll be celebrating our twenty-eighth this fall. How long were you married Helen?"

She ran her hands along the trim, tapered back on Vanessa. She gingerly swept her loose hair aside and worked on her shoulders and long, graceful neck. "Well, when I lost Tim, we were working on twenty-six."

Vanessa turned her head, "Lost him? I thought you two were divorced?"

Helen cleared her throat, "Well, no. I never said how we parted. I don't like to say he died."

Vanessa rose up, her large breasts swayed from side to side and she whipped her head around, "Oh my God Helen, I'm so, so sorry, I if had known."

Helen slapped her hard on the ass and yelled out, "STOP! See this is why I don't want people to know Tim died. I hate the looks, the sad expressions, just like you're doing right now. So please, don't tell anyone, especially to Mike. The last thing I need from him is sympathy. Do we have an understanding? If he ever finds out, you need to act like it is news, are we clear?"

Vanessa showed her sad eyes and she felt a stinging on her ass once again.

"I said none of that, stop it."

Vanessa wiggled her ass and giggled, "Okay, okay, no more spanking. I hate to tell you, but I sorta liked that, if you catch my drift."

Helen let out a chuckled, "Oh I get it, but haven't gotten it in well over a year, if YOU get my drift." She worked on the toned back and soon Vanessa was cooing as she really was relaxing for the first time in a few months.

Helen pushed the towel covering Vanessa's gorgeous ass and let out a gasp. She slapped it again, "Now that was a slap. Before it was through a towel and didn't do much."

"Why another, what did I do?"

She chuckled, "Nothing, but I wanted to see your reaction without the towel in the way. I also was dying to see that ass of yours naked. I wondered if it looked as good as it did in your tight slacks and dresses. Well, I have to tell you, it is amazing." She poured a large stream of oil on the hallow of her lower back and across those bubble butt cheeks and full, firm thighs.

Vanessa's coo turned to a low moan and a groan. She settled down on the terrycloth padded table and let Helen work her magic.

Helen began at Vanessa's feet, rolling and caressing each toe. Her fingers pressed lightly into the pads of each and very toe and she lulled Vanessa into a relaxed state.

Vanessa nearly drifted off to sleep as she felt the firm, yet gentle fingers of her neighbor. She shifted and moaned lightly as she felt Helen's fingers working at the arch of each foot and then the ankles.

Helen retrieved more oil and spread it over the firm calves on the sexy blonde, "Mmm, I can tell you work out a lot Vanessa. Your muscles here are a little stiff, but also very toned. What was it, Pilates?"

Vanessa turned her head, "Yeah a little of that and some Yoga, but a lot of walking, I found the low impact walking helps my calves, thighs and butt." She let out a gasp when she felt Helen's hands slide up past her knees and traveled up and down her firm thighs. She let out a tiny moan when she felt her fingers close to her fleshy cunt, but the moan turned to a groan of frustration when she felt them slip back downward. She parted her legs a little more, giving Helen the green light to do as she pleased.

Helen saw tiny dew drops coating Vanessa's luscious pussy, but decided to tease her a little more before giving into her desires to taste and prod those fat lips. She applied more oil, getting even more to coat her bubble butt and smiled when she saw the clear liquid seep between those tight cheeks.

Vanessa was heating up quickly and hoped it would be more than just a nice, tame massage. She wasn't complaining, but she knew if she didn't get a release, she would be jumping Mike as soon as she got back home.

Helen moved to Vanessa's tight ass and began to kneed and applied more and more pressure. Her fingers drifted between the cheeks and brushed the dark, starred hole before skipping away. She saw how Vanessa tightened her cheeks and arched her hips off the table. She moved down to her thighs and urging them apart even more, she began working on the inner thighs. With each upward movement, she grazed that pussy. She thought she saw those lips flutter, but she was seeing things. Her knuckles brushed against the fat, slimy lips over and over again and she heard a low grunt come from Vanessa's throat.

"Oh fuck Helen, stop teasing me and massage my pussy, please."

Helen released a low throaty chuckle, but didn't reply. She drizzled a lot of oil directly onto Vanessa's heated flesh and immediately began slicing her fingers up and down the thick folds of Vanessa's pussy. She smiled to herself when she heard a loud hiss come from Vanessa. She ran her fingers up and down her slimy cuntlips. Half of the slime was from the oil, the other half was directly from her pussy. She applied even greater pressure as she pressed inward. Her thumb grazed her asshole and Vanessa shivered and rolled her hips upward.

Helen slowed her movement and suddenly shoved two fingers deep into Vanessa's hole. She was rewarded with a gush of her creamy cunt cream. She shoved a third finger in as her thumb rolled the large clit. Her other hand continued to work at the cheeks of her ass and she slowly slipped a finger and then a thumb into Vanessa' s asshole.

Vanessa was now moaning and groaning constantly, "Oh fuck yeah, Helen, fuck my cunt, shove that finger deep into my ass. Oh shit, I am so close to cumming, faster, harder, oh go deep, please."

Helen had three fingers in so deep it nearly swallowed her fist. She twisted and prodded both holes and she began to massage the inner walls of Vanessa's slimy cunt. She heard a high pitched screeching sound and she knew Vanessa was cumming. She continued her massaging of the inner walls, and she had a rough time keeping Vanessa on the table.

Vanessa was thrashing about as wave after wave of an orgasm raced through her lush body. She was gasping for air as another strong orgasm overtook her and she gripped the table, holding on for dear life.

Helen slipped her fingers from her trembling friend and took a step back, "Whenever you are calm enough, I'd like you to turn over onto your back." She waited a few moments and slowly she helped her to flip over without falling off.

Vanessa was grinning from ear to ear, "Wow, Helen, you sure know how to relax a lady." She sat up and wrapped her arms around Helen's neck and pulled her down for a hot, open-mouthed kiss. She fisted Helen's ponytail and she shoved her tongue deep into Helen's mouth. She found her tongue and they danced back and forth as the kiss grew more passionate and she drew Helen downward to the table as she leaned back to lay there and continue to kiss the pretty brunette.

Helen finally had the energy to break the kiss. She stayed leaning over Vanessa and planted another soft kiss on her cheek and forehead, "Wow, I can tell, this isn't your first encounter with another woman, is it?"

She reached up and gently caressed Helen's chin and cheeks. She shook her head from side to side, "No it isn't, but I have to say, this one is one of the most enjoyable ones I've encountered recently."

Helen took a step back, "Close your eyes and relax, I'm going to work over the other half of your body now."

Vanessa giggled, "I'm not sure I have the energy for that, but I'm in your hands, go for it." She closed her eyes and let out a sigh as she felt more warm oil being spread over her body.

Helen moved to the head of the table and worked on Vanessa's neck and shoulder. Her fingers grazed the upper slopes of her huge tits, but stayed away from the larger portions of those tantalizing mounds. She scooted to the side and work on her lower chest and the slightly rounded belly. Once again, her fingers grazed through those fat lips between her legs and was rewarded with a low moan and a slight wiggle.

Helen worked on the front side of her thighs and then moved back, through that sweet smelling pussy and back to her shoulders. She grabbed the oil and let a large stream coat both full tits. She began to massage and squeezed both breasts. She lifted them, rolled them and massaged them, She finally began working at the huge aeroules and nipples. Her fingers plucked away at the firm nipples. She tugged them and twisted them until she heard Vanessa moan from the excitement coursing through her body..

Vanessa's moans were soon muffled as Helen leaned down and kissed her hard. The kiss grew steamier by the second and Vanessa lifted her head off the table to kiss her even harder. She grabbed hold of Helen's ponytail and pulled at it. She moved to Helen's sports bra and it was soon on the floor. She kissed her again as she half sat-up, pressing her oil coated tits against Helen's softer, smaller but just as shapely tits. Her hands drifted down to her ass and finding the waistband, she yanked her tights down and she was glad Helen helped her. She was afraid she may fall off the table.

Helen climbed up onto the table and lowered her body to Vanessa's. Their bodies were pressed together from lips to lips about and below. Helen ground her pussy against Vanessa's as the kisses grew hotter and longer.

Somehow, Vanessa managed to get the upper hand and she now had the brunette on her back, she rained kisses all over her quivering body and she heard a gurgling sound escape Helen's lungs as Vanessa sucked avidly at both of Helen's nipples at the same time. She pressed those mounds together and her tongue flicked out from one to the other and her lips again closed over them both and sucked hard.

Helen was in need of some stimulation down below and so did Vanessa. She managed to spin Vanessa around and grabbing hold of her hips, she pulled Vanessa's glistening pussy to her waiting mouth.

Vanessa did as she was asked and she dove in and began licking and sucking on Helen's tight lipped pussy. She wormed her way between those tight lips and found a wet pool of slimy cunt juices just waiting to be tasted. She darted her tongue in and out and scooping up a large dollop of her cream she swallowed it down, she went back for more, but moved higher and began to flick her tongue all about Helen's stiff clit.

Helen wasn't ready for that and she found herself of the verge of an orgasm. The first not self-induced in quite some time. She attacked Vanessa with the same intensity and before long, both of them were cumming, and cumming hard.

They clung to one another as sexual spasms coursed through their lush bodies. Once they calmed down, Vanessa slipped from the table. Helen sat up and swinging her legs off the table, she grabbed hold of Vanessa and kissed her. She tasted her own juices on Vanessa's lips. She pulled back, "What do you say we take a nice long, hot shower together?"

They did, they were in there until the water turned cool and they got out and dried one another. Helen kissed her again as she watched Vanessa dress, "Remember, not a word to Mike about Tim, my husband." Vanessa nodded, "You got it Helen, and if somehow he does find out, I'll act all surprised."

She hugged her again, "Thanks and anytime you want another massage, just let me know."

Vanessa chuckled, "Oh don't you worry, I feel a tightness in my back growing as we speak." She kissed her again and went home to her cranky husband.

After that, they had a few more encounters with Helen, one ended up badly as Mike blew up when Helen didn't turn off the water under the sink when they tried to repair the low flow on the faucet.

Another was a lot better when Helen came to visit and offered him a suit coat and he found out it fit perfectly.

A few weeks later, Vanessa was in the living room preparing to go work out. Suddenly the front door opened and in walked Mike with Helen. Helen called out, "That was so much fun."

Mike closed the door behind her, "Yeah, yeah it was."

"You really know your way around a hardware store."

"Next time I'll wear my red vest-- we get the employee discount."

Vanessa was confused. The last time she saw them, they were at one another's throat, "You guys went to the hardware store together?"

Mike chuckled, "No, actually ran into each other at the hardware store."

Helen threw her purse to the sofa and sat down, "Mike was like a twelve year old. While we were waiting in line, he had them page Pat MaGroin." She looked to Vanessa and shook her head.

He came into the room, "Hey, you laughed at that."

Vanessa chimed in, "Hey. isn't that our supermarket joke?"

He grunted, "Well, it really works anywhere there's an intercom and no employee named Pat MaGroin." He looked to Helen, "Listen, I got a little peace offering for the other day." He handed it to her.

Helen took it, "Wow, a saw blade. Easiest way to a woman's heart."

Mike came around the sofa, "And the rest of her vital organs."

Vanessa tried again to sneak into the conversation, "Hey, you feel like taking a spin class with me later?"

"Oh, I'd love to, but I can't. Mike and I have a project." She looked to him, "Oh, that reminds me, I need to borrow your three-quarter inch spade bit."

"Uh, I have one in the workbench. Just sit, I can get it."

She came around the back of the sofa, "Well, I think I know what it looks like."

Mike turned to Vanessa, "She had a tankless water heater. I told her I'd help her put it in."

"Helen came up behind him, "It's a "Tankless" Job, but somebody's got to do it." She left the room to go to the garage to get it.

Mike looked to Vanessa, "That's just a funny classic way to put that, you know?"

Vanessa looked to make sure Helen had left, "What is going on with you, huh? Tankless Job? If I made that joke, you would've sent me to my room and told me to think about what I'd done."