Best Friend Brain

Disclaimer: I do not own iZombie. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. This story takes place after Season 1.

*****

Liv Moore went rigid, her pupils dilated and her vision was suddenly taken over. It was never pleasant receiving one of her 'visions'. Well, there were one or two which had ended pleasantly, especially on her latest brain, but the moment she was taken over by the vision and the moment she came out of it were always very unpleasant indeed.

Although it didn't compare to envisioning the moment someone else died. It wasn't just that she could see it, she could feel it. The certainty of knowing you were going to die. The overwhelming fear, and despair. And this time it was worse than ever before, and Liv had experienced a few horrific deaths.

One unique thing about this death was it was self-inflicted. A girl about her own age hanged herself inside her bathroom, hoping that her neck would snap from the force of the impact. It didn't.

The poor girl was left hanging there for a few long minutes, Liv experiencing the same agony and like the girl praying for death. Then as the life faded from her body the girl's final thought was of her best friend, who she had secretly been in love with for years and just couldn't take the rejection after finally admitting the truth to her.

When the vision was finally over Liv clutched her neck and desperately gasped for breath. She was fine, she always was, no matter how vivid the vision was or what the victim had been going through at the time, physically she was fine. Mentally was another story.

If Ravi couldn't find a way to cure her soon she was sure she would go completely crazy from seeing all this death. It was easily the worst part of being a zombie, and she regularly ate brains.

At the very least she would develop multiple personality disorder and need to be heavily medicated to stay a productive member of society/out of some kind of psych ward.

This time was worse of all though, as it just made her think about everything that happened over the past few weeks. Months even. Then all of a sudden there was a knock on the door and she ran to it at what felt like the speed of one of those vampires on The CW.

When she reached the door she stopped with her hand on the door handle, closed her eyes and rested her forehead against it. She then spent almost a full minute repeating to herself over and over again it's not real, it's not real, it's not real. Peyton is fine, Peyton is fine, Peyton is fine. Then she flung open the door and with teary eyes looked at who was on the other side of it.

As she did this she whimpered, "Peyton?"

*

A few weeks ago...

Liv was depressed. She had been for quite a while, pretty much ever since she had become a zombie, and while some days were better than others this one had just sucked. It was her birthday, and she had never felt so alone.

Her family an ex-fiancé wanted nothing to do with her, the majority of her remaining friends were busy or wouldn't even know it was her birthday, and then of course there was her best friend Peyton Charles.

Or more accurately, ex-best friend. Not that she blamed Peyton for running, not after... what happened, but she couldn't stand thinking about where she was now, what she might be doing.

Lately Liv had tried not to think about Peyton, but for a few wonderful hours she had a best friend again. She wasn't Peyton, no one could be, but they clicked, and it was really fun to be girly with someone for the first time in a long time.

Then she turned out to be a murderer and had broken Liv's nose in an attempt to run away. Luckily Liv had caught the bitch, and exhilarating healing came as part of the zombie package, but it was the cherry on top of the shit sundae which had been this birthday.

Easily her worst birthday ever. And to end it Liv would invent a new cocktail, half vodka, half zombie tears with a dash of hot sauce. Then she opened her door to find Peyton waiting for her in her living room.

There was a long pause and then Peyton murmured, "Hi."

"Hi." Liv replied, quickly closing the door behind her and walking further into the room. That was when she spoted a birthday cake, and she was overwhelmed with relief and happiness, "Peyton, I-

"You're new roommate let me in." Peyton explained softly, "She stuck around for a while, then left. Said something about business."

Barely even registering what her old friend was saying Liv began closing the distance between them, arms outstretched, only for Peyton to back away, causing Liv to broken-heartedly tell her, "Peyton, I would never hurt you."

There was a pause and then Peyton asked, "So, you're still... you?"

"Yes!" Liv exclaimed, feeling insulted, "How can you even ask me that?"

"Because you're dead!" Peyton snapped, before backtracking in trying to calm herself down, "Were dead? Are dead? God Liv, you're not even sure, are you?"

Liv swallowed softly and said, "It doesn't matter, I'm-"

"It matters to me." Peyton interrupted forcefully, "Whether you were dead or not. That will never not matter to me."

There was a long pause and then with teary eyes Liv softly said, "I'm still me."

Another pause and then Peyton softly admitted, "I so want to believe that."

"Then do." Liv said simply.

Yet another pause, the longest of Liv's life, and then Peyton said, "Fuck it."

Pretty much a second later they were in each other's arms and hugging tightly, Liv trying not to cry and failing miserably as she whimpered, "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too." Peyton murmured, before moving back slightly and cupping Liv's beautiful face, "God Liv, I thought I lost you."

"You didn't." Liv said softly, "And you won't. God Peyton, I-"

Before Liv could get another word out Peyton leaned forward ever so slightly and suddenly she was kissing her. Her incredibly beautiful, and super straight, best friend was kissing her and Liv didn't know what to think.

For the first few seconds her mind was a total blank, then her eyes, which unlike Peyton's hadn't closed, went wide and her mind started going a mile a minute as she tried to figure out what on earth was going on.

After all, in many ways this was weirder than becoming a zombie, and only slightly less expected. Then shortly after she was regaining the ability to think Peyton broke the kiss and pulled back, looking even more horrified than Liv felt.

"Oh God." Peyton croaked, quickly pulling away completely, grabbing her things and heading to the door. Before she made it more than a few steps Liv tried to follow, which caused her to turn around and snap, "Leave me alone Liv!"

"Peyton, I-" Liv began.

"Look, I'm sorry." Peyton interrupted, softening her tone as she added, "I'm so sorry. This was a mistake. I can't be here. I'm sorry."

Liv watched Peyton reach the door and then pleaded, "Please stay."

"I can't." Peyton said softly, looking back at Liv momentarily, "I... I... happy birthday Liv."

Liv was pretty sure those last words weren't meant to be sarcastic, but they sure as hell felt like it given that Peyton immediately followed them up with leaving through the apartment door, leaving Liv alone. Again.

So, she had almost gained a new best friend today and got back the best friend she'd had since college, only for both of them to be ripped away from her.

The second one hurt a lot more of course, especially because it felt so similar to the last time Peyton had run from the apartment they once shared, once again making Liv feel like she had just lost her best friend forever, and like before it devastated her.

After standing there for several long minutes Liv uttered the only words she could, "Worst. Birthday. Ever."

*

Peyton was stood outside her old apartment two weeks later, the one she had shared with her once best friend and ran out of twice, trying to work up the courage to knock.

It used to be so easy, she wouldn't think twice about knocking or using her own key, but now she was just standing there and staring like some kind of... well, she didn't want to finish that thought.

But she had been feeling sorry for herself for long enough. It was finally time to face the music. Hopefully get back her friend, or at the very least give Liv the apology she deserved.

Although it might be easier if the door was answered by Liv in 'full zombie mode' as Liv apparently called it, as a gruesome death seemed preferable to the extremely awkward conversation Peyton had been dreading for years.

When she finally worked up the courage to knock Liv answered almost immediately, putting Peyton off for a second, but she quickly recovered with a very intelligent, "Hey..."

"Hey." Liv softly parroted.

There was a long pause and then Peyton softly asked, "I know I have no right to ask this, but... can we talk?"

"Of course." Liv said moving aside, "Come in."

That was a good sign, Peyton thought. She'd half expected Liv to not even open the door, let alone let her inside. Or not without serious grovelling first. Then again, it wasn't like Liv hadn't been keeping a massive secret from Peyton, so in a way they were now even.

Or at least Peyton was certainly going to argue that. Of course, as she stepped across the threshold she briefly wondered whether she was being lied to and the second the door was closed she would be left alone with the undead monster that had taken her friend from her and the mindless creature which had taken over her body would give her an arguably worse fate.

Suddenly Peyton was awoken from her thoughts as a redhead gave her a fake looking smile as part of a greeting, "Hey... you're back."

Peyton then glared at the redhead, "Hey."

"Peyton, you remember my roommate Gilda." Liv said after a few long seconds of silence, then after a few more added, "We're going to talk in my room."

As she said that Liv reached out and took Peyton's hand in hers. Peyton knew she meant it out of friendship, but it made her feel weird under the circumstances. Not that she mentioned that.

No she simply followed Liv into her bedroom, glancing back at Gilda a few times to find that the redhead was watching them like a hawk, a smug smile slowly crossing her stupid face.

Peyton had only been in the same room as Gilda for a few minutes in total, the redhead having disappeared into what used to be her room the last time she was here, and they barely had said two words to each other. But still, she got a bad vibe off of this girl. Worse than some of the criminal she had met.

"If you're going to have sex or do drugs, I want in." Gilda called out just as they were about to close the bedroom door behind them, causing both their eyes to go wide.

"She's joking." Liv said quickly after she'd slammed the door closed, then in a much softer tone added, "I didn't tell her anything. I wouldn't. Ever."

"I know that." Peyton grumbled, "But I don't trust her Liv. Something is off about her. Just, just be careful around her, okay?"

"I'll bear that in mind." Liv said softly, then after a long pause, "Soooooo, you wanted to talk?"

"Yeah, look... erm..." Peyton mumbled as she gently guided Liv to sit down on her bed while she grabbed a chair to sit in front of her, "Every good relationship, I mean friendship... is built on communication. So we're basically both at fault here, although about two very different things, and while I was away I got plenty of time to think, and when I wasn't freaking out about the idea of you being... well, not you, I was thinking about things from your perspective. And I totally get it. All the lies and half-truths. Because I've been doing the same thing myself for years. At least you were doing it to try and protect me."

Liv frowned and asked, "So... you're gay?"

"Oh God no." Peyton exclaimed with a laugh, "No. No, no, no, it's not like that."

"So that kiss was just a mistake?" Liv frowned again.

"Not exactly." Peyton admitted after a brief pause, and then when Liv gave her a look she told her, "It's a long and clichéd story."

Liv shrugged, "I've got nowhere to be."

Peyton sighed, then after another pause began, "I always had this plan for my life. Part of that was getting my wild phase over and done with in college. Nothing too scandalous, just the usual. You know, partying, drinking, doing drugs-

"And experimentation. Yeah, I remember." Liv interrupted, "But your lesbian phase was a total bust. You couldn't go through with it."

"Yeah, because she wasn't you." Peyton confessed, and then after a pause added, "Look, the plan was to always hook up with my roommate. Someone I knew I could trust, but not necessarily something that has to turn into anything, and if it gets too weird I can just fall out of touch with them. But then I met you and I... I just couldn't risk losing you. So I tried to do it with some random chick, but by then my stupid body had decided it was you or no one, and since you've always been super straight I just repressed those feelings until eventually I got over you. By the time you met Major I was a hundred percent over you, and I was so, so happy for you. Even when you broke up with him it felt like only a matter of time before you two got back together, so I stomped out that tiny voice in my head that wanted me to take advantage of you in your vulnerable state. Then you died."

"I didn't-" Liv started, although she wasn't sure she believed it. Being a zombie was confusing.

"I know." Peyton interrupted firmly, "I know that now, but for months I didn't. And when I didn't those old feelings I had for you just came rushing back, and I just couldn't stop thinking about how I never told you just how amazing I thought you were. How truly beautiful, inside and out. And that you're the only girl I would ever want to be with that way, because you aren't just another girl to me. You're Liv. Then the moment I truly believed you were still you I was so overwhelmed with relief and happiness that I made the biggest mistake of my life, and I am so, so sorry Liv. And I'm sorry I ran out on you the first time too. Turns out fight or flight is a real thing, and I was so scared and devastated I just didn't even think about giving you a chance. But I want too now, if you're willing to give me one."

There was a long pause and then Liv said, "Wow. Wow, I... erm, thanks, I guess. Sooooo, you really just want to be friends?"

"Absolutely." Peyton said forcefully.

"You don't think it will be a bit weird, after... you know?" Liv asked.

"At first, definitely. But adjusting to your situation also factors into that, and not living together takes a lot of the pressure off." Peyton said, "We can take it one day at a time, and I promise I'll understand if you need some space now, or at any point. But I want us to get back to where we were before. Because I love being your friend Liv, and I really want you in my life."

"Me too." Liv smiled softly, then after another long pause she decided she just had to ask, "So, you're over me? This? Whatever?"

Peyton opened her mouth to say yes. She had planned too, as it made things easier. But it only made things easier if it was true, and Peyton didn't want to rebuild their friendship on a lie. No, not when they had lost so much time together, and Peyton had gone through that hell of thinking Liv was dead. As in dead-dead. Whatever.

The point was she was realising lying would be bad right now, and she had wasted way too much time for it to feel natural, so even though it physically hurt she forced herself to admit the truth, closing her eyes and sighing briefly before she did so.

"I'm working on it. But I got over you once, I'll do it again." Peyton said, and then when her friend looked unsure she followed up with, "Seriously Liv, I don't want to lose what we have over some overblown girl crush. I'm straight, you're straight, can we please just move on and pretend like nothing happened? And please, please, please can we never tell our guy friends about this? You know how they'd react."

"Yeah..." Liv laughed, desperately avoiding the urge to mock how they would probably react. It was way too early to joke about this in any way.

"So, we good?" Peyton asked cautiously.

"Yeah." Liv repeated, quickly adding with a smile, "We good."

"Great." Peyton beamed, "So... Zombie, huh? I have so many questions."

*

Things weren't good. Liv tried, and she could tell Peyton did too, and there were moments when it felt like old times. But too often they slipped into silences which unlike before were awkward and filled with tension. Liv hated it, but she told herself that eventually things would go back to normal.

That maybe they would even laugh about this awkward time in their lives when they were both married, and Liv was human again. Then on an extremely slow week for the morgue she ate a brain that was from someone who had definitely committed suicide, Liv telling herself and Ravi that it was just to make sure. Then she started getting unusual visions...

*

"Peyton?" Liv whimpered, and upon seeing her best friend standing there lept into her strong arms.

"Whoa!" Peyton mumbled, surprised by this but happy to hug Liv back, "What's going on? Why are you crying?"

"I'm sorry." Liv murmured softly, still waiting a few more seconds before finally pulling back, "I just... I thought I lost you."

"Well, I know that feeling." Peyton smiled dryly, before frowning, "Wait, why did you think you lost me?"

There was a long pause and then Liv softly said, "You better come in."

Liv then moved aside so Peyton could enter the apartment that up until recently they had shared. She then shut the door behind her, locked it and silently guided Peyton to her room.

Gilda wasn't around, which was one of the reasons she had texted Peyton to come over, although she could be back at any time and having her walking into this conversation would have been bad, and not just because they were going to discuss zombie stuff.

Peyton didn't seem to care much for Gilda, and didn't question where she was or why they were going to Liv's room. Of course it wasn't that long ago that going to Liv's room would have been no big deal. Now though, things were different.

Once the door to her bedroom was firmly closed Peyton sat down on the bed without a word, clearly trying to be nonchalant about this whole thing, although Liv could tell it was an act.

Ever since Peyton had confessed the truth she'd been able to see it clear as day no matter how badly Peyton had been trying to hide it. In fact it was so obvious Liv wondered how she'd ever missed it. Then again, had Peyton been acting this way when she'd been originally crushing on her? Or was this new?

If it wasn't new she should be ashamed of herself. Then again when they had first met Liv was more concerned with studying than anything else, and it wasn't like she was looking for signs that Peyton was into her at the time.

"Soooooo, you texted me to come over because you thought you lost me. That's sweet. Did you have a bad dream or something?" Peyton asked cautiously after maybe a minute or two of silence.

Liv took a deep calming breath and began explaining, "You know I told you about my visions?"

"Yeah." Peyton replied, hesitantly adding, "Which you get through eating brains... which will never not be weird to say out loud."

"I know. But it could be worse, you could be me." Liv said softly.

Feeling like an ass Peyton began, "Liv, I'm sorry, I-"

"It's fine. We need to be honest. Horrible things can happen if we're not honest." Liv said.

"Agreed." Peyton nodded.

There was a long pause and then Liv cleared her throat, "So... the latest brain I ate... they... they belonged to someone who was in love with her best friend."

"Oh..." Peyton said softly, frowning slightly as she wasn't sure what Liv was getting at, "And?"