Welcome to the battle of the Bernadette vs Penny website series, Episode7!
Bernadette was on the phone with a local TV channel's morning producer.
"Yes, Mrs. Rostenkowski, we..."
"Please, call me Bernie."
"Oh! Yes, of course. Well, uh, Bernie, we took a look at your website, "Bad Bernie". As you may know, one of our competitor's had one of your rivals on as a guest a couple of weeks ago. Were you aware of that?"
She was very aware of Penny's appearance. Bernadette nearly had a stroke while she watched Penny and Leonard fuck, suck, and cum all over the producer and host of the show during their appearance. That show broke every ratings record for the TV station. Now the rival TV channel was calling Bernadette
"Um, I believe I heard about it."
"Well, we'd like to bring you on as a guest of our morning show,
Pasadena Morning
. Are you familiar with it?"
"Oh, yes, of course. It's a favorite of mine." Actually, the show that Penny was on used to be her favorite. "I'd be happy to be a guest on your show. My website was up and running first, has more views than hers, and is 10 times better than hers. My ratings are going to blow her ratings out of the water!"
"Yes, well, we can only hope. That would be great. Hey, uh, the, uh, 'suits' -- my bosses -- would very much like to 'meet' you, if you know what I mean. Would you be amenable to that?"
"Line 'em up!"
"Oh! Sure. Great. We'll see you then."
A few days later, Bernadette was on the set of
Pasadena Morning
, along with Raj and Stuart. They were seated around a large, raised table, in front of a long mural of the Pasadena skyline. Seated at one end of the table were the hosts of the show, Randy Rogers, a tall, handsome man who looked like he fell out of the pages of the latest GQ, and the ravishing blonde and former Playboy Playmate Candy Johnson.
The set lights came up and the cameras flicked on, along with the hosts.
"Welcome to another
Pasadena Morning!
Thanks for waking up with us! I'm Randy Rogers."
"And I'm Candy Johnson. Today we've got what should be a really interesting show lined up for you. Joining us in the studio are 'Bad' Bernie Peaks (she created a stage name for the show), and two of her co-stars, Raj 'Caramel' Koothrappali, and Stuart 'The Python' Bloom." Unbeknownst to the guys, Candy came up with nicknames after watching the videos on Bernadette's website. The two men looked at either with surprised looks on their faces, then smiled and nodded.
Raj leaned in to Stuart and whispered, "Dude! Your nickname makes you sound like a comic book hero!"
Stuart grinned. "Or like a badass villain."
"Oooooo, dude! A badass villain! That's even betta!"
Randy looked towards Bernadette. His eyes bounced from her incredible breasts that were on full display, to her shimmering eyes. "So, Bernie, you're the owner and star of the "Bad Bernie" website, is that correct?"
Bernadette sat up straight and proud. The studio lights made the sheer white t-shirt she was wearing almost transparent. It was quite obvious she had gone sans bra today. Her dark pink areolas were plain to see, and her gumdrop-sized nipples were practically shredding the light material. Emblazoned across her chest were the words "I banged Bernie!" with her website underneath them.
She smiled into the camera. "That's right, Randy!"
Randy looked into his camera. "Folks, Bernie's website has become a national sensation. And it's based right here in Pasadena! In her numerous sex videos you'll probably recognize some local landmarks."
*****
Penny spit out her cereal. "What the...holy crap on a cracker! Leonard! Get in here! Quick! You've gotta see this!" she chuckled when she saw Bernadette on her TV.
Leonard came racing into the living room from Penny's bedroom. "What?! What's going...holy crap! Is that...what's she doing on there?!"
Penny grinned. "That conniving little bitch! Good for her!"
"Uh, yeah, good for her," Leonard said quite unsure of himself.
She shook her head. "She's gonna have a hard time hiding this from Howard now. Ha!"
"Yeah...Howard..."
He's gonna find out about the website! Then he's going to see all of us fucking his wife! This isn't good!
"Look at that shirt she's wearing! Jesus Christ! You can see right through it!"
"Yeahhhhh, look at that. Look at those tits. Wow," he sighed.
Penny shot him a look. "Really?
Really?
I'm right here. You like those big, fat titties of hers? Huh?"
Leonard snapped out of his gaze at the screen. "Oh! Uh, no. Nooooooo. Who would like those? Ewwwwwww! I mean, it's like a train wreck. I want to look away but I can't."
Penny frowned. "Shut up, Leonard. You're such a terrible liar."
*****
Candy chimed in. "Bernie, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself."
Bernie went into her life story. Catholic up bringing. Her father is a retired police officer. Her mother smoked while she was pregnant with Bernadette and ran an illegal daycare in the basement of their home. Four younger siblings. Straight A student in her all-girl Catholic high school as well as in college, noting that some of those grades may or may not have been aided with "after class extra credit exercises" that may or may not have involved oral "arguments" and "exams" of her now-famous chest.
"Is it true you weren't allowed to ride a bike as a child because your parents were afraid you would lose your virginity if you hit a bump?" Randy asked.
Bernadette nodded. "Yes, that's true."
"And now you own a pornographic website where you're the star."
"What's your point?" Bernadette asked sharply.
"Between the over bearing cop father, the overly protective mother, and the extreme Catholic upbringing, would you say that's what drove you to rebel and have abnormal amounts of sex with strangers, record your sexual escapades, and place them on the web for the whole world to see?"
Bernadette's eyes narrowed. "What? Are you a shrink or something, Randy? Is this Dr. Phil?" Raj and Stuart both knew that tone of voice. It frightened them. It had the same effect on Randy.
"Oh, uh, well, uh, no. I'm, uh, just, you know..."
Candy stepped in to save her shaken co-host. "And these are two of your co-stars, Raj and Stuart? Isn't that correct, Bernie?"
Bernie shifted her focus away from a cowering Randy. "That's right, Candy. These two really get me going, if you know what I mean," she said with a wink.
"Did you know them before you started having sex with them? Did you hold auditions? How did that work exactly?" Candy asked. She smiled at Raj and Stuart. "How exactly did you meet these very talented, handsome young men?"
Bernadette squirmed in her chair. "Well, uh, I, um, yes, I had met them before, you know..."
Raj nodded and smiled. "I'm her husband's best friend. Ow!" Bernadette kicked him under the table.
"And I'm his bestie," Stuart said, nodding at Raj.
Randy and Candy both looked at Bernadette and asked in unison, "Husband?!"
"Well, uh, you know...husband...ha ha ha...No, uh, no, there's no husband." Bernadette looked into the camera with bedroom eyes. "I'm single as single can get, guys. I'm available for each and every one of you." Bernadette glared at Raj. "He...he...it must be the bright lights. I think the bright lights have him confused."
Raj jumped in his seat. "Ow! Yes, yes, I...I'm confused. I must be thinking of another best friend whose wife and I have wild, crazy sex with on a regular basis," he said without conviction while he reached under the table and rubbed his aching shin.
After an awkward silence, Candy finally said, "Moving right along...Bernie has been kind enough to agree to share with us some tips and tricks on how to be a porn star. Shall we get started?" No one objected. "Okay, great. Randy, would you like to help Bernie demonstrate?"
"Uh, yeah, absolutely." The girls were surprised by the hesitation in his voice.
Randy and Bernadette both climbed off of their elevated chairs. Randy and Bernadette were face-to-face in profile to the cameras.
"First of all, Candy, men want to be the focus of your attention," Bernadette said while she moved in and rubbed against Randy.
"That must be tough when you're getting gang banged by two, three, or even more men as you have," Candy observed.
"Well, it can be, Candy. In all honesty, it's not that hard to make a man feel special when pure, unadulterated sex is involved, even when you're servicing more than one man at a time. As long as they're, you know, thingy is happy, they're pretty happy." She paused. "But I'm sure you know all about that, Candy," Bernadette said snidely while she ran her hands up and down Randy's chiseled chest. The camera caught Candy glaring back at Bernadette. "Most men seem to like naughty talk, too. How nasty can I get?"
Real fucking nasty!
Raj thought to himself with a smile.
"Get as nasty as you want, Bernie. We're on a 15 second delay. We'll just bleep out anything inappropriate," Candy assured her.
"Oh-ho-ho, we're gonna keep the censors busy today," Bernadette giggled. "Okay, here we go." She stared into Randy's hazel eyes. "So, Randy, do you like my tits? Hmmmm? Do you like my big, fat tits?" she cooed while she rubbed against him.
"Oh, uh, yeah, mmmmmhmmmm. They're, uh, great," Randy said, quite unsure of himself.
"I'll bet you want to grab them. Don't you want to grab them? I know I want you to." She grabbed his hand and lifted it to her chest. Randy softly, gently caressed the breast the camera could see, then raised the other hand and palmed the flesh out of sight. "Mmmmmm, that's nice. That feels gooooood." She squeaked when he pinched an erect nipple poking through her shirt.
"Oh yeah, they feel awesome," Randy replied.
"So, Bernie, are those real? Or have you had implants? " Candy asked. She could already feel the heat building between her legs.
"These babies are all real," Bernadette said proudly. "How about yours, Miss Centerfold? Are those real or plastic?" she asked with disdain. Just as with Penny, Bernadette quickly viewed the pretty, homecoming queen blonde as her sexual rival.
"Mine are all natural, thank you very much," Candy snapped back.
"Sure they are," Bernadette sarcastically replied before she turned her attention back to Randy who was still fondling her. "So, how 'bout it, Randy? Would you like for me to suck your cock? Hmmmm? Would you like for me to drop to my knees and suck your big, fat cock?" She started to slide down his body.
"Uh, yeah, sure. I mean, who wouldn't, right?"
Bernadette dropped out of sight behind the raised table until all you could see was the very top of her head. The boom mic clearly picked up the sound of a zipper. Randy grunted when she reached inside his pants and gripped him with her small, soft hand.
"Awwww, isn't that cute?" Bernadette whirred while she held his limp noodle. "Are you nervous, Randy?"
Randy went red with embarrassment. "Well, I, uh, I've never, you know, done it with, you know, an audience."
Amateur!
