Bernadettes Photo Shoot

The gang was gathered in Leonard and Sheldon's apartment, as usual.

Bernadette asked Amy, "So, what are you working on these days?"

"I'm studying one-celled organisms to try and find the neurochemicals that lead to the feeling of shame," Amy replied flatly.

"What would a one-celled organism have to be embarrassed about?" Bernadette asked.

Penny had no idea what she was talking about but saw a chance to chime in. "Same as all of us, getting out of a car without underwear!" and then roared with laughter.

Bernadette took the advantage of Penny's attempt to join the conversation. "Speaking of underwear, I have some interesting news."

Penny waved a dismissive hand. "Okay, if it's sometimes Howie wears yours, Leonard already told us."

Bernadette wrinkled her nose and glanced at Howard. "He was being funny. I'm pretty sure. Anyway, I was asked to be a part of a magazine article about the 50 sexiest female scientists in California. Isn't that cool?"

Amy shook her head. "I think it's awful."

"Why would you say that?" Penny asked.

"Bernadette is a successful microbiologist. She should be celebrated for her achievements, not her looks. I mean, what kind of message does that send?" Amy replied.

Penny shrugged her shoulders. "I think the message is 'check out the rack on that scientist.'"

Howard raised his hand. "Can I get an amen?!"

Bernadette tried to ignore her husband. "Why can't someone be thought of as both smart and pretty?"

Sheldon chimed in. "I have to agree with Amy. I don't think a professional woman should have to flaunt her...rack...in order to get ahead."

"Okay, what's the big deal?" Penny asked. "Look, if it helps me make a sale with a physician, I don't think it hurts to flirt a little. I mean, laugh at their joke, touch their arm, maybe crank up the AC in the car beforehand, you know, to wake up the girls."

Leonard snapped his head. "Do you do that?"

Penny frowned and shook her head. "Noooooo, no, I don't. Of course not. But, uh, I know some of the girls do that."

Amy ignored Penny's obvious lie. "Maybe it's different in the world of sales, but it's already hard enough for women to be taken seriously in science."

Bernadette frowned. "I was kind of excited about the article, but now you're making me feel bad."

Penny cheered her on. "No, I think you should do whatever you want. You show 'em that rack! Show them babies off! You know, maybe if fashion magazines had female scientists in them, I would've become a theoretical physicist." The room looked at each other in disbelief. "Stop smirking at each other."

*****

The following evening, Penny and Bernadette were talking over drinks.

"Hear anything more about the photo shoot?" Penny asked.

"They just canceled the photo shoot and said they're rethinking it," Bernadette said forlornly.

"What?! Why?!"

"I don't know. They said something about not being sexy enough."

"What?! Did you not show 'em your rack?!"

"Well, I sent them my head shot from the company directory."

"What?! No no no. Play to your strengths. Men love tits. Show 'em that rack! Send 'em a string bikini pick! Topless even! Do whatever it takes!"

"Gee, Penny, I don't know. I can't just go showing off my ta tas to every Tom, Dick, and Harry," Bernadette said timidly. "I'm not like you."

*****

Back in the apartment, a doctor Penny had been flirting with in order to make a sale was there. The doctor thought Penny was romantically attracted to him and he was there to try and woo her. While the doctor was quizzing Leonard on how he had landed such a vision of loveliness, Penny and Bernadette walked in.

"Hi," Penny said, then stopped in her tracks. "Dr. Lorvis, what are you doing here?"

"Uh, well, actually I came to see you."

"Oh balls." Penny hoped this wasn't going where she thought it might. "Really? Why?"

Leonard gave her a stern look. "Ah, that's a good question. Apparently someone was being awfully flirty while not wearing their engagement ring, causing another someone to show up here thinking the first someone might be available."

Bernadette grabbed Howard's hand. "C'mon, Howie, let's go. We've got some shopping to do."

"But...but...it's just about to get good!"

"You can help me pick out a sexy bra and panties."

Howard leapt off the couch. "See ya, losers!"

*****

The mall was about to close but Bernadette was still in the changing room trying on various lacy garments. She didn't just want to impress the magazine, she wanted to blow them away.

"How's it goin' in there, Bernie?" Howard asked from the entrance to the changing room.

"Oh, Howie, this is impossible!" she screeched back, obviously irritated.

"You'll look great in whatever you pick! One look at those tits and it's over!"

"Howie!"

"Lemme come in there and take a peek."

"You can't do that! This is the ladies changing room!"

Howard chuckled. "He he, I know."

"Howie!"

"Okay, okay. Then come out here. Just give me a peek."

"I can't do that! I'm practically naked!"

"Oh, c'mon. We're in a fucking lingerie store. There's nobody out here. I swear. Just a quick peek."

"Grrrrrrrrr. Fine!"

Soon her long blonde hair peeked around the corner of the entrance to the changing room. Once she saw the coast was clear, she inched into the entry way. Howard's jaw dropped. His eyes bugged out. He'd seen his not-so-innocent Catholic bride in sexy outfits before. Maybe it was because they were in public? Whatever the reason, she was fuckin' hot! A lacy white push up bra was struggling to contain her 36-inch bust. Her half-dollar sized pink areolas were plainly visible, while the gumdrop-sized erect nipples they encircled looked like two pencil erasers trying to tear through the thin material. Around her waist was a matching white garter holding up transparent white stockings that came to mid-thigh. The stockings led down to a pair a white high heels that accentuated her short but toned legs. The garter belt wrapped itself around a tiny white thong that barely hid her tight little slit.

"Well? I think I like this one the best," she asked nervously.

"Ga...ga...ga..." Howard stuttered, which made Bernadette laugh.

"Howie! Seriously!"

"Well, I think it's fabulous! Stunning! Let's see what Big Howie thinks."

"No! Howie! Not here!"

It was too late. Howie already had his pants unzipped and "Big Howie" out in the open. "Big Howie" was, in all honesty, quite pathetic. It had Howard's build, short and skinny. But Bernadette would never say anything. Howard's saving grace were his hands and tongue. But, due to Bernadette's great acting skills, he thought he was a rock star in the sack.

Howard was hard as a hammer. "Yup! Big thumbs up!"

Bernadette giggled and looked around the empty store. "Howie! Put that thing away!"

He stepped towards her with that look in his eyes. "Oh, I'll put it away alright. And I know just the place to put it."

"Howie! Not here!"

He wrapped his arms around her and started to push her back. "Oh come onnnnnn, just a little quickie. The place is empty. C'mon. who's gonna know?"

Bernadette had trouble saying no to Howard. "Fine. A quickie. C'mon!"

"Yay!" Howard quietly squealed.

They got to the dressing room where Bernadette's other clothes were. "Let me get this off."

"No no! Leave it on!"

"But what if we get...you know...stuff on it?"

"Who cares? We're buying it, right?"

Bernadette dropped to her knees until Howard's pea shooter was staring her directly in her face and gently grabbed it. Her tiny hand almost made it look like an average man's penis. She looked up at him while she began to stroke it. "A quickie, right?"

"I promise! This won't take long!"

It usually doesn't

she thought to herself.

She quickly took him into her mouth. The tip of his tiny tool barely touched the back of her mouth. There was no need for deep throating with Howard. But Bernadette would gag and gurgle from time to time just to make it seem like he was strangling her with his massive muscle.

"Oh God! Oh yeah! That's it right there!' Howard moaned with his hands on the back of her head.

One of Bernadette's hands followed the bobbing of her head with a firm grip. Her other hand quickly found itself strumming a steady beat on her suddenly excited clit. She knew this wasn't going to take long so she was being more aggressive than usual.

It wasn't long before a female voice came from the entrance of the changing room. "Anybody in here?"

"Mmmmmhmmm! Mmmmmhmmm!" Bernadette moaned.

"Okay. Well, last call for alcohol. We're about to close up, so don't be long, okay?"

"Mmmmmhmmmm! Mmmmmhmmmm!"

The fact they were almost caught sent Bernadette's temperature skyrocketing. She was beating and pinching her button now. "Mmmmhmmm! Mmmmhmmm! Mmmm! Mmmm! Mmmmffffff!"

Her body trembled while a lightning bolt quite unexpectedly shot through it. She quietly moaned while she continued to suck on her husband's flute and beat her button into oblivion.

Just as she began to come down from her high, Howard's grip tightened on the back of her head. His body started to stutter.

"Oh yeah! That's it, baby, right there! Oh yeah! Oh yeahhhhhhhh!"

Quickly, Bernadette's mouth was filled with Howard's thick, salty spunk. Each pulse of his veins shot a new load into it.

He's cumming a lot more than he usually does! He must be really turned on!

she thought to herself while she struggled to keep up with the volume. She sucked on his head while she stroked his short staff.

Having done this enough times, she knew exactly what her Howie wanted. Once he stopped throbbing in her mouth, she pulled back, looked up at him with a sexy smile, and opened her mouth, revealing a sexy web of white cum. She closed her mouth and forced a stream of the thick juice out the corner of her mouth and allowed it to run down her chin and fall onto her firm globes. She gulped, opened her mouth again, this time revealing a sexy shade of red.

She started to sexily rub the cum around on her chest. "How am I going to clean this up?"

"Don't!"

"Don't? What do you mean don't?"

She started to swipe her chin. "Stop!" Howard barked almost in a panic.

"Stop what?"

He got a wicked look on his face. "Don't wipe it off. Do a cum walk. I think that's what they call it. You know, where you walk around with cum on you...see if anyone notices?"

"Are you kidding me?! I just gave you a blowjob and now you want me to walk around with cum on my chin and tits?! Are you crazy?"

Howard looked at her with puppy dog eyes. "Pleeeeeeease?"

Bernadette gritted her teeth. "Grrrrrrrr! Fine! Just this once!"

The female clerk gave the couple a sideways I-know-what-you-did grin while she carefully scanned the price tags of Bernadette's soiled garments and tried to ignore the streak of white that was running down Bernadette's throat and into her cleavage. Bernadette stood at the counter with a bright red face while Howard stood behind her with his chest puffed out, quite proud of what he had just accomplished.

*****

A few days later, Bernadette walked into the headquarters of the magazine that was going to do the article on the 50 sexiest female scientists. She had arranged a meeting to see if they would reconsider including her in the article. The receptionist had her sign a few papers and then led her back to a photo studio where the editor-in-chief of the magazine, the writer of the article, and a photographer were waiting for her. She walked into a stark white faux laboratory.

The heavy set man was the first to greet her. He held out his pudgy, clammy hand. "Hello, Bernadette," he said with a wide smile. "Steve Monty, editor-in-chief of the magazine."

The next man came over and repeated the gesture with a firm, confident handshake. "Hi, Bernadette, Mark. Mark Allen. I'm the author of the article." Mark was a tall, tan, handsome man. He was a perfect fit for southern California.

The short, nerdy man was the last to come over. "Hello, um, Bernadette. I'm Josh Dikinher, the, uh, photographer for the article."

"Thank you for seeing me, gentlemen," Bernadette squeaked.

Steve, the editor-in-chief, could barely contain his laughter. "Look, um, Bernadette...look, I don't want to waste your time. You, uh...um..." He covered his mouth trying to hide his laugh. "You, um, you know we're not talking about the sexiest female scientists in 8

th

grade, right?"

Mark and Steve guffawed loudly while Josh nervously giggled.

Bernadette went red in the face. She cupped her 36 inch breast and shook it at the men. "Listen, bub! Do these look like something you'd find in 8

th

grade?!" she screeched.

Mark caught his breath and held up his and in an effort to calm the situation down. "Okay, okay, I apologize for my friend. There's a dressing room right back there for you to get dressed and see what the camera thinks. There's some clothing back there that fits in with the article but, um..." He paused. "It might be a little big on you."

The men tried unsuccessfully to contain their laughter while Bernadette stomped back to the dressing room.

I'll show these fuckers

Bernadette thought to herself.

Bernadette ignored the clothing in the dressing room and walked into the studio wearing her own clothing. Gone were the boring black glasses. They'd been replaced with sexy makeup. Gone were the granny clothes. Her long blonde hair fell over a white faux lab coat. The only thing she could find even close to a lab coat that didn't hang down to her ankles was in the kids section of a costume store. The problem with that is most children don't have a 36-inch bustline. The material between the top buttons were gapping apart at the chest. The hem fell mid-thigh. Underneath, unbeknownst to the men, was the lingerie she had purchased earlier. She smiled when the three men did double takes.

"Alrighty, then," Mark said. "Josh, work your magic."

Josh handed her a pair of goggles and had her pretend she was working with various colored "chemicals" that was actually water in the lab. It wasn't very long before Josh stopped. He wasn't happy with what he was seeing behind the lens.

"Okay, um, Bernadette, we need to, uh, address a couple of things." He turned back to Mark and Steve. "Guys, can you move this table. It's, um,...too high." The two men started to laugh again as they moved the lab table. Josh turned back to Bernadette. "I'm sorry, we're just not seeing enough of you behind that table. And then, um, this isn't one of our coats, right?" Bernadette shook her head. "It seems a little, um, tight. Maybe we can unbutton it a little?"

Bernadette smiled. "Absolutely," she said with a twinkle in her eye. She unbuttoned the top three buttons. The men were shocked to see the cleavage and lacy white bra that was revealed instead of a standard blouse they were expecting. Bernadette let the men take it in. "How's that?"

Josh gulped. "Um, yeah, let's go with that."

The flash popped several more times while Bernadette worked with the various props in the room. She stared into the camera and sexily nibbled her bottom lip. A test tube seductively slid slowly into and out of her cleavage. She ran her fingers through her blonde hair and tossed it back. The men were mesmerized. Suddenly, she dropped a pair of tongs she had been using to simulate pulling a hyper cold object from a vat. The tongs clanked and bounced on the cold floor.

"Oopsie," Bernadette squeaked. Wearing a crooked smile, she turned and bent down to pick up the utensil off the floor. However, she didn't bend at the knees, she bent sharply at the waist. The cool air of the studio raced across her milky white ass when the hem of the lab coat lifted over it. The three men's jaws dropped at the sight of the white thong that ran up the crack of her heart-shaped ass and garters straps that hung from her waist that were staring them in their faces.

Mark spoke up. "Say, uh, it's usually about this time that we get the women out of their lab coat and into something more, um, casual. We want to show the reader what they're like out of the lab. What do you say, Bernadette?" he asked with a crooked grin. Steve and Josh watched anxiously to see her response.

Bernadette smiled back at him. "Gladly."

The pop pop pop of the camera flash continued while she unbuttoned the last remaining buttons on the coat. She watched the men's faces as she shook the coat off her shoulders and onto the floor. There she stood, a vision of miniature beauty barely dressed in white. She traced circles around her clearly visible areolas and pinched her hardened nipples. A hand strayed south and rubbed her moistening groin.

"Now what?" she asked with a wicked smirk.

Mark leaned into Josh. "Keep going. Keep taking the pictures. Don't you fucking stop," he whispered in his ear. Mark walked towards Bernadette. "The idea for this next segment is to see what you're like away from the lab." The sound of a zipper filled the room. "I've got a pretty good idea of what you're like away from the lab," he hissed.

The camera flashed and caught the profile of his massive trouser snake when it fell out of his slacks. Bernadette's eyes grew wide and she gasped at the sight of it. It was nearly three times as long as her beloved Howie's and looked as thick as Howard's forearm. It was bouncing directly in front of her.

Bernadette looked at it and then into Mark's grinning face. "Why don't you show me what a nasty little scientist does with a tool like this?" he asked.

She could barely wrap her tiny hand around it's veiny shaft. "Mmmmmm," she purred. "Well, first I would need to conduct a variety experiments with it to see how it reacts to various stimuli in order to determine its usefulness," she said as she dropped to her knees.

The flash of the camera went POP POP. She stared at the one-eyed beast while she tenderly stroked it. She could feel his energy pulsing through its veins. Mark gasped when she kissed the tip and rolled her tongue around it. She pointed it at the sky and licked the underside from balls to tip.

She sat back on her haunches and stared into Mark's face. With a twinkle in her eye she reached behind her and unclasped her bra. She watched a smile cross his face as the bra slid down her arms onto the floor. She cupped her firm, round globes and pinched her erect nipples.

POP POP

She leaned forward and raised up. She skillfully slipped his thick pole into her cleavage and wrapped her fleshy mounds around it. She dropped two long streams of saliva onto his exposed purple tip. The warm liquid slid down it's shaft and into the darkness. Looking back into his flushed face, Bernadette slowly began to slowly rise and fall.

"Do you like that? Does that feel good?" she cooed.

"Oh yeah, very nice," Mark moaned.

"I'll bet you want to cum on my tits. Do you want to cum on my tits?"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you? You'd love it if you walked out of here covered in cum, wouldn't you?" he hissed.

"Mmmmmm, I'd love that," she said while she continued to bounce.

Mark smiled down at her. "Maybe later."

POP POP

Bernadette squeezed her round mounds of flesh together as tightly as possible and Mark began to pump his hips. His huge pole popped in and out of her cleavage like a gopher from its hole. Each time it appeared, Bernadette took it's purple tip into her mouth and rolled her tongue around it.

It wasn't long before Mark asked her, "Do you play any instruments, Bernadette?"

A quizzical look crossed her face. "Ummm, I played flute in high school? Why?"

His lips curled into an evil grin. "Perfect. Because it's time for you to play the skin flute."

In a flash, he had pulled his throbbing member from her crevice and slipped it through her glossy lips.

POP POP POP