All events in this story are totally and completely fictitious. None of it EVER, and let me repeat, EVER happened.
After a long flight, long mainly due to my thoughts over all the shit that had just gone down recently, I had arrived in good old New York. Home of the Yankees, the Mets, and the good ol' Nick's Dive bar, which I was headed to right now in a cab. I hadn't seen my uncle Nick in about two years; same went for his son, my cousin Kyle. But since I was going to be living with Kyle and working for uncle Nick, now was as good a time as any to reacquaint myself with them.
After a long ride, I finally got to the bar. I knocked on the door fairly loudly. After a few minutes, the door creaked open.
"Sorry, this bar doesn't allow the lower class in," a voice said sarcastically.
"Really," I replied. "Then how in the blue Hell did you get in?" I saw the door slowly open up. Before me stood a guy, my height, jet black hair, soul patch, and tattoos on his arms. He was wearing blue jeans and a white tank top. It was Kyle.
"What I don't look high class Mr. Monopoly?" he asked with a belch in tow. "How ya been ya fucker?" He grabbed me by the arm and dragged me into the bar, picking up my bags and throwing them behind me. "What brings you here? I mean, Pops told me you'd be droppin' buy to stay for a bit. Didn't really give me any details."
"Well, let's just say I need to clean my head, and nothing like the semi-fresh air of NYC to clear the brain."
"Fine, fine, keep your secrets Mysterio. Just remember, I see all........that and I can be a real jackass when a secret is being kept from me."
"Antsy over secrets are we?" I asked, handing him one of my bags. "What are you, a ten-year-old girl? Now come on and help me get settled in."
"WHOA, do I look like your bitch?"
"I'll buy ya a slice of pizza."
"All righty then," he replied, grasping two duffles and leading me to the apartment above. "And for the record, I want deep dish bitch."
************
After I had most of my stuff set up in the apartment, we went to a close-by pizza place to get Kyle his precious slice of deep dish. We settled down in a booth, him with his slice and a beer, myself with a salami sub and a Dr. Pepper.
"So tell me Mr. Mystery, what's with the sudden move?" Kyle asked between bites. "I mean, last I heard, your store was doin' well enough, ya had a nice girl, things're great; so what makes you drop all that and drop off right in front of the good ol' Dive?"
"Nothing I really want to talk about right now Sherlock," I grumbled. "Let me just say, it's something I just can't deal with back home. I needed to bail so I could just get clear of it all for a good long while. That and all those California hippies were drivin' me nuts."
"Okay, you got it. No more questions about that subject. But on to more important crap. Like for instance, you wanna go out, get some tail tonight?"
"No, sorry man."
"Why not, you lose yer dick or something on the flight?"
"No, it's just I feel I should start working tonight, you know? Pay your Dad back starting tonight for letting me stay for a while." That sounded reasonable. I couldn't tell him the truth. That I was basically still fucked on the inside after everything that happened between me and Elisha. And what Dyl and Mila had done to me. I didn't even want to start thinking of being back on the single scene again. Bad enough I had thoughts of Elisha with other guys in my head.
"Dude, I'm sure Pops will let you out for at least a night. You're family. It's no big deal."
"Fine, if uncle Nick says yes, why not? Might as well start having fun here. Gonna be here for a while most likely."
"That's the fuckin' spirit my main man!" he exclaimed, getting looks from people in the restaurant. "Oh, pardon me, I come from a long line of obnoxious jackasses."
"Thank goodness my mom doesn't carry the obnoxious gene," I said. "But I did unfortunately get the jackass disease."
"Don't worry fair cousin, there is yet a cure."
"What's that?"
"Ladies. In the words of a great scholar, giggidy giggidy gigg-a-dy. Allllll right."
"Dude, you do know that impression really freaks me out."
"Well duh...."
**************
We headed back to the bar the long way; I decided I wanted to take a bit of a relaxed walk and Kyle decided to come along to try and get me to spill about what had happened in L.A. Fortunately for me, spending most of my summers growing up with the guy, I knew this tactic, and decided to do the one thing that would get him off the subject for good. It would trap us in a pointless, stupid argument for the rest of the day, but it would be worth it.
"You know, no matter how much you bug and annoy me, I'll always hold one fact close to my heart," I said to him as we walked by a hot dog cart.
"What's that?" he asked.
"That Kyle Rayner was easily the best Green Lantern EVER. Better than Hal Jordan. Way better."
"You motherfucker.........Hal was TEN TIMES the Lantern your bitch boy Kyle is. Fuckin' Hal was totally fearless and honest; that's a fucking hero!"
And the mouse took the cheese..........
*************
"All I'm sayin' is Grant Morrison, who did the best JLA run ever, refused to ever do a flashback story because he thought Hal was bland and boring, whereas Kyle was a fleshed out character," I said as I walked through the door of the bar. We had been arguing for the better part of a half hour. Sure, it was odd, two grown men arguing over a fictional character with a super-hologram power ring, but it was better than poking at a fresh wound.
"Fuck Morrison!" he exclaimed. "Motherfucker wouldn't know a good hero if one came off the page and kicked his ass."
"I didn't ever hear you complain when he had Batman single-handedly beat the living shit out of a bunch of Martians."
".......Go fuck yourself. We're going up to that apartment and reading every GL comic I can find 'til you ditch Kyle GAYner and go for the real hero."
"Whatever dude. Live in your little fantasy world."
"Like you don't?"
"Well, yeah, of course I do. But in my world I get to drive both the Batmobile AND the Mach 5."
"What's that I hear?" a voice asked in the store room. "Is it the sound of two grown men arguing over men in tights? It can only be two people.....welcome back Kyle, and how ya doin' Jake?" Out burst my uncle Nick, a big guy. Kingpin big, i.e., muscle, giving me a big hug. He looked like an older version of his son. Older plus muscles and about an extra foot of height.
"Uh, uncle Nick," I managed to get out. "I think you're bruising my ribs."
"Sorry 'bout that kid. Ain't seen my favorite nephew in a while, or heard Nick here talk with as big a dork as him in a while. Made me all sentimental-like. How're things going by the by my boy?"
"Good so far. I was actually gonna ask you if I could start working here tomorrow. Kyle thought it'd be good if I went out with him tonight. I believe the term he used was, 'get some tail.'"
"Well, since it is something of huge importance, why not? I wasn't really gonna have ya start working tonight anyway unless ya wanted to. Thursdays aren't the busiest ya know."
"All right! Party night my almost-bro!" Kyle exclaimed.
"Yeah yeah, but first sonny boy, you and Jake are gonna eat dinner here first. Give Jake a proper welcoming into our home."
"All right Dad. The usual classic Cassidy home-cooked meal?"
"Oh, but of course."