Ersatz No Longer
Howard sat on Raj's couch, drinking his fourth beer, looking rather bored. Raj didn't exactly blame him; he was on this fifth blackberry cooler himself. They had a big night planed, the gang was going to be playing Age of Conan all night but Sheldon got a last minute invite to see the Cern Large Hadron collider in Switzerland and Leonard was moping about Penny again. Apparently she told him this time that she never wanted to see him again, yea right, Raj thought, heard that one before. So it was now just him and Howard. And no internet thanks to a recent quake. Thanks a lot Bhumi, some God of the Earth you turned out to be.
"I know," Raj blurted. "We could go out to that Goth club again?'
"No," Howard replied. "We were barred for faking it last time, remember?"
"Oh right, that quite chick ratted us out to the management. Who would have thought that a bunch of Goth's would be so moody?" Raj mused. "How about that dance club downtown? Or I know," he said excitedly, "how about the Kitty Kitty club? It's been a while since we've been to a strip club."
"No," Howard bemoaned, "I promised Bernadette no more strip clubs."
"Oh." Raj said dejectedly. Howard has become so whipped, he thought. "Where is she anyway?"
"She's at Penny's with Amy. Apparently Amy never had a slumber party growing up so they are having one tonight." He shook his head as he said it. "Can you just imagine it? They're probably just going to sit about in their pajamas eating cookie dough and watch sappy movies all night."
"Or getting into a three way," Raj joked.
"Amy Farah Fowler? Yea right, I'll believe that when Sheldon loses his virginity," Howard said derisively.
So they decided to watch Ironman one and two back to back. It was a good way to pass the time.
"Well," Raj said after the mini marathon, "I know we can't go to a strip club but how about we just watch 'Showgirls' then? At least I will get to see some strippers that way."
"Well," Howard mused, "she didn't say anything about seeing strippers, just not visiting their club. Alright, I'm in."
Raj quickly got out the Blu-ray and popped it into the machine, got them both another drink and sat down next to his friend. "Elizabeth Berkley is so hot in this film!"
"I know, and totally shaved! When she gives Gina Gershon that lap dance I think I'm going to pop my cork every time." Howard replied without thinking and feeling self-conscious for admitting that he looked over at Raj, but he wasn't looking back. I guess he didn't hear me, Howard thought, thank God!
Raj did hear though, and he filed it away for later consideration.
Two hours and three drinks a piece later Howard turned to Raj. "Every time I see that movie I end up with the same thought. Gods but that's a crappy movie!"
"I know," Raj replied getting up from the couch. "NC-17, my ass, it's all titillation and no balls! I always just end up wanting to watch a porno, you know, I want to see the real thing instead of that giant tease of a movie."
"Well, why don't we," Howard suggested after finishing his beer. "I'm sure you have a good stash around here somewhere."
Raj took the last pull on his own drink while thinking about what Howard said. That's not a bad idea, he thought fuzzily. "You got it. I'll grab a good one and you get me another cooler, would you?" he then quickly went into his small chest he kept next to the Plasma and pulled out the first one, it was an all girl film. No, he decided, I've been teased enough. Oh, here's a good one, 'Share and share alike' it was called. He took it out of the box and placed it into the player. "This one is great," he told Howard as he took his drink from him. "It's so hot I can never get past the first scene."
"Works for me," Howard replied as they both sat on the couch. "This won't take long then."
"That's what she said." Raj joked.
"Oh haha, very funny. I'll have you know that I can wear Bernadette out."
"Right," Raj said doubtfully as he grabbed the remote and pushed play. "I'm just going to fast forward through all the preamble crap." Upon reaching the beginning of the first scene he hit play and leaned back. This is going to be fun, he thought with his head buzzing from all the alcohol.
It was your typical fair; a slim bleached blond woman sat on a couch with her muscled, dark haired, boyfriend, making out. Soon their clothes began to come off and the woman got down on her knees between her boyfriends legs and started sucking his rather impressive cock. She was taking long slow strokes with her hand when she wasn't taking the whole nine inches down her throat. The man was groaning and running his hands through her hair. Then the camera panned toward the door to the apartment and to a window that was next to it. In that window a man was watching the pair. It cut to a shot of the man outside who started to lower his pants and took out his own large cock and started to stroke it.
"You weren't kidding," Howard said while not taking his eyes from the screen. "This is hot."
So, Howard is into the voyeuristic thing too, Raj thought and tucked that into the back of his mind as well. He snuck a peek at Howard out of the corner of his eye and saw a rather nice bulge forming in his lime green slacks. It looked like he wasn't kidding about being able to give it to Bernadette good.
Oh Bernadette, how he longed after that woman, with her long blonde hair, petite body and giant tits. He knew that she was his best friend's girlfriend but he didn't care, he wanted to fuck her so bad that it often hurt. And with the thoughts of Bernadette along with the hot action on the screen he was getting a raging hard-on himself. He thought about pushing it down but he didn't want Howard to think he was trying to rub one out.
By this time in the movie, the boyfriend was taking the little blonde from behind, doggie style, their grunts and groans and the continued back shots to the voyeur outside the window, whose pants were not down to his ankles and he was stroking his cock hard and fast, were starting to affect Raj even more. The whole thing turned Raj on so much, even more that usual he realized, with Howard right next to him on the couch. It added that much more of a taboo element to it all. Normally by now Raj would be half way to cumming all over his chest but it was all he could do to not even touch his raging cock. He stole another glance over at Howard; his pants were completely tented now. Christ, it must be at least seven inches, he marveled. He could see that Howard was having trouble as well the way his hands were twitching. He wants to rub it so bad; I wonder how long he can go before he excuses himself to the bathroom to rub it out, He thought. I hope he does it soon; I need to jerk it myself.
On the screen the two lovers were just finishing up. That is to say he had pulled out of her and was in the process of cumming all over her face, with her mouth open like a baby chick begging to be fed. This was usually the point that Raj popped his own cork. That was why what happened next took him completely by surprise.
He was so drunk he lost track of how long he was taking his peek at Howard that he jumped when Howard said, "Hey, tag-team. I didn't see that coming."
Raj looked back to the movie and saw that the voyeur was now inside the apartment, naked and kissing the blonde. "You know, she looks a little like Bernadette," Raj blurted out.
"Woaw! What the hell, where did that come from," Howard asked harshly.
Raj looked back to Howard and defended himself, "What? She does."
"Are you out of your mind?"
"No, she does look like her. She's short, blonde has giant boobs and is pretty like Bernadette."
"You have the hots for my girlfriend don't you?"
"Of course not," Raj responded adamantly.
"Oh, this is just great. It explains so much," Howard disgustedly turned back to the TV. "I am sick and tired of... oh my God..."
Raj turned to see what caught Howard's attention and his jaw dropped. Both the boyfriend and the girlfriend were on their knees in front of the stranger, taking turns sucking his dick.
He had never seen anything like it and it was turning him on even more and that shocked him. He couldn't look away. Without thinking he started to rub his cock through his pants. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the fact that he hadn't gotten laid in over a year, but at that moment, he wanted to be that guy. Not the stranger getting blown. No he wanted to be the boyfriend sucking dick. The girlfriend had now acquiesced and let him take total control of that wonderful piece of meat while she sat on the couch playing with herself. The boyfriend was stroking with one hand while sucking the head, making loud slurping sounds. And with his other he was playing with the strangers balls and fingering his ass.
