Ersatz No Longer
Howard sat on Raj's couch, drinking his fourth beer, looking rather bored. Raj didn't exactly blame him; he was on this fifth blackberry cooler himself. They had a big night planed, the gang was going to be playing Age of Conan all night but Sheldon got a last minute invite to see the Cern Large Hadron collider in Switzerland and Leonard was moping about Penny again. Apparently she told him this time that she never wanted to see him again, yea right, Raj thought, heard that one before. So it was now just him and Howard. And no internet thanks to a recent quake. Thanks a lot Bhumi, some God of the Earth you turned out to be.
"I know," Raj blurted. "We could go out to that Goth club again?'
"No," Howard replied. "We were barred for faking it last time, remember?"
"Oh right, that quite chick ratted us out to the management. Who would have thought that a bunch of Goth's would be so moody?" Raj mused. "How about that dance club downtown? Or I know," he said excitedly, "how about the Kitty Kitty club? It's been a while since we've been to a strip club."
"No," Howard bemoaned, "I promised Bernadette no more strip clubs."
"Oh." Raj said dejectedly. Howard has become so whipped, he thought. "Where is she anyway?"
"She's at Penny's with Amy. Apparently Amy never had a slumber party growing up so they are having one tonight." He shook his head as he said it. "Can you just imagine it? They're probably just going to sit about in their pajamas eating cookie dough and watch sappy movies all night."
"Or getting into a three way," Raj joked.
"Amy Farah Fowler? Yea right, I'll believe that when Sheldon loses his virginity," Howard said derisively.
So they decided to watch Ironman one and two back to back. It was a good way to pass the time.
"Well," Raj said after the mini marathon, "I know we can't go to a strip club but how about we just watch 'Showgirls' then? At least I will get to see some strippers that way."
"Well," Howard mused, "she didn't say anything about seeing strippers, just not visiting their club. Alright, I'm in."
Raj quickly got out the Blu-ray and popped it into the machine, got them both another drink and sat down next to his friend. "Elizabeth Berkley is so hot in this film!"
"I know, and totally shaved! When she gives Gina Gershon that lap dance I think I'm going to pop my cork every time." Howard replied without thinking and feeling self-conscious for admitting that he looked over at Raj, but he wasn't looking back. I guess he didn't hear me, Howard thought, thank God!
Raj did hear though, and he filed it away for later consideration.
Two hours and three drinks a piece later Howard turned to Raj. "Every time I see that movie I end up with the same thought. Gods but that's a crappy movie!"
"I know," Raj replied getting up from the couch. "NC-17, my ass, it's all titillation and no balls! I always just end up wanting to watch a porno, you know, I want to see the real thing instead of that giant tease of a movie."
"Well, why don't we," Howard suggested after finishing his beer. "I'm sure you have a good stash around here somewhere."
Raj took the last pull on his own drink while thinking about what Howard said. That's not a bad idea, he thought fuzzily. "You got it. I'll grab a good one and you get me another cooler, would you?" he then quickly went into his small chest he kept next to the Plasma and pulled out the first one, it was an all girl film. No, he decided, I've been teased enough. Oh, here's a good one, 'Share and share alike' it was called. He took it out of the box and placed it into the player. "This one is great," he told Howard as he took his drink from him. "It's so hot I can never get past the first scene."
"Works for me," Howard replied as they both sat on the couch. "This won't take long then."
"That's what she said." Raj joked.
"Oh haha, very funny. I'll have you know that I can wear Bernadette out."
"Right," Raj said doubtfully as he grabbed the remote and pushed play. "I'm just going to fast forward through all the preamble crap." Upon reaching the beginning of the first scene he hit play and leaned back. This is going to be fun, he thought with his head buzzing from all the alcohol.
It was your typical fair; a slim bleached blond woman sat on a couch with her muscled, dark haired, boyfriend, making out. Soon their clothes began to come off and the woman got down on her knees between her boyfriends legs and started sucking his rather impressive cock. She was taking long slow strokes with her hand when she wasn't taking the whole nine inches down her throat. The man was groaning and running his hands through her hair. Then the camera panned toward the door to the apartment and to a window that was next to it. In that window a man was watching the pair. It cut to a shot of the man outside who started to lower his pants and took out his own large cock and started to stroke it.
"You weren't kidding," Howard said while not taking his eyes from the screen. "This is hot."
So, Howard is into the voyeuristic thing too, Raj thought and tucked that into the back of his mind as well. He snuck a peek at Howard out of the corner of his eye and saw a rather nice bulge forming in his lime green slacks. It looked like he wasn't kidding about being able to give it to Bernadette good.
